|
|
overheard_in_conversation
|
|
|
tender square
|
"i want to be ready for all this when it comes."
|
210830
|
|
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
'seattle is a good place for investment properties. mine have doubled in value really quickly. some of them are million dollar properties now.'
so people like me will never be able to own our housing. the neighborhood that used to be where all the artists and lgbtq+ from the surrounding areas would flock to when they came to the big city is being overrun by entitled asshole tech workers. i still go there very occasionally for one of the best sandwiches in the city (grilled cheese with egg) and art supplies and to check out the latest street art but overhearing stuff like that makes me want to hit people. the same people who can't stand to see all the tents everywhere are the ones causing the housing crisis here. housing SHOULD be a human right. not an investment opportunity.
|
210830
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
it's the same in toronto. if i ever left my rent-controlled building in this city, i'd never be able to rent here again, let alone buy.
|
210831
|
|
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
rent control is illegal here
when i first moved into this apartment with my roommate it was $995/mo. Now it is $1600/mo and that is WITH a covid rent freeze
|
210831
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"out of all my grandmothers and aunts and sisters, i'm like the only daughter."
that ... doesn't seem possible. but carry on.
|
210914
|
|
... |
|
|
tender square
|
at the at&t store:
"i don't want you to understand, i want you to fix it." (old lady trying to get a replacement pre-paid flip phone when they don't have them anymore)
employee to customer: "security question: who is your favorite actor?"
customer: "uh...i don't know. george clooney?"
(is he really your favorite?)
"i have all the power, but we allow dissension of opinion." (mother to her two young girls)
|
210917
|
|
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
'my girlfriend wants to hang out while I'm playing video games and gets mad when i want to be immersed in the experience' said an amazon sales guy to his friends near me at the bar last night.
you'd rather play video games than acknowledge the person you are presumably having sex with and SHE'S the unreasonable one...
the last guy i dated here was like that too. he would straight up ignore me if he was playing video games. so juvenile.
|
210918
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why are you such a doubting thomas?"
"have you *met* her? that's why. that's why i'm a doubting thomas."
(i wanted to ask him if his name was thomas and it wasn't just a case of an archaic expression getting the old dusting-off. because that would have put it right over the top. but those two strangers were having a fun, playful moment, and i didn't want to step on it.)
|
210918
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm sorry. shall i scream into my phone for you?"
|
210921
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"gotta put in those specifics. gotta get those specifics. i don't even know if i'm saying that right."
"specifics? i don't know. you're asking the *wrong* person."
|
210922
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
said sweetly, the same way you'd tell someone you love them:
"god, i_hate you so_much! just, like, as a person."
|
210928
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
from innocuous:
"i was surrounded by a lot of people, and none of them spoke french."
to heartbreaking:
"you know i was following you. you can't tell me you didn't see me."
(this said by a woman in a wheelchair, talking to her father on the phone, her voice loud and struggling not to break)
all in the space of an afternoon.
|
210930
|
|
... |
|
|
tender square
|
at a nearby table on the zingerman's roadhouse patio, the woman clarified to the server: "i want extra syrup, and when i say extra syrup, i mean like three of them."
|
211001
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"now, when you say, 'dominique is my best_friend,' what you're really saying is, 'my other friends don't matter.'"
(a teacher said this to a group of first graders as she led them out of the park. one of the kids turned to look at me over her mask, and her eyes said, "can you believe this shit?")
|
211005
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was essentially there for three days."
(so . . . you weren't *really* there for three days. you were only kind of sort_of most of the way there.)
|
211011
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
good_advice:
"if your shins are hurting, don't run on cement."
a universal truth:
"i don't think anyone ever looks good in their passport photos."
and this:
"oh, you're a fucking phoenix. i'm bowling with you guys."
|
211014
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a girl who looked about four, wearing shorts: "it's getting colder."
(it was in the mid fifties.)
her father, not looking at her: "well, i guess you should have worn pants then."
great job parenting, fella. way to knock it out of the park.
|
211016
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"is that french toast?"
"i made it this morning."
"oh my god. that's adorable."
"right?"
|
211019
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"on a day to day basis, she's interacting with other souls."
|
211021
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this guy got jumped once, and i missed out on it."
"that's 'cause you came to my birthday party."
|
211026
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you don't own the whole track," a teacher said to a kid on the playground.
|
211026
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"your hair looks amazing! actually, kidding. it looks like crap."
|
211028
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop putting leaves in my bag! you! and you! and you! i'm got a goddamn jedi."
|
211102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
("not", not "got". yeesh.)
|
211102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's such a singular day."
|
211104
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i had a ton of paperclips and then they went flying.”
|
211105
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh my god. did my phone just die? oh my god! my phone just died!"
"it's probably too cold."
|
211106
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"what is happening?! i was looking for a stapler earlier and now they're reproducing!"
|
211107
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if every negative act is 'acting black' and every positive act is 'acting white', who made us think this way?"
|
211109
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh my fucking god, you wouldn't *believe* the shit i used to do around my boyfriend."
|
211110
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i like toronto."
"you like toronto?"
"i like toronto. i_like it."
|
211111
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i see so many corgis in chicago, it's like corgi town."
|
211113
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
how you think i feel, waiting here alone for weeks? and then you show up and you don't want to see me no more. fuck you. i don't know where you are, i don't know what you do, all of a sudden i'm smotherin you?
|
211114
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay, stop! you're breaking the laws of physics!"
|
211116
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i tried to brush my hair this morning. i failed."
|
211117
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i just wanna play doctor. i don't even wanna eat."
|
211118
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
"pete davison and flava flave are besties!"
|
211118
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
flava flav, that is. as if it matters.
|
211118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
(now laughing hysterically while imagining flava flav showing up on blather to correct the spelling of his name)
|
211118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, so, on an ideal basis i wear a corset twice a week."
|
211119
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
screamed: "yeah! i'm stupid!"
|
211123
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"well, guess_what? that's a problem!"
"that's what being high is for."
|
211125
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a man talking about his dog (a red standard poodle named birdy):
"she doesn't really like gloves. she doesn't quite understand how they work."
|
211126
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're as dumb as your fuckin' jacket."
|
211127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's a tree that isn't ready to give up its leaves."
|
211130
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"remember the wayne county sheriff? y'all had me on edge."
|
211130
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"things could be worse. we're at a negative five right now."
|
211202
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"just wash your fucking face and let's go." -woman in the bathroom to either the other woman or the toddler she was with, all in the same (handicap) stall
i wish canadians were as nice as people believed them to be.
|
211202
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
while in a theater to watch a movie:
“this is a theater theater, *not* a movie theater.”
|
211204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i have to go pee-pee."
|
211204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's a waste of your life!"
(i didn't hear what "it" was)
|
211207
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm leaving soon."
|
211209
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"do you lead with your left foot or your right?"
"that depends. am i walking to your mom's house?"
|
211211
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"two right's don't make a wrong, but three right's makes a left."
|
211211
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
woman to her dog: “eddie, you’re so weird. you always stop pooping when people walk by.”
|
211213
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've never seen lesbians."
|
211214
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Does Dad to his Zoom class count? It was something like:
"I have to go visit the smallest room in the house, which you have to do more often at my age, but in the meantime you can tell each other about your back problems which almost everybody has at some point in their lives, unless you're a reptile."
|
211214
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
...which could have been simply replaced by raze's overheard statement above, namely, "I have to go pee-pee."
|
211214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
but your dad's was so much better! it made me guffaw. and you know how rare a guffaw is these days.
|
211214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"whatever her face was."
|
211216
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“it’s like the female orgasm; it just doesn’t exist” (spoken by a science bro who knows zilch about women)
|
211216
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
guy talking about other guy who is a conspiracy theorist: “he doesn’t believe death exists.”
(um, how does one go about rejecting death, exactly?)
“he went to yale; he speaks 17 languages.”
(seems improbable, but okay)
|
211217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why don't you like me?"
"you're annoying."
"how am i annoying?"
"you just *are*!"
"no i'm not."
"yes you are! god!"
(continues talking to annoying person)
|
211218
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"time to find an activity that doesn't involve so much contact."
|
211221
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you lead the way."
|
211223
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
two small boys running outside, their winter coats hanging on their heads by their hoods. the smallest one said, “ahhhhhhh!” as i walked past. the older one said, “ma, could you unlock the door?” their mother was leaving the front stoop and turned to look at them standing in the cold, saying breathlessly. “what are you doing? get inside the car!”
|
211227
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can walk. you don't need to be carried."
|
211228
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a man to his lap dog after a much larger dog snapped and tried to take its head off:
"that's happened to you before. you're fine."
|
211230
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"ah, dog shit. happy_new_year."
|
220101
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"did she just say 'foreskin'?"
"i said 'oh lordy'."
"oh."
|
220106
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"and what congregation are you from?"
|
220111
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know what i'd get if it was me? a coffee grinder. battery operated."
|
220113
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"pick up the pace, my friend!"
|
220118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"are you fucking kidding me? they didn't have any filing cabinets?"
"they did not."
"who does that?"
|
220119
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"want some animal crackers? they're absolutely disgusting."
|
220120
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i had to get away from those kids. they make me cold just looking at them."
|
220121
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i could totally stay at home and take care of the house. all i'd do is clean all day, and feed the kids, and i'd go out and get groceries once in a while. it would be easy."
(so said a high_school student convinced he would make a great stay-at-home mom. somehow i doubt he's got what it takes.)
|
220122
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't yell at me. i got my airpods in, and i don't feel like getting a headache. are you watching me right now?"
|
220125
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my support group is mostly dead."
|
220127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when he told me he was retiring, i told him, 'make sure you retire on the last day of the month.' you know why? no interruption of service."
|
220129
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you don't desert a sinking ship."
|
220201
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it isn't fun anymore."
