hey_god
Barrett Why are you doing this to me?
Am I not living up to what I'm supposed to be?
001027
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Barrett I started this cause ask_god is getting too damn long. 001027
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god hey barrett.
chin up there pal! you are exactly as you should be.
i'm sorry, but it's policy to distribute "shitty luck" to everyone in varying doses depending on how out of balance universal karmic distribution happens to be. i'm sure you are a great guy, but that doesn't mean i won't torment you like poor ol' job.
whatever you do, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. it's just a bunch of shit that happens, that's all. it's
the "price" we all pay to the universe for allowing us to exist.
eons and eons from now (or maybe a second from now) things will be reversed. you will be god, and you'll get to fuck with people like me. take over now, if you like.
001027
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seems like grendel i think you owe me a great big apology 001027
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downward birdmad Why am i seething with this animosity 001027
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god hi grendel

... for what?
001027
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god birdmad-
i'm grooming you to be the next hitler.
001027
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Xipe Totec well, looks like someone's not too omniscient after all, hehe. 001027
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Barrett I was honestly asking that question though. 001027
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birdmad as was i 001027
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Barrett ...And stop picking on God, you know he listens to angels sing not NIN.

Thanks for the input God, I am pretty pissed off at Karma distribution right now.
001027
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god hi there, Xipe Totec
jesus, i fuck up all the time. where've you been?
001027
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god barret-
man i'm sorry that i just gave you the form letter there. i really don't know what's going on in your life. i got a lot to keep track of. (it's kind of like asking mcdonald's about a hamburger they made 10 years ago.- i just can't remember. too much weed i guess).
if you wanna give specific details, i'll try to be more informative.
001027
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god i know, it's spelled barrett. 001027
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god birdmad-
so it's going to be a no-go on the hitler thing?
001027
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god oh, and i'll have you all know that i was so cool, i even had pretty hate machine on vinyl! 001027
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daxle I feel my hatred grow all the more extreme. Can this world really be as bad as it seems? 001029
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mr e guest do you know who i am? 001030
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Barrett NO!
It's a fuck'n Mr. E!
001030
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mr e guest sorry, that question was directed at god.

my apology for any mix-up

actually in relation to the fact that, much like god, i too am known by many names.
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god daxle-
oh it's even worse than that.
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god mr. e guest-
uhhh..... lemme see.....

you're...

harry belafonte?
001030
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Mr E Guest BZZZZZZZZT! wrong answer...

care to use a lifeline?
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god damn.
i've never been wrong before (har har).

i give up.
001030
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god? wait a minute, mystery guest... there's something about the tone of yr. voice that sounds vaguely familiar. i can't quite put my finger on it.....

are you.... me?
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as heads is tails tune in tomorrow 001030
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Mr E. Guest i am grendel
i am birdmad
i am Xipe Totec
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god damn! i was sooo close!! 001031
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Barrett And I am the Leprechuan! 001101
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god i'm going to cancun for a couple weeks. see "ask satan" for details. 001101
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god hello all. i'm back and ready for more questions and/or abuse. sock it to me! 001116
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Rhin i want to argue your existence...

i think your existence, as an all-knowing god is incompatible with the fact of free-will. free-will does not exist, if you claim to know beforehand, what will happen in any given situation, which also proves that one cannot sin freely.

you choose not to prevent evil. take a moment to look down on your children.

*silence*

you should have found that statement to be true, so i suggest you make note of it's existence. having said that, i will admonish you, by saying, that you are not all-loving. if you intend to say that you cannot prevent evil, then i will again argue your existence, by ripping away that badge of omnipotence, you so proudly wear.

do i believe in your existence? i shall have no problem, receiving punishment, for speaking blasphemously against your holy name, if you can otherwise prove your existence.

i was taught, not to ever question your will, or your being. they told me it was called faith. blind faith? i will admit that i have always questioned, everything that is you. can you help me believe in you?

if you manage to prove successful, with this task at hand, then i will immediately kneel on my knees and pray............dear god, please forgive me, for i have sinned. i have questioned your existence, your love, and your power. it seems i have been lost, but somehow i have managed to find you. you are inside of me, giving warmth to my soul, and i know you will guide me, and protect me, as i continue to trek throughout this life, here on earth.

