ocd
grendelgrendelgrendelgrendel obsessive compulsive disorder

generally indicative of chemical imbalance in the brain

for five years
i would get up in the middle of the night

in the exact same order, i would run through the same routine repeatedly...seven to ten on average but sometimes as often as thirty-five times in a night

1) i would get up and go to the kitchen and check the back door lock

2) go to the living room and check the front door lock

3) back to kitchen, examine the stove, make sure the pilot light is still lit

4) go to the hall bathroom and wash my hands

5) go back to my room and try to sleep

(repeating as necessary--for lack of a better term)

and in the winter, i would add the furnace pilot to my imaginary checklist
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kaskarkaminski yes, actually caused by an antibody produced to fight strep infection...this
antibody attacks a chemical in the brain called putamin (don't trust my spelling, i don't) I had it badly most of the time i was growing up but very luckily for me it went away around the age of twenty. It is closely related to teret's syndrome and also "ticks", it just depends on how the brain is affected. Oh, in order to get it there must be some genetic predispostion. It is a terrible thing
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klarchen Actually, if you must know, the "putamin", is in actuality, a structure within the brain, I believe. 000802
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kaskarkaminski Klarchen, you may be right. I took my information from an autobiographical novel titled Passing For Normal, where Putamin was referred to as a chemical. But that doesn't mean she was correct of course. i am an autodicact, and have all of the gaping holes in my education that most autodidacts do.
Whatever it is it will cause you to wash your hands until they bleed, it's really awful.
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abrasive cleaner birdmad if not until they bleed
then unto the point where they are very raw and very prone to cracking open at all the little faultlines in the skin on the back of the hands and sometimes even at the creases of the palms
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stan ahh birdmad, you have been there then 000802
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User24 It is beleived that Lady Macbeth had OCD. 010813
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unhinged damn

