i'm_going_to_kill_myself_tonight ivyducktwilightseto I'm going to kill myself tonight. I will finally gulp down that entire bottle of aspirin... and die. A painful death i can see it being, but much less than slitting my wrists as I have tried before. I have written all my notes, said my last goodbyes. i leave this godforsaken place with a sad smile on my face for i know i leave this place utterly alone. the last of my friends are gone. my true love has made her last rejection. my family announced its last alienation. i wish i could be here when they find me gone. see everyone find out how wrong they were about me. see everyone finally care about me. there's no one left to be here for me. there's nothing here at all for me. i finally rid this world of my presence and tip back that bottle. goodbye my blather friends. although you never knew me i feel like i knew you. you were my last reprieve from this joke of a life of mine. i will miss this place the most. tell everyone about me once i'm gone. tell them i was a good man. tell them i left this world in peace. i leave you now. farewell, for i die tonight 040123 ... smurfus rex I'd rather you didn't. I have big plans for you. 040123 ... everyone cares about you, you know that. and it doesn't take suicide to make them show it. After all, what's the point of them caring after you're gone? I don't pretend to know what you're going through, but it -will- pass, don't do it. I nearly killed myself a few years ago, no notes, no goodbyes, I had nothing to say to anyone. Felt like I was the only one who understood how I felt, and that everyone was too busy bickering and fucking each other over to care about me. I'm glad it didn't work. At the time, it seemed like it was the only way out. But it wasn't. Time was. A few months after I tried, I was beginning to get back on my feet, and now, a few years on, everything's fine. I've even made up with my parents. Seriously, don't do it. Nothing is worth wasting your life for. 040123 ... pipers i agree- its like admitting that something as stupid as people or events get you...do not go gentle into that good night! you are worth so much more than a weak surrender, be strong and show the world the light you have inside- it is there, all you have to do is recognise it. 040123 ... oE I was genuinly touched by your words, that your heart is on fire..that you are slowly burning down inside..are the things that scream within you and without..are they truly insuperable? Are the things you are telling yourself about yourself..are they really true..or are they a reflection of what someone has projected on to you..It's okay to stride into the cathedral and shout I just can't take it any more!! Now that we've acknowledged our pain and given it expression..where do we go from here? Do we simply fold fetally in the fire? Is there a reaonable expectation of redemption, resuscitation, restoration? Forgive me for my presumption but I think you are worth more than you think, and I think if you can begin by wrapping your arms around yourself not out of desperation, not some writhing portraiture of pathos..but how about slowly beggining to honor yourself..how about speaking across the tables of time to that young man/woman or little boy who endured all those ignominies, tell her that it's okay..cherish him..see her as honored..I don't have all the answers but I believe it's possible for one to transcend the agony, the seemingly endless train of adverse circumstances that assail us. Whatever faith you observe..I think, the Divine accepts you, cherishes your uniqueness..I pray that you are able to make contact with that Divine source of unconditional love and begin the path to wholeness. In my own life as a young man when I stopped looking for external validations I found aspects of myself I actually could be proud of and celebrate my own uniqueness..I also found that once people note that you are not beholden to anyone's idea of subjective acceptnance that you begin to actually draw people to you. People of depth. Okay this went really long and I apologize for my presumption - I was just moved by your revelation ... 040123 ... pipers that was beautiful, oE... *sits in quiet contemplation of those gems* 040123 ... endless desire i wonder if he did... i wonder if he's actually gone 040123 ... the proverbial asshole good for you... hope ya feel better. 040123 ... x i was struck while reading this last night because it seemed so general. it seemed like everything you are supposed to say. it's possible that this is because we share a common human experience when we want to kill ourselves, but as a skeptic i was more inclined to think that this is just someone testing us. 040123 ... oE hmmm... 040123 ... jenny enny dots I have noticed more than a people talking about suicide here. Whether it is the same person under many different names, I'll never know. Maybe Blather itself is the brainchild of one person under hundreds of aliases. I maybe be showing lack of sympathy, but this person may be trying to get attention and would never ever consider really doing it. I mean what better place to make up a story than in a place where hundreds of people can see it. If I'm wrong, and this person is suicidal for real, I could be the cause for him/her going over the edge. And then, I might become depressed for this happening and then I'd have to kill myself...... 