unlovable florescent light I am unlovable 010721 ... kingsuperspecial WRONG! guess again, beautiful... 010721 ... god in milwaukee i really like you a lot... 010721 ... me again you are not - I smile once a day because of you you are not - your soul is deep and fragile you are not - you've felt more anger than a pixie should. you are not - you are dynamic brillant light trapped in the lies of self loathing and mistrust. you are not - open you heart to yourself, and the world will line up to enjoy you. 010721 ... ulysses and banjo we love you, sheryl 010721 ... Aimee I often feel I'm unlovable... I often feel I don't deserve to be loved to the extent that I am... but I am... so I have to accept it. 010721 ... freakizh every single day i wake up open my eyes and look at my side searching for a bit something in your hair in your deep eyes in your soft hands in your sensual feet or your chest which is mine that makes you unlovable so i can be able to leave our bed 010722 ... Casey I have a heart of gold that could melt anyone. But it is hidden by a body so bad that it could blow up a commercial airliner 010722 ... The Truth Love comes from the inside, and has NOTHING to do with your image. Your image is a direct result of your inner attitudes and feelings about your outer bodily appearance. If you think that you are unlovable, you will be, because you have already condemned yourself in your own mind, so why would somebody else, who can sense that, and we all can sense that, want to be near to you? If you see yourself as someone of value then people will pick up on that, and it is interpreted as confidence, and attractiveness. But if you abused it, that would be arrogance and foolish pride. And we are ALL someone of value, I don't care about your supposed flaws, what you've done, or what you look like, you are valuable. There is no such thing as a worthless human being. For some of you, you will one day find out that you have always been loved, without even knowing it. What do you seek? What have you found? You always find what you really look for. 010723 ... louder than birdmad you don't have to tell me (message received loud and clear) and if i seem a little strange well that's because i am (that_joke_isn't_funny_anymore) 010723 ... god dum dum dum 011020 ... Casey I think this should be my middle name. I feel as if there is a wall between me and others. I wish I knew the outcome of life. Everyone always says, you'll find someone and all that jazz. But most of the time people who say that to me are shallow and care nothing about me or anyone else for that matter. 011023 ... Casey I think this should be my middle name. I feel as if there is a wall between me and others. I wish I knew the outcome of life. Everyone always says, you'll find someone and all that jazz. But most of the time people who say that to me are shallow and care nothing about me or anyone else. 011023 ... Casey There I go again, sorry, Im stupid 011023 ... Dafremen Ok, well I personally think this is entirely too much whining(and whine enabling) for one blather. Seriously though, how the HELL can one be unlovable? To think for a second that your "lovability factor" has a damned thing to do with whether or not there is someone that can love you is more than illogical. It is a semi-transparent statement on the amount of time that the thinker of such thoughts spends thinking about themselves. Self pity and self loathing are just self-worship with a twist...after all who's the star of these little dramas anyhow? Why the "unlovable" one, that "noone could love." (Snap Snap) Wake up, the fantasy is over...your circumstances aren't half as ironic, dramatic, tragic or even as pathetic as you would make them out to be. You are then, either a dunderhead lacking any ability to distinguish between reality and your self-made fantasies, or you are encouraging them. There are people out there who eat glass and metal, there are folx who have themselves mailed places. Hell there are even people who are willing to work at Corn Dog on a Stick and wear those stupid hats. There are people of every imaginable shape, size, color and with every imaginable taste in people to love, and you are unlovable? Unlovable indeed! Waaaah. 011023 ... lost sometime i feel this way. well a lot of time i do. i feel like it right now. even though i'm on the phone with my girlfriend and she is telling me that she cares about me i still cant see it. it's funny she asked me why i am depressed and i told her because i dont like myself. she asked me whats not to like? i said the way i look and immediatly she started laughing. she said that her friend and her were just having a conversation about how i look. she said that they both think that i am beautiful. thats the first time i have ever heard anyone say that about me. at least it made me smile because i know it's not true. 011023 ... mourningstars if people want to mope, let 'em you're constant sniping at people who are venting their unhappiness is no different and certainly no better who the fuck are you, anyway? merry-fucking-sunshine, you are, eh? the grand high roger dafremen who has given himself carte blanche to piss all over everyone else's parade when what is said doesn't jibe with his pollyanna bullshit (i may be fairly new to this, but i've done some reading of this place in my spare time so i know whereof i speak) you and Bobby McFerrin can stuff that smug self-satisfied, "don't worry be happy" tripe as far as it will go along with your dog_boots and a few can's of your precious Aldi's ravioli i already know that