"it never *was* fun in the first place."
|
220203
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a man to his dog, who was off the leash and exploring:
"you're going to lose your freedom!"
|
220205
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know how you get, like, that explosion?"
|
220208
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“the action of worry is to prevent you from feeling a feeling. when you have a fear of fear, you become afraid of what you’re afraid of; the worry prevents you from really emotionally experiencing these things and harder to create exposure.”
|
220208
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"did you check the weather?"
"there's, like, an app for that, right?"
|
220210
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we built a bobsled."
|
220212
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"speaking of dormant cocks..."
|
220214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm waiting for the right octopus."
|
220215
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i don’t know what happened to my phone, it just faded.”
|
220215
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
while my coworkers were testing out an owl labs meeting camera:
“we should use this and have rap battles. we could do it for the next ‘get psyched!’ event.”
|
220216
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my cat never wants to cuddle with me. i don't understand it."
|
220217
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"that's completely unacceptable but you know what fuck those guys" even ice cream politics are heating up.
|
220217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i had to stop a few times, 'cause that lactic acid builds up in your rear end."
"it does? i didn't know that."
"oh, you lead a sheltered life."
|
220219
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i really don't want to get into it on my the clock"
"you're not on the clock it's saturday of a long weekend"
|
220219
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe your cough is breaking up with you."
|
220220
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“oh, please! i’m wearing short sleeves!”
|
220221
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“do you ever notice how people will be jealous of you when you're marginally better at something than they are? but if you’re, like, amazing at something, and there’s like no competition, they'll respect you for it?”
|
220222
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i do have to commend you for not giving up."
|
220222
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"eat your hair!"
|
220223
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"was he there when the big fire happened?"
"no. he died."
"oh."
|
220224
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you failure!"
|
220225
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"ooh! shiny!"
|
220226
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'd go back to seattle in a heartbeat. you know i told bc guy if he was serious he'd meet me there."
|
220226
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"put your hands in the air!"
"this is going to hurt a lot!"
|
220227
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i get my ass whooped every time."
|
220301
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she used the r word! that's not very nice."
|
220302
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"welcome to a new season of 'what if'."
|
220303
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay, both of you, wipe your hands, wipe your face, and then ... yay! tomato!"
|
220305
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"say bye, guys."
"bye guys."
|
220306
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't! add people! online!"
|
220308
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
three gems today:
1. "i've read about amphibian obesity; i may need to lay off the crickets."
2. "i think possums can have some bad angles."
3. "he doesn't want to hold your hand! he doesn't want to hold your hand!"
|
220308
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“it’s like you’re being constricted by a boa constrictor.”
|
220309
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"get your own board."
"i can't afford one!"
"get a free one."
|
220309
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"have you been to sidebar? it's a bar."
|
220310
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm fucking shorter than erin!"
"you're a shortstop."
|
220311
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe that's what happens to sparrows after they die."
"they come back as dragonflies."
|
220312
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't have anything to write on."
"use the ground then."
|
220313
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i heard you had a good day; why would you dispute that?"
|
220314
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's the power of floss."
|
220315
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we had to be there, which really wasn't difficult at all."
|
220316
|
|
... |
|
|
epitome of incomprehensibility
|
"Those JMSB bros always sit together" in an annoyed tone. (JMSB = Concordia's business school)
Not that funny written down. It just amused me because I pictured every male business student with vaguely preppy-athletic clothes clumping together to sit in the middle of the library.
|
220316
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can't arrest me! you can't fucking stop me! you can't do shit!"
(said by a masked man to four police officers and a social worker who spent twenty minutes winding him up and then laughed and gossiped about him for another twenty after he walked away.)
|
220317
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"like, i don't know what his official title is."
|
220317
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a woman to her barking dog, after giving him a treat:
"i'm sorry ... did you want *more*?"
|
220318
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
one guy to another:
"you know when she's got that fucking smirk going, and you just want to bitchslap it right off her face?"
(pretty grateful i didn't hear any more of that conversation than i had to.)
|
220319
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my teacher pulled me aside, and he was like, 'anna! are you okay?' and i was like, 'yeah?'"
|
220320
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
my father, lauhging: "it's like a kabal of women," (referring to my mother and me and my sisters) "you'll never meet the mark and you'll always be wrong."
|
220320
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i told my friend back home what was happening and he couldn't believe somewhere was worse than there."
|
220320
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"the mud is eating the children."
|
220320
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"so i'm a ballroom dancer, and there's this one move that i do better than all the other ballroom dancers..."
|
220321
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you gotta play some dodgeball, son!"
|
220322
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the research is remarkable."
|
220324
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they've always been closest to their maternal grandmother."
|
220325
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"no wonder the bridges to montreal are bull."
"bull moose!"
"wtf is that?"
|
220325
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
“you wanna know why it’s so great?”
“why?”
“because i’m in charge of everything.”
|
220325
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“you wouldn’t believe how different the attitude is there.”
|
220325
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"and who could forget ... what the hell was his name?"
|
220326
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i talk to teenagers all day. it's my job. i'm really good at it too. but" deep sigh "just not with my own teenagers."
|
220326
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
an irate man on a busy street corner in a admiral plastic poncho, yelling “PEACE ALL THE TIME!”
|
220327
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Mom: Do you like chickpeas?
Dad: I'm not hostile to them.
|
220327
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“our vibe was, like, tight in first year.”
|
220328
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“crying is allowed; we’re people after all.”
|
220329
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there are those two men again. what are they doing?"
|
220329
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"creepers gonna creep."
|
220329
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
related: "if he keeps gaslighting everyone he's either going to asphyxiate or explode."
|
220329
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"it's a fake ass walmart!"
|
220330
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you guys have been very consistent. but outside of that, i don't know who's been consistent."
|
220331
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't help feeling like the quarter of a million dollars they spent on that flag could have been put to better use elsewhere in the community."
"yeah, but where does it stop?"
|
220331
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think she's talking to her leg right now."
|
220401
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a man introducing his two west highland terriers to a stranger:
"he's a little bastard. she's nice."
|
220402
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the thing about living in an old house is it's always harder to breathe."
|
220403
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's so fine, bro."
"my arm is so sore today, you guys."
|
220405
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"keith, are you seriously fucking climbing that tree to hang out with that squirrel right now?"
"yep."
|
220406
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a owner to his dogs that were barking as they passed: "guys, it's their sidewalk too."
|
220406
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a man standing on a roof, with his head over a chimney: "james! where do you go? can you hear me?? jaaaaaammmmmmeeeessssssss!!!"
|
220406
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"dogs are wise. they understand play is important. we need that."
|
220407
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i give up."
|
220408
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i don't have sticky legs! that's disgusting!"
"stick legs, like a chicken, you weirdo."
|
220408
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i don't have sticky legs! that's disgusting!"
"stick legs, like a chicken, you weirdo."
|
220408
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a man to his young son:
"blaaaaaaaah! blaaaaaaaaaaah!"
|
220409
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"looks like we got a bit of company."
|
220410
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he got the hell beat out of him by sheldon."
|
220411
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"all they did was buy me the same things *they* like."
|
220412
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"well, she did say she slept for twelve hours straight last night."
"that's something, i guess."
|
220413
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
"i could eat a dozen of 'em, they're so good."
"no you couldn't."
"a half dozen, maybe."
"nah."
|
220413
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
my dominican neighbor, daisy, calling out to her wandering westie, “rrrrrrrrichard!”
|
220414
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can walk in as, like, a person, not as, like, a car."
|
220414
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
after a high_school student wound up and threw a small inflatable ball that veered off course while his girlfriend or girl friend watched:
"you can't aim."
"it was wind. that was wind! you *saw* that!"
|
220415
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"god hates me."
|
220416
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
scene: a man is being patted down a few blocks away. he is joking with the police, taking some of the edge off the interaction.
"what do we have here?"
"just a cigarette, sir."
the cop takes something out of it and shows it to his partner. "a thousand dollar cigarette if you ask me."
"yes sir!"
"you'll have to get in the back seat."
"sure boss, but can i have that back?"
"for a thousand bucks."
a few blocks later the two cruisers pass us. an ambulance with its silent signals on is coming up the other way. the cops wave it down, they talk, and the ambulance turns around and returns from whence it came.
|
220416
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've already embarrassed myself. because this is how i walk around at school trying to pick up girls. like this."
|
220417
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"so, what's your favourite dish?"
"um..."
|
220418
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"so you keep all of that in your mind?"
"that's where it grows."
|
220419
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's all about the long hair, the long hair."
|
220420
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how you doing?"
"eh, for an old_man, i'm still mobile."
|
220421
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"if someone is, like, serious vegetarian they may not want meat that's been rubbing against cheese for hours."
"please don't ever say that again."
|
220422
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
not really a conversation, but a shout in a heavy french accent: "ah! fucking eh!"
followed by a roofing crew belting out the words to "i will survive" as it plays on their radio.
|
220422
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"get the kleenex!"
|
220423
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"let me go! let me go! let_me_go! i hate you!"
"i'm trying to be nice to you!"
"what do you want from me?"
"i want you to be nice!"
|
220424
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"watch out for the deep puddles. go around them."
|
220425
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"is that a joke?"
"i don't think so; he's not a joking person."
|
220425
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what are you afraid of?"
|
220426
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i couldn't find any that weren't, like, super flat. so i didn't buy a cake."
|
220427
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i have a pretty fucking basic opinion of myself."
|
220427
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's been trying to get her name out there. she goes to everything, and she shakes everyone's hand."
|
220428
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a group of teenage girls took over the baby swings at the park:
"okay what about alice?"
"i like her hair. is that weird to say?"