ivet

damn
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lost thank god i dont have it anymore. i had it when i was 4 until i was 9. I can remember getting up in the middle of the night checking my closet at least 13 times checking under my bed at least 13 times. checking that my parents were ok at least 13 times. thats why thirteen is a fond number to me. 010813
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MollyCule I'm not a "checker" but rather a "counter" - meaning, I compulsively count things. Steps I take, tiles in the floor, other cars on the road, but especially and mostly letters in words, either written or heard in conversation. The amount of letters in a word/sentence should always total a product of 3, and if not, then I have to change them in my mind until they do. Also there is the organizing of numbers into patterns and then multiplying the patterns times other patterns and seeing what the end result is. Eh, I'm rather sick of all of this after 10 years. 010829
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:{ ocd fucks up my life so much that I might as well not be alive. 010830
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leonard cohen hey! that's no way to say goodbye! 010830
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LoveHasCome Hey, ocd doesn't have to have to control your life. I have suffered from it..I would wash my hands until they cracked...I wouldn't drive my car, because I was convinced that I hit something with my car(this was all in my imagination)I would pass the same place over and over...it was really bad...I would skip classes to wash my hands..I would sit in my room,closing myself in...but I got help..and you can, too. I saw a doctor..I didn't want to at first..but it really helped. He was able to understand what I was going through..I could finally talk to somebody about what I was experiencing, and he understood. I started taking prozac, and that helped raise the seratonin levels in my brain, and I started getting better. I wasn't better over-night, but I did heal! Sometimes, I still struggle with it a bit..but it is nothing that I can't overcome. I have beat this thing, and all of you can, too. Guys, I accepted Jesus Christ, and my life has changed forever. I have new hope, and I have Him in my heart now. Jesus died on the cross, then was resurrected three days later, so that we could live. I now have eternal life with Him. I now have the Holy Spirit inside of me to help me conquer OCD. Jesus is greater than any struggles that we have..with feelings of hopelessness, or anger, or frustration..whatever we are feeling, Jesus is greater, and has already overcome it. I am praying for you all. These are not just words...all of this has come straight from my heart, and I am hoping for all of you, in love. 011125
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F. Bryce ...Of course, one could argue it is no saner an obsession, to trade cleanliness for Godliness. 011126
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DannyH Overenthusiastic Christianity Disorder 011126
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anti-social butterfly i think that i have gotten a little better since i live in a dorm now. i used to check the locks of each door of my house (six doors opening to the outside) each night around four times each. then i would go to bed and know that i had checked all the locks, but be unable to sleep, so i would have to go check all of them again. sometimes i would get out of bed two or three times just to check again. otherwise i could never go to sleep, even if i knew i had already checked the locks. i just wanted to make sure. i had lots of doors in my own room as well. five doors actually, i know, it was a weird room. four doors had to be closed all the way, one of the doors had to be cracked at almost exactly a 35 degree angle, and one of the doors had to be locked. then, i would have to walk up the stairs in a certain way. let's see if i can explain this right. if the back of my right foot touched one of the steps then on the next step i would have to let it touch the back of my left foot so to even them out and be fair to each of the feet, so they would get equal stair walking. this applied to if the top of my foot hit the steo too or the middle, etc. if my feet didn't hit all of the steps equally i would have to start all over again. also when i am walking on sidewalk, i try to not touch the cracks, but if my right foot touches the crack in its arch, then i must touch the next crack with the arch of my left foot too. when i used to go to the shrink, i would have to straighten all of her pictures and frames. one time she caught me. it was embarrassing. but come on, it is a shrinks office... definitely a place that should not have crooked pictures! i never really did anything about being ocd. i just took medicine for depression. i think i am a little better now. a lot of that has to do with the fact that i have a roommate and i only have one door to control. i still have to do the whole step and walking funny thing though. does anyone else do this? i hope so, please tell me it is not crazy. well, at least i can go to sleep at night and not have to feel compelled to get out of bed to check all of the locks constantly. um yeah, so now i have shared some of my weirdness with all of you. 011126
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Effingham Fish What my initials would be if I were someone else. 011203
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.blekk.tchynah.dol. i wake up. have a shower. in order. shave. wash face twice. shampoo. conditioner. get out. go to room with towel on. make sure no one sees my face. close door. sit infront of mirror. eye makeup remover. pore remover moisturiser. ivory colorstay foundation. smear the jawline with moisturiser as to not have a line. wait five minutes till foundation dries. powder. lipstick. liquid eyeliner around the edges of the eyes. pencil eyeliner in the inner edges. dark red shade of eyeshadow on eyelid. purple above that. light purple above that. lighter above that. white on the edges to fix mistakes. eyemakeup remover on eyebrows to remove foundation. black eyeliner over eyebrows. mascara on eyelashes. black eyeshadow on eyelid if neccesary. earrings. star ring on pinky finger. spider on ring finger. amythest on right hand ring finger.

repeat if neccesary.
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.blekk.tchynah.dol. the moment you start talking about jesus christ entering your life, i obsessively have the urge to kill you. 020519
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girl_jane Does constantly have to straighten piles of anything count? With papers-I have to have them perfectly lined up in their piles. Even when I was working at a camp-I was handing out ice cream sandwiches and I had them in little piles. If somebody messed them up so they weren't even, I had to fix it. I organize everything I have time to organize. However, my bedroom is a mess. Am I ok? 020519
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god i have to eat one live spider every morning or i just can't face the world. 030401
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cube OCD Also stands for:
Occupational Cerviobrachial Disorder
Ocean Chemistry Division
Office of Civil Defense
Office of Community Development
Offshore and Coastal Dispersion
On Chip Debugger
Operational Capability Demonstration
Operational Concept Description
Operational Concept/Control Document
Optical Communications Demonstrator
Optical Concentration Device
Optically Coupled Device
Order of Discalced Carmelites
Ordnance Classification of Defects
Organized Crime Division
Osteochondritis Dissecans
Over-Complete Dictionary

http://www.acronymfinder.com/
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your friendly neighbourhood stalker ;) wow. that site is sooo on my favorites. 030401
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niska if you like acros, you shoud be playing arophobia - i got hooked on it in college. MAN is it ever fun! you'll have to search for it. i'd tell you, but i can't remember where it is now. 030401
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bracecell opressed cult Dieter

I weigh 75 lbs.
I have 12 teeth left.
Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.Bread and Water.
Time for my hosing.
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Death of a Rose ovarian cancer death 031127
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endless desire has problems. 031212
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endless desire takes medicine. 031212
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endless desire still has problems. 031212
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minnesota_chris I was sitting at the coffee shop waiting for a chance to blather (after walking out in the middle of church, again, but that's another story). There was a woman sitting at one of the two free computers, working hard, feverishly searching and writing. Every so often she would stop and chew on her finger, or make some sort of twitchy motion.