what i have just written is the equivalent of so much wasted breath because you'll just go on and make some glib argument to follow with a few well placed self-deprecating comments thrown in just so everyone get's a feel for what a straightforward guy that daffy character is fuck that, it's a sham otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to pull this nonsense and if you say (and even remotely believe) that you're only trying to help you are even more full of shit than you realize 011023 ... Dafremen Ohhh I'm gunna love you. : ) Lemme get my pants and shirt on and I'll be right back. (grabs his trusty carte blanche off of the mantle) 011024 ... Dafremen Ok fancy pants.. let's see if you actually had anything to say up there....shall we? (Not that it matters, I reserve the right to say nothing in as many words as possible and I suppose that privilege extends to everyone, NOT just yours truly the grand high roger dafremen) If people want to mope they are welcome to, they always have been, my presence or lack thereof CANNOT change that, so why would you ask me to let them? (as if I could somehow magically grant permission) I don't have the power to stop them, dissuade them or reduce the frequency of their mopes. By the same token, if folx want to react to the mopery, your withering stares and way-too-tired yo0-flung-po0 remarks will do NOTHING to stop, dissuade or reduce the frequency of such reactions. Neither could you increase their frequency. See, dipsh*t with a cause, but no clo0..this is expression, and as much as you would like to defend the weak against the intolerable tyrrany of free expression, I refuse to let you curtail my expression even one tiny bit. I AM merry f*cking sunshine pal, if you knew me personally it would blow you away how f*cking b*tchin I think life is. I don't constantly b*tch and snipe, but I do enjoy writing...specially about the self-absorbed...they are my favorite subjects, being as how we have so much in common. Hypocrisy can be fun...a fact which it appears is NOT lost on you in the least. (See also HYPOCRISY ) Calling someone's public venting of their unhappiness a parade is absurd, try a funeral...a death march. F*ck that, you let em mope, I refuse. I am here to express myself as are they...it is fools (have I been glib enough yet, can I start being insulting now? Oh yea..too late) who jump in and start trying to beat the tiger when there is no tiger, that are REALLY raining on the parade. You read through all of my stuff except for two obviously. One of them would have explained why I write and how I write and the RULES of my writing in very clear terms to you. You jumped the gun my little roadrunner and now, I'm afraid I must leave you there with your foot in your mouth and that song in your heart that I know must be there after reading this. Have a wonderful day...and waaaah. (Oh and thanks for the carte blanche...I will cherish it...always.) 011024 ... Dafremen Oh yea... and there's a party_at_dafs_house and everyone's invited. I'll be in the white room (with black curtains) most of the night so you won't even have to see me or hear from me.(I imagine there will be a lot more traffic flowing out of the white room than into it, but hey...that's the way I like it anyhow.) There's a black room for those who have chosen depression as a lifestyle, although I didn't really think about it before I removed all of the sharp objects from the room. That's alright, I suppose folx will bring their own if they really want to see red on black. See ya there do0d! Have a somber time. (Tried to make that less Bobby McFarin for ya... (Gawd I crack me up.)) 011024 ... Teenage Jesus Now that's blather! Whoa Doctor...right out onto Waveland Avenue! 011024 ... silentbob N E Wayz 011024 ... Dafremen Seen that rerun one time too many have ya S'Bob? Funny, it's my favorite episode...although there are so many others. (P.S. Anyone reading ALL of my blathers will find one in which I state that I HATE that rerun....see also: HYPOCRISY) 011024 ... anomalous terrible feeling 050501 ... Lila Pause I'm the object of noone's serious affections. If I'm lovable, it's more as a fluffy toy, and never as the fuel for some great passion. Oh well- cute I am then. And even then, not for long. Once age begins to take it's toll...I'll no longer be a bit of pink fur fashioned into a glassy-eyed kitten but a dirty old rag used to polish the tarnished silver at Christmas. 050502 ... f a chicken had lots of babies one baby was white so the chicken didn't want to know it so my aunty died it brown but the mummy chicken still didn't want it! 050502 ... nom terrible feeling 070425 ... Nomad no really.. thats what the mummy chicken did.. maybe it's an animal thing? ask my auntie... she has a little farm in India. it's where i wash in the river and feel like Eve... it feels great to be so close to the earth.. get mud in your nails and stuff.. makes you feel alive.. you don't always need Jedi designs. 070426 ... hyena unfit for human consumption. known it too long to keep forgetting it like this. the reminders are a bitch. 