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without_bryce
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number one - well i haven't imploded... thus far. it was a pretty normal day. very boring. since i haven't been in the room, i have had to figure out what to do with myself. i spent some time outside, sat around doing nothing, worked on a website, sat around doing nothing, watched tv, sat around doing nothing, held one of my rabbits, and just for something different - sat around doing nothing.
day without bryce number two - well so far so good as far as the imploding, of course it is still just the second day. i am still very bored. i am getting some work done on this site that has to be done for the fair though... that's good.
day without bryce number three - well technically it's day three even though in my world with my twisted time it's still day two. but i decided to go by the rest of the world's time this time because... i'm just cool like that. yeah that's it. well i guess i shouldn't say the rest of the world's time because the rest of the world's time is like all over the clock, depending on what part of the world the rest of the world is... in? um... ok ignore that.
day without bryce number four - this is the first time in like three months that i have went four days without talking to him. well it's true. i'm merely stating a fact... this doesn't imply that i have become attached... really... it doesn't... ok yeah i think i'll change the subject now. um... hmm... i sure am lonely now. and my dad just said something that kinda really... hurt. now i feel bad. i feel bad and i am lonely.
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040719
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number five - i have been thinking too much again. if he's gone for two weeks then that means there's going to be nine more days. this many days times two minus one. in two days the wait will be half over. but when i first asked how long he said two to three weeks. right before he left he said a little over a week. i think that was just to get me to stop saying "noooooo" so he could go though. i don't know. i just know that i miss him.
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040720
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... |
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ivyducktwilightseto
|
Amanda's boyfriend was named bryce. What a cockweasel. See Amanda for more details. Don't worry though, I'm very over hew now. Good luck in dealing without... uhh... "your man" or whatever (I have no idea why I thought that would sound funny.)
.
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040720
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... |
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ivyducktwilightseto
|
her not hew. Sorry, I need sleep.
(Sorry for clogging the blathe even more with my useless words.)
.
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040720
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... |
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spiffy
|
actually he's just my friend.
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040720
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number six - it feels like something is missing. i read through one of our conversations today in the log files of pirch. when sitting on the roof looking at the sky i thought about him. when people ask me how i am instead of saying my usual "ok" i have the urge to say "i miss bryce." i can't believe i miss him this much.
am i going crazy?
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040721
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number seven - one week. a whole week. wow an entire week. i think i might die. ok well maybe not. darn, i am way too clingy aren't i?
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040722
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number eight - i haven't been in the room (the christian teens chat room that is, if anyone cares, which they don't...) at all today. for me that is very strange. my desire to go there has decreased a lot since i know bryce won't be coming around. it's just that when i'm not there i feel so lonely. of course i feel lonely even when i am there, i just go there in hopes that i might talk to someone "real" enough who somehow makes me feel like i am not alone. but for some reason only one person feels "real." (can you guess who that is?)
and i really want to tell him about a whole buch of things and i can't it's just so annoying and oh sigh.
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040723
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number nine - today was extremely frustrating and overwhelming. it didn't help that i was so hot i could hardly stand it. he always cheers me up on the nights that we talk. i am very much missing those nights. i could really use one of those nights right now. and for some reason i just have this aweful feeling that he isn't going to be back for like a long time. i sure hope that isn't true. maybe that's just from my always expecting the worst. he's like the only person in the world that i feel comfortable talking to. i think i just might implode.
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040724
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number ten - he chose a bad two weeks to be moving. so much has been happening and so much will be happening and i just really want to tell him about it. i guess that is stupid. like he even cares to hear about all the stupid stuff that i do.
i sound like really stupid and pathetic don't i?
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040725
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... |
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pete
|
keep blathing, it is probably part of what is keeping you from imploding
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040725
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... |
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pete
|
and i am sure he cares muchly about what you say... you know, just being confided in makes someone feel speciall...
okay thats all from me..
