sleeping_with_you trixie Your thick brown body lays on me and your smell leaks down into me. It's confortable because this is where you should be but at the same time I haven't any inclination towards you. I took off my clothes in front of you and just the feeling of being white before you made me tense and hunch over. After the exchanges we had all day it seemed a lie to disrobe after the jokes and lives we had in common. A decrescendo. I lay here. My breath stops and slowly seeps into me. But I don't want to wake you. Would do anything not to stir you because all I want is for you to feel still with me and to feel like I am a placid and continuous half of this partnership. I am guilty of taking too much, I am sorry, I want to melt into the floor and take you with me. I don't want to let anything go infront of you. I am holding it all in but inside me it keeps expanding and it's hard to keep holding. So I let it out slowly but what if you can hear it and it penetrates? Will you still know me even though my innards are now outer? I am guilty of being me and not you and sadly, not your perfect half. And I wish I could be. I am trying to twist in every way to fit you and complete you but it's not working. So I'm trying the old standard of my cute jokes and queer ways of separation from "tradition." I'm cute and I can make things good for as long as I last, but what happens when the lights are out but you can still see me and the jokes can't come out and you are laying on top of me and I am just laying there, laying. Trying to sleep but trying to be awake to you and your life but wanting to live my own. I feel your deep aroma and smell your weight and hear your pain. I'm right here. Right under you holding it all in but not wanting to mix up the fate. I'm sorry that I leave you tied on top. On top of me. 030824 ... oldephebe wow..really..just, wow 030824 ... trixie thank you. very much. 030825 ... Novice I dunno what to say, it's just so...wow...it reminds me of... 030825 ... realistic optimist sadly, that beautiful piece reminds me of my last sexual encounter: lying next to you, on the cusp of what could be, drinking in the nectar of possibilites seeping from your pores, i focus on how sweetly your body curves with mine. I drink in the suppleness of the moment, and as i do, you take my expression of joy as an excuse to push it further. you turn to me, breaking the harmony of squishing flesh to force more. having spoken of the inevitable end this would bring, i deftly dodge and try to reconjure up the placid moment before only to find your efforts redoubled. a jousting match ensues, and eventually, flesh wins, leaving us both losers, having engaged in climaxless means-to-an-end sex. only our genitals touched, never our hearts, and the nectar has stopped flowing, and the nectar has stopped flowing. 030830 ... oldephebe again that was..a painfully beautiful exposition 030830 ... realistic optimist thank you phebe, it was freeing to get it out. :) 030901 ... mina for the first time I am more comfortable sleeping with someone next than by myself 030901 ... mina next to me* 030903 ... realistic optimist I feel the curve of your presence and Lie next to you, 1500 miles away; I savor the taste of your sleepy smile and sing to the music that you play. I swim in a maelstrom of sounds, wrapping Cortex 'round the nocturnal cadence of the seemingly salient syllables, I needn't know the words to dance. our minds needn't idle idly in search of comfort to cohabitate together we can sit, eyes closed, and reach a total waking state. 030905 ... realistic optimist [edit]together we can lie 030905 ... unhinged sleeping_with_thee the couch was old and slumped in the middle. couches aren't made to be slept on. sometimes it was really difficult for us to get comfortable on the couch. so you would sleep on the other part instead of us crammed together on one side and we would hold hands as we fell asleep. i would press your hand against my cheek and squeeze; i could feel you smiling. or sometimes in your sleep, if you decided to sleep on the outside, you would cram me against the back of the couch in uncomfortable positions and i would wake up with limbs tingling, my eyes open, staring trying not to move and wake you up but trying to wiggle my toes to wake up my sleeping tingling calves. or fingers/arms. it never occurs to me that i am probably one of the lightest sleepers on the planet; that i could move around and not wake you up. but eventually, the pattern of the cheap lace curtain or watching the minutes tick by on the digital cable box to distract myself from the tingling doesn't cut it anymore and i just have to get up. and i go to sleep on the other part of the couch. in the morning, i am usually awake when you wake up because your mom is in the kitchen or your dad comes in to fix something with your grandma or someone is doing laundry. and i see that moment of shock and scramble when you realize that i'm not next to you anymore. and then you turn your head and suddenly we are staring at each other and you smile and reach out to me and usually whimper at me to come back next to you. and you hold me for awhile. and tell me that i am the only person that could ever get up in the middle of the night without waking you up. silly....of course i didn't wake you up; i like to watch you sleep. 030906 ... Truck That moment when darkness envelopes me as I envelop you. Your light frame tucked so sweetly with mine. You say you're hot, and I agree, and I like it. Your skin, becoming flesh with the touch. My arms, your arms, your legs, my legs. As we entwine with sleep deep in my mind, you flex, I give more-and we both find the grind. There is always time to hear the noise you make in bed. As we recline to the supline, I carry the treasure deep into the mine. 060907 ... misstree i love how much you lingered. 060907 ... dipperwell I was a goner You came in and snuggled up Probably watched me a little first Probably pleased to find me mostly naked You love my bare skinned back I could only make small noises Then you were gone hates how love stories sound like rape 060908 ... Ouroboros soft bellies 060908 ... Ouroboros i miss sleeping with you- it's been a couple weeks now from my sickness and you taking your dad to the hospital again- and i wish nothing else in this moment, but to be lying in your dark room, the blinds closed shut, you curled on your side away from me, you sleeping heavily, me watching you dream and then slipping into my own dreams. 080116 ... Ouroboros when it's late and the world is sleeping and i turn over and you're not there. that's when i miss you most 080620 ... unhinged for all the things he wasn't, at least sam loved me enough to hold me. it has been five long years without that. 080620 ... jane there's still an air here even though you've been gone for months now. the empty space & i are calling you back the way that anything made of parts calls to be put back together. 080621 ... ever dumbening is confusion. 080621 ... daxle warm and comfortable. not the body I am most used to, but pretty used to, after all these years. even when I couldn't sleep I felt content enough just to lay next to you while you slept, taking in the love and the warmth. i wonder what it's like for you, sleeping_without_me. 080622 ... unhinged i feel warmer when you are sleeping next to me 110126 ... Ouroboros you stir awake, i place my foot on your foot, we spoon briefly. these are nice things to hold onto. 110127 ... josie I want your warmth but it’ll only make me colder when it over. 220315 what's it to you? who go blather from