your_voice
vicious so
distant
cold

wish
you
were
here

I'd
like
to
sing
you
the
stars

wish
you
were
here

I
wanted
you
to
see
my
show

wish
you
were
here

my
mind
is
too
clouded

wish
you
were
here

if
only
to
help
me
sort
it
out
000414
...
jennifer I love the sound of your voice
but it is so distant
almost hollow
I wish you would talk to me
like we used to
until the wee hours

if I'm doing something wrong
please tell me
tell me anything
001113
...
Rhin exciting me
reassuring me
laughing with me
touching me miles away

is all i have
001113
...
distorted tendencies why does it have to be so familiar?
so warm?
so cold?
so demanding?
so in sensitive?

and..
so loving?
YOU BROKE MY HEART.

And now you're doing it again.
020102
...
ClairE I thought I couldn't remember it, but then it all came back.

voice
020102
...
kerry it pains me

i used to love it so much.
020103
...
lookie here now it gets on my nerves 020103
...
unhinged it was nice to hear the telephone as an alarm, knowing it was you calling me. i kind of planned it that way. i thought that if i heard your voice it would make me want to get out of bed. and your voice was soft and distant and it sounded almost like you had just woken up or you were stoned but i knew you weren't either. for some reason your_voice made me think of nate. long hair, cute ass, guitar. i hung up the phone and pranced around my room getting ready to get in the shower. it was before 9am, i got a wake up call from kevin, and there was just something about hearing his physical voice. the day seemed to have started out better than any i could remember for a long time. 020103
...
ilovepatsajak hello this is your wake up call
the time is 6:00 am
the date is december 31
the weather: 35 degrees
have a wonderful day
i remember i didn't want to let myself believe it wasn't a real voice.
020103
...
unhinged i erased it from my answering machine today. i could barely hear it and i pushed the button and it was gone. 020305
...
hey now! its sexy as fuck
id make love to just your voice if i could
020305
...
yummychuckle lazy ends of words
drooping, afraid to dance
because enthusiasm isn't cool.
its so soft
and the brittle piano keys
hum notes quietly
and I listen
and strain my ears
and curse myself for listening
to loud music and wrecking my ears
because you and this is so much more important.
and maybe all we had was eachothers voices
and occasionally we would
sit across one another,
the sexual tension driving us mad.
but on the phone we were free,
and your voice
was all I had.
but you could never say my name.
god i should've taken the hint.

(that was one guy, now onto the next:)


puzzled letters drop into my lap
and maybe
should have
could have
would have
confused i love you's
embraced beyond
what should have been held.
what could have been kept.
what should have been meant.
and my sorry is not good enough
because i can't stop your voice
from breaking into its cold
monotone
thats trying so hard
to keep from showing your heart
because I've already ripped it apart.

(and another guy:)

when your whispers
touch my lips
i could melt into a pool
at your feet
and my own?
nobody touches them anymore
and you were the last
but your voice would tell me
no
and
yes
and shhhhhhh
and your voice was split
down the middle
by a tongue ring
and it was the sweetest voice
shuddering in my ear.

(and ANOTHER...)

adrenaline rushes
through the loops of a phone cord.
i twirl it in my fingers
and remember
and cling to the memories
of when your voice
was whispering
naughty things in my ear.
I can't wait til
i see you there
in front of me smiling
because there is no way
I could feel half as bad then
than I do now.
your voice just makes me smile
even the nonsensical phrases
you toss in wherever you can
makes me giggle to myself
throughout the day
when my thoughts are of you.
and the ways you say my name
is compared to everyone else's version, because you are the one
who makes me weak at the knees
and my anticipation
is driving me wild
in the night when I remember
all the things we used to do.
and i miss the spot
that i'd throw my clothes
and waking up next to you.
and hearing your voice
before anyone else
and the way it sounds when
you first wake up.
i miss it all.


ha, lets play a game of "guess which one is about you?"

hahahaha.
oh and

pssst--your voice is like the spring. u know who u are.
((id be workign on ur cd but i have to download---get this--POLKA music for dance class. *sigh*. really, how can anyone even wonder how i can hate dance class???))
020305
...
blown cherry Hmmmm.

You used to wake me up too.
I left the phone on my bed head of a night, and then you would find out what time my first class was the next day, and ring an hour before to make sure I went.
You cared then.
I was usually awake before you called in anticipation of hearing your voice.

Your voice. Ten octaves below Barry White's.
That particular way you used to say heellooo.
Graeme imitated it once, it was very cruel. Took ages for my heart to stop racing.

Your voice, your hands, your scruffy hair, your ancient t-shirts and ripped jeans.
That time you kissed me so hard my lip got crushed on my teeth and bled.


All gone. Long gone.
And now you're just this guy when I see you around.
But when I think hard, I can remember.
I was you in some other life.

Now I have a crappy voice that cracks all the time to make up for that beautiful deep one I had when I was you.
020306
...
blown cherry (doing a yummyC)
...another


"I was such a good boy soprano" he said.
I wish I'd know him then.
020306
...
she lilting and beautiful,
it comes at the wrong times,
ohgod, make it stop.