"what's your answer?"
"she's my friend!"
"you can still have an answer."
"smash."
"that's my girl!"
|
220428
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Guys on the bus, early 20s:
“I’m not great at geography… I didn’t even know where the fuck Greece was until two years ago.”
“Aren’t you half Greek?”
“Yeah. So that’s a doozy.”
(No shade for not remembering places! I just said something about Indiana being "so far away" from Canada and it isn't - it's just under Michigan. But the word "doozy" coming from a kid ten years younger than me made me smile.)
|
220428
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're moving far away from me."
|
220429
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i can't believe this! it's my dentist calling!"
|
220429
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“it should’ve been me!”
“summer couldn’t wait for her.”
|
220430
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i literally just ran here."
"literally?"
"like, literally."
"wow."
|
220430
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"do you have a weird relationship with organized sports?"
|
220501
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"that's a real nice purple sweater, but aren't you overdressed for the weather?"
"dad it's not purple."
"okay what colour is it then?"
"it's a mix of half red and half blue."
"what do you think purple is?"
|
220501
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fire face!"
|
220502
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i can’t believe he made you do the counting!”
|
220503
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you_know, i_don't_know. and that leads to a lot of ... uncertainty."
|
220505
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"just don't break anything, and we'll be good."
|
220506
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this reminds me of 'girl meets world'."
|
220507
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“all i need is a car with white interior.”
“it’s so easy to clean!”
|
220508
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i come in peace!"
|
220509
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she mutilated me with my own phone."
|
220510
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"nice breeze, but i'm still overdressed."
|
220511
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"miss is gonna wash your mouth out with soap."
"she can't do that without my grandma's permission."
|
220512
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"some friends of ours came into some passive income."
(a euphemistic way to describe wealth, if ever i've heard one.)
|
220512
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay, the only person who should be talking right now is me."
|
220513
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"please. don't look_at_me."
|
220514
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"obviously, people over 35 have babies every day."
|
220515
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i wanna go to hawaii! I WANNA GO TO HAWAII!"
|
220515
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she doesn't have any interest in me sometimes."
|
220516
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
on decatur street, a wife asks her husband about getting beignets and he responds, “i am so full right now. give me 45 minutes.”
|
220516
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they were friendly with their neighbours, but they never had any real friends."
|
220517
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'm really into radiohead and weezer."
"oh man! that's old school!"
|
220517
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it isn't much of a house, but it does have one point seven acres."
|
220518
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop swearing at teachers!"
|
220519
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
two ten-year old boys talking at the aquarium.
boy one, holds up a cell phone camera to snap a shark and says, “this glass is so far back, i’m going to get glare.”
“tell me about it,” boy two sighs, lifting his digital xlr to point-and-click.
both spoke with the seriousness of veteran national geographic photographers.
|
220519
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
two teenagers walking past the kindergarten pickup spot:
"shit that's funny!"
"for fucks sake stop fucking swearing in front of the small children!"
"jesus christ do you hear yourself? fuck me."
|
220519
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"where's papa? papa! he's all the way over there!"
|
220520
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“what’s that called—iron maiden? iron gate?—that sounds cool; i want to do that.”
(spoken by a white-haired business man who looked like he was a distant cousin of steve martin)
|
220520
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the only way to move it this way is to move it that way."
|
220521
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"girl, you live in windsor! how do you not remember the future shop?"
|
220522
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they don't use selected words, because selected words are a bannable offence."
|
220523
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've been playing 'the sims' a lot lately. i have this goal right now. i'm trying to get my guy to knock up every woman in the sim-verse. it's going well."
|
220524
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a man to his young daughter (who he was too busy texting to look at):
"whatcha doin'? playing in the sand? that's cool."
|
220525
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"the adrenaline has kicked in; both of my french-press glasses have broken."
|
220526
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"like, i guess i'm glad i'm with her, but..."
|
220526
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“tonight’s artist is…temperamental.” (spoken by one security guard to another as they entered the back door of michigan theater. they were talking about tori amos. TORI FREAKING AMOS!)
|
220527
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i can't have a dog or a cat at home"
"you should ask for an ocelot"
|
220528
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"grease the crank. tune the chain. tune me up. get me ready for the ride."
|
220528
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i used to get hemorrhoids back in the day and they didn’t twilight you then, they just told you to wipe better.”
|
220528
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"now? am i dead now?"
|
220529
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he doesn't go to school there."
|
220530
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a woman talking about the lunacy of her roommates.
"they're fighting over a tub of butter!"
|
220531
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop riding my dick!"
(said by a teenage girl)
|
220601
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
man in the dry cleaners:
“he don’t like you… i’m pretty sure he don’t like you. i know i don’t like you!”
|
220601
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"do what you feel is best. try to make it pretty, if you can."
|
220602
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a baby’s cries carried through an open window followed by a mother’s soft shush.
|
220603
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this way, big guy."
"dad . . .'this way' isn't the park."
|
220604
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is embarrassing. i have that same haircut."
|
220605
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's the way they want it. but it drives me crazy."
|
220606
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"oh, you're like a human; you're better now to me."
|
220606
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if you don't end up using all six, give one back. 'cause it's weird."
|
220607
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's been getting more complicated for me."
"things are complicated for everyone now."
|
220608
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"shut the fuck up! i told you! i fucking told you! shut the fuck up!"
|
220609
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what about your 401(k)?"
"i don't *pay* my taxes."
|
220610
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"cheater! cheater! what the heck, dude? you wanna win so much you gotta cheat?"
|
220611
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i wear belts and still when i bend over, you see crack."
"yeah, your butt crack is so high it goes up to your shoulder blades."
|
220611
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're so much more irish than you are italian."
|
220612
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
kid1: "what's on your shirt?"
kid2: "blood."
kid1: "the blood of your enemies?"
kid2: "no, i had a nose bleed."
kid3: "well if you have low self esteem then it is the blood of your enemy!"
|
220612
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what kind of dog is that?"
"i don't really know. i call him a mystery husky."
|
220613
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"turning_red is a bad movie."
"why? i liked it."
"it's about a girl who turns into a red panda. not even a great panda. besides i have red hair, it's not all that."
|
220613
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i need to go higher."
|
220614
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"today i might not get the job...of course they're going to oppose it."
|
220614
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
"they call him hitler. i don't know why--he seems like a sweet guy!"
|
220615
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"accept it."
|
220616
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Cardiff edition!
"No, no, I get the joke. I'm just responding...no."
and
"Get outta my fookin way!" from a man on a bicycle to another one walking. At first I thought they were having an argument, because I'd witnessed a street argument that morning, but the walking guy laughed and the bike guy dismounted to amble along with him.
It was oddly sweet. And I thought his accent sounded more Scottish than Welsh, but I'm not sure I can tell them apart from just a few words.
|
220616
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're like ... wow."
|
220617
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
during a conversation about butt sweat (or "swass" as i like to call it), laura, caught in the middle of a topic she didn't ask for, cried out, "i don't know what time of day is appropriate for this conversation but it can't be at 9:30 in the morning!"
|
220617
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop! emerson, wait for me!"
"i can't! when i'm on this bike, i just can't stop!"
|
220618
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i live a very boring and average life."
|
220618
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i knew you were close when i heard, 'i love the hair!'"
|
220619
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a little girl singing "we are going fishing and daddy's coming too."
|
220619
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can we watch this without having to watch twenty other marvel movies first?"
|
220620
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'm the flame that never dies! i'll keep burning until-"
"until!? you said your flame never dies and now you say until?! pick a lane!"
|
220620
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can't just leave it in the pressure cooker."
|
220621
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you wanna have a play-over at grandpa and nana's?"
"at *their* house? NO!"
|
220622
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"wow! i didn't realize everyone was tall! finally meeting in person is weird!"
|
220622
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"does it hurt?"
"nah. it just bothers me."
|
220623
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"no no no no no! i understand, i just don't care."
|
220623
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
At a Glastonbury bookstore: "These are all about white magic. I want a book on black magic. Not evil. Just black. Like night magic."
Same town, on a bus: "And she said to me...'You're not doing Glastonbury right.'"
In a London theatre after The Phantom of the Opera: "I didn't understand that part. I think that's the point of opera: you pretend to understand it, and then you feel posh."
|
220623
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you wanna borrow my car wash card?"
|
220624
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm trying to do it the right way. i'm trying hard to say what i need to say."
|
220625
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you might think falling in love was random. it wasn't. you were meant to meet and stand together."
|
220626
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"for a minute there, i almost didn't exist anymore."
|
220627
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"introducing ... masterpiece!"
|
220628
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"where are we going?!"
|
220628
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"follow me."
|
220629
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm more of a writer than a freestyler."
|
220630
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they were dancing salsa! and i was like, 'are you fucking kidding me?'"
|
220701
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"meryl streep!"
|
220701
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i didn't sleep with priya's roommate; i slept with her roommate's roommate," he clarified.
"that's priya's roommate," she said.
"to be fair," he reasoned, "i've only known her for a year."
|
220702
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what happens if i don't do that?"