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040725
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... |
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spiffy
|
i'm sure he does too. or else he probably would have stopped talking to me long ago. i just always think that i annoy him. he says i worry too much.
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040726
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number eleven - eleven is kinda a weird word to type out. eleven. 11. eleven. hmm. but i figure i should make all the day numbers spelled out since i have done that since the beginning.
anyways...
it seems like it has been forever. i keep thinking of how happy i will be when he comes back. doing so makes the wait seem so long though. i can't wait. oh i just can't wait.
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040726
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twelve - today was so totally cool and awesome and wonderful... i wanna tell him all about it so bad.
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040727
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirteen - well he should be back any day now. i am really excited. oh so excited. i still have that terrible feeling that it will be a long time. i'm trying to ignore that. it's always just kinda in the back of my mind though. it's really bugging me. i will be so relieved when i see him again.
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040728
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number fourteen - come back.
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040729
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... |
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chrysalid
|
oh, I remember when he left for three weeks
I almost died, then I was okay and I flew again
I was so happy to be free of him (myself)
un-clingy
then he came back and it was the same again
I remember
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040729
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... |
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spiffy
|
this_is_how_i_cope
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040729
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number fifteen - please come back.
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040730
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number sixteen - ok i will admit it, i am worried. i don't like the idea of life without bryce. he must come back, he absolutly must.
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040731
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number seventeen - still no signs of his return. there is so much i want to tell him. it is driving me crazy. and i don't even have anyone else to tell. though even if i did it wouldn't be the same.
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040801
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number eighteen - in three days it will have been three weeks. he did say two to three weeks. if he's not back in three days i am going to go crazy. i can't lost another friend.
(isn't this just so pathetic and stupid? tell me shut up and stop and go away and i will.)
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040802
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number nineteen - i have decided to stop doubting. he said he wouldn't leave me. he said he would come back. i think he promised he would come back. i can't remember. but i know he will come back. he will. i don't need to worry. he wouldn't just leave.
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040803
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... |
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estarocks
|
"shut up and stop and go away" only if u want. i think this is making u feel better or something.
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040803
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... |
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spiffy
|
yes but i don't want to annoy people with my pathetic whining.
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040803
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... |
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lucky
|
I read you daily. Because I want to. Just breathe lovey.
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040803
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... |
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kookaburra
|
i wish i had a friend that i would miss this much...
keep writing, pretend im not here
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040803
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty - this is so agonizing. when he left he said it would fly by. it's not flying. and what's taking so long? how long can it take to go from north dakota to washington and then set up a computer? i guess it takes a while to get settled. i just wish i had someone to tell me that he is coming back, and know it and mean it when they say it. but he said it himself. so why isn't that enough? don't i trust him like more than most anyways?
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040804
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty one - three weeks. three whole weeks and i feel so bad right now. i wish he was here. he could make me feel better i'm sure, because he always had before. i would be crying, and then talk to him, and by the end of the conversation i'd have the biggest grin on my face. no one else can do that. i don't know why. he's just so different than anyone else i've ever met. i know i have become much too dependant. but i feel as though i need someone to "lean" on. and he's the only person i've allowed within leaning distance.
geeze i am so pathetic. no wonder everyone hates me.
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040805
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... |
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pete
|
i dont hate you (for all thats worth..)
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040805
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... |
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spiffy
|
fine. no one likes me then. at least very few.
when i am done with this by the way, i'm going to kill this page.
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040805
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... |
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cpgurrl
|
NOOOO!!!!
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040806
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... |
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puredream
|
But this page is perfect. Don't kill it. Believe me.
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040806
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... |
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cpgurrl
|
somebody agrees w/ me.
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040806
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... |
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spiffy
|
But I don't want it to be seen by certain people that may stumble upon it.
