believe_in mon belief 030903 ... girl_jane I'm not quite sure what to 030903 ... blah-ze yourself if you want to believe in nothing if not something hold it close to you because it is you 030903 ... imposter Me 030903 ... misstree whatever makes you wise and brave and happy and free. foma. 030904 ... oldephebe i believe in the power of an individual soul to break stone - to breach chasms -to speak into the darkness - to stir staid hearts steeped in venom, languishing in apathy, to call a life back to life from the edge of the abyss, i've seen it done, i've been a part of such honest and egoless transactions - where will i make my home - in my head or in my heart - i beleive that when we step into the spiritual sphere all bets are off - we can step out of the fear we clutch so closely to our chests - i believe we can divest ourselves of pretentious pieties, i believe when a heart speaks boldly from the bottom of his/her being our advesary or partner can be transformed if only for an instant the seed and the sheen will still remain to root to grow in that fertile ground the soft space you've cultivated in their heart- and when we disembower the auditory canal of all our programming and parental proscriptions (those that construct the albatross of our neurosis) - i believe the power that charlatans and petty despots weild over our lives can be broken in one single act of irrefutable authority - in one breath out of agony steel can be wrought, a sword can be stayed - an enemy turned from his temper, a movement can be born, the idle, the tremulous, the fence sitter can be swayed, can be galvanized - tongue of fire out of my soul whelp it in the open air - and at it's core i believe a truth can be shaped and and no escape for the indifferent or innured - such is the power of a soul - that ember of eternity - harness it's force, harness it's power - okay ah.. later ... 030904 ... oldephebe cna't let go of this one - I believe that body broken, busted up, twisted, languishing in his bed, laying long in his infirmity, stay with me now - I believe the will to power can be wrought right there! The man sits up in his bed waves off his nurse, waves away the anti-depression pills -don't need those pills no more, don't need your prayers, don't need ya worn out aphorisms of affection no more! A man came to me, told me who i was, cause i'd forgotten - chained to sickness and death for so long - i'd forgotten! I believe the right words spoken can break up the ground like a scyth plunged hard and deep into Kanasas dry sod - baked hard and hot in the sun's unrelenting golden eye - No! you don't need to hold my head up off the pillow, 'lift it mySELF, the problems not in my head or my heart no more! Like a shaft of living light he had me by the throat and i didn't pull away - cleaned off that mirror and i saw my self completed! Whole. Body still broken, right, pain dopplering down and up all IN me - but it ain't a thing with me no more - I'm all RIGHT!! Takin' BACK my life from this thing. MY LIFE!! NOT YOUR'S - if you'll countenance my lapsing into to patois and the cadenses of ante-bellum antiquity - but ya see some TIMES you gotta go back where ya came from and tell those stories and speak the words that held your forebears hard where they stood. Helped them stand straight up against the gale. SAME words that molded them can make me. Nicodemus - proud man, a learned man heard the prophets words and was drawn, DRAWN - somethin' in him couldn't curse the prophet or H words, Nicodemus came by night - knew that if he was seen in the light of day he'd lose his position, his purse full of coin, maybe even his life - words ringed with POWER! egoless authentic love filled power grabbed ahold of that soft place, dug down into the soil and drew Nicodemus to the prophet at night, tell me how can i get what you been talkin' about, man I see the holy ardor blazing in your eyes - not arrogance not pretense, not disdain, tell me how can i get some of what YOU got - see i don't feel right no more since i learned that there's another way i can be - i don't wanna prey on my own people no more - put me in touch with the kind of LOVE you're talkin' about! Okay i lapsed into the old baptist son style of preachin' to make a point, and i got swept away a little bit but i've been in business meetings as well, sales calls, and suddenly just threw the script aside - and spoke to the mans needs, his advantage his concerns, wasn't about me extorting a high commission out of 'im anymore - a customer knows when he's being snowed if he's sharp - why was hubert humphrey so popular - this diminutive, cherubic, slightly overwhieght man - with the hardly mellifluous voice - because he spoke to those hard and worn farmers out of their concerns, he knew the life they lived, he spoke out of that place of irrefutable authority - and why he won over those stoic sons of the unyielding sod - and no i'm not that old, never seen ol' hubert on tv, but i listened to the old folks talk about 'im - have some cousins in Ohio, words can press a sick and distorted soul back into shape. ---------------------------------------- OK got kinda carried away ... 