040123 ... oE sort of like memesis or a turing test huh? 040123 ... pipers lol memesis but i'll have to disagree with you there jenny, suicide IS most often a massive cry for attention, so even if someone blathed abt it then its not an ego thing, i think, but perhaps someone genuinely just needing someone to talk to.. 040123 ... oldephebe ...and of course i am aware of the more ominous overtones evoked at the ostensibly blithe utterance of that word - memesis.... maybe it might be more ideologically compatible to stick with turing test. Sort of like erecting an anthropological rhetorical model to gage a certain range of responses. memesis if taken to it's most logical extreme could provide a rational for ethnic and or racial purging, with some quack invoking Darwinian Correction as the legitimizing atavistic engine/agent of change... pd - You're right suffering in silence creates unbearable pain..so yeah if the individual needs attention drawn to the fact that they can' stand another moment so they pull the alarm so someone can break the windows and lead them down a ladder from thier premonitory/precarious perch. Some part of them still wants to be connected with humanity. It's takes a strong mind to endure despair and lonliness. It takes a strong mind to stop paying homage to thier hurt. Someone's weakness can be an oppurtunity for another to be that balm, to pour water on the circle of flame that crowns thier head. It's easy to cringe, to judge harshly without knowledge, to commend ourselves for our hardiness and thank god we're not so cravenly constituted. ... 040124 ... god just make sure you do it right the first time, cause nothing's worse than a suicide chump. 040124 ... j i've been saying this all night... its easier to say when you've been drunk for awhile but no one took me seriously 040124 ... pipers thank god for that, j 040125 ... eyes wide open I've learned that just bc your here to save them tonight and even possibly tomorrow nite that you won't always be their to save them every nite if their determined enough they'll kill them selves when your not looking, so don't blink 040125 ... pipers okay. *props up eyelids with blunt toothpicks and settles down with a thermos of coffee* 040125 ... Aimee I feel bad that ever since this blathe appeared I've want to say "congratulations, hope that works out for you". I think I'm just a crass asshole 040126 ... superleni ivyduck i hope you didn't, and i hope it didn't work if you tried. this world needs so much work, i think its a hard place to live, too. but i'm for sticking with it and trying to make it better. 040126 ... oE i so exuberantly agree..well said 040126 ... piper hear hear 040126 ... somebody I've been thinking it every night since late mid-late November but that would be giving you just what you want that would just give you an easy way out and I can’t allow that after all you’ve put me through yet you and I both know your life would be a lot better if I were no longer karmas starting to clame you now but you don't understand that and it's not likely to be something you'll ever understand . . . I’ll live if only to make you regret . . . . . 040128 ... dB cool. Another suicide to not be interested in. Just when today was starting out to be really shitty. you reckon he/she did it? I don't recfkon so. Blather is just the place to do some heart bleeding and get false comfort for your imaginary woes. 040129 ... Jane Doe ? Oh, well, then I'm going to go get some false comfort for my imaginary pains. Because they're not real or anything. What must I have been thinking? Thinking up these imaginary woes. Shame on me. Well, At least I can count on blather to give me false comfort. Sometimes people DO need to talk about their "imaginary woes". Even if they don't know in what ways to do it in, and you have to respect that. 040203 ... x they were probably just a bit farmischt 040203 ... i was idealistic once all i can say is that I've been their, I've tried that, I know how you feel...and I wish you the best of luck. Good Night 040204 ... stork daddy i've always wondered. could a person kill themselves and still be considered rational and sane? i mean, if they decided that life just wasn't for them? that it wasn't a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but that the problem was permanent, inextractable. 040204 ... jenny enny dots no_you_cant_die_from_not_sleeping 040204 ... Dozyn2 We all end our lives tonight, only to begin once again tomorrow. Love cannot be replaced Death cannot be reversed Asprin rarely kills! 040204 ... andie are you still there??? just wondering.... 040205 ... somebody but then I would'nt want to deprive you of the pleasure you get by killing me lil bit my lil bit as each day passes by, soon enough they'll be nothing left of me and I can tell by the special twinkle in your eyes how you so enjoy prolonging my demise after all how could I ever be so selfish as to not alow you your fun... 040206 ... Eowithien So maybe they did. Maybe they are dead. So what now? So we say goodbye and hope that they're happier now. So maybe they didn't. Maybe they're alive. So what now? So I give you a mental hug and blessing and hope that you'll be happier. And theres nothing much else we can do. 040228 ... ethereal i looked you right in the eye. and i saw. even YOU didn't want me. rejected by death. 040228 ... ethereal i looked you right in the eye. and i saw. even YOU didn't want me. rejected by death. 040228 ... oldephebe Love wants us! Love! Unconditional eternal in your face rest in the knowledge of that peace Love. It's hard for me, for me to step into sometimes..because of all the mind chatter. But Love wants us in its face forever. I am being totally serious on this one guys. 040313 ... bobthebumb meow 040315 ... Syrope "The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posted that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. "Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark—why not kill myself? Missed the bus—better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie—maybe I shouldn't kill myself. "Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy. "I didn't figure this out, though, until after I'd swallowed the fifty aspirin." -Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted "Viscosity and velocity are opposites, yet they can look the same. Viscosity causes the stillness of disinclination; velocity causes the stillness of fascination. An observer can't tell if a person is silent and still because inner life has stalled or because inner life is transfixingly busy." -Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted things feel very sluggish, but the music is so fast and pounding. i think i liked it better when i didn't understand what this quote was really about. "Which is worse, overload or underload? Luckily, I never had to choose. One or the other would assert itself, rush or dribble through me, and pass on. "Pass on to where? Back into my cells to lurk like a virus waiting for the next opportunity? Out into the ether of the world to wait for the circumstances that would provoke its reappearance? Endogenous or exogenous, nature or nurture—it's the great mystery of mental illness." -Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted is it childish that beating the valentines sucker into shards of red and white and "\ O U & | =" instead of "YOU & ME" with a glass bottle made getting started on my lab write up easier? 