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040806
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spiffy
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day without bryce number twenty two - i had a dream that he came back last night. it was kinda weird. he came into the room (chat room), but with a different name, like a bunch of numbers or something. then he private messaged me with another name. one that i know he wouldn't use. so it was really weird and i was like, "what's with the name?" then in the room he changed his name to something really weird again. i tried to imitate him and change my name to something similar to the name that he had, but then i remembered that i can't change my name there because i don't have irc access. that's all i remember.
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040806
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... |
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spiffy
|
I said the word "weird" too many times.
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040806
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spiffy
|
this_is_why_i'm_worried
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040806
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty three - he will come back. he will come back. he will come back. he will come back. he will come back. he will come back. he will come back. he will. he told me he wouldn't leave me.
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040807
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... |
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estarocks
|
i_must_keep_reminding_myself_of_this
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040807
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty four - come back come back come back come back oh please come back please come back you said you were different please be different please don't just leave me hanging please oh please oh please come back.
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040808
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... |
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;)
|
Over_and_Over across_the_Universe...
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040808
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... |
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spiffy
|
i'm not sure what that means, but it doesn't sound good.
|
040809
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty five - words cannot express how much this is killing me.
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040809
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... |
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anne-girl
|
,
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040809
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty six - i can't believe it has been this long. what is taking so long? what happened to "a little over a week" it's been nearly four. this is exactly what i feared. this is exactly why i don't trust people. please come back, please don't let it happen again. please don't be another reason...
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040810
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty seven - it's funny. people come into the room, "spiffy is bryce back?"
"not yet."
so then they leave. then i go into a different room, it isn't even his room like the other. "spiffy is bryce back?"
"not yet."
it's like, if anyone knows, it will be spiffy! let's all ask spiffy! yes, let's all remind spiffy.
i used to say "nope" but switched to "not yet" because it sounds more hopeful. because he will come back. he has to come back. it's his own room, he can't abandon it. he can't abandon everyone... he can't abandon me. he will come back.
he will.
|
040811
|
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... |
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Bonnie
|
?
|
040811
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty eight - maybe he will come back tonight?
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040812
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number twenty nine - just one more day closer to his return.
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040813
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty - well after not signing into hotmail for thirty days he's going to lose his account. at least i am pretty sure it's thirty days. so then he won't even get the emails i've sent him. darn. and the one about getting hit by a bus was funny.
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040814
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... |
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cpgurrl
|
i think it's sixty.
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040815
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... |
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spiffy
|
it's thirty. i just looked it up.
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040815
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... |
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spiffy
|
i have them saved though so i can resend them when he gets back. part of one of them goes like this:
"i hope you're, you know... ok and all. i mean, if you were like hit by a bus or something, how would i ever know? (yes, i worry too much, i know.) actually i'd probably hear about it on the news. i don't think people are often hit by buses. would they let me come to the funeral i wonder? and i could say my little speech. "he was a great..." ...such cheerful thoughts! no... i would hope that you would live. then you'd have a great story to tell.
'i was just walking across the street minding my own bussiness, when suddenly there's this bus! it just came out of no where, i swear! i was just about to run for my life, when i noticed that the driver had this sandwich. i was hungry, and oh, that sandwich, it looked so good! so i was standing there staring at the sandwich thinking about what i would be eating for lunch, when suddenly i woke up with a really bad headache! it was the strangest thing!'
well at least i can rest assured that... you're not that stupid."
i can amuse myself much too easily.
|
040815
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty one - i think i have imploded, i'm not sure, it's hard to tell. oh how i wish he would just come back. the funny thing is, he's closer to me than he was before, but at the same time, much farther.
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040815
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty two - still waiting.
|
040816
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... |
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estarocks
|
would he call u?
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040817
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... |
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spiffy
|
i have so far only talked to him online.
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040817
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty three - i miss him so much. someone tell me that i'm just over reacting. that he's fine and everything will be fine and he will come back and it will all go back to normal. i can't lose him. tell me i won't.
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040817
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty four and thirty five - i missed a day. oops. i was busy today. and i'm kinda running out of things to write there. there's only so many ways to say that i really miss him and hope he comes back soon.
