sunny how could this could i have been so carelss 000526
BIRDMAD IS DEAD The problem that resulted from the secret that you kept.

The reason you left me sitting ignorant in cold silence as that winter turned to spring.

And when you came back,
when you had resolved the situation without his help -- tell me, did it make you feel better to hand me back my heart with another man's heelprint ground into it? To push my buttons and pull my strings.

Everything i thought we had,
everything i thought we were
was a lie,
just as much for my own wishful thinking as for your willingness
to string me along

you lied to me
but then you treated me
as if i was the one
who could not be trusted

Fuck your kind words.
fuck all your promises and assurances.
and most of all, my dear...
fuck you.

one year to the day that you sent me that_letter
i send it back
Tank was in this experience once. i concluded the situation way before it would have concluded itself. fucks with me to the nth degree still, but he walked away when i told him we had become three. he ran, fled, hid. what else was i to do? a stranger in an even stranger land, no job, no support, no baby father? i could not have borne the fruit, there was no ground to keep it fertile. 000725
MollyGoLightly so from sex comes life and from life comes death. maybe those mountain people weren't bullshitting about the holiness of celibacy. 000725
marjorie prego. in the family way. with child. bun in the oven. eating for two.

pregnant with a vision.
that just might be stillborn.
kitten on drugs what a wondrous feeling...but it never happens to me 001121
soul I wonder what its like to be with child. When i hear my mother and her friends talk, they talk about how painful it was and how their husbands left them by themselves with nothing. I'm just at the other end of the table listening.
Is being pregnant wrong and bad? is it going to ruin your life?
Almost all the children at my highschool have got divorsed or separated parents.
Why can't love last forever. Why does falling in love have to be so easy.
I think my mother has given me a negative aspect of life. Even when i think what she says is so wrong, it does end up being true.
I just want one love that will last a lifetime and not go through continuous heartbreak of finding the right one.
I think i'm inlove now, but now i'm not so sure. I still ponder what love is like, or i just don't realise i have it.
I wish there was a right answer for everything i ask.
Everyone says something different.
Life can be so hard sometimes (all the time)
I can't wait till i can sleep at night, knowing everything will be alright.
4 years left at school, then uni. yep. Then get a job, yep. Can't wait till retirement, lie down and die. yep.
Lifes not fast enough.
I'll understand things when i get older. yep.
Aimee It will happen one day, I'm certain.. unless there's something wrong with me... lol, but know what.. as much as I look forward to it, it's nice to know I'm not ready for it. I would like to be a mother someday but not now. I don't want a child right now... as seen in my "well we can just rent that kid until it cries, then we'll just say it's defective" I know I'm just not ready for that. I feel so badly for all the girls in my graduating class who were pregnant. Most of them are mothers now, and they never got to leave Iron Mountain. They're stuck. I can understand their desire not to give up the child because I could never do that myself, but when thinking about that child and them.. they should have. How could they know how to raise a child when they themselves are barely on the threshold of adulthood? I'm just grateful most of their parents are so supportive of them. They'll really need it I think because I know to God I would. *sighs* but then again I can't really pass judgement.. I haven't been there and I don't plan on going there for a while (meaning about 3-4 years from now). Babies are cute, but Aimee's not ready for one of her own.. 010927
Skull The beauty of pregnancy...
To be creating another person- to make someone to know- to teach- to learn from. In all understanding, this is the most amazing- what is life? To make it is so rich and amazing- the fullness of life in creating another. What an amazing task... are we yet ready?
Do we have the maturity, the strength, the capacity for this honor?
Let us wait and muse, and meditate on this before.
Let us wait- wait for love- wait for marriage- wait until the fullness of readyness is upon us. For I wait for the maturity, and I wait for you.
mindfield the Great Mother is overburdened with our corpulence
and cannot possibly
provide for us
much longer
Just for awhile
stop breeding
filet of spooky fish and chips (w/salt and vinegar easy solution:

annihilate humanity as a whole

we won't be missed

shit, if they ask for voluntees, i'll even go first
ClairE Thank God I wasn't, really.

At least now I know I'd definitely have an abortion.

This from a girl who spends sizable chunks of time dreaming about it.

It scares me.
whoknows i said "thats funny."
he heard "im pregnant."
kitten on drugs well, it happened. he lied, and i lied. we weren't ready. we were scared. we were unprepared to bring a child into this world. it would have been a boy. he would have been called oin. but we weren't ready for him quite yet. we never got to meet him, yet i miss him just the same. 020101
smitten on hugs jail, it happened. she cried, and i cried. we weren't steady. we were in jail. we were on probation to sing a mild pinto: this curdled. it would have been a soy. she would have beans called soy. but we weren't ready for soy quite yet. we never got the beans here, and we are in jail. how lame. 020918
Lilac I always said that it would happen to me while I was still in high school or I would later find out that I was sterile and it wouldn't happen at all.