"i'll break your arm."
|
220702
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey dudes! rush!"
|
220703
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you just rip it out; it doesn't matter if the head stays in."
|
220703
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i will tell you when to stop.”
|
220704
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"a little sticky today, isn't it?"
|
220705
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"AHHHHHHHH! I JUST STABBED MYSELF!"
|
220705
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm a little confused right now."
|
220706
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i don’t respond to dares.”
|
220706
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
The woman sitting with a golden retriever at her feet is telling two other people, in a mild tone, "[X person] finds [Y person] difficult to work with." Then, "She's a PURELY EVIL bitch."
|
220706
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're not gonna win any marathons, are we?"
|
220707
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"of course i know that, i'm a neurologist!"
|
220707
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"this isn't iced coffee--there's no ice in it!"
|
220707
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's a good dog. he just has gut issues. he eats everything."
|
220709
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's mad at me 'cause i won't marry her. so she called the cops on me."
|
220710
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it just happened to be pride month, so i thought it was appropriate to have the bi flag in my hair. and now i match my cat. we call her 'kitten'. that's the only way she responds."
|
220711
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's my own fault for going back to work."
|
220712
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"slow down! muhahahaha!"
|
220712
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"not now. maybe sometime in september."
|
220713
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he trimmed his beard. he just started cutting. it took him three hours."
|
220714
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you will not cry for cake."
|
220714
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i did it! i did it! okay, now i'm scared again."
|
220715
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"where would we go if the forests were all gone? where would the rainbows go?"
|
220715
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she made me feel valued when i quit. but not before that."
|
220716
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
two five year olds:
"what do you think of frozen 2?"
"i don't really like it."
"oh it is my favourite. why don't you like it?"
"it's complicated like cars 2."
"oh wow you are right."
|
220716
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there were a lot of issues. a lot of communication problems."
|
220717
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i guess no one really gives a fuck about social_distancing anymore, huh?"
|
220718
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think he likes your nuts better than mine."
(hey! it was squirrel-related. get your mind out of the gutter.)
|
220719
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"she had a fascist tattoo."
|
220719
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"this takes me back to grade 8!"
|
220719
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you better control that. 'cause he'll get scared. and he bites."
|
220720
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"the russians are taking over everything. ukraine, the park --"
"hey that's not fair. the russians in the park are just kids from that daycare."
"sure but they're still jerks."
|
220720
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was like, 'you're flying flair, when they're the most unreliable airline on the planet right now. so really, what did you expect?'"
|
220721
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"what do you think would happen if a sumo wrestler jumped in?" said one goggled boy to another as they cannonballed into the deep end.
|
220722
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"montreal is famous for their bagels."
"that's a really boring thing for a cool city to be known for."
|
220723
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's very current. his mom's stuck back in 2000."
|
220724
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can't overestimate the need for tools like plastic wrap."
|
220725
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't do my makeup at seven in the morning when i wake up and have it stay on my face all through the reception. that's fucking impossible. any makeup artist who promises me that is a fucking liar."
|
220726
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's someone who's gonna be upset for the rest of their life."
|
220727
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh ... you got me."
|
220728
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"dude, it's fucking forty! you're doing twenty! dude!"
|
220729
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"hey, so...a ceiling tile just fell down on my head."
|
220729
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i love being american. it's so much more fun at the border."
|
220730
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“my daughter said that when i die, she wants to replace me a big lizard.”
|
220731
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"sam is very open to whatever."
|
220801
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"go around the table, jerk! c'mon!"
(a real-life instance of someone taking will ferrell's dissing your dog advice to heart.)
|
220801
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"he totally looked like a california skater bro. like, if you looked in the dictionary for that you would see his picture."
|
220802
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you look like you're having fun."
"yeah."
"are you happy?"
"yeah."
|
220803
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"wait, you biked here?"
"yeah."
"but you use a cane!"
"it's easier to bike than walk, for sure."
"whoa. that's so cool."
"figuring it out that biking didn't hurt was liberating!"
|
220803
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"jimmy johns is closed because their air conditioning is broken! back in my day, we didn't even have air conditioning!"
|
220804
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's not about being *right* all the time."
|
220805
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's like ... yeah. yeah."
|
220806
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey nora! where are you?"
(said through a phone to someone who was three feet away.)
|
220807
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"mom! it's too much! it's too much!"
|
220808
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we have our health. what more do we need?"
|
220809
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i’ve realized that visiting florida is very different from living in florida.”
|
220809
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh ... i'm in deep shit."
|
220810
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"on y up! on y up! prendre le shot! prendrrrrrre le shooooooot!"
("we're attacking! take the shot!" bilingual soccer yelling)
|
220811
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
you know it was probably "on est up" as "y" is not a verb, but an adjective meaning, more or less, "there". but the local french is unique in ways that would cause one to fail any job related french requirements in a hurry, so you never know.
|
220812
|
|
... |
|
|
past (sighs)
|
pronoun not adjective.
|
220812
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm not, like, an idea machine, you know?"
|
220812
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't understand your fascination with my butt. it isn't even that great."
"i know you don't like it. and that's how i get you."
|
220813
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm just walking through the park! how do you know who i am?"
|
220814
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they have lunch in their office and take their cocks out. and my dad's like, 'fuck that. i'm not working fourteen hours a day.'"
(i'd be more concerned about random penis action than an overly long work day. but that's just me.)
|
220815
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is why i need to have access to pockets at all times."
|
220816
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm calling because i'm running for mayor."
(said by the guy working behind the counter at ontario central vacuums, talking into his cell)
|
220816
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's the gatehouse. it used to house cars. now it just houses old people who volunteer. it's sort of a living museum."
|
220817
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"bella, you're going to get smacked."
|
220817
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't wanna be here!"
|
220818
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
yelled by a passerby across a restaurant courtyard to a server:
"did you try that medication i told you about?"
|
220818
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's my townhouse over there."
|
220819
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"like ... why is it raining but *not* raining?"
|
220820
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"can you still get nesquik at the store?"
"i don't know."
|
220820
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Sue, about chickens: "We might end up eating one of the girls, which would be sad, but at least we'd have more room."
|
220820
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
“they can look, they can stare, but they can kiss my ass too.”
|
220820
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"holy cow! that's a big one!"
|
220821
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's always coughing. i mean, really giving 'er."
|
220822
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"she was just trying to catch a snooze on a submerging boat."
|
220822
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i keep thinking about all those stories about people who make a single bad decision that unravels your entire life."
"oh my god."
"and i ask myself did i just fucking do that."
"oh my god oh my god."
"*nervous laughter*"
|
220823
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's like the psychology building is messing with us."
|
220823
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"take over the world. it'll be interesting."
|
220824
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what do you want? do you want to be completely without any sound in the car?"
|
220825
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“it was a blue toxic compound…”
|
220825
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"STOP KICKING ME IN THE PENIS."
|
220826
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey. were you walking a puppy earlier?"
"nah. i had my daughter with me."
|
220827
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"white castle! jack-in-the-box!"
|
220827
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it all adds up."
|
220828
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm too small behind the bat."
|
220829
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"hope's the first thing to die."
|
220829
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay, kids. last one to the car, i'm leaving without you."
|
220830
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"daddy, why do you like beer so much?" -a girl who looked about 6 years old
sadly they walked away too quickly for me to hear his answer.
|
220830
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE."
|
220831
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm trying to save face, you know, as a small business owner."
|
220901
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it looks nice, but it's not perfect."
|
220902
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"ugh! you sound like my dad!"
"sorry...wait, uh, is that a bad thing? or a good thing?"
"i don't know! and i hate that i don't know!"
|
220902
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“did i tell you i got my sun spots burned off with a laser?”
|
220903
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
One kid to another, in mock-epic tones, "My reign of terror has only begun!"
They were playing basketball next door.
|
220903
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i only have so much control."
|
220904
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“uh…and…like…”
(repeated about 150 times in the span of five minutes as i strolled behind someone who insisted on having a phone conversation while walking their dog).
|
220904
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fuck, dude, like, your street is so far from your house!"
|
220904
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
In the mall, a girl of about 8 said to her younger sibling with a tone of Mature Wisdom, "That's a mannequin. It's not real."
|
220904
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't care what you want. leave her alone."
|
220905
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
"well, daddy's an idiot."
|
220905
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"johnny! do you have a ramp?"
|
220906
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fuck the turtles. i just wanna drink properly."
|
220908
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you have to take care of yourself first if you want to be any good to anyone else."
|
220909
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i always wanted the air sucked out of a box of ritz crackers."
|
220910
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"do you want to know why the flag is at half_staff?"
"no mommy flags are boring."
|
220911
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
guy in his yard: "hey up there!"
guy on a roof nextdoor: "hi down there!"
yard guy: "i won't be able to catch you if you fall but i'll call 911!"
roof guy: "thanks bud!"
|
220911
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when we made love."
|
220912
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's a strange world out there."
|
220913
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"your man is here!"
|
220913
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're feeding the enemy."
|
220914
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i’m going to gain 200 pounds working here.”
|
220914
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"even when we were just friends, she never really saw me."
|
220915
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's like you're just doing it because you want free stuff!"
|
220915
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's like...he's got no sense of like..."
(the world still waits to learn what he's like and what he has no sense of)
|
220916
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's just so terrible...it's almost cruel."
|
220916
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
at the allergist: "so this one will be slower and hurt more than the last one. plus there's three of them."
|
220916
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
“look me in the eye right now and tell me you’re not fucked up.”
|
220916
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it was disgusting, it was filthy...i never see a light on in that place."
|
220917
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he can basically have any job he wants anywhere he wants and be like, 'oh, i don't feel like working here today.' it's great."
|
220918
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"why are the clouds following us?"
