how_she_makes_me_feel jennifer all twisty tangly inside a maze of desire fear emotion unknown I looked through photos smiling and remembering laughing crying wondering if this is all real and I am the lucky one... if it's not and I am alone once more it will be fine I just wish I could know 000504 ... asshole like i did something wrong. i'm sure i did, but i know i can't change it. it's like, even if i did, i don't know. so can i really be sorry for what i've done? i am upset at any pain that i may have caused, but it's really out of line (in line with my me-ness though) for me to think that i had enough power to actually effect this woman. so, she makes me feel like an asshole. when i'm with her, or away from her. i've reserved to not feeling like an asshole, so i'm okay with being away from her, and eventually, being away from her will translate into just being. as it did before there was a her. and, the worst part about it is that i know that i'm not to be with her, and i have no problems being away from her, just with feeling like an asshole. self-serving asshole that i am. 000504 ... silentbob Like i am suddenly significant in the world, like i am deserving of being loved, touched, appreciated Without her i am weak. without her attention i am nothing. I have a strong gusty windy feeling going through me and when she speaks to me it's like getting blasted with a ray of sunshine 000616 ... birdmad depends on which "she" you are referring to if samantha: like John Hurt in the infamous breakfast table scene in Alien except for the fact that i seem to have survived with this gaping chest wound if Katrina: like an idiot schoolboy in the throes of his first crush all tied in knots and twisted nervous when she walks by and all third-degree-popsicle-melted when she smiles at me but now i know to keep my mouth shut, my expression straight and my defenses up self_contained 000709 ... shiva like getting hit by a train 010731 ... unhinged confused in love anticipatory sad happy weird happy damn love. seriously. i'm sure the cave man had life so much easier. 010731 ... Gollum hmmmmmm, errrrr, horny? 010731 ... translucent She makes me feel like I am enough. She makes me happy. She stomps on my emotions. She breaks my heart. I love her. 010824 ... the eye alive again 010824 ... silentbob Like i must be pretty worthless for caring at all about her since she hates her life so much. dreadful. 010824 ... echo like im worth something 010824 ... )-( stupid and ugly and unwanted 011002 ... starved confused, mostly in the last two and a half months i have run the spectrum from desparate to ecstatic and all the way back again starting to feel like i am only a pretender to that place in her heart where i had hoped to be everything i do or say is wrong and when i try to get close i get cut to ribbons on the edges of the shadow of the one she loved before i know who you're wishing for, my dear, and i know it isn't me the postcard greeting phrase seals my fate "wish_you_were_here" 011003 ... bijou like a vehicle 011004 ... ----- howyouremindme 011005 ... bijou She's got a way to make everything seem okay, but the next day, that okay gives me the cold shoulder. Keep Caroline in the house tonight. 011006 ... )-( by the way, thanks mom. heh (she wonders why i tell my kids she's evil) 011010 ... god with my hands 011115 ... unhinged unimportant like the obligatory person who's always there like an afterthought 011116 ... rip like i mean some thing to her and not an object just to be thrown away after a week. also like she knows everything before i even think it 011116 ... ClairE Like I am old, because I loved her for three years and never said a word. We are still best friends. 011127 ... shiva hopeless. i am the last on her list, and she is the first on mine. i know where she is, and it is not with me. and i just want it to be the way it was the day we met. why doesn't anything i have last an appreciable amount of time? goodness! 011127 ... ClairE like lemon cookies and the smell of summer grass and whatever feeling that brings she only makes me feel in dreams. 011204 ... whoknows like shit 011204 ... whoknows what_the_fuck_dude!!!!! 011204 ... Casey like i will never measure up or be someone 011204 ... Jol curiously speachles 011205 ... Jenna When we are alone, talking, I feel loved. But standing next to her in a group makes me feel ugly. And fat. ... 011206 ... shiva lightheaded and numb in the extremities. 020112 ... downcast eye higher than stars on some occasions indescribably low on others 020112 ... kelli crane like i owe her something. like i'm disposable. like i owe her something. smart pretty guilty, because i am. like throwing furniture around the house. like breaking her neck. like never speaking to her again. 020112 ... fuck you like death 020113 ... DavesHeroinGirl Oh.. how I would love for you to blather here. 030124 ... hey now! like im actually worth loving 030124 ... Logan Like I matter or like shit...there is no in between to how she makes me feel. Worthless to precious in the flip of her hair...the world to the sewer in a blink of her eye. So little sets her off, so little gets through. I'm just struggling at knowing what to do. 030125 ... silentbob like what i want doesn't matter like what i need is stupid and childish words and dreams and a million screams oh how i need a hand in mine to feel 030125 ... phil she makes me feel a new type of depressed, one more full bodied less questionable higher consistency, who knows what it can do to me over time 030125 ... ClairE I was sitting in the dining hall, early evening, eating cut peppers with my fingers. It was silent. I watched as a girl walked by and left around the corner. The memory of her body instead slid into my mind. A snapshot of her sitting beside me three days ago, her body under that gray shirt. At the same time the taste of green pepper hit my mouth, and that is how she makes me feel. The taste is sweet and crisp and light and direct, and the thought of her image traveled down to my stomach and back up to dissipate somewhere near my chest. "This is somewhere between apprehension and excitement," I thought. I searched for the word until it came to me. Anticipation. I rolled around the idea without saying anything more until it was gone. There were no words in the dining room. October gently drew the evening grayer and I headed home with gladness in my heart. 