070427 ... Achilleus the_unloved 070428 ... poet ive been thinking about it and i only recently have realized just how low my self esteem is 070429 ... Lemon_Soda This really depends on the version of love your refferring too. If you mean "partner" or "spouse" or something like lthat, I think i fit in this category too. My friend Nate told me that most people only have a male soul or a female one(despite what their body is) and they need osmeone with the other to be complete. He said I was one of the few that have a complete soul on the inside, and my only hope for a long term relationship is to find someone else who has a complete soul too. 070430 ... misstree ironic, how they always say "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you," but loving yourself, finding that completion, part of it is not needing anyone else. maybe not ironic. maybe just tragic. that the people that have most grown to accept their innermost secret selves, the one who are most mentally fit to blend themselves to another, are those who are least likely to be straining to find them. while i think nate has a good point (not at all unusual), i think the apple slices a little differently... we are of an odd species, brother_blue, and none but kin can bring forth the fullness of our Love, but kin alone is so hard to find, much less proper mate from such a source. we have both known it in the past, and will know it again. if love shows up on your doorstep, make sure you remember how to let it in. 070507 ... Isaou He said he meant everything he'd ever said;; Then why did he choose her? She could get any guy she wanted. I thought I might just be able to get him if I tried.. But no, I am unlovable 070507 ... fuffle ony if you don't love yourself you are unloveable... if you don't know what love is then it comes from your brain stem years. some babies were never shown what love is. why is it so hard to understand that ? 070507 ... this charming bird this was a feeling that made me glad to ultimately find my "off" switch. vulnerability can be a real drag when there are people out there willing to exploit it for their own entertainment I quit letting my guard down, threw out my stupidly laughable (or laughably stupid) notions of what love is, and put across the impression that i really don't give a good goddamn... couple that with the sheer volume of weight that i've lost since the beginning of last year and suddenly i'm almost getting too much attention 070507 ... unhinged yeah, i love it when your outward appearance changes for the better and every poor bastard who deemed you as 'disgusting' before is now tripping over their own feet to talk to you. that's not love anyways so fuck_that_noise i'm not unlovable; my definition of love is just too lofty for most people to live up to. it would be nice if my phone rang every once in awhile; communication intiated by the other person. it would be nice to be the object of committment and devotion. it would be nice for words to be backed up by action for once. it would be nice if i didn't have to nag people to get these things. i do push people away and hide things, but that doesn't make me unlovable. it just keeps out the selfish ones who are looking for something easy to benefit from. 070507 ... satan satan satan the things i feel now, like when i was a good deal younger are a million miles removed from "love" but all i ever knew of love always ended in bitterness and misery, so i've practically abandoned the idea altogether in favor of letting whatever happens happen and not thinking too deeply beyond the moment not to say that i get around at the same rate as i used to, but now that i've taken my heart most of the way out of the equation, i don't spend nearly as much time alone as i used to. 070507 ... i may be a peacock now... i've also most frequently found that the people who throw around that line about how "you have to love yourself" first are people who are usually outwardly attractive enough that they never particularly lack for attention having been both attractive and repulsive, i can tell you that it's mostly just a platitude (spell that "plateload of bullshit") offered up by people who haven't had much experience on the wrong side of the ugly-stick 070507 ... stork daddy i'm quite lovable by most standards. it's just not how i want to be loved. mea culpa. it's never been as apparent as it is now. i have something i can't even blather about. maybe it's time to write a book. or maybe it's time to give up and be a sad sack. not sure. too soon. 070507 ... lucky number time to party 7 is a lucky number 070508 ... not jeff buckley "This is our last embrace Must I dream and always see your face Why can't we overcome this wall Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all" 070508 ... hello sinister man there was this man in the phone place eating monster munch (Mothside) they all looked quite sinister .. but it don't scare me.. cos they are just boys acting up... trying to be cool and stuff .. what they do you know...but i think they can be dangerous too.. i just put on a baby face and ask him if i can try one of his cool rings on... just cos they look cool.. i'm sorry if it dented your laces .. and i know i'm not in your gang.. i just wanted to try your ring on. ! hee hee ! i found you some more monster munch ! attitude ! - it can be cool if you are nice with it ! 070508 ... maybe it is him not us "the grand high roger dafremen who has given himself carte blanche to piss all over everyone else's parade when what is said doesn't jibe with his pollyanna bullshit" 080429 ... fuffle hey! check out these golf clubs! they are cool but not as cool as the boxing stuff me thinks. i think i want to be a rally car driver tho, but me needs some sponsors for that tho. yeah right... in my dreams... 080429 ... dafremen (breaks out his blather_god given carte blanche to show that he's kept it all of these years.) Still full of pollyanna bullshit and reserving the right to spew it whenever the mood hits. : ) 081017 what's it to you? who go blather from