After waiting for about a half hour (I read the bible) I got my chance to sit next to her and blather. She was searching for houses for sale. She was writing addresses and prices. On countless post-its, and when she was out of post-its, she would write it all over her folder. It didn't look like any form of writing that could be deciphered, at least in any systematic way. Not like a notebook, at least. I figured she was crazy. Not crazy, but not fully in control of her behavior.

Or maybe she was just one of those real estate agents who hound people who decide to sell their houses. Calling the poor homeowners incessantly, trying to convince them to make her their real estate agent.

Crazy, or evil. I wanted to ask her "What is it like to have OCD? To be out of control? To scribble constantly?"

But that'd be mean I think. She didn't ask to be OCD. It'd be like asking someone what it's like to be ugly. I guess I was feeling mean because she was making me wait to blather. Cause I gotta blather. Gotta blather. I have to blather. I mean, blathering is fun, it's what I do. Blather blather blather blather blather.
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Alexandra(u dont know me) Being out of control, some of us consume bread and water mostly because it's easier to control. Plain bread is very controllable, it doesn't taste that great so it cannot become too out of hand. Water? Water has no calories and helps cleanse the body of impurities, so water is necessary no matter what.

There's a reason for all this madness I am sure, I don't care about being crazy anymore, I'm only concerned with potentially controlling certain behavior.
That is such a mess.
My fantasies are becoming more deathly lately for a variety of reasons no one will ever convince me that are wrong.
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oldephebe Chris - Why did you walk out in the middle of church? Again?
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Just curious is all.
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minnesota_chris I'll write that under... hmm... church. 040507
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Seba hmm.. i think i got this too..
a mild case any way..
checking doors and lightswitches and heat sources..
hmm
well well
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Muhahahaaaa Maybe I should take those meds. 040610
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god YOU DOWN WITH O.C.D.?

YEAH, YOU KNOW ME
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unhinged mixed with paranoia and depression hardly makes for...well, anything good and/or normal 040630
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cause id like to know so am i anal retentive or vestigially ocd? 040701
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ocd Amazing M spice of Woman_'nag' 040701
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Superleu i know it's a disorder, and well, i have been affected by it, but it doesn't control me. though i have freinds who it affects deeply, like my brother, i realized that thinking about things too much too often just drives you in circles and wastes energy and contributes to ocd, so what did i do? i just stoped thinking and let myself go. 040705
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bloodstreams I count till I find some sort of symmetry in the numbers. Not with objects but with syllables. It's annoying as hell because it goes on throughout the whole day and it's kinda obvious. For each syllable I have to make an arm, leg, or finger twitch. Example- in a sentence with 5 syllables, I repeat it in my head and go from my left hand, to my right hand, to my right leg, to my left leg, then all of them at the same time so they all get the same amount of twitches. If my arms and legs don't twitch in unison on the last syllable I have to start over. I have a routine for sentences up to 25 syllables, except for a few odd numbers. 040706
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nonlucid I'm not, but I used to (still sometimes), whenever I saw a sign or series of numbers (say, on a license plate) add them all together, with the amount of letters, then if they didn't add up to a multiple of nine then add in the spaces inside letters like a and d, then if that still wasn't enough, add the background for one extra, then possibly borders or punctuation