"because they love following us."
|
220918
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i started working in 1939. i used to get laid off every year."
|
220919
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i was up coughing all night so i cancelled my shingles shot. oh and i finally sold the graves. yeah i know, it was hanging over me."
|
220919
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm always positive, until i'm not."
|
220919
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
sung more than spoken:
"take a laxative! take a laxative tonight!"
|
220920
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she said a dollar raise sounded reasonable. she said we'd talk about it again in a month."
|
220921
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"Marketing is creative. It's not too hard. Anyone could really do marketing."
|
220921
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i wonder if he refills it; he’s always using the same bottle, do you notice that?”
|
220922
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i keep telling them no. and they keep saying, 'when can we start?'"
|
220923
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't know how far along we are. i can't remember."
|
220924
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're gonna walk right up to him. he's gonna be dead on the floor."
|
220925
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i love you! you're great! unless you cross me. then i will destroy you. (i'll probably destroy you in your dreams.)"
|
220926
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i found this on the floor; it was keeping the elevator doors from closing. and i thought it shouldn't be thrown in the garbage, but i need to get to class." and then the person proceeded to lay a used hypodermic needle on the desk.
|
220926
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're too energized."
|
220927
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fuck_you, officer."
|
220928
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"they weren't going 1,800 an hour, but yes, they were driving fast."
|
220928
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you *do* have a girlfriend, you know."
"yeah. i guess."
|
220929
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my heart is as big as my imaginary dick."
|
220930
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"my daughter doesn't like tacos; i feel like i've failed her, you guys."
|
220930
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's only one way to know for_sure."
|
221001
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when i was a kid, i did a lot of gathering."
|
221002
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"everything is numbers!"
"what about poop?"
"especially poop!"
|
221002
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm one hundred and three; when i had covid i was ninety-eight degrees."
|
221002
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's weird when i'm used to walking alone."
|
221003
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i've heard enough insanity for one night."
|
221003
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how the fuck does anyone ever get ahead?"
|
221004
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're nothing, man. you're nothing."
|
221005
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm like a benevolent overlord."
|
221005
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"is this squid games?"
"no, it's red light green light. good lord charlie, how do you even know about squid game? you're in kindergarten!"
|
221005
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i wish thanksgiving could be delayed this year!"
"why?"
"i've seen my family too much recently. i mean, between rosh hashanah and yom kippur, and now thanksgiving this weekend, they're always over! it's too much!"
|
221006
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"my teeth are as sensitive as a fuckin'' elm!"
|
221007
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i went to school with paul anka."
"what!?"
"well we weren't in the same grade, but my friend once found his report card in the garbage can."
"was he good at academics?"
"oh jesus no. but with a voice like that he didn't need to be."
|
221007
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“you look happy.”
“i am happy. though, i did do something stupid; i fell off a ladder in august, passed right out. my neighbour had to call an ambulance. last time i do that! i’m not twenty anymore.”
|
221008
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why you always gotta be unhappy?"
|
221009
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i could have got in a car accident and broken my neck."
"i broke my neck once. it happened when i was on a trampoline. i tried to do a backflip. ended up doing a neck flip instead. it didn't go well."
|
221010
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"seniors boil hotdogs in my dreams."
|
221011
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i want to invite her over for dinner."
"why would you do that? it's not like you have anything in common."
|
221012
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm going to have the best vocabulary to deal with this."
|
221012
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"oh my god, it will totally match my chickens!"
|
221013
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"are you gonna share?"
|
221014
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"are you gonna share?"
|
221014
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you bought rocks? you dummy!"
|
221014
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what the heck is wrong with me?"
|
221015
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you don't have dark skin. you can't sing."
"i'm not white!"
|
221016
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we were chitchatting. it's been a while since we talked."
|
221017
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't swim."
|
221018
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how does a bastard happen?"
|
221019
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
upon leaving at the end of a horror movie, one moviegoer said to another:
"what did you think?"
"it was kind of sad," as in emotional.
|
221019
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"forget about tecumseh. just forget it."
|
221020
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's scary ugly. she looks like an ogre."
|
221021
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"all he ever wants from life is a potato. a nice, ripe baked potato."
|
221021
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
at the osgoode subway stop:
"how are you? osgoode [o's good? i's good?]!" she chuckled, and then i did too, and wonder how i'd never thought of this before.
|
221021
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
*wondered
|
221021
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i used to have a dress just like that, when i was young and skinny.”
|
221022
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i need to plan ahead. you know, it's a nice weekend. do i really want to spend it lugging around a pound of groceries?"
|
221023
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
From the kitchen, my brother and dad (my brother starting):
"Did they (TV channel) say anything else about David Suzuki?"
"Not really, it was a just a feel-good..."
"'Feel-good'? What's wrong with that??"
...
Y: "I still feel David Suzuki is a very good person."
Dad: "Well, he tried very hard to educate people..."
Y: "You don't think it's all in vain, do you?"
Dad: "Oh no, he probably did more than most..."
(I think the issue in the middle was that Dad had repeated some criticism of others that Suzuki's house could be more modest and environmentally friendly, and Y. took that to mean Dad disapproved of the man. Conclusions, we jump to them! Me too, sadly.)
|
221023
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know what i mean? like a body with no head on it. so it looks like a headless swinger guy."
|
221024
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i thought mom once said to me that grandma wanted to be cremated."
|
221024
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't go on anymore. i can't run anymore."
|
221025
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm going to use the only sources of power i have: my vote and social media."
|
221025
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm not touching that case; i have no desire to be the most hated psychologist in the country. my mental health is more important."
|
221026
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you wanna go around the whole?"
"the perimeter?"
"yeah."
"uh..."
|
221027
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's like, join the other plebeians."
|
221027
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"in a way, i guess i'm still looking."
|
221028
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"she made design suggestions because that back hallway looks like a hospital."
|
221028
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"do it!"
"i will!"
"DOOOOOO IT!"
"I WIIIIIILL!"
|
221029
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
At the dog park:
B'en trop mainstream, mon gars
|
221029
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
(translation: something like "way too mainstream, dude")
|
221029
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i told him about rehab and everything. he's gonna get a nutrition consult from my dad."
|
221030
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"rob had me on the edge of my seat the whole time."
|
221031
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i want to go home."
|
221101
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"listening to us is like biting into a glitter sandwich."
|
221102
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"we don't go to the other park anymore because the russians are bullies."
(different people than the people overheard in july.)
|
221102
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"once an individual's genes are set, they're set."
|
221102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm trying to help. but i can't force the help on you."
|
221103
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i need to talk to someone about a member of my lab who committed a very serious violation."
|
221103
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"tastes like shit."
|
221104
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"could you imagine if we had weed in our brownies here? we’d be the most popular church ever."
|
221105
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"your mother's calling."
|
221106
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm running after you! i'm gonna get you!"
|
221106
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, when i think about people who are past the age of whatever..."
|
221107
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"do not put your mouth around that!"
|
221107
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"holy shit, did he blink? he actually blinked!"
"yeah. he's a bully. bullies are cowards. they prey on those they think are weak. but we stood up and looks like he's sitting the fuck back down."
|
221107
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's like, i don't want her to think that i'm trying to act all like superior to her, you know?"
|
221108
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
On a Concordia escalator: one guy, laughing, "What's the derivative of the function of one plus one?"
|
221108
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they looked for his pulse. they couldn't find it."
|
221109
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a group of teenagers.
1: where did you get that?
2: i think santa brought it to me.
1: wait, you don't still believe in santa?
2: shut up!
3: both of you shut up, there's little kids right there!
|
221110
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you smell like cheese!"
|
221111
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"your kids don't want to follow in your footsteps, they want to take their own path."
|
221112
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"are you a mennonite?"
"what?"
"you're so bad at technology!"
|
221112
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's a pretty good leader guy."
|
221113
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"how's that cheese plate treating you?"
|
221113
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what day was that, though?"
|
221114
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't take your coat off. you'll get sick."
"i don't care about the fall."
|
221115
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's miss cherry's part."
|
221116
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"if it works that's what matters."
|
221116
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my cardio isn't what it used to be."
|
221117
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"i respect a good bus ride."
|
221117
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we did rice."
|
221118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he told me he loved me. can you believe that?"
|
221119
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how do you find will smith in the snow? you follow the fresh prints."
|
221120
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"no, i'm not gonna let you chase the squirrels. forget about it, buddy."
|
221121
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he was like, 'how do you see me?'"
|
221122
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"in geography class, i always have to sit on the right."
|
221123
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"did you get a mohawk?"
|
221123
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i got my dogs some duck hearts.”
|
221124
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"hey! stop! you don't need a helmet in class!"
|
221124
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"let's head over there where we can see the sun."
|
221125
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
after two hockey players slid on the rink and into the boards together, a kid in the stands yelled, "ice is slippery!"
|
221126
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm more worried for my son."
|
221127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm gonna stand you up, bro."
|
221128
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's not fair. i can't wait a year."
|
221129
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"like, fucking hands. literally."
|
221130
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'm the janitor. I literally clean their shit. why do they seem to think i don't know where the skeletons are hidden?"
|
221201
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"relax. relax. relax."
|
221201
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that won't happen again in his lifetime. certainly not in mine."
|
221202
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm bad. i'm dangerous."
|
221203
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're a squirrel! you're a squirrel! you're a squirrel!"
|
221204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"like, i had to blink, and i didn't want to blink, because i was afraid i would die."
|
221206
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"my husband isn't really good with kids so i do most of it."
"but!!"
"i know i know, why did we have 6? i just love babies too much, but they grow out of it so fast."
|
221206
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he spent the entirety of the winter break at my place."
|
221207
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i turned my back. and you ran away from me."
|
221208
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"have you ever seen a lizard demolish a hamburger? because i have. and it was strange."
|
221209
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm not sure. i mean, i don't know."
|
221210
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"all i have is a bedside table and some kitchen stuff."
|
221211
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"shut the fuck up! are you so fucking stupid you can't understand that no one was making fun of you?"
|
221212
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hold on a minute. i'm just gonna kill this squirrel over here."
|
221213
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"and my one friend, i don't even understand why we're friends, because all he does is talk about sports."
|
221215
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"the pandemic is supposedly over. that doesn't mean we're safe, it just means people are being stupid about other diseases instead."
|
221215
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"nothing makes sense! if i can't make it make sense i won't be ready for grade 11!"
