girl_jane This is new to me...I've never been cheated on.

It wasn't even just a kiss-he FUCKED her...
blown cherry I want to say something to make it better,
but I can't
girl_jane Thanks-maybe I'll write more about the situation later-but now I really should try to sleep. It's almost three, and I have a 9:30 class... 030909
girl_jane He called me last night around 11pm. I could tell by the sound of his voice something was wrong.

So I asked him, "Are you ok?"

"No-nothing's been going right for me lately."

Then blah blah blah-we talked about his mom's and sister's health problems and his drinking habits...

Before I left for school, he said that if I ever cheated on him, he'd dump me-just like that. I said ok-I'm not a cheater-I didn't have to worry about it. He promised me he wouldn't cheat-which should be a given anyway.

Then last night he was asking if I'd even thought about doing anything with other guys. I said no. Yes, I'm at college. Yes, I party. Yes, I get invited back to guys' places. But, no, I've not kissed another guy-or even thought about kissing another guy-much less doing more...

Then he was telling me about how he's been getting hit on a lot and blah blah blah bullshit bullshit bullshit.

Throughout this he was making it a point to tell me about much he cared about me and how much he loved me and how he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life blah blah blah-I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, he said.

He told me that if I ever did cheat on him, he would give me a second chance. I mean too much to him to just throw me away like that...Then I *really* knew something not good had happened.

He asked me what I thought I would do if he ever cheated on me. I said I didn't know-it would depend on the severity of the cheating. A druken kiss-I'd be really pissed off and use it against him, but stay. If he fucked anyone-I didn't know what I would do...I'd never been cheated on before. Again, with this line of questioning-I knew something had happened...

Then he continues to say that he has to be honest with me. He thinks it's important, so he has to come clean.

"What'd you do?"

"Would you give me a minute? This is hard."

He proceeds to tell me his activities of the evening.

He went to see his friend Matt. That's all cool-whatever.

Then Matt's girlfriend and her friend came over...the friend who's had a crush on Shane for a while and told him that the other night.

"Just get to the point, Shane."

"...I'm getting there..."

So they're all drinking beer. Shane says he had 3 or 4. Then they were drinking shots. Shane had 3 or 4 of those too...

"What happened, Shane?"

There were so many pauses...

"It's hard for me to say."

So Matt and his girlfriend went upstairs to do whatever...

So it was Shane and this slut.

"We were sitting on the couch, and I was feeling pretty good from the drinking..."

"What happened?"

"She leaned in to kiss me..."

At this point he paused-I thought he was going to follow it with the fact that he pushed her away-they kissed but that was all. Instead, I got this,

"And one thing lead to another, and..."


I was fuming.

"And I fucked her..."

"You fucked another girl."



"I don't know what happened!"

"What do you MEAN you don't know what happened, Shane? You stuck your dick in her cunt! That's what happened! You FUCKED her!"

"But we didn't finish or anything; Matt came back downstairs."

"THAT'S supposed to make me feel better? You FUCKED her, Shane! You fucked her!"

"I don't know why I did it. I didn't even think she's that cute. I don't care about her. She could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give a shit. I care about you..." blah blah blah.

He was still telling me how much I meant to him and how much he cared about me and all that other false bullshit.

"You fucked another girl."

"It's not going to happen again. I promise. I promise you it won't happen again."

"You promised me once already, Shane, that this would never happen. And it DID! You fucked her! I'm supposed to believe you when you promise it won't happen again?! That's fucking BULLSHIT!"

"People can change."

"I don't care, Shane. You broke my trust! I can't trust you, now. You FUCKED ANOTHER GIRL!"

I was pissed off, and I was hurt.

I was planning to break it off soon anyway, but that doesn't change the fact that I did still care about him. I WAS still with him. I had trusted him.

He fucked up.

He owes me fifty dollars...

"Whatever, I have homework to do, Shane."

"So what are you going to do?"

Thinking about me $50, "Right now I'm still with you. But I'm going to have to think about this. I'll call you when I'm ready."

"Ok. Please call me."

"Shane, I said I would call-I'll call."

"Alright. I love you."


"Do you love me?"

"I don't know right now, Shane. I don't know. I said I have to think about all this."

"I love you."

"Ok-good night."


What a fuck.
imposter I'm sorry, girl_jane. I empathize with you. . . a lot.

At least I have my priorities straight now. O, Lord, do I ever.

Figured it out.

