matt deb matt newport... what a crazy guy he had blonde hair that was greenish when i met him he played in a techno band and went on tour and i never saw him since i made him feel old because i was 10 years younger when he asked me out- i think that's why we never went anywhere.. but it was ok i really should go back and visit them sometime 000107 ... For sure! he's cool! i work with him! he's also my other friend. he's ... different. you want to talk to him? contact me, baby, yeah! 000712 ... Rose My first love. I wish I could go back to those days when I was just learning what love was, and when I thought that love was a good thing. 001013 ... Barrett I went to high school with him. Now he's "Uncle Kracker." woo hoo! 001014 ... Lucien The name that means nothing...maybe i should just blame all the pain on my name...but...i would always know it was really my fault 010105 ... Sintina Is the name of the man I love. He is the man that stumbled accidently into my life from out of nowhere when I was still in love with a man who moved to Japan and had no feelings for me to begin with. Is the name of the man I gave all of myself to and continue to give all of myself to each and every day. He is the man that loves me so freely and purely and unconditionaly. It's not a game to him, like it was to so many of the others. I'm not a toy to him. He will never hurt me, well he may, and I may hurt him, we all say hurtfull things sometimes but we always talk and then we're better. Talk. Communication is the center of our relationship. We talk so much and so often. We tell eachother everything about everything in our minds and hearts, any problems, any fears, any pain, he tells me. And I help. And he helps me. I cry into his shirts and get make-up all over them on those days that I can do nothing but cry. He will sit down with me in the middle of the shoe aisle in Wal-mart and let me cry on him until I'm done. He helps with any problem. He's bitchy sometimes and sometimes he makes me mad. And I tell him so. And he apologizes and I apologize. I apologize too much he always says. It's a bad habit of mine. The guy in Japan thought so too. I'm going to try to stop doing it. I still love the guy in Japan, it's a nagging, gnawing, thought that threatens my thoughts of me and Matt. But then I remember that we talked. The guy in Japan and I talked. We are not meant for eachother, he and I decided. And that is true. I know it is. But first love is the worst to get over and it's taken me 2 years to almost get completely over Japan man. But I think of Matt and everything is wonderful. Matt makes everything wonderful. He is the focal point of my life, but I don't revolve around him. I do my own thing and he does his, except when we can be together, when all our own things are finally over and we can be together, we get together and are so so happy. We laugh and cry and build model robots and watch tv. We make love. We've rented a hotel room twice just because there was nowhere else to go. I miss him right now and I just saw him last night. We don't make love that often. Especially not for people our age. We only do it when I want to. The scary thing is I used to not want to that often. After I got a UTI from sex, I was a little scared, and sex always reminded me of my father, so that made things worse. But Matt and I have slowly gotten my lobido (sp?) back and it gets better and better. There are nights when me and Matt sit on the phone and disect our relationship. We have come close to breaking up several times. We get so frustrated with eachother sometimes. But we can always fix it. We can always talk our way back together. Our love is so strong. Our love may last forever. I don't know. I don't care. I'm happy right now, with him, and that's the way I like to be. As for Japan Man, he and I are very close friends. I miss him very often and wish to see him again so much so many times. He has ordained that when we see eachother again it must be a tearful reunion with big hugs. I like that idea. Japan man and I are cool. I can't wait to see him again and finally be the friends we were back in the day before I became all infatuated with him. I have two wonderful men in my life. But men are not everything. I often feel myself having to stand alone, espcecially when it comes to my mother, but that's another blathe for another day. 010106 ... peyton After reading that, I wish my name was Matt. By the way, I am Japan Man. 010107 ... lizard my bleeding, dying heart. 010108 ... Lucien i am your bleeding dying heart? thankyou.....im glad i can mean something to someone 010127 ... G wouldnt U lk2no Edwards ....a cold heartless using bastard with a small eh em...penis. He totally screwed up his chance to straighten out his life...Breaking into song....He was lookin kinda dumb with his finger and his thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead.......Oh! and he sucks old mens dicks for money. Sorry but I had to air your dirty little secret. Matter of fact he'll suck your dog off if you gave him a pack of newports. 010430 ... kinkazoid he is my best friend who i love like a brother or better yet even a sister. i could never have any more feelings for anyone, yet i dont want us to be more then friends. i used to think that was bull shit when people didnt want to ruin a relationship as friends by dating, but now i understand that completly....its a different kind of love that feels exactly the same, and i dont want it to change. 