freshman_year twiggie i miss how it was then. what if we all stayed... what if i came back... maybe it's better this way. 010116 ... stupidpunkgirl the year everything changed.... for the worse but now so much better. opened my eyes fucked with my mind even though it was the hardest thing i wouldn't change the outcome for the world 010117 ... birdmad 1985...damn, where did the time go? 010118 ... silentbob i fell in love and she went away i tried to survive but i was down too much. writing helped. i had a headache for most the time. i would just sit on my bed and feel the pain for hours, just wishing i could die. 010118 ... j_blue college: was pretty sucky alot of immature kids, and dealing with them mostly i think though, that pretty much everyone had alot of their illusions swept away, which is theoretically always a good thing thats when you learn how hard life may be made a few friends that i still have, thankfully, and met a ton of people i thought were friends, who were really just friendly oh well high school: was a blur 010118 ... Thyartshallshant Of high school? Fun. Crazy. Cause id do anything and everything on a dare and it seems like we never stopped laughing that entire year. Not that it wasnt like that the years before, and not like it isnt like that now, but still. I did some crazy crap last year. On the last day of school, i brought a bunch of things i thought i could use: toliet paper, rubber gloves, food dye, halloween "grey" hair color spray, vasoline, baby powder, tampons... i guess i just raided my bathroom (cept the food color). Anyway, i coverd myself in baby powder, colored my hair, dyed my mouth green, put on the gloves, wrapped tp around my head, stuck the tampon up my nose, grabbed my vasoline and took off around school trying to hand people big globs of it. Me and my friends thought it was a riot. The femmine freshness burned my nose and the vasaline burned my eyes as i walked around covered in all this crap. I got taken to the deans office by a woman who i think was one of the superintendants of the school. I'll never forget the look on my deans face as i walked into his office looking like that. The very first thing he said was "Don't touch ANYTHING." He thought because of the vasiline i was out putting it on door handles. No no, i was in on a different type of prank. He wouldn't belive i didn't smear it on the doors, and he made me and my friends check every handle in the school for it. I think it may be one of the craziest things ive ever done. I still laugh over it all the time. 010118 ... devotchka of college... i never in my entire life thought i could hate school so much as i do right now. it's not just school though, it's my parents also. they told me in the middle of freshman year that they didn't want to pay for college anymore. i know it's lucky just to go to college, but they unloaded a $24,000 tution and room and board expense on me. scholarships and loans help some.. but thinking about that and studying honors physics test (three hour exams and my teacher by the way, is the devil) and my other four proffs who thought they needed to have a test the same week or a paper due.. well, i just hate school. and they won't even give me enough money to buy food for when i can't eat during cafeteria hours.. 010409 ... nocturnal of high school: easy academically, otherwise, pretty average. nothin special. of college: tell ya when it's over, so far it sucks academically, otherwise, high school was better. so far I'm finding what they say to be true about making friends in college. if you had lots of friends in high school, you won't in college and vice versa. guess my best years are behind me. 010409 ... carden of college... i thought it would be easy for me to make friends, but i guessed wrong. it doesn't help that i'm really shy either. i really dislike school a lot right now. almost to the point of hating it. i don't get along with anyone in my dorm, my roommate moved out on me (my only true friend at school) and i think she dropped out of school too. why do things have to be so hard for me? i've always found it easier to make friends if i already have a friend of mine around. i want to transfer schools, but there are some people, about 3 people, that make me want to stay. if you ask, i'll tell you about them. if it weren't for those 3 people i'd transfer in a heart beat. my parents on the other hand would probably disown me if i tried to transfer. it's my life and my education dammit!!! why can't i be happy at school...is that so much to ask???? sorry if i rambled too much...i can't help it, i don't have many people to talk to here... 010409 ... nocturnal man, I read that and did a double take to make sure I hadn't already written two things here. that sounds so much like me! my roommate also moved out, she was my only real friend last semester. this semester one of my friends from high school is here, so I'm making more friends, but he's a guy so all my new friends are all guys. we apparently have the same problem there. I've always had difficulties making friends on my own as well. my ex-roomie still goes here, we have chemistry together for which I am very grateful because being surrounded by guys gets old a lot faster than one might think and she's the only girl that I get to talk to and that's only twice a week. anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone. 010409 ... devotchka carden, who are the three people that keep you from transferring? is jake one of them? i want you to transfer with me. maybe we can go to the same grad school, if i last that long. i'm really excited and really sad all at the same time. and i don't think your parents would disown you, at least you want