soul_mate she I would like to take a moment, and say, that you are a most beautiful person, filled with Love and Light and Understanding, and compassion, and giving, and I could go on... I feel most privileged to read, what you have written. Such a wise person, you are, sending you love and Light... And may i learn from your example 050908 ... he Thank you for your kind words. Please do not try to feel my pain anymore. I'm afraid that anyone who shows too much interesting in loving me, or caring for me, or liking me, or approving what I have to say will somehow be swept up in this strange CULT hysteria witchhunt that seems to follow me wherever I write. So yes, precious heart. Your words have soothed, and your humanity has shone through, and perhaps, at some other time, or in some other place, we could truly have shared that which we both hold so dear, our hearts. For now, my friend, stay away from me. Please. I am a man with nothing to say that doesn't bring hate, derision and pain upon those who choose to be associated with me. Do not associate yourself with me. One tattered and scarred heart is enough. Sometimes it seems like there are so few gentle people anymore, I'd hate for you to be a casualty of your own compassion. I am a man tortured by the souls without and the soul within. I am a man hounded by the ghosts of his past, and the demons of his present, with no place to hide. Here's hoping for the future. 050908 ... she Sorry, can't cut the silver cord i know how you feel, and I'll leave you alone, in your reality World. I'm not afraid anymore, you SEE, no one can hurt me, not even you, I can choose to feel your pain, and I will as I said, I made a promise, and soon you will be feeling swell, I've seen what's coming, and I even Know what day I'll see you again. So, Good-Bye 050908 ... he Misgivings. Hope. Curiosity. Love. Gratitude. 050908 ... she let me in, lol should of got lost, no way. Quite a rollercoster ride, wouldn't you say, so much, is not even seen, they are in affect BLIND, they will not see, til it's time, the seeds, have been planted, it just takes time. People are people, and it's such a hard lesson to learn, what can I do to help? I'd wait forever, for you, don't care if I'm alone(not with a man) I'm with you in soul, and I know we keep each other up and such. I hope we get a good nights sleep tonight. Awaiting you...with all my love... me 050908 ... she this time are silvery wise, they are grey-blue with silver sparkle stars, and they can change color, and I Know when I look into your eyes this next time, in the sunshine, you're going to see Our Rainbow, and only love shall reside evermore, for we will be healed, and we will believe, in our holy trinity of three you and me just to make sure you got the first, this is my second email. rub a dub dub, just you and me in the tub, wait til you see all the bathtoys I have, thank goodness for barbie, we have a conoe and tent you Know, so we can project kindess, and have a dear come near, my two girls and I, thanks to you, can do it. Have you tried it with your son? sending you a great big hug of love 050908 ... he hello little flower. may i be honest with you? i was once taught how to lie, and i can still do it, if hard pressed, but it does so hurt my soul. i am not only very hopeful that you are a kindred heart, but also a little wary. may i be wary without scaring you away? these things learned about you, that most folks find important, are not so important to me, but helped to satisfy my curiosity. you are from canada? your initials are S.A.G. and you are female. is this all correct? the more important things i am learning, but again, am wary of: you seem to be enlightened. you seem to know something that we share. you seem very sweet and compassionate and everything that i look for in a person to trust and share things with. my private things, the ones i dont dare post. you have two daughters. you are a poet. you seem to care for me in a way that i thought only i cared for strangers. you seem to be wide open, and i want so very badly to be wide open with you. i have only two friends that i am like that with. they have never hurt me and that is why. (although my friend did forget about my strong empathy and told me about how she kicked this guy full on in the groin. i felt nauseous for about 10 minutes. she forgot that i keep myself open for her.) i know that in the bathtub, you can have underwater adventures using Barbie and Ken as scuba divers. If you stay in until the water is cold, you'll have wrinkly fingers and toes. But there's always a fluffy towel waiting afterwards..and you come out smelling nice, and clean. if i let you into my heart all the way. will you hurt me? what do you know? help me trust you. i want to so badly. normally, i would, without hesitation, but ive recently been hurt so badly that it's difficult. please help me. a friend like you is just what i need right now, if i knew that you were what you seem to be. love to you 050908 ... she Please what is the name you would like me to call you? I made a promise, no matter what you did, I would love you and show you our promise for tomorrow, you have all my info, but I not all of yours, but I have 100%Faith, I know you, I know I do, or else, how would I have found you? Expect A Miracle, they say, and I believed, won't you? It's so simple, we people make it difficult to see, perhaps that why i became a hermit, I almost gave up many times, as did you... But our higher selves have driven us on. I will never ever hurt you again, it is and was my promise, please give me a chance, ask me anything, I'd do anything, even be a guinea pig for you... Love you, me 050908 ... she The info I have given when I registered is all true. I Had to , I guess, put my life on the line, to find you, yet you knew me, before I figured out who you were, no fair, you monster Goat don't bring out the red cape, lol. Please, I need you so. take your time, as Time will tell, you'll know, I am you, and you are me A kiss on your forehead, to make the pain go away, a kiss on the tip of your nose, to let you know I'm a clown and then well, i snuggle my nose in your neck, and I