so_this_is_my_story jg Here goes: I am a girl. I am a girl that feels too much at times, and it gets me into trouble. I am a girl that doesn't like to hurt people, and that gets me into even more trouble. This is my situation with boys. I love them, but they're so much trouble. About four years ago, I met this boy. He's a star-the star I've made so many references to in other blathes. He's beautiful and so kind and innocent and pure and so too good for me to ever call mine. I know I'll never have him. I guess my calling him Star fits. I can try to build a ladder that goes high enough for me to get him, but I'll either fall off the ladder or position it on sinking sand. Then I'll be where I started, but worse. Back on earth with a broken heart and defeat. A star belongs in the sky without being smothered by some girl from earth that is far too petty for such a prize. Even if I could kiss him just once, my lips would be singed and blackened from the fire the star has. I'd just get hurt. My story is not just this, though. No, I love another boy. This boy is here, and he loves me, so I love him. He is a wonderful guy, yes, but I know he isn't right for me. I love him, though. I don't want to tell him we're not right because it may hurt him. When I hurt people, I hurt myself because, like I said, I feel too much. When I'm with him, I don't think of the star. I don't think of anything else but him. When I'm with him, I've happy. And when I'm not happy, I'm bothered. Maybe it's me. I'm lost. I'm lost, and that is my story for now. 020612 ... jg So the star is getting married in December, and I'll be right about my never having him. But I'm ok with that. I really am. Infatuation and lust never last, and this just ends it earlier- And I'm still with the boy. Everytime I see him, he looks and acts more and more like an 11-year-old. He's not for me, and that's good for me to know that. We've told each other quite often that we love each other, and I haven't lied. I do. But I'm not IN love, and there is a difference. The other night he said he was madly in love with me, and he said it in a serious way. It sounded so phony though; the words didn't belong there-not in my ears. I don't know if he thinks there is a difference between loving somebody and being in love with somebody. So, still, my story is that I'm lost. I don't want to hurt him. 020716 ... dB It'll end as all things. Badly. There's nothing wrong with that. as long as you've enjoyed yourself and learned form the expreience, it's a no harm, no foul situation. In five years you'll look back and wonder why you were so worried. And you won't remember the bad things. 020716 ... phil I know if some chica told me, OH I love you, but I'm not IN love with you. It would not go over well. I probably wouldn't even ask what the twisted f&#$ she meant. Oh ya, I've felt like that too, it's called lying you stupid b|t(#! oh and the reason you do like guys,ahem(star), is usually because they are full of $#|t. 020717 ... jg You can have your opinions and say that I'm lying when you really don't know if I am or not-you've not offended me. I just wonder why you censor yourself instead of just typing fuck, bitch, and shit. 020717 ... dB jg, I would ignore phil. He doesn't ever seem to have much to actually say, so he has to censor himself because he hasn't the intellectual capacity to make any of those words have impact or meaning. 020717 ... jg Good call db. 020718 ... phil I didn't want to swear because I thought you were two, and someone slse might have got upset. And how am I supposed to change an opinion that stupid? I hate you, I'm not IN hate with you. I 'm not IN rape and murder with you. 020719 ... i guess Phil: when a girl says that she loves you but is not *in love* with you, she means that she cares about you (maybe a lot), but not in a romantic/sexual/boyfriend-and-girlfriend sort of way. The "in" pretty much changes the whole meaning of the word. It's easy to understand why a guy might be pissed off by hearing the "I love you but I'm not *in love* with you" speech, but it doesn't make the sentiments expressed in such a speech invalid. 020719 ... Sailor Jupiter jg, Girl I know what you went through. I can so relate. Love is a funny word. I'm one of those peeps who thinks there's diff kinds of love and you can love lots of people in diff ways. Since you said the boy your with is head oover heels for you, saying you love him translates in his mind to "IN love". They do that and you can't blame him b/c it's what he wants to hear. Don't beat yourself up. He he realsl cares, he'll understand what you feel or what you don't isn't really under your control. Just like it's hard to harnse you heart and put feelings away, it's hard to take feeling and magnify them to something they just can't be. 020719 ... Sailor Jupiter Ok MAJOR typo there....that messed up sentence is supposed to say, "If he really cares,..." 020719 ... freakizh i heard from a veryloved friend of mine, that love could only exist between those who love each other. love is not for one person. if using the word 'love' causes to much trouble because this guy can't understand the veryspecialandparticular meaning you're giving to the word, then stop using it. i care a lot about you. i don't want to hurt you. if you fall, i'll feel bad. but if you die, i can move on. i don't love you, i like you. favorite ending: (no_offense intended) 020721 ... jg All is well. 020819 ... werewolf so that's it boy...heck i must really impress you. you've only wasted a couple of years. i've wasted my whole life. i must be your friggin hero. 020819 what's it to you? who go blather from