031028 ... karl the weed happy- and apparently the minority 031028 ... reue jealous, afraid, smile, shiver, anticipated, frozen, fluid, rambling, aggitated, furious, broken-down, pissed, taken aback, mean, scared, gentle, jaded, weary, feeble, butterflies, euphoric, joyous, fierce, lighthearted, calm, worried, rejected, solace, triumph, windfall, slipping, catching, hoop-jumping, realization, show, begging, acomplished, used up, undone, wrapped up, flawless, blemished, tarnished, valuable, counter-productive, selfish, giving, warm, passionate, lustful, timid, gracious, mornful, irresponsible, stupid, eeore, pleased...... so alive i love her for it thank you so much 031029 ... . not good enough 031030 ... doar mud 031030 ... ClairE To put it succinctly, she_still_makes_me_tremble. To say it again, the same as always. To look backwards, to look forwards, she is the hyacinth_girl. 031115 ... Syrope lets just say i'm not surprised she didn't show 040430 ... the eye depending on the moment and the circumstances, it's been any emotion in the spectrum 040709 ... seventeen inadequate 040709 ... puredream How does she make you feel? 040709 ... Doar castaway 040710 ... sahba very very uncertain about myself 040710 ... pete like i'm not alone 040711 ... silentbob frustrated, confused, a little self_loathing, like life can be all at once wholly beautiful and wholly horrible 040726 ... flip how can you people express so easily? so few words and so much meaning. i just can't figure it out 040910 ... pete "like i'm not alone" i said two months ago. how does she make me feel today, this morning, at 3.20 am? like i am very much alone, drowning in a dose of apathy, and not caring as the air fills my lungs past capacity. she makes me feel like her existance and the emotions that her existance brought about within me were merely a figment of my summer. 040911 ... love & hate there are no words... i'm hopelessly in love. 040911 ... bird like a motherfucker from hell ( http://www.rathergood.com/datsuns/ ) 041116 ... drkmotives Like a monster, like the most horrible person ever, like what I say, or need doesn't matter, like I'll no ome will ever like me because I'm worthless. Yeah, she's great, isn't she? 041216 ... ever dumbening frustrated 041216 ... smurfus rex like a runner-up. Second place is the first loser. argh. 041217 ... dreamer like i did something to upset her as if i am her world like i am not enough as if without me, she'd die like i don't exist as if the world is just us like the pain won't stop as if i've warmed her heart like i shut her out as if life is amplified like i don't deserve hope as if we can be more than hope 050301 ... pubescent alive, adventorous, ambitious, happy, the most amazing person in the world 050301 ... stork daddy positively fetal zeus. 050302 ... love & hate so fucking angry right now that she is back on drugs. Back to that old self who never had any real friends, just friends who wanted to score off her. As angry as i am, i know she doesn't deserve all the horrible thoughts which i have going through my head at all times that will end up happening to her. I can do no more, she has pushed me aside as the sweet temporary high is more important to her than life. Breathe your last breath baby, and i will watch as you soar. 050302 ... Kate Rose I don't have those kinds of feelings for girls..so, I can't say.. 050706 ... highanddry worthless 050706 ... who i am doesnt matter anymore she makes me feel alive. she makes me feel beautiful. she makes me feel a love ive never felt before. she makes me feel not so alone in this world. she makes me feel complete. she makes me feel calm. she makes me feel like the most amazing girl alive. this girl is my heart, her blood runs threw it. i dont know how long i can handle not being with her. every phone call kills me when i hear her voice and i realize she wont be at my house when i get home from work or that i wont be waking up to the best friend ive ever had. i love u britt. 051225 ... highanddry How do I make you feel? 060612 ... . Used. Foolish. Tired. Frustrated. Disappointed. Replaced. Like lacing up my running shoes and getting the hell away fast. 090209 ... In_Bloom She's always waiting to tell me, "I could've told you so" 090209 ... grendel there have been a lot of different "she"-s along the way the outcome has - even in spite of the strident claims of some regarding their uniqueness and individuality - been pretty consistent. Since then, i've wised up a good deal however...not saying i don't have my momentary backslides...just saying i don't give anyone that kind of power over my heart_and_soul anymore 090210 ... unhinged like i'm the most important person in her world; until i hear her say the same thing to someone else. 090210 ... . Like a life in disruption. (Why didn't you just let me be?) 090210 ... fghio fghio 101116 what's it to you? who go blather from