my_whole_life_is_a_dark_room paranoid martyr one big dark room. 030727 ... delial developing photographs is an intriguing process 030727 ... solitary reminds me of kerry 030728 ... prunderfishy my room is filled with light for one its all padded and white with little men who give me lots of needles and pills and allow me hourly access to the internet so i can cyberstalk myself mmm...i have a stalker mmm...and its me mmm...perverted 030728 ... prunderfishy my room is filled with light for one its all padded and white with little men who give me lots of needles and pills and allow me hourly access to the internet so i can cyberstalk myself mmm...i have a stalker mmm...and its me mmm...perverted 030728 ... inane And you are the shining man yet you never shine you play with pan you say you're fine with your new tan and Calvin Kleins but even red looks gray in the dark 030728 ... silentbob beetlejuice 030728 ... magicforest grins 040430 ... puredream If my whole life were a dark room I'd be in heaven. I'd be constantly delving into photographical images and creating what I so love to do... Photography. oh photography... I wish my whole life were a dark room. For the sole purpose of creating pictures...true images. 040623 ... unhinged you can't hide from the truth in a photograph. i'm looking at your face; you aren't hiding what you think you are dear. if i could delve in to see the truth, then i'm not the only one. i recognize those dull eyes. she had boxes and boxes of pictures, undeveloped rolls of snapshots. snapshots of what was really going on. if we just took a little more time to develop the truth.... i was her model all dressed in black selling canned fish. with beer and cigarettes, no smiles but a picture of sophistication. standing on the balcony finishing open beers standing above the street watching the cops roll by. she had pictures of me that didn't even look like me; feigned. i walked down the street disconnected. blink my eyes capturing it all, soaking it all in. letting myself think it was just some kind of sick movie. this wasn't my life. it couldn't be. i walked down the street with dull eyes, disconnected. there was that one perfect picture. the one where you were happily smirking, the only way you ever seldom smiled. eyes closed, head tilted back, lips slightly smirking. you can't hide from the truth in a photograph. 040624 ... Piso Mojado sometimes a light is on and i am momentarily blinded but then i notice my_shadow and i look at it closer the light goes off and i am in the dark again 041007 ... not god i'm just waiting for something to develop. the_world_looks_red. when things get brighter the pictures fade. as long as it's dark i will see them. 041007 ... kelsey AFI beautiful song. Today i've been rather depressed, but for the last hour at school i was hyper. Makes no sense. I guess my boyfriend thought i dumped him and now he has a new girlfriend, erin. I loved him. He was my world, in a way, and now i don't really care because its just so moronic, me that is. Moronic and incredibally stupid. Remove my heart because love is for the weak minded, and i guess i used to have a strong mind, but that mind is now shattered with the potent but empty desease of depression. I'm on anti-depressents, 125 mg, and i guess they are not really helping because i sat in a pile of leaves for an hour or more, letting the lady beetles crawl over me, tickling the few spots bare skin showing. I don't laugh, or shoo them off when they crawl up my sleeve. So i've just been indirectly dumped for the second time. His friend kind of told me, and my best friend told him i broke up with him. And now i have no where to turn, no where to go but nowhere and i've been contemplating hanging myself since afew months ago overdosing only made me sick as hell. But i have plans for the future, photography, art and i'd like to publish poetry. but those are so broken, unrealistic dreams. Why am i so shattered, i do not know. So i come home, depressed, and do.. nothing. He gave me my first kiss, and probably my only kiss, and everything liek that is just shattered. So pointlessly lying on the ground, digging into my feet with the sharp ridges formed liek stars. 041008 ... . . 050403 what's it to you? who go blather from