in_love fyn gula where has he been? to a world he stayed at, to live in, to fall in love. and in love is where he wants to be, always. 000527 ... miniver Not me! Nope. Never. Eww... 000615 ... anothernothing true_love true love 000615 ... silentbob I'm so in love today I'm in love with a girl who treats me like a movie star 000615 ... me nah...not possible. Not me...the one to which everyone comes with their love problems for some reason. Maybe because to them i am the voice of reason. I am not caught up in what the heart has started and i can see things quazi normal. Until you. For 3 years, I have refused to admit that you have some grip on my heart. Until the other day. "Where do you see us?" you say. I, for the first time in my entire life, am able to say exactly how i feel about you out loud, am able to say what you have wanted to hear for 3 years. See, I trust you. We both know that nothing can happen but I want it to so bad. The next day you act as if nothing happened. I don't know how one reacts to that situation but I don't go around confessing m deepest feelings so I figured something was in order. Oh well. I haven't talked to you in days and I kind of feel...I don't know....sad. I feel like I have to talk to you about anything just to keep breathing. You leave for a long vacation this weekend and as soon as you get back, you leave for school. It's only 30 minutes away, I know, but it seems so much longer. I guess I'll have to deal and move on but I don't want to. Is it love? God, I hope not. I don't think I could deal without it now. Plus, I have no one to talk to about it...they are all too busy with their boyfriends. 010726 ... yummychuckle ive never been in love. All infatuation i suppose... I love people but I've never been "in" love. *sigh* I'm sure someday i will be. i mean, I'm only 14. 010726 ... Norm Whoa, fuck, how the hell did I get here. I better make a run for it. 011028 ... ClairE Annie111: how can you tell if you're in love? do you just know? what's the difference between infatuation and love? ClairE: "In love"? Well, the thing is, everyone defines it differently. A: i guess. C: Hmm. In love is when they care about you too. or when you don't mind that they don't care about you, because you want them so desperately to be happy. A: hmm. i don't think that's ever happened to me. but saying "I'm infatuated with you" doesn't have the same ring to it as "I'm in love with you" C: "I'm infatuated by your moves." Crystal says don't quote her because she doesn't consider herself to have been in love. A: me neither. maybe i'm getting there though C: and it varies from person to person. but for her "love differs from infatuation because you are thinking more about the other person in more ways than just a sexual one. And you have the ability to think outside of yourself. so you're not thinking about.."well how happy you are, but how happy the other person is. and you have a mutual understanding and respect that isn't necessarily there in infatuation. you're driven by desire and can't always see past that. but crystal doesn't think she's ever been in love, just deep in like. you know my whole spiel about reclaiming words...so i say "in love" a lot. A: yes. i like saying it too. i think "in love" is different to "love" C: "to"? haha. yes I DEFINITELY DO A: "than" C: yes yes. anyway... love is when you don't worry. because you know they are your friend A: yes, i agree C: I like love. A: in love is like swimming, it surrounds you. C: Yes. A: isn't it weird that you feel it most when they're gone? 011218 ... sphinxradio i've decided that sexual repression is the way to go. otherwise it's a lot of chasing after guys who don't care. 011231 ... kerry i used to be [maybe] "infatuated" with various people and then after months of hurting and aching and pacing over the idea of maybe being "in love," maybe not, then anger finally washes over the hurt and then resentment and then guilt and finally embarrassment, and, last of all, the fact that i can go about life and not care at all, because the feeling is gone and i can move on. but now i do feel very alone, having ended a relationship a couple weeks ago, a relationship that didn't ever really feel real because i was the only one who really was contributing. and i look at him and still feel sad even though i am almost positive i do not have feelings for him anymore... i don't think i was in love. i think i will always feel like i am too young to ever fall in love. but if i got over it so fast, i think that's how i can tell i wasn't. and now i am feeling alone and realizing i am "the friend" to every guy i know, not ever feeling desired by any of them, by anyone, and i want so badly to find someone to at least fall in love with. someone to distract my thoughts. 011231 ... kerry and i just read over what i wrote and i truly find it amazing that i was able to confess that here, even if it is the one and only blather... i am very mistrusting and wary of people i do not know. i often do not share myself intimately with anyone anymore, too afraid of being hurt, [the suspicion and fear is based on past relationships with people, romantic and non-romantic, and i have never been able to get over it.] feel honored. no, you don't have to, it's okay, i was kidding. [smiles, shakes head, then blushes and sits down, making self appear as small as possible. peeks at everyone over a flipped-up collar, beneath the rim of a bowler hat.] 011231 ... ClairE channeling Patti Smith People say beware but I don't care. 020125 ... distorted tendencies Falling so quickly. I can't help it, ,you are exquisite bliss. 