to stay in school. you would have to pay a little more, but it's worth it. especially if you're so unhappy with where you are at. 010410 ... carden thx nocturnal, that helps a lot. i'm glad i'm not the only one. devotchka, yeah jake's one of them. and the other 2 are ross, he's pretty cool and we talk sometimes and the other is leah, she's from mason city and i talk to her sometimes to and if i wasn't shy i'd probably talk to her more or call her. i'm thinking i'll try and turn things around next fall and if that doesn't work i'll transfer. this is starting to get depressing since the school year is almost over and i really don't have any friends here, maybe i should just transfer anyway. hopefully i'll get as much financial aid there as here. 010410 ... elisabeth of high school even thoguh it is not over yet it is close enough. Tears, smiles, friends lost, friends made, acafreaks, BIG, Little shop of Horrors, painting, meets, sports, chunky cheese, fears, graduation, Seniors, juniors, masks, cottilion dresses, laughing. With all of this i would say that so far my freshman year has been the best. It was a year for finding out who i am. A year that i made many new friends. A year with lots and lots of tears. but many laughs. But most of all it was a year where i learned, I smiled, and i cryed, and to me that seems like a great year. Now i cane move on knowing that i learned something fro everything i did, school, life, friends, chances, forgivness, everything. It was an awsome year and i have to thank that acafreaks for that. YOU ALL RULE!!!!! 010411 ... elisabeth of high school even though it is not over yet it is close enough. Tears, smiles, friends lost, friends made, acafreaks, BIG, Little shop of Horrors, painting, meets, sports, chunky cheese, fears, graduation, Seniors, juniors, masks, cottilion dresses, laughing. With all of this i would say that so far my freshman year has been the best. It was a year for finding out who i am. A year that i made many new friends. A year with lots and lots of tears. but many laughs. But most of all it was a year where i learned, I smiled, and i cryed, and to me that seems like a great year. Now i can move on knowing that i learned something from everything i did, school, life, friends, chances, forgivness, everything. It was an awsome year and i have to thank the acafreaks for that. YOU ALL RULE!!!!! 010411 ... unhinged of college was the best and they are all just going down hill from there 010411 ... nocturnal thanks a lot, unhinged. I feel so much better now. damn. 010411 ... unhinged sorry =( y_town would kill anyone. come here and visit. i guess my time is what i make of it and i'm just not doing something right. 010415 ... nocturnal I was just kiddin. no harm done. you're probably right anyway, I just haven't hit that peak yet I suppose. 010415 ... Teddybear Me...I sat in with the wrong croud and thought they were my friends. Sophmore year...I had an ephiny and realized in needed to make a transition Jr. Year...I changed friends and I like these ones much better, and I think they like me Senior Year...Don't know, not there yet 010415 ... green_tenedril so glad it's all past me now. i hated high school so much... books were my best friends. i can look back now and say without shame that i was an outcast and it shaped me into who i am today. some of life has been aweful while it's happening. but it's all for a reason, i now see that. 010415 ... devotchka 8 days of classes left then finals. i'm transferring to a different school in the fall. i'm going to miss this place SO much, and the friends i've made. this year has been really hard, but it's going to be harder to leave. 010417 ... unhinged it's always harder to leave 010513 ... Piso Mojado so many hearts and beer cans thoughtlessly trampled on 011108 ... niki college: academically...kicking my ass 011108 ... Aimee college: I just wanna die 011108 ... silentbob highschool, still learning a lot about myself college, relearning the beauty and the pain of being alone 011108 ... superslutstar *was always the best... 011108 ... whoknows was great, or so i thought. then i found out i didnt really know my "best friend." but that happened over the summer and now my sophomore year sucks shit. but i guess thats my fault. i could do somthing about my loneliness but misery loves company, especially me. and as much as i hate it i love misery too. its the only thing i really know so its the only thing thats comfortable. make sense? 011108 ... Sonya high school: I was still a kid trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do. college: this is actually my 2nd year of college, but it's my first year at the college I'm currently attending. (I transferred in from another one.) It kicks so much ass. It's tough as hell, but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world!!! It's everything I dreamed of. I can't believe some people hate college...how unappreciative can we be?? I mean during the summer I kept getting jittery about starting at a new campus but it's probably been the most eye opening experience for me. I'm being put to the test emotionally and academically and I'm PASSING! In about 3 years I'll really be on my way. Where will you be? No definate answer huh? Doesn't surprise me. 011108 ... Jenna It's not that I'm unappreciative. I just feel like I'm wasting my youth away, but I have nothing else lined up for now, so yeah, college is what I'm doing. I don't enjoy the academic challenge. I wish they would just make it easy on me so I could get a part-time job, make some more money and go on more roadtrips. That's all I ask. 011108 ... endless desire of high school, now that it's over and down with, i can say was