(god, this floor is cold, and hard. when they say hard-wood floors, what they really mean is hard, wood floors!)

...anyway, i have never felt more at peace with myself, and it comes from re-discovering my love for you. i intend to be your obedient child. in loving request, and in god's name, amen...........Dear god, it seems that during the course of my last prayer, i absent-mindedly took your name in vain. i admit to this sin, and beg your forgiveness. in god's name, amen.
001122
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Barrett What am I gonna get for Christmas? 001122
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god rhin-
hey babe.

do you know what i am made of?

what is the smallest object you can think of?
the largest?

i am infinite. i am before the beginning and after the end.

time ends at the beginning as does everything else.

i am everything.
i am you.
and vice versa.
001122
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god and get off your knees.
you are as in charge as i am.
pray to yourself, for you are god.
001122
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god barrett-
um. i dunno. i guess i haven't thought about it. what do you want?
001122
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Barrett A reality that i'm happy with? A woman who doesn't rape my heart? A job that pays well, yet doesn't betray my morals and/or ethics?

Is that asking too much?
001123
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god no, that's not too much. i will make all these things available to you. keep yr. eyes wide open. these things lie just around the bend... 001123
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evolutionending c h e c k o u t m y n e w j e s u s h e w a l k s w h e n h e t a l k s i f y o u w a n t h i m t o n e v e r m i n d t h e t h o r n s t h e y r e o n l y t h e r e t o c o n f u s e y o u 001123
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lovers lament hey god,
when will i expire? i need definite dates here. how will i go out?
what age will i be? i'm kinda in a bind and i need to know.

also, (completely off the subject) do you think that 15 or 16 would be appropriate? or maybe both?
001123
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Rhin hey god,

i cannot be god, for you are god. however, i could be a goddess?
001123
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gwyllynneindespair why is it that there really is no such thing as unconditional love? Or if there is why is being in love, you know loving with a capitol L, sometimes seperate to liking that person or what that person does? Why does everybody go away in the end? Why do we buiild up walls only to tear them down and build them back up again...and so on and so on?

Why can't we see eye to eye?
001124
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god evelutionending- new jesus? bring him on! 001124
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god lovers lament-
hmmm. i guess i really hadn't thought about it. i was hoping to keep you around for a while.
15 or 16? that's a little young for the standard death application, although i can make exceptions under special circumstances. (satan does the death request thing no questions asked, but i don't recommend going to him for anything).
if you could elaborate more, i might be able to do something. i gotta tellya, i try not to take anyone at least until they reach 21 (legal drinking age in the states).
001124
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god goddess rhin-
what i'm trying to say is that you are not a seperate entity from me. i don't judge you. i created you and you created me. you are sacred. all your sins, all your faults. these are part of me. as is everyone and everything. we are all part of god.
i just happen to be the part currently answering questions.
001124
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god gwyllynneindespair-
you will find true love when you least expect it.
love always goes better with like.you must like someone before you can get along with them for any extended length of time. you can be in love with someone
you don't like (or even worse, who doesn't like you).
you will fall in like with someone, then true love will inevitably blossum.
001124
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Rhin Hey God,

I understood exactly what you were saying. Thank you. I was just trying to lighten the conversation a little. My questions were not one's that I expected to be answered. I just needed an outlet, and this page helped. Don't sweat it, I'm not... Thank you again, for what you said. I really mean that.

Oh, and please, you can just call me Rhin or Rhiannon. I do so hate the fancy title.
001124
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god oh ok.
no sweat, goddess.
errr, uh... rhin, rather.
001124
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lovers lament no, no, god. you got it all wrong. 15 or 16 had nothing to do with when i should die. i'm 19.

so when will i expire?