countin mod nine until the roulette wheel stopped at the right place

I also factor numbers a lot
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unhinged when i was a cashier, i had a good short term memory for numbers (and yes this was after i became a pothead) and it's amazing how often the same random numbers can come up; my house address was the code for green grapes. and sometimes, the same total would come up twice in one day. or i would give more than once person the same combination of coins with their change. as in 'i already gave someone two quarters, one dime, one nickel and a penny today.' it gave me something to think about to divert my attention from the shitty customers. and then there were the boring minutes that seemed like hours when you were waiting for another customer to come through. and then i would stand there and think about how my house address was the same as the code for green grapes and i wondered if any other produce codes matched any other street addresses i knew. i can think circles around numbers. i love looking for patterns in things. my powers of abstract association are beyond normal. am i inflicted with ocd? sometimes i wonder. maybe it was just the training i had in elementary school in logic and patterns....imprints you live on young minds are way more far reaching than people can realize. but yeah...anyways, sometimes i wonder about the ocd. 040707
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stork daddy every thing you forget to do, is a brush with your own mortality. 050531
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z i tend to dislike abreviations. incomplete syntax frequently stops me. 050531
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Queen of the Wrench I think I may have a mild case but I my mother calls me a hypocondriact so I've never told her. I'm a bad speller, but I spell out certian words in my head over and over and over when I hear them. It is frustrating when I don't know how to spell the word. I've cried over this when I am alone. I've also cried over the piles of forks and spoons not in even piles in the drawer.

I was discovered at school hiding piles and piles of cough drop wrappers in my room because I have to fold each one three times and tie it in a knot before I can throw it away. I got brocitis and I got out of control.

My mother wanted me to go to thearapy a year ago before I went to school and we were fighting alot, but I refused to go because I am stubborn and belive she is a bitch but now I think I could have gotted help with my slight OCD. Damn me for being so stupid and hard-headed and embarrassed to admit I can't handle it.

I still fight with my mother and sometimes wish I could just leave.
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falling_alone stop washing your hands! you're making me nervous... 050601
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Lemon_Soda I used to check my pockets over and over again...it just made sense that whatever I had been carrying around in them had somehow found a way out and the moment I took my hand out they were gone, so I 'd put my hand back in to check. Okay, still there. Take my hand out. What if they fell out. Put my hand in. Okay, still there. Take my hand out. What if they fell out? Put my hand in. Okay still there. Take my hand out. What if they fell out? Put my hand in. Okay, still there. Take my hand out...etcetc


Not so much, anymore, though the temptation seems to be present alot of the time.

I'm learning to trust what I know more.
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z i refresh the recent list 050602
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hsg i_c strings_of_thoughts
from differtangles. I don't lose sight of the primary, which is good. But I don't leave it at that, either. I can. I have. But I play. Onwards.

I strive to see a whole spectrum_of_interplaytation not just secondary and tertiary_definitions but some kinder understanding or correlation between them. The thing itself doesn't matter. it_is_nonsense silly, a waste of time but somehow it's value to_me is in getting better at doing it for when it is actually useful. Metaphorms. Stiler. Genius.

Left_right brain synchronization. obsession_with_balance da_win_key maybe
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hsg *siler 101206
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epitome of incomprehensibility Obsessive-compulsive. I am somewhat fond of the name, since it's the only bonafide mental disorder I can reasonably claim to have had. But I'm glad have (mostly) been able to leave it behind.

When I was seven or eight, I become obsessed with having everything symmetrical. When I made "jewelry" (with delightful stretchy string and awful plastic beads) I had to make the bracelets and necklaces perfectly symmetrical in design. Worse, whenever I turned around one way I had to turn the other way to compensate for it... if I accidentally bumped one knee I had to tap the other or else I'd feel physically uncomfortable.

This brings an interesting angle to the word "unbalanced", at least.
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Doar hey bird,

i still draw four breathes before I enter a room, i see the open window and i know that i opened it, but it has to be closed before i go to sleep.

i pace in a counterclockwise motion, not straying from, what i imagine my previous steps. to not wear too many steps or a path.

but i still voice and sing.

.
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h|s|g Whenever I see these letters I want to rearrange them c,d,o. as_in
compulsive_disorder_obsessive
noun_adjective and an alphabetical thing.
101215
what's it to you?
who go
blather
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