inhale... Heaven and I take your face in my hands, and look into your eyes, sweet sacred bliss a puzzle now complete I love you me 050908 ... he i need friends, not guinea pigs. are you a botanist? would you whisk me away into the depths of the forest? you are a taurus, loyal, and yet, not so materialistic? i have been used before, as a wage slave. i dont mind working, but i cant stand being used. would you use me like that? could i dream some days? what do you feel me to be? what would you expect me to be? could i be what i am? would you help me figure out what i am? im not sure if i know anymore. am i a singer? poet? a philosopher? a mystic? i do so love nature. i know that if i could return there, everything would be ok. im a very good friend, for those who need a friend, and a very good man for those who erally want a man, and not just a wallet. are you real? are you crazy? am i for thinking that you might be real? were you hurt in a relationship? tell me more about you. feel free to ask what you would like. i'll try to open up to you. don't hurt me. 050908 ... she I weigh 150 very well, if I do say so myself, long dark brown, curly hair, like the Mists of Avalon. yes some moon silver grey streaks, that don't match my youthful face, mostly dark brown, with a few streaks, of moonbeams so to speak, so talk to me, tell me about you, so I may also have affrimations that are just not from up above. I love you 050908 ... she I'm sad that you would ask me, if I'm crazy for you would not be talking to me, If I were. You have had messages ans signs, what led you to profess your love, while all the while, me standing like a frail child. Ok are you the webmaster of LL? Since now you see I'm suspicious, don't want to be, seems a game is happening I will never hurt you or anyone on the Earth, it's our Promise why do you twist, it hurts it hurts I have Faith I believe in the you of me I'm crying...... 050908 ... he i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you. i know how terribly hard it must be for you to be open. i have looked at your chart and offer my humblest apologies. thank you for being so open with me. please understand the motives behind my doubt. i just spent many years thinking i was with the person. all the while, knowing in my heart that we just weren't right for each other. you know what a dream looks like. you know what an illusion looks like. im not sure i do anymore. i'll open up to you. please dont hurt me. i will believe you. please dont hurt me. i will love you with all of my heart. please dont hurt me. please contact me so that you can know how sincere i am. im so sorry i hurt you precious flower. i wont make that mistake again. i know how hard it must have been for you to find that place of trust in your heart. please answer me soon. im so sorry. i love you too. 050908 ... he i would definitely like to take a chance on you. if it's not too much to ask at this point, would you please put your head back on my shoulder? i am looking for a partner. not just a lover. not just a companion, but a partner. it is all that i have lived for up to this time. please tell me more about you. please write again. please dont cry. please forgive me. i love you precious heart, 050908 ... she I'm sorry, That really stung, you know like big furry bumble bee's that really can't fly, but they do anyway, like you and me. I'm so sorry for the loss you are going through, it hurts, Iknow But do you realize I was there, and you were there in my marriage, don't you see how confusing this could be, but I know my heart, and I found you, you make shake me and quake me, but i will never hurt you again, ever, ever Love and Light 050908 ... she Are you still testing me, I'm being told that I'm be tested. You said you can lie so easily, but I can't. So you see, now the proof is on you, I will never hurt you, but please don't lie to me me 050908 ... he no, dear heart, i cannot lie so easily. but i am still capable of what they forced upon me so long ago. every lie i tell hurts my soul, buries my spirit. so i don't lie much. i'm sorry if i left you hanging last night, but the reality of my situation is sad, empty and complicated. (how are you? did i hurt you? oh please say that i didn't! please say that what i feel ive hurt can be tended to and mended.) i will always be truthful with you. if you can find it in your heart to believe that, then i will find it in my heart to tell you everything about me. we're both being tested. and im so confused. i do so know that i could be happy with you. i am so certain of it in my heart. i would so like to try. please forgive me for not sending so much as a goodbye last night, but as i said, the reality of my current situation is rather complicated. 050908 ... he my situation is that i am not rich, in fact, quite the opposite. i used to have money, but she spent everything i earned on stupid things. on consumables and entertainment. she sucked the life out of me and left me here. a shell. gastado (used up.) (well that isn't exactly so...but shhhh. my second wind has been waiting for a reason to serve again, where it will be truly appreciated. i am a singer who can sing, and a writer who can write, i make money buying things low and selling them high. so i have a skills set, but no inclination to waste it on someone who has treated me so unfairly.) this is a bus stop for me anymore. here, there is my son and then...nothing that i know. i am waiting to know where my destination is. i promise you this solemn promise. i will never fail to tell you when you may no longer expect more emails from me. i know the feeling of anticipation, i know the longing for the next letter, now, for my heart feels it too. she was still here when i turned on the computer and opened my gmail this morning. i couldn't wait a second longer. i knew what i had done by not informing you that i was going to bed, and i'd felt so badly all night long. i am so sorry. please forgive me. now you know my situation. you may not understand why it is this way...understand that i am no hurtful man. i am a gentle man in a hurtful situation, whose choices, seem limited. (I realize that's a result of my lack