AND aside from that do you think 15 or 16 or both is appropriate?
001125
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gwyllynne does snow really exist? 001125
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god lovers lament-
oh. sorry. i get so confused sometimes. 15 is cool. i like 16 too, but both have had their day. both of 'em together? well sure. appropriate? that depends on the situation.
you will die when you are 112 yrs. and 2 days old.
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god gwyllynne-
snow? some of it is real, most is just imaginary.
001125
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gwyllynne thank you :) I have always suspected as such. 001125
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camille the show tonight was beautiful, thank you:

http://www.spaceweather.com/images/25nov00/cme_c3_huge.gif
001125
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lovers lament thanks, god! you're a bundle of help. that really saved my ass. i think 15 AND 16 will do nicely for the situation.

one more question:
did you ever let Loki back into heaven?
cause i got the distinct impression that you let Bartleby back in, and it wouldn't be fair if you hadn't let both in cause it was Bartleby's fault in the first place.

thanks
001126
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god bartleby stabbed loki after he lost his wings, then alanis made bartleby's head explode. it was craziness.
i'll let them both back in if they let me borrow their "chasing amy" dvd.
001126
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god oh, and yr. very welcome camille. that was a beautiful display. 001126
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Rhin I have never had faith. That's the problem. Floyd is doing this to me today... I am letting it happen. We will all meet one day? The truth is, he has never left me, and never will. That's what is bothering me right now. I can't get him out of me. He is consuming me at the moment, and I want to run...I am torturing myself!

Hitting the repeat button for the 15th time...
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god you know, it's funny. i went back to work after trying to reassure you. i was driving my truck, scanning the radio. in the space of an hour, i heard 4 pink floyd songs. the last one was "high hopes". i don't have "division bell", so i wasn't really familiar with the song. i've never heard it on the radio before.
i sat there, however, and listened to every word, every note.
amazing, since the last words on my mind were the words to the song, and the words you had written about tony.

it seemed like a shout across the void.
001206
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Rhin Now you see what I mean about Floyd! It's like he is my "God"! It's completely amazing! I can't believe someone else had a Floyd experience too!!! I thought I was losing my mind all the times it has happened to me! I have every Floyd c.d. ever put out. I have the vinyl in the vault! He's all around me!!! Always!!! 001206
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unique butterfly why don't you help me sometimes? you make it seem like life is a joke sometimes. i really wish you made my life a little different. every time things seem to get really good, they get really bad. what's up with that anyway? 010602
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Sol If you were an antelope holding a party on the serengeti would you invite any armadillos, or would their bad table manners put you off? 010602
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god Unique_butterfly...what an ununique question. I get that all the time.
Life is not a joke, nor is it serious, its somewhere between.

seriously now, you think i really wanted life to be serious? Seriousness is not a quality most people like.

Sure it seems all nice at the beggining, but to tell you the truth, life sucks, life was meant to suck.

It's funny how people say life is crap, yet when it's their turn to die, they want to stay alive. All of us are like this, its human nature.

And about your karma (the really good things in life turn really bad.) This is how it was meant to be. Even I cannot control karma, i can only balance it. I am truly sorry about ur end of the share, but I swear to you, you will find ultimate happiness in heaven with me.

And why should I make your life different, there are 6 billion people in this world to think of, 6 billion! I don't have the time to arrange all of your lives specifically to your needs. If I were to do it to you, i would be treating the other 5,999,999,999 people unfairly because they want exactly what you want.

Besides after life is over, you come to heaven. (Don't commit suicide, that'll put you down there on ol' unreliable satan.)Heaven is the best place in existance you could ever see.

Sol-

I would invite armadilloes, yes.
010602
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Sol sorry to prove your non omniscience however, armadillos has no e in it

although i am most thankful for the advice
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god i do o.k. for a retard 010603
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old unreliable satan hey, we're still doing better than jesus 010604
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kingsuperspecial say 'let there be light' once for me,
just like the good old days.

man, that's when you used to really
fuck shit up!

now it's all much to esoteric for me...