"i'm not even ready for grade 10 and it's almost halfway over."
|
221215
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"let me take some of that off your plate."
|
221216
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"the difference between ottawa and toronto is that in ottawa you actually work and in toronto they want you to schmooze and play office politics."
|
221216
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"'frozen' is my favourite movie of all time."
"i hate 'frozen'!"
|
221217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm ready to see some more action."
|
221218
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm only trying to understand some people's behaviour."
|
221219
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"ugh, you know there are going to be those people who are like, 'i need this by christmas!' "
|
221220
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it goes well with a pasta."
|
221221
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you had glitter all over your back."
|
221222
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"no one is returning my calls or emails!"
"chill. i_think_they're_just_overwhelmed. everyone is running_on_empty and burned_out."
|
221222
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you'd literally be spending so much money. i feel bad for you."
|
221223
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if you go on the internet, and i mean on anything at all, it buffers for a good thirty minutes."
|
221226
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
said one middle-aged stoner to another modeling a jacket in goodwill:
"see man, you put on a blazer like that and you look fuckin' professional."
|
221228
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yes, i've seen those wrinkles."
|
221229
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's like my parents said when i was a kid: tecumseh road is the end of the world."
|
221230
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"daddy. no! why daddy! no no no daddy! daddy no no no! stop daddy!"
(a 5 year old clearly done with shopping being dragged into children's place at the mall.)
|
221230
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"my wife is a gay icon online apparently."
"whoa, what's that like?"
"i wish she'd spend some of the sexual energy on me."
|
221231
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"no. you're not eating a mask."
|
230101
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we spent half a year on those projects in shop class and never finished any of them."
|
230102
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"your friend, whats_her_name, she's really good with office politics bullshit. why don't you call her?"
"oh man, it's true but it also means she's always a fucking wreck. i love her, but no i can't do that to her."
|
230102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i go poop in the park."
|
230105
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you know how people use the term snot-nosed kids? well, i call my grandkids 'snotty kids,' because they are."
|
230105
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you guys should hug them. real quick."
|
230106
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"oh, that's interesting! so you changed it?"
|
230106
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"this isn't inflation! this is gouging!"
|
230107
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's still got that puppy bum wiggle."
|
230108
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what kind of winter is this?"
|
230109
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, it was an ortho appointment, so ... i_don't_know."
|
230112
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i figure we just post it and say, 'well, rick, if you want it, come and get it."
|
230113
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a girl who looked about eight, to her friend:
"i don't give a shit. anyways."
|
230114
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we've reached the point where's she's like, 'it's been fun, you guys, but now i'm gonna start treating you like butt.'"
|
230115
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm 71 and i'm at the top of the class—or is it the bottom of the class?"
|
230118
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'm not saying child cadavers are best or worst for this, i'm just saying we should talk about this later."
(less creepy in context, i swear.)
|
230118
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"well, i guess it doesn't really matter then, does it?"
|
230121
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she showed me a picture of something that looked like a vulture. it wasn't a vulture. it was an immature bald eagle."
|
230122
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"everything i thought it would be, it was. or everything i hoped it *wouldn't* be, it was."
|
230123
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm going after brayden. he can't get away from me that easy."
|
230124
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a woman:
"don't fucking test me. let's go."
her daughter (who looked to be about six):
"I! DON'T! CAAAAAAARE!"
|
230125
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this snow is weaker. i'm too strong."
|
230126
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's more work than we were expecting. it's too much. but we can't turn it down."
|
230127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that wasn't epic."
|
230128
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"you know this place is good because it's packed and there's only one other group of people speaking english."
|
230129
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"have them call me so they can yell at me some time."
|
230129
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wasn't like we weren't like allowed to watch it."
|
230130
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'm not busy, i just have lots of meetings."
|
230131
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's smart as a whip. she told me that."
|
230201
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"we went to college together and i thought something was going to happen between us, but..."
|
230201
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
one young woman remarked to another as they walked through the bitter cold:
"i should’ve gone to school in florida."
|
230203
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was in the construction section, with all the *real* fucking men."
|
230204
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"the doctor asked if she worked out and she said, 'yoga' and the doctor was like 'that's not working out.' "
|
230204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he was the boat. that's a boy goat."
|
230205
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm so high right now."
|
230205
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've been sober for three years. i mean, it's not like i never drink wine or anything. i'm not one of *those* people."
|
230206
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"she was asking me if i was from amherstburg, even as i was servicing her."
|
230206
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't change what you want to do for someone else."
|
230207
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's early. it's obviously still early."
|
230208
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"hurry up, you little monkeys."
|
230208
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm flipping you off!"
|
230210
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay. now you can get out."
|
230212
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a man talking loudly into his phone" you should be breaking up not getting married! hello? hello? she hung up on me!"
|
230212
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe you should try it too."
"i *will* try it."
|
230213
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"they ended up getting scammed with the super bowl; they bought tickets and when they arrived at the game, found out they were counterfeit. so he turned to her and said, 'vegas is only four hours from here; wanna get married?'"
|
230214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm walking backwards."
|
230215
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"isabelle, what do you have in this backpack? it feels like there's four bricks in here!"
|
230215
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i don't even ask, 'how are you' anymore, it's a rhetorical question."
|
230216
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"No. I can't do it. You couldn't pay_me_to_read. You actually couldn't."
|
230216
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that month is lost now."
|
230217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop fucking ray gun!"
|
230218
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"My uncle, apparently, at Lollapalooza, lost one Birkenstock. And he crawled on the ground to find it."
(Lessons: pricier sandal brands get verbally singularized when parted from each other. Lollapalooza is fun to say.)
|
230221
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
...oh, the brand name itself is singular. I learn things while I'm avoiding work.
|
230221
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"oh, i know that girl in the next car but i'm not going to wave to her. i'm gonna wait like 10 minutes and then text her and say that i saw her."
(teenagers are so weird.)
|
230221
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, well, turn the corner."
|
230222
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"best to let her sweat it out until monday."
|
230224
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was going to talk about the weather. but i won't."
|
230301
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can see it! i can see it now!"
|
230302
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm trying to teach him manners."
|
230305
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how do squirrels even drink water? i don't get it."
|
230307
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i give people one chance; if you're inappropriate with me, you're blocked online. and if you come into the store, i'm going to pretend i don't know you."
|
230309
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"forty below? i can do that. no problem."
|
230310
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"yeah, it's a lot of california people moving there who are tired of the rates; tennessee doesn't charge any income tax."
(this was spoken in a canadian coffee shop.)
|
230310
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it was suggested i take a bath and drink a glass of wine before bed as a way of winding down. but now that glass has turned into a bottle and i asked the doc, 'does this mean you're sending me to brentwood'? hahahaha."
|
230311
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's why i won't go to the mall with my cousin molly anymore. she's too bossy."
|
230312
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it doesn't take much snow or salt to screw up our day."
|
230313
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Two men exiting the bus, saying goodbyes:
"...And remember, the more you give, the more you get."
"Sure! Whatever that means."
|
230314
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how's your baby?"
"too much crawling."
|
230315
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i mean, if your only reasons for doing that are blah blah blah..."
|
230317
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you're interested in a filing cabinet?"
|
230317
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
two people talking over each other, their monologues overlapping to the point that i couldn't make out one word of what was being said.
|
230318
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
screamed by a man who sounded like he was auditioning for the lead vocalist spot in a death metal band:
"I WILL NOT LET CHRIST DESTROY ME."
|
230320
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"before the pandemic i didn't think i liked working from home, but i never tried. now i never want to have to go back in to an office building again, but if it's an option and my friends are there then that would be nice."
|
230321
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he did it. the *other* kid. there's more than one, you know."
|
230322
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how do i even get back in?"
|
230323
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've met some cool people, for sure. but a lot of people are clearly lost."
|
230324
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"awwww. you're not a fucking kicker!"
|
230324
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's pretty stupid to pay someone else to fax something for you. i mean, it's pretty fucked up."
|
230325
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"they make you try it three times and if that doesn't work they drug you up."
(i think this was about fertility treatments.)
|
230325
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you've got some skinny legs there. what the hell are you gonna do with those skinny legs?"
|
230327
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"where are you going? what are you looking for?"
"i don't know. where are *you* going? what are *you* looking for?"
|
230328
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"are you ready to go for lunch, or do you want to wait?"
|
230330
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"keep looking at me like that and you'll get fucking dropped, man."
|
230331
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"taylor swift has a stranglehold on this generation."
|
230331
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"so, is that going to be enough at the meadowlands?"
|
230401
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's bird food. not dog food."
|
230402
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's almost like a perfect day."
|
230403
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there he is! oh my god! he's so cute!"
|
230404
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"can you tell me one way you are dissatisfied with bell?"
"yeah, that they send poor schmucks like you around to sell their shit door to door."
|
230404
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"even getting up takes so much energy."
|
230407
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a kid cycling with a chipotle bag clutched in his hand, singing, "i'm a bur-ri-to! i'm a bur-ri-to!"
|
230408
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"anyway, it started with feeding coyotes. now you're not supposed to feed squirrels either. i don't see what one has to do with the other."
"maybe if you feed a squirrel and it bites you, you get the flu, and that's the connection."
|
230409
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i just caught me off guard."
|
230410
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it was david. he did it. i caught him. but i'm the one you yelled at."
|
230411
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i finally have things under control."
"why did you say that? you're fucked now!"
|
230412
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i know. he's like, 'i'm gonna do what you *don't* want me to do.'"
|
230413
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm trying to give him space."
|
230414
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's over. it's over."
|
230415
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you've got a hell of a handshake. what do you do for a living?"