020125 ... hollow hills ...disaster the one reward 020125 ... Mahayana between the .~'~.devil.~'~. [[[and]]] the deep blue .~'~.sea.~'~. 020125 ... general direction love.... some twisted combination of sadness and joy, hope and despair, one word that means life 020125 ... kelli crane When I'm in love it seems I only focus on that one person and I don't care about anything else, not even myself. I've found, for me, it's better to love myself and kick it with someone I really like, and love, but that I'm not madly in love with. It just screws my whole world up, and always ends up in faliure anyways, then I'm left to pick up the pieces and there goes another two or three months or years. 020125 ... ClairE When I see myself naked in the mirror, I think of you. 020206 ... Mahayana "i didn't say i was in love with you dear" [repeating patterns] [caught up in spools of yarn] [cosmically speaking][punishments] [for past life wrongdoings] [are 2 constantly][be reminded] [by everybody & anybody] mother- yes [x] no [] father- yes [x] no [] rest of family- yes [x] no [] anybody i have ever loved [all 3 ]- yes [x] no [] [that i am not loved] [or good enough 2 be loved] [caught up in spools of yarn] [repeating patterns] [how am i supposed 2 feel] [that i am not loved] [or good enough 2 be loved] [how am i supposed 2 feel?][how am i supposed 2 feel?][how am i supposed 2 feel?] the key: nothing : the key & i shall i shall shall the key is nothingess nothingness therein lies the key 020207 ... EECP OUCH! (sometimes) LOVE YOU!!!! (Always) 020330 ... kill rhythm being in love is tough. especially when the one you are in love with has so much power over you, and he doesnt even realize it. 020330 ... continuous ache last night you leaned over and whispered, "i love you" and i bit my tongue and said nothing. you don't always get to have that much control. it's time you started showing a little weakness every once in awhile. i do not serve you. 020330 ... blown cherry "I'm not in love, oh no, so don't forget it, it's just a silly phase I'm going through..." 020401 ... kill rhythm i am still so in love with him i always will be and now i cant tell him about it anymore. i cant tell him that i dream of him everynight, and that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. because he isnt in love with me anymore he loves me like his sister... 020416 ... no reason sigh... 020417 ... mahayana so far [in love] that love says shes so far [in sassafrass] [[[we've become entwined]]] :spools & spools of twine: 020417 ... Sailor Jupiter My friend is 21 one and has never been in love. I pity him b/c he is missing out on a lot. A little love is all he needs. I think that is true for everyone though. 020417 ... Arwyn don't pity him, cause when he finally falls in love, it will be that much more wonderful... I've been in love twice in my life... the first time was agony and this time it's wonderful.. don't pity him though... 020417 ... no reason yeah...don't necessarily feel sorry for him, because being in love isn't always what anyone needs. unless their need is to feel, in which case, by all means feel sorry for them. but what if that person is just so unique and the best and coolest person in the world and you've never met anyone like them and you know that you probably never will and you felt this deep connection with them after just a few weeks of knowing them and it's just grown and grown now that you really know them, and you've tried and sometimes been successful in the past to convince yourself that you're "just really good friends" and that you don't feel any more than that for them, but the denial of love doesn't work anymore, and you know they like you but pretty sure it's in a platonic way...god i hate that word... platonic... and you know that they're in love with someone else who loves them but not in that way, oh the irony of it all, and you see the way they love this person and it just makes you love them even more and you think it would be better to get their mind off this person cuz it's been too long but you don't know if they have the potential of feeling the same for you, and you doubt it, but you can't afford to find out, can't afford to say anything because you can't you CAN'T lose them...loss of them=hell...like losing a part of yourself and they wouldn't even know it. and you're so sorry that you seem aloof or that you act like they're not as important to you as others, because they're so much more, but you know that if you let go and showed even half of how you really felt, they would know, because they're so fucking perceptive and aware of others that it scares you, and if they knew how you felt they wouldn't feel the same way and it would break you. your eyes, such warmth and openness, the way you listen and listen and empathize and understand. and every time you spend time with them you think about them days after, with a constant dragging feeling of mixtures of contentment, longing and emptiness...and she sort of might be perfect for them if she was interested and felt the same way and i almost wish she was and did because then they would finally be able to rest their tired head and be finally, truly happy. what then? ...fuck. 020418 ... cheryl brown This is so fucking bad, because I know how little effort it would take for me to fall back in love with him. And now I can see the