wonderful. certainly, my most treasured year so far. i laugh at myself going into high_school. you've never met a person in your life who didn't want to more. i was so innocent and afraid. and i am plenty innocent now, i suppose. but nothing like then. i loved it because all of the sudden i felt like i was becoming everything i ever wanted to be or have or do, and not in a superficial way, but just in a content way. i started at a high school where i could count the people i knew on one hand and i feel as though i have blossomed there. i stepped out of the box of my family's beliefs and system and logic, and now i am desperately trying to find my own. it was hard in the sense that i hated myself in so many ways and was haunted by endless problems where i was the enemy and the victim, simultaneously--strangel, i liked it that way. i needed control and was everso unsuccessful. but i don't think the confidence i portrayed with others ever showed those battles. inward, i struggled. but it's been a beautiful fight that continues. it excites me, though, since i have grown so much this year, i cannot wait to see how i mold and change in the next. young. friends. laugh. love. boyfriend. boy_friends. new_friends. learning. alive. free. supported. no wonder old people hate birthdays. 030726 ... whistler times of change, like walking through a door can't imagine where it will go can't believe where you came from 030726 ... jane of high_school? that was easy...no longer having to live in the shadow of my always popular older brother [i was the weird sister, experimenting with hair colors and copious eyeliner]...finally being able to reinvent myself...i could have been british if i wanted to be...but i wanted to start out with a clean slate..no lies this time. pure honesty. and if people couldn't stand it, to hell with them. that was high school. four years later, here i am. preparing to start all over again. i could reinvent myself...but it looks like i'm going down this path where i'm building up all of my walls...preparing to be really hurt...i don't know what i'm so afraid of. i'm afraid of letting myself down, of having expectations and being disappointed. i wish people would say what they meant...like i do for the most part...so that we wouldn't have to play these inane mind games that males and females play. i'm preparing to open myself up and filter through, not be vulnerable, not this time, not be naive and trust people with my secrets. i'll be the one you never thought you would get to know...the one you never thought you would see again. i'm ready... 030727 ... ClairE So I'm sitting here from the vantage point of years in the future. It's lovely and cold and I'm in my pajamas on vacation from school. I'm leaving everything that started in freshman year behind lately. I'm feeling good about the way time moves. And then while I roam blather and contemplate hot_chocolate and wiggle my toes, I start playing tunes on Windows Media Player on this here computer - and I hear a song or two that remind me of freshman year, because that's when I got a new_computer and started downloading music (and found blather). I remember how the snow fell and my roommate glowered and how exciting it was to live away from home and meet all these new people and find all these words. But then the sample song that comes with WMP starts playing: David Bryne's "Like Humans Do". Sometimes there is a smell or a sound that is as violent as a push, and right now I am sitting here trying to capture this feeling that has been gone, what it was I expected out of the world then that has since floated out of my reach. I can't even describe it here on blather, but I think it might almost be like home. Just almost. The promise of love? Something warm? I don't know what it is, but it might be the hope of recapturing it that is what it's all about. I wonder if I will ever feel it again. 031023 ... Zoe i remember my freshman year of high school. it was fun, although i mostly hung out with people i went to middle school with. the friends i had were not the same ones that i keep up with now from high school, but it was educational. i learned a lot about myself and who i wanted to be. i'm in my freshman year at college now, and it's going ok. i think i'm still figuring a lot of stuff out. sometimes i feel as if everyone else is pretty immature. i mean, they're going through these stages (and doing these things) that i went through in high school. i guess i just grew up fast. i like college though... it's nice to be on my own. 031024 ... Lemon_Soda Sucked. Highschool sucks. I'm glad I removed it from my active reality. 031024 ... nomatter I put up with people I wanted to murder. I got caught in a traffic jam of retarded about six times a day. I tried not to cry, it was that awful. I'm not sure how I got out of that alive. I'm glad I left. I like it where I am. 031024 ... celestias shadow it wasn't as bad as i remember it being. all i remember are the bad points. it was the first time i was afraid of seeing people. the first time one of my best friends wasn't in my grade. the first time i had the courage to go to boys instead of waiting for them to come to me (it still didn't work, but hey, it's progress). the first time (of many) that i burned myself. the first time i thought the world would be a better place without me. the first time it wasn't melodrama. the first time i smoked pot. the year i finally stopped having a crush on anyone. the year everything changed. and here i am, only two months into my sophomore year. i'm turned fifteen less than two months ago. and i have to wonder, who_am_i? and do i even like who i see in the mirror anymore? 031025 what's it to you? who go blather from