"i love you" and "i'm dying"
i can still hear it,
ohgod, make it stop.

deep and heartwrenching,
even during the last days,
ohgod, make it stop.

"Baby, I love you."
I can still hear it,
ohgod, make it stop.

your_voice,
cancer could take your body,
but it will never take your_voice.

I just wish it wouldn't
haunt me so.


In Loving memory:

Ian
(1981 - 2000)
020312
...
Mahayana your_voice
was in my roOm toDay
even though [you]
were not
here

gravity
generosity of your soul
sincerity
earnestness
kindnesss

southern accent
[[[i want
insiDe of me
forever more]]]

[you]
[[[i want insiDe of me forever more]]]
020312
...
Logan(ys) damn yummy im scared to guess... ummm I thing its the one with the spot where you put your clothes... I seem to remember you having a certain spot... I might be wrong(happens alot) but whatever and such... 020312
...
lycanthrope was confident,
and not worried,
and could take it,
or leave it.

was deep, and sometimes shaky
and could say things like nifty
and sick in a little kid voice.

your voice could imitate his
and almost anyone else's
especially if you loved them.

it had a power over people,
not to make them do your bidding
like some sci-fi shlock,
but to arrest them long enough
for the qualities it sang to to kick in.

your voice was lost.
the qualities are hard to find now too.
i'm starting to wonder
if maybe it was the voice that had it all.

your voice came out of these lips.
i still recognize the lips, but i don't anticipate what wonderful thing they will say anymore. You're voice is higher, and strung out, and it's nervous as if someone could find out at any time the shaking it's trying to contain, as if someone might look past and see everything in disarray.

your voice still sometimes picks something up and says it as if it could not be said without that particular tone, as if you couldn't possibly separate the dancer from the dance. As if when you languidly, unexpectedly say to yourself...i'm alone, i'm best that way, but i'm in love...it couldn't be said any other way
020313
...
lycanthrope was booming
was heard over the sensory overloads of video games i waited each school day to end for.
would break up in rare fits of laughter shaking red and contagious
would sing to mom
would change to a deep smirking poet as we watched in baffled amazement as she blushed
would say i'm kinda fond of you too if we told you we loved you
would leave us wondering that if this was like, how much more warm and tender could love possibly be, how unutterable
would make me fear a whupping without ever receiving one
would go high to imitate the princesses in the stories we made up together
would sometimes have the princess talk in a really deep voice at the most romantic parts
would tell me dirty stories as rewards for a hard day of growing up,
would invite me fully into the grownup world
never got to invite me fully.
was the first thing i missed,
the first limits i hated to be able to pass.
i could misbehave, but your voice wouldn't stop me, other people'd try to summon up memories of it with your name or some guilt trip, but it didn't work.
a police officer's voice didn't bother me, his authority wasn't affection, his punishment wasn't any colder than my life seemed without your voice.

told me it loved me in a gaelic name, made me feel like part of an ancient world. Made me feel like a king.

somtimes i still hear it echoing from the infinite recesses of a mind. I cannot find it, i can only wait,
To have it tickle my ear when i am most in need, when i am on the verge of doing something that would never be said in your voice.

My voice cannot compare.
I don't want to even try to.
All i want is to hear once more your voice, i love you seamus,
and the world would not be so ambivalent. It'd be a place where good and bad weren't just arbitrary scratchings between another sun and moon, a place where a voice can matter, because in everything it says, no matter what it currently says, we see everything it's ever said, we see it changing we see it fading, and we wish we could stretch out even the syllables of hello, or how are you forever, wish we could play them over and over again in our mind to remind us of a rare time when a voice was what it said.
020313
...
yummychuckle yeah you guessed the right one, Logan.


heres a new one:
your voice in all its sarcasm
shakes with malevolent spasms
and your fingernails are screeching
dragging them down the sides of my brain
you are so twisted,
your ambivalence baffles me
your voice is screaming in my ear
but I've finally put in some of those
yellow foam earplugs
and your voice
doesn't hurt me anymore.

thats about erica.
020313
...
how to disappear completely her voice can sound so different,
she yells, and she cries
and she coos..

it can be so different when her eyes meet mine,
when we wake up at the same time
and kiss without words.
that's when it sounds the best..
that's when you're the best..
and that's when I'm a wreck..

and when she calls in the middle of the night..
to admit another act of indiscretion..
that's when I hear her voice,
pounding like those waves outside my bedroom window..
I hear her say those words,
"Tonight, you die.."
030503
...
Bizzar Is my weakness

and will be the

death of me.
030703
...
ferret i want a_voice_to_wake_up_to 030716
...
god tiny tim? 030716
...
smurfus rex i want her voice to be the first thing i hear in the morning

i want her voice to be the last whisper before i fall asleep

i want to record her saying "i love you" and "i miss you" and "misha" (cause that's my nickname)

i want her voice to be the one that greets me when i come home from work

i want her voice to be the one that calls me at work to make a dinner date

but mostly i want her in real life, not just talking on the phone (cause she lives in another state)
030717
...
pipedream your voice peels the husk of the day's grain,
your song, with the sun and sky.
...
all the pine trees speak with their green tongue,
all the birds of the winter whistle.
...
and i hear only your voice
your voice soars with the zing and precision of an arrow
it drops with the gravity of rain.