010505 ... melvinwang i only know, two, and not that well what a trivial statement 010506 ... psychobabe (siiiigh) i love matt. He and I are just perfect together. We can talk about anything and everything, and we have the best conversations that neverend! lol~ love you lots my king matt *bows* 010507 ... MATTS ANGEL I REALLY LOVED YOU...IF I COULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE WORLD I WOULD HAVE. YOU BROUGHT OUT STRENGTHS IN ME THAT I HAD FORGOTTEN AND FOR THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE PART OF ME. YOU HAVE SO MUCH PAIN IN YOUR WOUNDED HEART. I WISH I COULD HEAL IT... IF ONLY I COULD HAVE HEALED YOUR HEART. I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU WERE NEVER LOVED. YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THE LIFE THAT WAS DELT. I WISH THAT I COULD TAKE ALL YOUR PAIN AWAY. I WISH YOU KNEW HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU. I'M SORRY I NEVER TOLD YOU. YOU WERE..MY EVERYTHING. 010508 ... psychobabe matt is my friend. But now he is my boyfriend. He came over last night, and my lil sis was being a stuid freak. Then my older sis came and was being bitchy. But after they all left, we finally got to sit and watch the movie. (te hehe) 010513 ... matt I am Matt Newport. 010513 ... Rad dude hello did you sit on it too? who do you love? or who did you love? was she or he special. why that then? 010513 ... cali j Goodbye (waves and rides into the sunset) 010601 ... psychobabe *sigh* Its been about a month since me and matt decided to be boyfriend girlfriend and have a relationship. Its been to good to us, we may not be able to see echother every day, but when i do I just love him to death. His mother has decided to move from trimont to estherville...and i dont want him to leave...we decided to not let this ruin the "us" but we will do what we must. What we have is special. I love him, and i honestly mean it. He makes me happy, feel safe, and more than anything, loved. I love you matt Yours always and forever *katie* 010604 ... florescent light Matthew is the 25th most popular male first name in the US. 010605 ... pralines&cream abe is a god 010921 ... Kate My first real boyfriend, the first boy I ever loved. The first person I ever kissed. The first person I ever let touch me, in the auditorium foyer. That was 7th and 8th grade. Mr. Arida used to say that he was my shadow. He broke my heart in that summer when he cheated on me with a girl from camp, and told my best friend at the time instead of telling me first. I was shattered and hated him until the end of 9th grade. This year, he sat behind me in first semester Bible and we would always talk and finally we became friends again. I wouldn't consider him anything but an acquaintance and an alright guy now, but I think we all have to go through those relationships. 020511 ... Kate Thank you for walking arm in arm with me back to the band room and for being warm when I'm feeling warmer. Here's to the nights on the track bus and kisses in the chapel and 100m dashes, and moving our desks back in Bible class. Love always. 020516 ... tazfab was the name of a str8 boy i used to date...i wonder how he's doing now? or who he's doing...he he he 020516 ... Sintina I read that which I wrote when I was at the height of my life of love And I miss it. We got engaged, Matt and I. He turned into an ass... he reminded me of my dad... It's over. Part of me still loves him, longs for him, he says things would be different. But I don't trust him. I may never trust anyone again. 020829 ... distorted tendencies don't even fucking know what i even fucking liked him ugh. i want to erase those three months completely. 021229 ... jane i guess matt got all these gift cards for christmas so yesterday i went shopping with him to spend as much as possible. but yeah he only ended up getting a few things...it's so funny how fixated he is on getting this huge flat screen t.v. i don't know oh yeah but then there was this other thing about me driving by his work and yelling hi at him. i guess he told sater later that he was having a really shitty day and that me saying hi totally made his day. i wanted to jump him for saying that 030124 ... jane ah matt....... craps_and_beer he was "super drunk" by the time i left and if it weren't for the situation with sean i would have kissed him 030527 ... the game The era of Mattitude is upon us... Are you ready? 030722 ... spathic this is the best place to put this. Matt would have approved; randomly in the middle of the night, a message in a bottle into the internet-ether. we were never lovers and now we never will be but that's not what i regret. i miss late night adventures and just being us. since you've been gone a lot of people just seem so hollow. they don't know what it was to burn. i'm sorry i never got to tell you. i'm sorry i never got to say. i was at denny's earlier and it was all your fault. i look into the eyes of other people searching for something that can't happen twice. it's wrong and impossible to want something so irrevocably gone, but could i miss you more? could i dream of you more? all i want is just five minutes...(and maybe vegas or a 6r of hornsby's red) and a book and a candle. matthew alan miller was a pricelss individual and to anyone reading this i hope you let the people you love know, because missing is a long road and this place is getting old with out the singular poet of goofy smiles and vibrant nights. it's getting old and no one could listen like he could,