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040819
|
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty six - "it's alright, it's ok
i won't worry about tomorrow
for it brings me one more day
closer than i was to you"
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040820
|
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... |
|
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty seven - i'm finding that every little thing in some way reminds me of him. so everything keeps making me sad. i look at the sky and i think of one thing that he said one time. when i'm lonely i think of how sometimes he would ask me if he was keeping me from anything. i would say, "no, except for boredom and loneliness." i see a stick on the ground and it reminds me of hitting the apples and of the apple tree thing. i see these little sideways smileys :) and it reminds me of him. i see when people type "ic" and put a z instead of an s and it reminds me of him. the sun reminds me of him because he likes the sun. my own rabbits remind me of him because i was going to breed my rabbit so that the babies would be born on oct. 10 (his birthday.) this song i listen to reminds me of him because it's a song that he likes. if something good happens and i am happy, i want to tell him becuase me being happy would make him happy. now how cool is that? i can make someone happy. i always have such a negative effect on people, but i would make him smile and laugh. he was the first one that ever really told me i was funny. and that's another thing, i'm always remembering funny things that he said. he always cracks me up.
"i have great news too, i just saved a bunch of money by switching to giecko!"
"girl at applebees appearantly hangs herself"
"i think oy died"
"what do we do with dead bodies in the room?"
"i think we feed them to the bot"
"open up squirrelbot, here comes oy"
"yeah dropping me off dead would kinda be a bummer for the whole family"
i could go on and on...
and he encouraged me to do so much. what's the point of anything good happening if i can't share the good news? what's the point of drawing that picture i was going to draw if i can't show him? what's the point of writing about something if he's not going to read it? because he always said good things about me. he was always so uplifting. so encouraging... like when sherby was missing, he didn't say, "i hope she comes back" he said, "she will come back."
and i had finally decided i wanted to try to fix my messed up life. it always seemed like he actually wanted to help me. so i kinda appointed him my help-me-figure-all-this-stuff-out person. but i have since put that on hold.
i even have still been waiting for him to help me transfer a neopet from one account to the other.
i am just left hanging here. just like last time. he must come back. he told me he would...
now tell me i am crazy. should i be attached this much?
|
040821
|
|
... |
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spiffy
|
i am definatly killing this page when done.
|
040821
|
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... |
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spiffy
|
i doubt anyone's even going to read all that.
|
040821
|
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... |
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lucky
|
*is reading avidly*
|
040821
|
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... |
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ivyducktwilightseto
|
believe my I read it.
I've been checking this page everyday to see if bryce has come back yet. I've also been trying to think of something to tell you spiffy, perhaps this will come out decently...
you know what? I lost it. i'm sorry, i just really don't know what to tell you. spiffy sometimes people just vanish from our lives without notice sometimes they can be your closest friend you have or will ever have. i just can't explain it. sorry if i'm an idiot i'm going to go throw up now
.
|
040822
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... |
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spiffy
|
throw up? it's ok, thanks for... saying something.
|
040822
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty eight - tonight someone else who's friends with bryce came in the room. we weren't sure which part of washington he moved to, but she said she thought she remembered him mentioning a certain part. i remember him mentioning it too. she said that if that's the part he's moving to then it would probably take him a while to get back online because service is hard to find there or something. (she lives in washington.) so i don't know... maybe there's hope!
is trying hard to remain hopeful
|
040822
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... |
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spiffy
|
oh and any reference to "room" in this whole blathe, is chat room.
|
040822
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... |
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pete
|
don't kill it please!
blather should not be treated like that... its offensive, what is said is here.