I'm sorry.
girl_jane thanks... 030909
D-O-G Typical Male 030910
misstree before i start, i have to say, i will slap the shit out of anyone who pulls out the "typical male" bull. men cheat. women cheat. i don't care what the plumbing is.

my sympathies, darlin'... i've been on both sides of the fence, and you're in the yard with all the dog poop. the one comfort i can offer is that he's probably kicking himself down the street, beating himself up and down over this, because he screwed over and spat on something really really good because of a drunken mistake and uppity hormones.
Mahayana According to, Psychologist Bonnie Eaker Weil, over 50% of married women cheat whereas over 70% of married men cheat, and this is only considering married individuals. Yes, all people cheat regardless of sex, however there are certain patterns & viewpoints on who cheats more than others. so ... I can understand DOG's anger and/or viewpoint.

Just for historical reference this is from about a decade ago. According to Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth": "Conservative estimates are that 60% of men and 40% of women will have an extramarital affair and since these people are not always married to each other, about 80% of marriages are touched by cheating.

And not that it is excusable from any reasonings stance... however, it has been stated through various scientific studies that findings of men cheat "mostly" out of fulfilling self sexual gratification whereas when married woman do it... it is more so for an emotional connection, it is more so stemming from an emotional fulfillment, because she's not getting the validation at home, she's not being listened to, she's being dismissed, she feels invisible, he's not spending enough time with her. like i said ... cheating is cheating and it is wrong all around [period]

if its ...
woman-man cheating
man-woman cheating
woman-woman cheating
man-man cheating
hermaphrodite-man cheating
hermaphrodite-woman cheating
its wrong!

Also isnít it interesting that men are less forgiving of affairs than women, yet men are over 70% of cheaters in marriage, also a further consideration that is interesting is the fact that when a woman has a physical affair, she's risking her marriage more so than a man who has a physical affair. Women however are more forgiving.

Oftentimes, a woman will commit adultery because she didn't marry for love ó she married because her biological clock was ticking, or she married for money, etc., and she knows if she had an affair, it could very well end the relationship, its an easy out. [which i think anyone who marries for anything other then love is setting themselves up for a cheating possibility, and this is not to say that they couldnít be happy or not cheat its just leading to a chance of a higher incidence.]

This is just me but im very strict on cheating & flirting issues, I give myself completely and only to one person, I expect the same, & if this isnít possible or what someone wants to give to me ...why waste our time, if what i want and need isnít what they can give. Fortunately, I do not have to worry about cheating, I am very secure indeed within my relationship.

so my jist is this, cheating is never right i dont care what the circumstances are it is always wrong.

on a side note:
Id further be interested in finding out if there have been any studies or statistics that explain if there is a correlation between flirting and higher incidences of cheating.
once again And I held you and said, "I love you." You should know it's true. We went through all our troubles and I still feel the same, the best of friends forever, that will never change. And I fucked another, there was no love involved. I know I made a mistake, but it's something I can't fix. I will tell you that I'm sorry, as you turn to hide your face. I know that it was wrong as you turn to walk away. But it's done and it's something I can't change. I knwo that you still love me and I still love you too, best friends till the bitter end is all we'll ever be. 030910
misstree i can agree to tendencies and statistics, but people aren't statistics, and i don't think a 20% difference qualifies a "typical male" comment. you say that the comment is justified? i refuse to justify predetermining the actions of any individual based on blanket factors like gender--it destroys identities and differences. "typical" statements are a way to avoid either thinking or examining people for themselves.

not trying to be bitchy, just that sociology and i are very bitter bedmates.

and here's where i draw some ire. yes, cheating is a sh!tty, sh!tty thing to do. i've been cheated on by two people out of nine that i've had real relationships with, and i've cheated on six of those nine. (cheating being defined by actual bumping uglies.) about half the time i never told the person, and i think it's much better that way.

i regret very little about those. one person i cheated on over and over again, sometimes starting other relationships before i broke up with him, and he would take me back at the end of my fling. that, i very much regret, because he was a wonderful person and i did him much emotional harm. i was a horrible person at the time, pretty well insane, and it is testament to his wonderful soul that he doesn't hate me, that we still care for eachother like the siblings we should have been.

but for the rest, as i said, if the person never knew, i had gotten my hunt, my meat, and my satisfaction, and it never touched the way that i felt about the other person. it was a pressure valve for me. it was fun.

so, yeah, i may draw fire, and like i said i'm not trying to be a bitch, but maybe hangover and caffeine are making me a bit more contrary than usual (if that's possible), and i'm not afraid of being looked at as the bad guy. i'll stand up and admit my sh!ttiness any time.
former cheater actually, i read that among married couples, a man is more likely to stay with a wife that has cheated than the other way around. 030910
minnesota_chris everybody's missing something...

girl_jane, he is awful. Please don't spend any more time with him. He sounds like a classic alcoholic, and it sounds like he's turning you into a co-dependent.