030904 ... Spare Change I believe in second chances, and magic and impossibilities. I believe in love_at_first_sight. I believe in god and angels and heaven and hell. I believe in basic human kindness and I believe in hope. I believe in once upon a time. I believe that tomorrow never dies. 030905 ... whatever and whatever amen 030908 ... ashmanzhou nothing at all except that i should suffer for what i have done 030909 ... oldephebe i should have wrote words whelped out of LOVE can press a sick and distorted soul back into shape.. ash - i respect your words..i'm here listening to the ache of your heart..i hope one day with enough distance from the pain and circumstances that make living an intolerable crucible of fire for you..i hope that maybe you'll consider seeing something redemptive in you..suffer for a season but then after that should every syllable we speak to our selves impale us like new wrought nails smelted from the forge driven deep into template flesh..soddering the coffin shut..i'm uncertain here..let me acknowledge that i'm uncertain here of what exactly you've endured..can't crawl inside your skin..don't even know if I could endure the flames..but YOU are for now..and i feel kind of like i'm intruding..and i feel like if i don't say anything then my omission of empathy, of encouragement would be equally as unfortunate..we all here in blather care about you, you know it, you've read the awe stricken commentaries..i know that right now you're not at a place to hear what i'm saying..maybe though there's a space in the middle ground that you can get to in time..i think the knowledge of healing comes right out of our wounds..not just healing or empathy towards others..but being that cracked vessel filled with light..and the wholeness pouring out through the brokeness,,the cracks in the canvas..i can't quite shape what it is i'm trying to say..i think i'm falling a little short..but my heart..as others here in blather hurts for you..really..maybe there are scars upon your eyes and upon that heretofore unmarrred face..but there are diamonds..beautiful and glistening..in your eyes..beneath the derma..waiting to be let out..there are diamonds in your eyes now girl..i know there are from the equisite parts of you you've shared with us..something..sacred and whole is being shaped down there in the dark.. i know you don't see it yet.. be well ash ... 030923 ... endless desire me 030923 ... Road blue 031014 ... oldephebe I believe in the Dream of Dr. King. But it will take more than slashing the air with our screams to inaugerate it. It will take more than being churned into a tempest of holy ardor by the skillful demagogue. It will take more than the blind prayers and oaths to altruism. We must ask ourselves: What has brokered the bitterness between us? We must not blithely broad brush it under a reductive rubric of purely racially motivated and or misinformed predispositions. The stalks of stigmatism have been nurtured long enough by compaigns of disinformation and honest folk sadly misinformed. Forgive the masculine form of the following..The Brotherhood of Man began at a single point upon a single plain. And neither the corrupt heart of black or white can undo that thread. yeah this is kinda rough...i just slapped it together, may need to prune it a little... later, 040120 ... oldephebe Oh by the way...sharpton and jesse jackson..frauds frieghted with fakedom..you can smell the stench of thier ignoble souls leagues before they alight from thier plane. I think for now on an obligatory round of vigorous retching should commemorate thier arrivals to the latest crisis they exploit for their own aggrandizement. Blech...and yeah sure king and the kennedy's and malcom were deeply flawed and sometimes conflicted men..but on this there can be no debate - they believed in their cause..the cause of humanity and consecrated themselves to it. Sharpton and Jackson consecrate themselves unto themselves, they are snake oil salesmen.... Braaa-aaaaccckkkk!!! 040120 ... . possibility 040120 ... reue your heart as much as you can life isn't going to 'allow' you to have your own reach and struggle tango with the madness push for what you want fight and you just might win 040120 ... pd things you think are important to you...believe in hope, trust, love, faith, friendship...sentimental poppycock, but what else would you have left to live for? 040120 ... Vylsefter beleive in the future because it will always be there tomorrow is always just one day away 040211 ... Arwyn believe, believe in me believe believe ~SP 040211 ... V I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. 