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040822
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... |
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spiffy
|
i created it, i can kill it. i wound't if i hadn't went and shown this site to bryce and my other friend.
|
040823
|
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number thirty nine - actually i'm not sure where he's moving to. he was saying that he might move to oregon instead and go to my school. so who knows.
and i have been sitting here in this room, his room, and it just feels like there is no point anymore. he's the only reason i ever went there, he's the only reason i ever stayed, he's the thing that kept me from leaving. a couple times i said that i wanted to leave but he said it wouldn't be the same without me. well now it's not the same without him. when he would come into the room, he brought something with him. something that no one else had. some light...
now the room is dark.
sitting in there all time time without him is just a painful reminder of the light that once was there.
but i can't leave it now. i must stay and wait expectantly. any day now, any minute... he will come back. i also feel as though i, being the only one with access to the controls that still goes there, must stay and take care of the room for him. because no matter what anyone says it's the best room on talkcity.
it's just missing it's light.
|
040823
|
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... |
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pete
|
i can understand that... i dont show the people i talk about/refer to a lot about the site...
|
040823
|
|
... |
|
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number forty - forty is kind of an odd word. forty, forty, forty... it looks odder and it sounds. you would think it would be fourty. well anyways...
that is such a long time. my last friend... i think i was over that loss within forty days. but this is different. this isn't a loss. i am just waiting. i will wait forever if i have to.
oh please tell me he'll come back.
|
040824
|
|
... |
|
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number forty one - this is depressing. all the time it's just me sitting here. alone. with me. just me. i am sick of being around my own self. right now is about the time that i would be talking to him. then i wouldn't be alone. i mean i would, physically... but i wouldn't be lonely.
oh just come back already.
|
040825
|
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... |
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spiffy
|
i wasn't going to do this. i have a bunch of our conversations saved and i just read through a bunch of them. i tried to keep myself from doing so. but i couldn't help it. now i can't stop crying. i miss this so much. no one has ever talked to me like this... oh i miss it so much.
|
040825
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce numbers forty two and forty three - hey, it's forty two, that number that's supposed to be the answer to everything. like, you know...
"what's the meaning of life?"
"uh... um... forty two!"
anyways... well i don't know what else to write.
|
040827
|
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... |
|
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spiffy
|
someone tell me realisically, six weeks doesn't mean he isn't going to come back right? it's not that long, is it?
|
040827
|
|
... |
|
|
erm...
|
that would be realistically
|
040827
|
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... |
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spiffy
|
day without bryce numbers forty four and forty five - still not back. sigh.
|
040829
|
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... |
|
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number forty six - not back yet...
|
040830
|
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... |
|
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spiffy
|
day without bryce number forty seven - he will, without a doubt, come back. and just think how happy i will be when i see him. much happier than i would have been, had he come back sooner.
|
040831
|
|
... |
|
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spiffy
|
day without bryce numbers forty eight and forty nine - still not back yet.
|
040902
|
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... |
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pete
|
has he said why he is not back in the times you have talked to him?
|
040903
|
|
... |
|
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spiffy
|
i haven't talked to him since he left. one of the last things he said to me was that he'd see me in a little over a week. it's been over seven.
|
040903
|
|
... |
|
|
spiffy is about to strangle people
|
day without bryce number fifty - my dad moved out today. for the.. i think third time. i hate them. i hate everyone and everything. of course bryce isn't back. why break the cycle.
|
040903
|
|
... |
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spiffy is so happy!!!!!!!!
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HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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040914
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spiffy
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i am so happy!! i can't contain my excitememt!!
oh yeah. i have to delete this page now.
i'll give it one day.
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040914
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anne-girl
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!
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040914
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14 Sep 2004
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Gates_of_hell_are_open_in_Iraq
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040914
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:)
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Amen.
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040914
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spiffy
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ok. the fact that he puts that on this page, is a bit scary.
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040914
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hmm...
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040915
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well that did it.
i wonder...
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040915
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...
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...
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040915
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that didn't work.
hmm...
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040915
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...
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...
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040915
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spiffy
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oh good enough.
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040915
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anne-girl
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oh dear, it's gone. (salvage)
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040915
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... |
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...