of complete faith, i am hoping that you can help to restore my faith.) i do so love you, for that is my nature. there are those who have hurt me for whom i still hold love in my heart, because my love is given unconditionally and for always. but that love, is a human love. my love of humanity, my love of its frailties, my love of the tender things that lie hidden behind their desires. this thing that i feel right now, is different. it is hopeful. it is not resigned to the fact that it will not be reciprocated as it is given. it is hopeful...very hopeful and it makes my heart sing and race at the same time. it isn't sexual, it isn't anything like that. this is...something..deeper. i've never felt it before, and perhaps, that is why i've spent so many unfulfilling years, because i didn't feel this at the beginning of this corpse that was once a marriage. i will send this now, not because there aren't a million things to share with you..but because i want this to reach you as quickly as possible so that you will know that my heart is true, and my word is good and my love...is genuine and not manufactured. please write soon. please dont make me wait. please dont run away! my love, my heart and my days for you, 050908 ... she this is no fun, I'm told you are lying, yet you have all the proof so, what's really going on, is it still a witch hunt on me Sorry, and I will never hurt you, but I am hurt, but I forgive and you know, you coould spend you days in the clouds as long as you come home to me... I love You, I'm confused, I'm not sure if I'm amused, but I'll do my best to understand, I will not fail you again. Love and Light 050908 ... she I know not why this is happening, a paradox in Pandora's box that we opened, I know not why you show a facade I do know, that what you have presented me is oppsite some how it hurts it hurts it hurts T o think you found the one, the messages the signs, and then well everything gets turned upside down somehow. Know that I will never, ever hurt you Love me Still having 100% Faith in Goodness 050908 ... he ohh how it pains me. oh how im sorry. (crying now) i will not betray your faith in goodness. I will not betray your love. why is it so hard for us? why did they do this to us? i started out so open in this world, so willing to believe the very best. im sure that you did too. then they beat it out of us. youve found it again, dear heart! i am so happy for you! if you felt deception, then i think those feelings should subside now. i wasn't being deceitful with you, but i will admit, that i was afraid to tell you the whole truth until this morning. i am wary. i am recently wounded dead in the center of my trust muscle, and so i am hesitant to open, not just consciously, but also unconsciously. now you know my story. my heart is in your hands. when i say that, i mean it most sincerely, most very sincerely. a lifetime of loyalty, compassion, understanding and complete trustworthiness is what i could offer. a romantic and intelligent someone to talk to who listens, and understands and contributes. someone to adventure with, who provides an anchor..a shoulder that will never fail to catch your head, should you lean to one side. i would be your Cyrano de Bergerac (sans overly large nose.) that is what i have to offer. is it enough? love to you, dear heart, love and tears for your pain 050908 ... she I do forgive you, and hope you forgive me. It still seems like something is hidden, but let's take one day at a time. You're picture didn't scare me as much as it confused me, you are very handsome, I'm sure even more so when your smiling. I will do whatever I can to help you, get through this, it's no easy thing, to be cheated on, and feel as you do, my X cheated on me with my dad's girlfriend, motorcycle weekend, Laconia, NH, we were spending a long weekend on my dad's boat with other family and friends, what a mess, my dad and I were really hurt and ambarrassed. I grew up in NH, born in Canada, and back here now, it does not seem to be safe in the U.S. I'll send this along, and await a reply. Love 050908 ... she I forgot to mention, I read all your emails, I'm a little overwhelmed in the morning going through emails, so any that are from the same person, I lump together, sorry, that doesn't sound right, and answer in one reply. This is all so strange, how this has all come to be, I'm a little dazed and confused. I am not materialistic at all, money means nothing to me, except to buy necessassities, and sometimes things special for my girls. Mother and Father Creator have always provided, especially these lase couple of years, it seems we always get by, even with some good surprises. sorry, walked away for a moment and got a cigarette, you know that song wake me up when Spetember ends, any in the video, they are talking, and she say "Don't ever leave me" he say "I won't" She says again, "don't ever leave me" and he says "I won't--I won't. My girls play the girls part, and I the boys, and we just did that in the living room, so now I'll say to you Don't ever leave me... 050908 ... he I won't... 050908 ... narrator And thus began their soul_mate_spiral... 050908 ... i believe in you 070918 ... uffed and Cooped how do you effing find one? rolling around in de mud? when your hungwy? why do people do internet dating shit, i find it cringing that people have become so systemised in finding romance. People must have really forgotten whom they are, or is the internet dating thing about selling your soul for some despirate sex drive they just can't control? its pretty disgusting if you ask me. 070918 ... Kuffed and Cooped how do you effing find one? rolling around in de mud? when your hungwy? why do people do internet dating shit, i find it cringing that people have become so systemised in finding romance. People must have really forgotten whom they are, or is the internet dating thing about selling your soul for some despirate sex drive they just can't control? its pretty disgusting if you ask me. 070918 ... sexy little play doll I want one as pretty as me who is willing to have a man join in every so often. NO MALE SOUL MATES! 070919 what's it to you? who go blather from