(a) looza
010615
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god oho! i never did get to read that floyd book. how's your relationship? let_there_be_more_light 010615
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unhinged i tried to stay up to talk with you but i'm just too damn tired and you keep me up too late. too much huffing going on in this house and i'm tired of listening to it. believe it or not i like talking to you because you make me in a better mood. oh well. i have to go to sleep because tomorrow is going to be insanity. 010615
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god mebbe tonight... or the next. soonly though... 010616
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the repeater believe it or not i like talking to you because you make me in a better mood. 010616
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black-dyed gel product I was just wondering, do you think you could take on other dieties? Whose ass could you kick given the right motivation? And don't give me that pacifist shit; I remember a little town called Gomorrah. 010618
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yummychuckle whats up with this whole obsession thing i got goin on? 010622
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black-dyed gel product Hey god, answer my stupid question!! 010622
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baby satan hey god - what do you think of robyn hitchcock? and why am i smiling? 010623
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nocturnal otay, people. god has told us multiple times that he is out of town. in milwaukee I believe. and baby satan, you especially should be aware of this seeing as how he put you in charge of the universe while he's gone. I assume this means you have not been living up to the full responsibilities of the position. that explains a lot. 010623
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baby satan he said he was leaving on sunday. today is saturday. 010623
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baby satan however, because i am a considerate baby demon, i will attempt to appease you somewhat. 010623
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nocturnal I thank you greatly. I stand corrected. 010623
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Persona hey you up there---

if you're so all-powerful and can do anything......will you make for me a coffee mug so heavy even you can't lift it?
010623
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Casey You bastard...you put me here. America is ok, I'll give you part kudos for that. But that is like the only thing you did right.

And the missionaries(spelling), I think they should burn in hell. Screw them for forcing ideas on others who usually don't even want it.
010624
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yummychuckle heheh yeah
"have you heard the way of god?"

"yes but i prefer the way of the devil."
::door slam::
010624
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god in milwaukee hey!
satan, lil bs, or any demon can come sit in my big purple velvet chair anytime!
010713
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Casey where the hell are you 010713
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god in milwaukee milwaukee (not in mexico) 010714
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Aimee hey god?

My life is going really well right now, could you please avoid fucking it up for a while... I haven't been this happy in years... I want to revel in it a little. So just do me this favor and keep the bad shit to a minimum? please?
010714
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god in milwaukee little b.s.? 010714
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Matt Hey, God? Thanks. I still appreciate everything, and I'm still trying to help whenever possible, so do what you must, I'm forever grateful.

Oh, and especially thanks for the Pixies. That was awesome.

P.S. Does the devil have anything to do with Frank Black's voice, or is that all him?
010717
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baby satan enough, you whores!
ask_baby_satan
010717
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satan satan satan (wearing his dexters laboratory oh, sorry, i was down in the lab part of the basement inventing new things to be afraid of 010717
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kx21 Does God's equation really exist? 010717
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kx21 Found it. Theorem 10 of TOE... 010717
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Aimee Thank you. Thank you so much. 010718
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kx21 When can you secure a seat in Heaven? 010718
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a a 010723
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god in milwaukee when you become kloot 010723
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continuous ache i can't believe you were at nyabinghi. i live in niles [next to youngstown], and i would've loved to see your show. coming around here again anytime soon? 020331
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god i will try. there have been some setbacks as far as the mental wellness of two of the band's wives, but we will be back on track shortly. 020520
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god maybe social junk. we'll prolly head south fer the winter, tho... 040928
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unhinged i'm not even sure if you come around here anymore, but i found something out that's kind of sad:

the nyabinghi is up for auction on ebay. i want to contact the owner to see if he will sell me the jesus rug that was hung up on the back of the stage.
061015
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god on ebay? wow. you should have that jesus rug. 070119
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unhinged i never contacted the guy....i'm never even sure how much it went for. but, i know the owner was asking way too much considering the property value of the surrounding houses and stuff. he did have a lot of equipment though *shrugs*


we should talk. my aim name is still the same: coyo22faith . or you can email me. and it'll be like old times.
070119
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thieums 'ssup? Having a good time? Today, I saw the platypus. I mean, seriously, God. The platypus, darn! Everything you create is supposed to have a purpose, but *this*?!? Come on! What did you make it for? I mean, look at it for a second. What poor excuse for a mammal is that? It's laying eggs! Fricking stupid eggs! And what's with the beak? God, seriously, what kind of "creation" is that? Intelligent design, my arse! More like drunken design really... Oh, I also wanted to ask you about the penis, you know, that "waste disposal pipe in the middle of a recreational area." But I mean, the platypus... Please explain that first. 090730
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hsg terrible_lie only
in_my_dreams
101106
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