-Pablo Neruda
(bits and pieces of one wonderful poem)
030718
...
love & hate I heard it last night. I phoned you up just to hear your soft loving voice. You said hello when you answered, i didnt know what to say so i just said hi. You said hello again as though you didnt hear me. I said hi, you must have realised who it was, then you hung up. You hung up your phone on me. That must mean that you deleted my number from your phone book. Do you know how much that hurts? The pain that i feel inside after just hearing two words from you. At least i know your alive, that is one thing that makes me happy but does not overcome the sadness i feel inside. I cried myself to sleep after that. You lied to me. You got someone else to answer the phone the second time i called to tell me to fuck off and that you were working. You lied to me. You told me so much that i looked forward to. You told me to make sure i keep in touch with you. I am, i really am trying but your ignoring me. I dont know what to do, i feel completely lost, completely heart broken. I want to rip my heart out and throw it on the floor. I hate it, i hate it so much. Being so far away from you and having you ignore every attempt i make to talk to you. You deleted my number, does that mean your deleteing our memories as well? Deleting me from your life? Killing me? Forcing me to die? That is what your doing, why would you do that? Why would you do something that you tried so hard and for so long to prevent? 040509
...
Syrope the only part of you really able to haunt me

i dont remember anything about your body

i forgot the sex a long time ago

but your voice cracking over the phone, the way it made me hate myself for not being able to straighten things out

the way it made me feel disgustingly satisfied with myself to hear that you still loved me with everything you had

it's not that i believed you
it's that ususally it was me in your position. i was paying you back for the months you treated me like shit. and you didn't think it was fair.

life's not fair, i knew.
but that death can be so unfair, too
just makes me sad
040509
...
Borealis I didn't like it once...

now I need it desperately...
040725
...
kx21 a Radom_dot:-

Security_and_Stability
040725
...
To be precise a Random_dot:- Security_and_Stability 040725
...
pete I thought it was too quiet for your words, but the more I read of you the more perfectly it suits you. 040726
...
pete it was so good to hear it again my friend (after a few lingering goodbyes you just hung up less than a minute ago) 041021
...
oooops sounds very strange with my cock in your mouth. 041022
...
Splinty melodramatic, jelly thick sylabbles roll of your tastebud fuzzed tongue. Sometimes you look at me dozily, concern in your deep eyes, and I just know. But I've never been right before. Keep talking, stranger. 041023
...
andie seems like forever since we spoke
but in truth, it was only hours ago
still, getting used to the sound of it
before i went to sleep was strange...
comforting in a way it shouldn't be...
supportive as i knew it was...
and then certain words, you flip
the tone in your voice goes up
ever so slightly and i wonder...
(silence)
my voice will not speak of that
instead your voice rings in my head
you care
you're my friend
you are in love with someone else
i am supposed to be in love too
i'm just finding myself wondering
who it is i'm in love with
i've seen that precious face that
knows your voice as well as i do
he's unknown to me, but i know him
by knowing you and what you give to him
you draw me to you, into your words
giving me honesty no one has
and though i'm glad you're happy in love
i only hope she loves that sound
as much as i do
even though you snore
your voice that night was the only thing
that kept me safe
i'm overstepping so many boundaries
but i have to get this out
this is the only voice i have for this
knowing you'll never hear me is good
you'd only laugh that sugar laugh
you own so well
and crack a joke to ease the tension
the pain i would feel, i do feel
knowing that we are friends
real friends
041125
...
unhinged sounded like you might still be clean


all_i_have_is_prayer
for you
100911
...
Iren3_adler Like honey. So beautiful. So deep.

I think I will never tire of hearing it. Of hearing your inhale upon seeing my face.

You are like liquid self esteem, curling through my veins. How alive you make me feel. How beautiful you make me seem.

It's endless. I love it.
140416
...
Iren3_adler Like honey. So beautiful. So deep.

I think I will never tire of hearing it. Of hearing your inhale upon seeing my face.

You are like liquid self esteem, curling through my veins. How alive you make me feel. How beautiful you make me seem.

It's endless. I love it.
140416
...
Iren3_adler And on that note...

your little voice
Over the wires came leaping
and i felt suddenly
dizzy
With the jostling and shouting of merry flowers
wee skipping high-heeled flames
courtesied before my eyes
or twinkling over to my side
Looked up
with impertinently exquisite faces
floating hands were laid upon me
I was whirled and tossed into delicious dancing
up
Up
with the pale important
stars and the Humorous
moon
dear girl
How i was crazy how i cried when i heard
over time
and tide and death
leaping
Sweetly
your voice
140416
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from