Im in my senior year. Guess I was right.
Aimee I just read my earlier post... Part of me wishes I could just go back to being that way... not pregnant I guess.. but it's actually been a humbling experience for me. I'm excited, and scared, but somewhat confident, I'll do alright. I've seen some pretty bad mothers and I don't think I'm that bad. I just fear I am. 030204
sirflaccid Almost there but not quite

One of those weird blessings I suppose
minnesota_chris I don't think you will ever be fully or even slightly pregnant. Or maybe I didn't learn Biology quite right... 030211
no reason i dunno...haven't you ever read tabloids? ;) 030211
sirflaccid I believe that pregnancy is an event not a personal happening. So that would explain my point of view.

But just to come back to the social norm, who said I was talking about myself?
p2 no argument here

but i'd pay 20 bucks to see you try to explain that to the lady who's been in labor for the past 20 hours and is now swaering off sex while clutching her husband's nads in a death grip
minnesota_chris well, you were vague. I suppose most of your postings (Sir Flaccid) are not really for the public consumption, but I can't help but be nosy. 030212
silentbob i met you when you had big blond hair and you hugged me and said thanks for coming.
she told me he was cheating on you and i told her id never cheat on you.
now you're pregnant. now you're married or engaged or something. whats the difference. it is futile.
jane the clouds were pregnant with rain earlier today 030212
Bizzar Is it for real this time? After so many scares, so many times praying for the end of the wondering? 12 days late and counting, the dizziness and nausea are beginning to become overwhelming. He's in denial. And Im lightheaded. Test was negative... to early? My head feels like its going to explode.

And if I am. I know we can do it. I love him. He will make an awesome father. If its a boy, his name will be Layne. After his father's hero.
wondering why do you want to have a baby? 030308
Aimee I've wanted to have a baby since I was five... I always figured it would happen later in life... granted at age five, 20 years old seemed a ripe, old age to start a family... Now, well I just wish things could have been delayed a few years. The option of abortion or adoption was never even an option for me. Logan and I were planning on getting married on June 21st of this year anyways... it just had to be moved up a few months so the dress would fit. It's not like we weren't committed to one another, it's just that now we don't get to enjoy being newlyweds. We don't get to go out to bars together on my 21st birthday, but we'll have this little person we created together. It's really a scary thought. In 7 weeks or less, my entire life is going to change. My entire outlook on life is going to change. I'm going to have to grow up really fast and I'm going to be fighting with myself about having to give up my turn to be wild. I've already started that fight. I know things will be okay, and I know I will most likely surprise myself and my entire family and actually be able to do this. I just wish things could have been postponed by a few years. 030703
minnesota_chris so what's the score there, late one? 030721
nomatter everyone is getting pregnant.
All in the last few months.
Make me think I may finally be the lucky one.
JaCkIe It was positive. Now its time to dry the tears as my cousin drives me back to school. Im only 14,This was my first real boyfriend, how could this happen? I feel so so numb inside. I can't even cry anymore. But life goes on, going to school and enduring the critisism. I feel so alone, he wants to be there but I push him away, I dont know why but I can't stand him. My life will never be the same. I haven't even cried since that first day, not even when I found out my new boyfriend was sleeping with my sister and her best friend. Not even when my cousin blew herself up in a meth lab. Jaxon's 3 weeks old and i still can't cry. The numbness hurts more than anything. "At least your accepted at school again" my mother says that doesn't mean shit to me anymore but she doesn't understand nobody seems to understand. JaXon ChAsE 9-16-03 031010
DelilAH I am pregnant. 040106
RoXXXie How could I let this happen again? Pregnant. Pregnant again. How could I let this happen again? How could I have been so careless? 040106
nonentity twice i thought i was pregnant. 040218
nonentity twice i thought i was pregnant. 040218
JaCkIe jaxon now five months old pleeez ppl think about what your doing before you do it...Especially if your 14........ 040224
white_wave so Charlie_Sheen's wife came into my work today. she's pregnant and the baby is due in 2 weeks. if she had gone into premature labor, we'd be all over the news. we've got many doctors in the house, but they don't deliver human babies. 040225
.fallen tapeworm 040225
elegance im bleeding.
so i guess this means im not.
uglytruth do i want to be?

or not?
cheerleaderslut trust me on this
its just gas
pipedream how magical to be! growing life inside of you, making a miracle under your skin...what a privilege and honour to be blessed with a two of my cousins are pregnant and its the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. 040827
pipers so what kind of babies DO they deliver, white wave? hehe 040827
Frek oops i did it again... 041022
Freak oops i did it again... 041022
minnesota_chris no way. You're crazy! 041023
minnesota_chris so you drop a bomb on me and disappear again, Jessica?!? 041103
sirflaccid I can't believe I said that. What a fucking asshole.