"i stay the fuck away from my wife."
|
230416
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
(On the train, a group of young women - maybe still in college, maybe not - were cycling through topics of space travel, friends, and celebrities; I was supposed to be grading, but got distracted and eavesdroppingly typed some notes based on their talk)
When you’re an astronaut, you don’t come from the streets, you know?
But career astronauts...I don’t know.
I mean private astronauts...“I have so much disposable income, I can go to space. For fun.”
[talking about some neighbours]
With two doctor salaries, they can afford, hmm...their kids can go to space!
I’ll be like the cool gay aunt. [something like] They can tell me about it!
[...] People are also getting married at our age.
Who??
Just people.
[...] What about Billie Eilish and like her pedo boyfriend?
Side-eye. Like, SIDE-EYE.
|
230416
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it doesn't matter to me if you're right ... even though i know you're wrong."
|
230417
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"oh, go away!"
|
230417
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"mommy look future_perfect 's dad got hurt!"
"he sure did hunny."
|
230418
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"I'm getting fatter by the minute."
|
230418
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that blueberry balsamic sauce ... whaaaa!"
|
230419
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"looks like the regular weather's coming back."
|
230420
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"oh god, that's too bougie even for us."
|
230421
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there are no dogs here."
|
230422
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe they forgot."
|
230423
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"meltdowns don't matter. everyone meltsdown. it's how you get back up that's important."
|
230423
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i need help."
|
230424
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"which one wins?"
|
230427
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it was the most beautiful thing."
|
230428
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i wish my union was on strike."
"no you don't. being on strike sucks. people don't like being on strike. you wish you were on vacation, but your kids still in school."
|
230428
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"drop the tough-guy act."
|
230428
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i saw harbaugh; he's a nice guy."
|
230429
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"your dad's seen a lot of leafs wins, hasn't he?"
"well, yeah. but not since the sixties."
|
230430
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can be playing sports or doing something else, and then something stupid happens."
|
230501
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh my god!"
"don't say that."
"oh my ... lord!"
"that's better."
|
230503
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"being delusional is not sexy, sir."
|
230504
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
screamed outside: "take it off!"
|
230504
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i know you're putting your whole heart and soul into it."
|
230505
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"were you boys born in a barn?!"
|
230505
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i knew it was over when i saw there was only three dollars and seventeen fucking cents in the joint account."
|
230506
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"who is it? ha! it's dave!"
|
230506
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think i have more than you, bart."
"i think you have the same amount."
|
230507
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm too busy for sex."
|
230507
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
two small children at the park:
"it's better to be the last one to get to the party."
"yeah because then you don't have to wait for people to have fun."
|
230507
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"that's the problem! one week is short enough people save all their bullshit for you to get back. take at least two at a time and magically people learn how to solve their own problems."
|
230508
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
yelled by a middle-aged straight man:
"you go girl!"
|
230509
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop sending me fucking emails!"
|
230510
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
the tenant yelling "at the zoooo! at the zoooo!" to his bluetooth speaker, which then blared simon and garfunkel as protest for me sitting beneath his window outside.
|
230510
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop sending me fucking emails!"
|
230511
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a schoolchild reciting "one, two, buckle my shoe. three, four, shut the front door."
|
230512
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're reading my letter. you're not reading the letter that was sent to me saying you didn't receive my letter."
|
230513
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm tired. my feet are sore."
|
230514
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"oh, my dad is the worst."
|
230514
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"c'est tempered."
"mais... how?!"
"je ne sais pas. quelque chose le busté."
"obviously."
|
230515
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this flower has no scent."
|
230516
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it wasn't that hot."
"the whole bag melted."
"how?!"
|
230517
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i feel bad. i never even knew about it."
|
230518
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what the fuck kind of fucking tree is this?"
"i don't fucking know. fuck."
|
230519
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you planted the seed and that's what's important. now, you've got to give it time to get roots and grow."
(i don't know if the women in this conversation were literally discussing plants or metaphorically speaking about life.)
|
230519
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll tell you what. here's a side business for you."
|
230520
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh. the tree is grey."
|
230521
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
two women walking.
woman one: "i don't know why you're asking me and not him. i have no way of knowing that."
woman two: "i don't want to waste his time."
woman one, stops walking and scoffs: "but you don't care about wasting mine?!"
|
230522
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i know what i'm doing, dad. i can see where i'm going."
|
230523
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's the middle child, and she wanted an orange, so i dug one out of the cooler."
|
230524
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"sometimes a girl just needs a damn muffin."
|
230525
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it had some sauce."
|
230526
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can hear all the crunching."
|
230527
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how's she holding it?"
"just like a lady."
|
230528
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm gonna turn away from you, okay? i'm gonna take the long way around."
|
230529
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"nice car."
"hey, thanks. it's black."
|
230530
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what did you see?"
"a big fat mama with two kids."
|
230531
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"baby dead cow."
|
230601
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"was it like this last year?"
"i don't know. i wasn't here then."
|
230602
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i never said that."
"you literally just did."
"no. what i said was, 'that's what she said.'"
|
230603
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he said, 'i'm gonna come back and kill you.'"
|
230604
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm going to look so sexy for you, you're gonna drop to your knees."
|
230605
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a small boy: "my shirt is like the sky!"
his shirt is yellow.
|
230606
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"love thy neighbour as thyself; you clearly don't love yourself."
|
230606
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"where'd it go? i threw my shoe."
|
230607
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"some serious wind is on the way."
|
230608
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"now you're going home naked!"
|
230608
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i flew on a rocket ship."
"you did?"
"yeah. but i didn't wear a helmet."
|
230609
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"levi! it's leo!"
|
230610
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you haven't moved since last night."
"oh, i moved."
|
230612
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"look at the little ones! they're so cute and fluffy!"
"fucking assholes is what they are."
(they were talking about canada geese.)
|
230612
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't hear you playing!"
|
230613
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i might be naive, but i have hope."
|
230613
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm broke. i'm broke."
|
230614
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's a dog and pony show and i don't pay any attention to it."
|
230614
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's free because i pay for it."
|
230615
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"oh come on! fighter jets? i'm trying to play soccer here but these planes are too fucking cool!"
|
230615
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i thought you were mr. gadget. huh? aren't you mr. gadget?"
|
230616
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for."
|
230616
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"if you're going to his air bnb after, don't sniff the sheets."
|
230617
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hands off the blanket, david."
|
230618
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a visibly distraught teenager to a stoic woman, perhaps her mother?: "how dare you!"
|
230618
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a young girl talking to a friend about her pink scooter:
"the first time i did it, i actually did it. the first time i did it, i already knew how to do it. you know when i got this? i got this at easter. the easter bunny gave it to me."
|
230619
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a mother shouting to her kid. "essel! essel! essel!" then, as an aside to her partner while watching me pass. "they think i'm calling my kid an asshole."
|
230619
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"now i won't have any place to put it."
|
230621
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey, old_man. you think you're tough, old_man?"
"i do."
|
230622
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"you need constant direct supervision."
|
230622
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"she's a fucking bitch."
|
230622
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why you always gotta show up at four in the morning?"
|
230623
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"if it ain't done-done, don't call it fucking done."
|
230623
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“you didn’t do as bad as you thought.”
|
230624
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they're brand new for twelve dollars."
"i have dyslexia."
|
230625
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i drive like a pimp now, i ain't scared anymore."
|
230625
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“it’s fucking monday morning, don’t get on my fucking ass already.”
|
230626
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it takes a lot of work to look this stupid."
|
230627
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you'll hear me say it to the grave that you put my security at risk!"
|
230627
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it took me a lot of therapy before i was able to have a conversation with her ... a productive conversation."
|
230628
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“i’ve never met a sober roofer.”
|
230628
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wanna buy you some cooler glasses. those are pretty cool, but i wanna buy you a cooler pair."
|
230629
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"...and that's how i went from science to the music industry after studying communications in college, shattering all preconceived notions."
|
230630
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i went down the slide! i slid!"
|
230701
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"what? you don't know stan rogers? he sang the american pirate song! oh come on. you know 'the year was 17 uh 17 whatever, i wish i was in sherbrooke' uh hey do you think stan went to bishop's?"
|
230703
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you look like you got hit by a semi-truck."
|
230704
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"do your worst and i'll do my best. christians, are we?"
|
230704
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"wait for dad to finish his turn. then you can go down the slide."
|
230705
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"he makes four peanut butter toasts in the kitchen at three o'clock. like, dude, you know you're going home to a roast beef dinner that your mom made."
|
230706
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i want my water!"
|
230707
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's really funny."
"no it isn't."
|
230708
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"he's one of two trustworthy people in this city."
"there's two trusted people you need in your life: a mechanic and a doctor."
|
230709
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"people leave the house and go to the grocery store. they don't plan on getting in an accident. it just happens."
|
230710
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"loblaws? bien non, je vais pas là. c'est too damn expensive."
|
230710
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you guys are really lucky to have a pool."
|
230711
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop bothering me. just play."
|
230712
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i did it. i went up to him, said hi how are you, walked away and got over my trauma. now i don't have to worry about all the shit he put me through on his power trips. i am free."
|
230712
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"sounds like a case of extreme memory loss."
|
230713
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"how's your day going?"
"brutal."
|
230713
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can i have that?"
"food colouring, sugar, and additives. not gonna happen."
|
230714
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"muffins, muffins, muffins."
"you keep eating muffins and you'll turn into one."
"muffins!"
|
230715
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
sung: "i believe i can fly."
spoken: "no, i can't."
|
230717
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"my wife's not pregnant. unless it's one of those she's-knocked-up-and-still-getting-her-period kind of scenarios."
|
230717
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm hungry."
"wait a minute."
"mom, i'm hungry."