You're way too smart and talented.
eggory misstree, i didn't think anybody else would say it for me. statistics only allow bigots and semi-bigots to justify their beliefs. it's sad that almost every time a non-bigot tries to point out the flaw in such a bigot's argument, they do it by saying "that's not true" instead of saying "that doesn't matter." it seems to suggest that if real statistics supported it, racism would be just fine and dandy. before you judge a person based on who most other people are, consider what it is that you're doing, and that your knowledge of the individual might suffice much better, and that if it doesn't, that simply means you're ignorant of the individual, no offense. statistics are meant for judging groups. it's that kind of reasoning that makes anti-youth prejudice so hard to dig out of our culture.
yeah i know. i said you said it for me, but i had to say it again in my own detail. rant.
gja My friend says that even if you think about being with someone else you may aswell have actually done it - that is -the physicality means very little. I think she is wrong. 070314
Billy Bragg My friend said she could see no way ahead and I was probably better off without you.
She said to face up to the fact you werent coming back and she could make me happy like you used to.

But I am sorry to say I turned her away knowing everything she said was true.

And thats the price I pay for loving you the way that I do.
They call me Truth Listening to this stuff made my eyes burn. I have cheated once. i have been cheated on about 4 times or something like that. Those are the ones that I know of. Some people's judgmentalness on this page made me want to be judgmental but it doesn't take a smart person to see the flaw in that. If I didn't say this a horrible angry blur of thoughts would have serged their way through my fingers and burn this page.

People cheat. People lie. People kill. People do spiteful vindictive things. it is a waste of time to form all these judgments, antagonisms and hatred towards others.

Its easy to cast judgment when you feel you are on the throne of righteousness, when you think you have the right to.

I stayed with two of the girls that cheated on me, maybe because i am a forgiving person, maybe because i am obsessive.

Statistics. Does statistics prove something about an individual.

Hmm. I just got tired of hearing myself speak. i lost interest. I'll just end this with:

Love unconditionally
squeak truth never hurt anyone. 070315
fix doesn't do your soul much good does it..
sleeping around.. fucking around..
i mean... i know men have bigger horns than girls..

what i'm saying is..
if you can save yourself for somik more special..
more meaningful... more quantic...
.. if you can respect yourself.. and others..

are humans still animals? that is my question.

do we not have the ability to think twice and ask questions.. then why sell your soul to someone you don't know or love?
don 't you love yourself ?

i don't now maybe i'm wrong.
maybe sex should just be fun.. i but i think it should be something more than that.
. oh yes, i'm still an animal.....believe it! 070316
. what animal are you then? 070316
nostril don't eat me then !
i need to get to the ice quick smart.
. i'm a luuuuuurve monster. 070316
pete i was the other.

ferna I was the other too, with my ex-boyfriend. Just a few days ago. And then a month and a half before that.

And sometimes I would think, is he cheating on her with me...or on me with her?

Then I talked to an old friend of mine today, and I confided the truth to her. I wasn't expecting her response: she yelled at me. She said, "What, do you think that he's so so sad to come home to her, having to be with this girl he says he's less attracted to? Do you think he thinks of you when he's with her? Saying, 'Oh poor me that I have to fuck her?' Get a fucking grip!"

And after that, all night tonight I've just lost it. I feel completely stupid, lonely and worthless. I wish she knew the truth but I don't have the heart to tell her. I wish she knew what I knew, and that her decision to stay with him was an informed one.

And now I am thinking that I'll leave my graduate program to go on internship for a year instead of staying and riding it out. Right now I am pretty sure I just can't do this. The hope that I might have only a month and a half left to deal with it makes me feel so relieved.

But at the same time I know I'll stay. I'll stay and be stuck on same floor, in the same proximity, having to choose between silence and torture and speaking and cheating.

Why can't my life just be whole again?

When my mom died 3 years ago I think my sanity, my ethics, my common fucking sense died too.
TrueMe Granted, this was months ago but it still hurts.
It was an open relationship but I was hurting and I asked her not to - and then I walked in on them. But she didn't follow me or come after me or even talk to me for a day and a half afterwards and only then because I cornered her.

She says she'll apologize for hurting me but won't apologize for not coming after me. Then the other day she told me about how another lover of hers left her in the middle of the night and went and fucked someone else and he recently admitted "how messed up it was to leave a lover to fuck another."

I wonder why she won't admit that to me - when we were having so much disconnect that she doesn't see that's exactly what she did.

It still hurts - but I'm so done with her. She isn't interested in connection and now that she's seeing someone else she's doing what she always did when we were dating - forgetting me and ignoring me and not having any energy for connection.

It's sad - I loved her. She loved me. Sad she doesn't see her patterns or own up to them. But I won't chase any more. I don't want to be around her any more.

She can initiate with me - but I'm done.

what's it to you?
who go