040211 ... oldephebe A nine year old boy was critically wounded, two shots to the head, for daring to walk to school, for daring to think that his innocent 9 year old body was out of harms way when he traveled between the path of bullets fired i n the frost and cold of a North Philly morning. He's in critical consdition. I beleieve there are two bullets lodged in the occipital lobe, the bullets entered through his forehead and are lodged in the occipital meatus...damn..I have to hope that God will be merciful..and bring the perpetrators to justice and repentance, i have to hope for this young man's recovery..drug dealers..!! Like the old folk used to say "Lawd ha' MERCY!!! really... 040211 ... oldephebe Unfortunately that young boy has subsequently expired. The philadelphia police are still looking for his murderers. More than a humdred rounds were shot carelessly into a street crowded with 5 to 10 year olds walking to school. A crossing gurad also was wounded in the foot. She will recover and have full use of her foot after therapy. There is a $50,000.00 dollar reward for information leading to the arrest of the human waste that commited these acts. I HATE the unfortunate confluence of poverty, guns, drugs(as in dealers and supply) and a poplulation so emotionally, spritually crippled that buys the lie that they need or even deserve the brief faux ecstatic respite from reality they think illicit drugs gives them. Damn!!! 040305 ... oldephebe I believe that we are all made of light. Physics will corroborate that contention. ..the whole displace ment of energy and how matter cannot be truly destroyed just converted into energy and erm.. just extrapolate that yes we're mostly made of water...waters constituent parts are what? and at the atomic and sub-atomic level what..ah some classify as quarks and the quarks are composed of light energy held together by eh? NOTHING...so the Celtic legends are true perhaps or have some constituent artifact in the realm of fact..sort of..beings made of pure light..and..well my memory is kinda hazy now..but there is believed to be a kingdom of light beneath the earth..or in some hidden cleft of rock.. ...it's said that atoms are 99.999 percent empty space..blah blah energy appears or acts like matter by appearing to occupy space by being in many places at one time..that's really reductionist..by really it's not the inelegance of verbal systems at fault here - it's mainly my ineptness at unraveling those equisitely elegant equations into prose - ... we are made of light ... 040625 ... Kayla Rob 040625 ... Syrope today i found myself thinking how lucky i am to be with someone who i dont have to make excuses for. it's almost frustrating that happiness is this easy 040819 ... oldephebe wow...what i believe in now is the pathology, the ferocious fealty to a sadistic, a deranged and depraved mind set that cannot be swayed by eloquence or tears or charisma, even guiless charisma. trust me three years of non-stop harrassment merely to appease the depraved appetites of a few local despots and thier smilarly constituted friends and family and god..you either drown or learn to swim. i'm pressin on. day by day that's all a body can do ... 050615 ... a chaotic gift to idealism where did this "mind-set" come from? did it not used to be refered to as "state-of-mind" ? 050616 ... .fallen do_as_thou_wilt 050616 ... innocent insect i_disappoint_me 050616 ... oldephebe fine, fine, Mind set state of mind, neural labyrynth, the nexus of unformed and unknown things seething in the ancestral blood blah blah, sadism is sadism. I think nothing will be served in this compliant of mine, I think nothing will be served by pageants of pedantry on the relative state or cogency or contemporanaeity of various terms whose meanings are virtually equivelant. I do no think it is fair of me to become merely a projection of someone elses's pain. I have accepted from them what it was not mine to take, what it was not thiers to give. For most pain is caused by anothers pain, by blah blah. I do not dishonor my words with puerile postures of ..... 050616 ... a chaotic gift to idealism it was just a simple question... simple curiosity. sorry. 050617 ... oldephebe no.. it's totally cool, i was just answering you in my own earnest albeit befuddled and non-linear way. ... 060222 ... RIC uh...Hey! befuddled=non-linear 060222 ... *SuPeR^ChIcK* believe_in God first and foremost and oneself secondly 060222 ... Lotus plastic_hearts 060223 ... nom i'll believe in anything 060419 ... oren The Flying_Spaghetti_Monster. 060419 ... skeptical bird nothing that fails to amuse me and nothing that remains unproven 060419 ... () ( and nothing that relies on the "self evident truths" of others. ) 060419 what's it to you? who go blather from