twice_betrayed Dafremen Twice Betrayed(Carmen's Apology) by R. Dafremen Hey Where did you go? And why are there tears in your eyes? Have you been crying? Oh no Was it him? Did he hurt you bad? Wish I could make this go away Oh how I want to so bad Wish I could Travel through time And take you back to the days Lived by an innocent child But I can't I think we both know Believe it kills me inside To have let him hurt you so You've been betrayed Once by fate And once by me Said I would protect you but I didn't oh no You were betrayed Once by love And once by faith Try to forgive me angel I didn't know Oh How I recall When I first held you in my arms Little girl so fragile and small I was afraid Just as I am now That you'd get hurt and I wanted To protect you somehow You've been betrayed Once by him And once by me Said that I'd protect you but I couldn't hey hey Oh lord betrayed Once by love And once by faith Wish that I could hold you and make the pain go away Wish that I could take your hurt away Wish I could turn back the clock and say That everyday could start before today Betrayed Once by fate And once by me Promised to protect you but I didn't oh no You were betrayed Once by love And once by faith Please forgive me baby girl how could I have known? You'd be betrayed Once by him And once by me If I had the chance I'd try to change things hey hey You've been betrayed Once by fate And once by faith Wish that I could hold you and make the pain go away. Betrayed. 020607 ... Dafremen When you're a good looking person, they say that doors open for you. What they don't tell you is that behind so many of those doors lie hideous monsters, products of this loose-moraled, twisted society in which we live. My daughter was raped last night. By her boyfriend of two months. I had just given him permission to kiss her on her cheek. Apparently he felt that two months entitled him to more. They had gone on a walk alone for the first time since they had been together. They stopped because he wanted to get his wallet so that he could take her to get something to eat, then he told her that he had some pictures of his family to show her. She trusted him. He raped her. I guess that there couldn't have been a more difficult test of my beliefs than this: that in one fell swoop I am betrayed, disrespected and feeling woefully inadequate in my role as protector of my family. With every wave of anger that courses through my mind, with every crack of my clenched knuckles, I am reminded of who I was before I was fortunate enough to have discovered the truth about the nature of my existence. With every vision I have of my hands wrapped around his throat, my arms pounding his head against our rock wall, standing over his body as he lies there bleeding, kicking him in his balls over and over again, my newfound beliefs have what is left of the old me feeling like a pussy. A wimp. Worthless as a protector and father. "He deserves to PAY!" my Libran nature screams. Then the truth that I have been given answers, "He will." He has pushed his surroundings in a vile and evil way and that wave is on its way back around to him, as surely as hunting him down to hurt him would send bitterness and tragedy my way. "God what a WUSS I have become..all because of the truth", my little brain rages. What a helpless sucker I am now. Hands tied behind my back by my own beliefs. MY daughter's pain fresh in my mind..playing over and over, demanding repayment in kind, with noone to avenge her dishonor but some tree hugging, earth-loving, bunny squeezing pussy. My hands shake with anger, my mind and heart seethe with rage, but I am helpless in the face of my belief. The same Libran nature that demands fair retribution, will not allow me to deny the truths upon which I have come to base my beliefs. The logical steps which led me to know the true nature of existence cannot be ignored, I am, above all, a creature steeped in logic, objectivity and a strange detachment. Without logic and truth, there is no me, and both logic and truth demand that I recognize what they have shown me; that my daughter was violated by a misguided, out of control piece of me, her...all of us, and that I must let this go or cause more harm than good. I can't bear to let the unfairness of what happened go unanswered. I can't bear not to even the balance, but I couldn't LIVE with myself having turned my back on all that I know, logically and objectively to be true. So I must sacrifice my desire to do that which is fair rather than be faced with having betrayed the truth. I'm so sorry that he hurt you, mi hija. So sorry, please forgive me. 020607 ... Dafremen This song is now online for anyone that cares to hear me caterwalling it. Sorry about the low volume level, I still have to screech into my headphones since I haven´t bought a microphone yet. www.gnarf.net/users/dafremen/RTFSTUFF/BETRAYED.MP3 My daughter, being your standard Aquarian individual has moved on and left this episode behind her. As for me, I´m still trying to cope. Guess we both got raped in a way. 020610 ... daxle you did go to the police, right? 020610 ... Dafremen Of course. Small consolation now though. It´s sort of like filing a wrongful death lawsuit. Woohoo. Money. WooHoo. Revenge after a lengthy and humiliating trial for my daughter. 020611 ... daxle Ok, you want opinions on your singing? Your singing is bad. Now we all know I'm not afraid to criticise so you're wondering why I said nothing? Because your song was also sincere, and made me sad for you and your daughter. I'd continue this but about 20 people just came plundering into my house. PS Sincerity is priceless ala mastercard 020611 ... Sailor Jupiter Dafreman, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for you and your daughter. She may be fine now, but will still need your love and support. I belong to a rape survivor's NET forum. There are many of them where people can go to meet others like themselves and discuss things. Let her know she doesn't have to heal alone if she doesn't want to. Keep an eye out for her. I've been through it, so if you need someone, I know I'm a stranger, but feel free to e-mail me. Healing strength, 020611 ... Syrope as much as i hate this happened to your daughter, Daf, it's taking all i have not to make a smart_ass comment like i've seen you do in the faces of so many other blathes of despair. you and your daughter are in my thoughts... 