"One of the weird blessings"

Who the fuck thinks that. What a moron, a complete joke.
misstree echoes .fallen: "tapeworm." 041224
emmi i had another pregnancy dream...
it involves the doctor telling me i'm pregnant as i laugh at him in disbelief, while my belly slowly expands to the size of a basketball.
then my ex comes in, and i tell him i'm gonna have the baby, "do you want to be a part of this or not?" and he says "emmi- we're not together anymore" in exasperation, as if i'm making it all up.
flowerock "trust me on this
its just gas 040827"

In high school I had really weird gas one day and freaked out, it felt so strange and foreign that I thought I must be pregnant being that my period was also late (sometimes it just doesn't show up) I told my boyfriend at the time and he basically said he'd break up with me if that was the case. that was the most exciting fart of my life! ha ah.

last night I had half asleep panic dreams about being pregnant. my menstrual cycle is so unpredictable that I never know what or when to expect with it. this month is especially strange. I felt so strange in my abdomen trying to fall asleep, my brain began to think of all the possibilities...

gas? I can get pretty damn gassy...
cysts? I get those sometimes...
pms/uterus lining itself for shedding?
a little fetus seed nestling in?

I panicked thinking I could possibly be pregnant. I have felt and thought that I could be ready,excited, capable... to give birth and raise a child. Feeling like it might have been happening was overwhelming and scary. I am not afraid of the caring for and raising a baby/child/human part of it, that's the fun part that I can figure out and enjoy...I am afraid of the pregnancy andvgiving birth part. I am afraid of most "medical" things or bodily conditions... I was suddenly convinced that I would become very depressed, frightened, and suicidal if I were pregnant. I felt horrible like I'd have to be under constant supervision to stay alive and well through it... like I would just be in such disbelief as my body changed that I would dissociate from it and be unable to function.

why did I feel that way? is this really how I feel or is that just how I felt then falling asleep? I've been under hydrated lately, that can cause me to feel this way and have bad dreams too...

I have had two abortions and will not have any more, I decided two was more than enough to figure out what I wanted to do with my body and life. "don't have sex with anyone I couldn't enjoy reproducing with" or at least anyone who I think is worth reproducing with regardless of circumstance. luckily I have an amazing heartmate and feel comfortable and happy about the idea of reproduction with... but maybe I am still not "ready".
I think that having had abortions has contributed to this feeling because I feel a little sad and guilty about having done it. I am glad that I did and was able to prevent those births... the circumstance and other person were not just in-ideal but down right BAD and dangerous and I was very unhealthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had nightmares about a little girl screaming at me not to do it, why was I hurting her? how could i kill her she asked? she ripped me apart, she killed me in the dream, there was so much blood and it felt so real. I couldn't sleep after that, I was fainting at work and walking around in a frantic anxious daze. I laid in bed for days eating melons and crying.

I worry about the health of my uterus. I don't even know if I can have children or become pregnant... is it scarred from the procedures? my hormones are wonky, would they prevent or kill a fetus? what if I became pregnant and then miscarried? I don't know how I would feel about that, I am afraid of the process but I think I'd be devastated.

my logical brain tells me "relax, you're better now, you could handle it if you needed to and you're just over thinking"
my heart says "love yourself, love your heartmate, love whatever comes of it"

I think I'm ok, and not pregnant. but it sure is nerve wracking to have an unpredictable cycle and this history which brings the uncertainty of the fertility and ability of my body. maybe I will go to a doctor to see what is happening in there these days... that might be a relief.
epitome of incomprehensibility You're not as much of a hypochondriac as I was, but I feel a bit of relief that others have had similar health anxieties... not that I want you to be anxious, because I don't. And I hope you can have a baby or not have a baby when you're ready.

Silly long-winded self. What was my other point? Ah yes, I've never been pregnant except in dreams. And there was this vivid one when I was living in Ontario that:

a) I had a four-year old daughter that I'd left behind in Montreal with her father, even though

b) the apparent father and I hadn't had sex or anything like it, and I'd only known him for two years

c) and that the daughter was named after a character in a story I was writing

d) and that all this was my real life, despite the aforementioned anomalies.
what's it to you?
who go