040315 ... Frost@Midnight To find that foothold made out of Light. Willpower is not enough, it is imagination wed to the will that enables us to overcome. That gives us a reason to become vested, invested in our lives and hence responsible to ourselves foremost for them. 040421 ... n/a I was struck by a headache yesterday, the pain was so strong that it made me vomit, and I stood prostrated in front of my toilets for almost an hour, crying all I could, pleading for it to stop, until I was so exhausted that I fell unconscious on the floor. I'm still alive today, the sun is shining, and the headache is gone. But it will come back in a few days, stronger than before. Sometimes I wish it just stops once and for all. I wish the pain and the suffering to disappear forever. I wish death to stop playing with me and to take me instead. But I'm not brave enough to kill myself, since the Reaper is already close to me... 040421 ... Special K you know i once thought about slitting my wrists but then i realized that i would probably just cut myself, and it wouldn't be enough to kill me so i would just sit there with cuts on my wrists and i wouldn't die... that's just the king of luck i have... wouldn't that suck tho!?! 040625 ... sahba countless times ive looked over the ledge of my two storey house telling myself jump and thats the end of your troubles i never got to do it never had the guts i know life can bring you down but in the end if you quit on life like that thats just a shame my brother had a reason good enough and i admire his courage to do what he did what he did was the biggest sacrifice i have ever seen anyone make for the ones they love he is in a better place his soul is free untangled from this world peace be with you 040916 ... alice no longer in wonderland my cousin killed himself last year and the only thing i could think of at the funeral was how selfish it was of him. his two brothers and sisters were ghosts in the funeral home. not to mention his father, a strong man once, now broken and empty with only his thoughts as to what his oldest son could have became. ive never heard anyone cry so hard. it makes me tear up just thinking about it. no one understands why he wouldnt just talk to one of his friends about it. ive thought about suicide myself but i just couldnt put my friends and family through it. there are other ways to solve hurt. 040916 ... daxle the easiest way to do this would be to drink a bottle of nytol and lie down across a busy railroad track. bring a sleeping bag so that the rail against your head wont keep you awake. 040916 ... actual daxle actually there are much easier ways 040916 ... alive so suicide's bloody selfish. Sure. But I don't have to worry about that, now, do I? if I'm dead, as far as I'm concerned, you no longer exist, and if you care, that's your problem. lies... I'd never do it. live in misery so people'll never have to question how they could have "saved" me 040916 ... Spinner WE've all been there, get a fucking grip. No one really cares after the body is buried, you are the only one that can change yourself. 041122 ... Lemon_Soda In the mind of a suicide, death truly was the only option. I say was because your only a true suicide if you actually kill yourself. Anything before that is a cry for help. Killing yourself can be a very beautiful thing. To save someone else being the first cliche to come to mind. Or what if you whole heartedly believed that something better was waiting for you? Or perhaps the respite of death overwhelms your bleak future and inorder to save yourself from a life time of pain and abondonment. Or maybe you need machines to live and your pride demands that you lay down and not get up. Maybe you realise your a burden to all the people that half to take care of you. Alot of people say that your intentions don't mean a thing. The only thing that matters is that your dead and it was a sad waste. To these people I say shut the hell up. YOU don't know what they've gone through. YOU haven't lived their life, and YOU don't know what it means to see death as a good thing. If you did, you wouldn't be here right now. Perhaps at some time you thought you needed to die. Well, you must've changed your mind cause your posting here. If you can make it to a computer to post your obviously not ready to kick it in, and if you got over needing to do yourself in to solve your problems, then bravo. But remember, just because YOU ended up having things to live for doesn't mean they will. Its a personnal choice. Man will never be rid of the right and responsibility to take life. Not only your own, but anyone elses. There will always be consequences, but the choice will always be there. You must always be careful when you make this choice, because its sommething that cannot be undone. Peace may come, but the choice will always be present. In the end, I think all that can be said is this: if your alive, live. If your not alive, die. 041122 ... stork daddy existence is procrastination 041122 ... Brian Warner The minute that it's born, it begins to die 041122 ... Pessemistic thoughts are broken Or... The minute you're born, you start to live. 041122 ... major tom Lemme guess: " 'cause we were born... born... born... born to be alive?" but shitty disco songs used in liquor comercials aside, it's_all_the_same_thing 041122 ... superleni hey, i checked out ivyduck's blathe list and it looks like he's still alive. sure, this ain't proof, but for anyone who cares, have a look and decide for yourself. no reason why you can't mourn one that's dead and celebrate one that's alive simultaneously. 050916 what's it to you? who go blather from