020612 ... Dafremen Yes dax, I realize that my vioce is for sh*t...that would explain the Yeesh! comment I made. However I´m not really interested in becoming a singer. I want to become a professional writer. I´d like to write poetry, but there isn´t much work in the field so I´ll settle for the title of songwriting hack. I have not a qualm in the world about getting up on a stage in front of a bunch of strangers and banging away on a beat up old beach guitar screeching and howling away in any genre or style at all until someone or another comes along who likes my songs, regardless of what they think of my voice. Hell Tom Petty started out as a song writer and became a singer and lord KNOWS that man can´t sing for sh*t. So, thanks for the opinion, I agree with you one hundred percent..now about my songs...whadda ya think? Thanks Jupiter, she seems absolutely undisturbed about it..even less so than I am. I´ve decided that if SHE´s not going learn from this experience, I´ll be damned if I´m going to shed another tear over the episode. At least a decent song came out of it. Go for it Syrope. I´m all ears and, in fact...my eyes are half gleaming in anticipation. (To tell the truth I´ve been waiting..and have been growing impatient.) 020612 ... ^^^^^^^^ P.S. PLEASE...I´ve asked before and I´ll ask again. STOP apologizing for being blunt. You folks seem to think that I don´t appreciate the sincere and honest truth. I DO. I would rather have you take yer best shot at hurting my ¨feelings¨ (Heheh we´re online people...remember? It´s all in YOUR mind...not mine and visa versa. The only thing I feel is a speech coming on. : ) ) than to have you ¨coddle¨ (see parenthesized comments above) me with the same Gitchy Gitchy Ya Ya tip toeing around that you dingleberries seem to want from me. No siree, I´m as comfortable as the doormat as I am wiping my feet on one, so by all means, be frank...or whoever you happen to roll out of bed feeling like at any particular moment. Oh and by all means, feel free to wip out the Mastercard of Sincerity, the Visa of Vindictiveness, the Carte Blanche of Brutality or the Discover Card of Derision at ANY time. Just prepare for cash back...after all, we have a show to give these fine people and we´ve BOTH got our parts to play. 020612 ... Teenage Jesus Well first of all, your voice isn't all that bad. I've heard much worse. Frankly, voice quality has little to do with one's potential success as a performer/writer/whatever... what counts is the ability to connect. I think you have that. More on that later. As to that other thing; I'm torn. On the one hand, I think you should be congratulated for overcoming that very natural desire to crush that motherfucker til he don't breath no more. You have taken the path that most of us would find too difficult to take. How you do it, I don't know. But I AM proud of you for taking it. Very Proud. On the other hand, I am also in touch with that part of you that is being so hard on the rest of you. I guess that's part of being what we are; in the great grand scheme, perhaps there are no real contradictions. It probably all makes sense from far enough away. That happened to my wife before I met her. Your song has relevance for me. I also wish I could travel time and "fix" everything. Anyway, I know you've heard of "fighting the good fight;" well you my friend are fighting what in my current view is "the BEST fight." You're strong and you KNOW it. 020613 ... Aimee Daffy, I wish my dad had fought for me when I was raped... That's admirable of you. 020927 ... Dafremen Why thank you, Aimee. I'm sorry to hear that you were also hurt by someone that you trusted (or by a stranger for that matter.) Noone deserves to be brutalized or abused by another human being. It is a sad commentary on the state of our society these days. It has become apparent that these types of incidents are on the rise and will only become more common as we lower our moral guards in the name of the almighty dollar and what we mistakenly call "personal freedom." see also: CONSUMERS 020927 ... ferret i can't get the link to work so for all i know you're friggen frank sinatra! 030714 ... nomme by my own liberal imagination which came first i cannot tell believing i could fly like a fish believing santa was on the roof with his friends and sled 030715 ... smurfus rex don't ask me why, but it feels kind of weird to be responding to a post from "The" Dafreman...as if there's some kind of buffer zone between a Regular and a noob...but, be that as it may... there are few occasions in which I encounter such a vivid description of the impulse of doing someone harm. Even fewer are those in which I can attempt to experience someone else's emotion on the level that it is intended. This was one of those times. You mentioned that you felt as if both of you had been raped. Yours was psychological, I think. That "boyfriend" stole something from you and from your daughter, only it's nothing that can be retrieved. He stole, to a degree, your confidence in yourself and in your role in your family. He hit you when your back was turned, smiled to your face and stabbed you in the back, took advantage of your trust. Like a burglar who steals your sense of being safe in your own home, this guy stole your sense that your daughter is safe when she's out of your sight. This, justifiably, angers you. And yet you mention a "truth" which you have based your beliefs on. It is so strong that it thwarts your natural instinct for retribution. It is such a force that you need only describe it in simple terms to illustrate its effectiveness in holding back your bloodlust, which was much more visceral in its description. I wonder, does it have a name, this truth, or is it a personal revelation? Because this truth, based on your description, caused a titanic struggle within you, it seems. Have I experienced anything that would bring on such emotions as these? Not yet. Not like this. But should that time ever come, I think I know what my internal dialogue might sound like. I hope that you come to an understanding with yourself about this incident. Your daughter, as you said, seems to have gotten over it, and while that is not in itself justification for why you should get over it in the same way as she did, remember that rage and distrust are acidic to the soul. Good luck. 030716 ... dafremen I've been getting these songs together for copyright registration and came here for the lyrics (which I lost in my last hard drive crash.) I noticed that the link to the song is outdated. If you'd like to give it a listen, the new link is here: http://dafremen.googlepages.com/twice_betrayed.mp3 It sounds like shit as mentioned above, but I hope that the feeling isn't lost in the caterwauling. 081005 what's it to you? who go blather from