"I SAID WAIT A MINUTE!"
|
230718
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop arguing or you're going back inside."
|
230719
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"oh man, if my kid had a shit like that at daycare my phone would already be ringing to come pick him up "
|
230720
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i have muddy hands. leave me alone."
|
230721
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm not a professional mouse."
|
230721
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
a woman at a playground with a dog but no kids: "he hates children."
|
230722
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
A young man on a bus explaining a character in a screenplay he's writing: "He lives in a world of shitty people with shitty cars."
|
230723
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
a kid swimming in the e-coli tainted waters of sandpoint beach:
"i'm gonna keep my mouth closed and stop swallowing."
|
230723
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why don't we pretend nothing happened?"
|
230724
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you always say i'm weak."
|
230725
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm entitled to a break! you wanna take this outside?!"
|
230725
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he did that to you? what kind of friend is that?"
|
230726
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i do not deserve this game's pity."
|
230727
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i'd be more comfortable if there was a clear line between alive and dead."
|
230727
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we are young adults."
|
230728
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"believe it or not, there were wax figures."
|
230729
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm no farmer; i don't hang out with cows..."
|
230729
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can we play in the grass?"
"you'll get wet. but i'm okay with it if you are."
|
230730
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i hate little kids. i really do."
|
230731
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i'm not staying here!!!"
|
230731
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i hate him!"
"excuse me? i would have done the same thing. stop bothering him."
|
230801
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i hate doing ANYTHING alone."
|
230801
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's married."
"so? we can still talk nice to her."
|
230802
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i fucking love trees!"
|
230802
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"well, i can't carry you *and* the bike at the same time. so what are we gonna do?"
|
230803
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop hitting your mom in the head."
|
230804
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'd like four hundred dollars from my spending account."
"what do you need it for?"
"none of your goddamn business."
|
230805
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"wow c'est vraiment fucked up"
|
230805
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"i just love the act of eating. i could eat all day."
|
230805
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"you need to be able to communicate, even with... a BIRD."
|
230805
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"dad! you can shake the car? i didn't know you could shake the car!"
|
230806
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"right on! bacon's cheap!"
|
230806
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"no one called me, 'cause it's like."
|
230807
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"we are closing in, like, two minutes. use this door."
|
230807
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
“if you’re going to patch that wall it has to be to the balls.”
|
230808
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're not a baby. you don't need to ride in a buggy. you have legs."
|
230809
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"where's the water fountain? i'm so thirsty!"
|
230810
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"remind me to show you a picture of my dildo."
|
230812
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"didn't i just say yes?"
|
230813
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm gonna get you."
"well, you can't get me underwater."
|
230814
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"oh shit i forgot my daughter!"
|
230814
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i wrote a story from the tree's perspective."
|
230814
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm spinning like crazy, man."
|
230815
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it was a good time. we had some laughs."
|
230816
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey motherfucker."
(said by a boy who looked to be about six, to his friend of the same age.)
|
230818
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
(they're sponges, raze, so that definitely checks out! one of my littles likes to tell people to "get your shit together bro" because it's lyrics to a catchy song.)
|
230818
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
(it's both hilarious and a little scary to me what they can pick up at such a young age. i'll never forget my sister, who was just learning to speak, yelling, "aaaaaaaaah bitch!" and doing it over and over again, delighted when the adults couldn't help cracking up.)
|
230818
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why can't we have that?"
"it doesn't matter."
"no. i really need you to explain it to me."
|
230819
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i am not irrational!"
|
230820
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what happened?"
"he tried to drown me!"
"next one who does that is out of the pool."
|
230821
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"no blueberries on the plane? we're not terrorists!"
"that's not it at all, it's about agricultural import rules."
|
230821
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"would you rather have feet for hands or hands for feet?"
|
230822
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"have you ever seen a left-handed third baseman? no! because they have to turn their body in order to throw the ball!"
|
230822
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they made a documentary about the making of it, which was more interesting than the film itself."
|
230823
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"see, when i hear 'kid' i think, like, kid-kid."
|
230823
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i escaped the house, just barely."
|
230824
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"even if we don't end up getting it, that we went out for it still counts. it still counts."
|
230825
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you're not fucking coming in here. fucking die."
|
230825
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"when are these fans and this dehumidifier getting here? i need to dry my clothes."
|
230826
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"you think i'm going to steal your fucking mirror? you're such a fucking weirdo!"
|
230827
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"you have allergies? in the desert?"
|
230827
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"wanna buy some drugs? i got weed and whatever you need."
|
230828
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's the worst hiding place ever! i already saw you!"
|
230829
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's okay. the dogs aren't scared."
|
230830
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"pick your towel up! now!"
|
230831
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"why do i need to shower?!"
|
230831
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the building itself looks really nice. quite impressive."
|
230901
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"tell my friends at bin 7 that i sent you."
|
230901
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"be quiet. no one wants to hear that."
|
230902
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"throw it in the back seat on the righthand side."
|
230903
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i got a face on my head."
|
230904
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"yes, because i have shit to do."
|
230904
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"jesus."
"that's what i just said."
|
230905
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll have to try that. i should misbehave sometimes."
"my cat crawls up my furniture."
|
230906
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"i have every right to stand here, you fucking slut!"
|
230906
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my grandmother isn't doing well. she keeps attacking the staff at the nursing home. she was never like that before."
"maybe she'll give them all covid."
|
230907
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i haven't bought flowers for a lady in about thirty years now."
|
230909
|
|
... |
|
|
Scarlet photos
|
"This is not how we behave, as adults! In fact, I'd be pretty passed if my cat acted this way!"
|
230910
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"as my mom says, 'make yourself slim'!" (spoken by a woman attempting to let another person pass by narrowly)
|
230910
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"britney spears came out when i was your age."
"man, mom, you are old."
|
230911
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"bubba, move your butt."
|
230912
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't worry. i'm here all week."
|
230913
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
In the TA office, two women talking about their work and backgrounds:
1st: "I'm Jewish."
2nd: "That's so cool!"
1st: laughs, then as if to apologize for laughing, "Sorry, I don't know what to say."
(the 2nd one's grandmother was Jewish and also from South America; from my eavesdropping I think they're TAs in the modern languages part of the department, one for a Spanish class)
|
230914
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when i said fuck_you, i wasn't actually hating."
|
230915
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't go over there. it smells like poo."
|
230916
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's your mom's sister, right?"
"no. sister in *law*."
"oh."
|
230917
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"internalize."
|
230918
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
between two teenage boys:
"i don't understand; where in the united states is mexico?"
"mexico isn't in the united states!"
"where is it then?"
"in mexico!"
|
230918
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"come here right now! don't you ever ... let go!"
|
230919
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i suffered for a year and a half."
|
230920
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"everyone's important. but you can't feed everyone."
|
230921
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"darlene was pretty pissed when she got a bill for eight hundred dollars because of my daughter's texting. she told her, 'you're paying for this,' and my daughter started crying."
|
230922
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"mom needs to find the plug."
|
230923
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you cannot waste time. time is precious."
|
230924
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm not trying to start an argument with you. i'm just trying to explain something to you. why don't you listen to me?"
|
230925
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop it. you'll break the wood."
"well, i can't hit it slow like this. it won't be loud enough."
|
230926
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"i want to see this."
"i don't want to see it. i NEED to see it."
|
230926
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"okay, girls."
(spoken by the ceo, to his adult daughter and her female coworker during a meeting.)
|
230926
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she gave me a dirty look in the library."
|
230927
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"alright, mother. let's fart."
|
230928
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the diagnosis was osteoarthritis. now, 'arthritis' means it's been there for a long time. and 'osteo', well, that means something too."
|
230929
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"popsicles! get your popsicles!"
|
230930
|
|
... |
|
|
tender_square
|
"then i smashed my face."
|
230930
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"grandpa! grandpa, over here!"
"hold_on. grandpa needs to drink his coffee first."
|
231001
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you always pull away from me. every motherfucking time."
|
231002
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's only room for one person on the play center."
"nuh-uh."
|
231003
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think it's a beautiful country. i did want to go back, just to explore."
|
231004
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the heat is getting to me."
|
231005
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"time to go pick up some leaves."
"i wanna pick up yellow leaves."
|
231006
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll buy you that cereal *if* you can commit to eating it."
|
231008
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're only a block away. let's go, ladies."
|
231009
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how deep inside were you?"
|
231010
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"victoria, i have something i need to tell you."
|
231011
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's a bee after me."
|
231013
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he makes new music under his last name."
|
231015
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm five foot five. five-five and a half on a good day."
|
231016
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't waste your time trying to figure out what other people think. that's a fool's game."
|
231017
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"so, i need an email from my employer verifying my employment."
|
231018
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if i see him, i'm gonna kill him."
|
231020
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"good job. i'm proud of you."
|
231022
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i love this. i love this. yeah. i love it."
|
231025
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"not worth it."
|
231026
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think i'm gonna call it a night so i can get to bed on time."
|
231027
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is the first year of your new career, right? you're only getting started."
|
231029
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i will eat you like a monster."
|
231030
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
“I thought if you left it longer it just seared more.”
|
231031
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"does a bear shit in the woods?"
"i hope so."
|
231101
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"potatoes?"
"check."
"tomatoes?"
"check."
|
231102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're here for another twenty or so."
|
231103
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when i met that little prick jeff, i was still in grad school."
|
231104
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can i see your other watch, victor?"
|
231105
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you might fit in. you might not. i_don't_know."
|
231106
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he's not gonna spit on my bum. i promise."
"...why would he spit on your bum?"
|
231107
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stay calm."
|
231108
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if there's something for me to work on or fix, i want to do it."
|
231109
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she was eating birdseed. i think she'd eat her own feet if she could."
|
231110
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"my marriage is over. dead. but we can't afford to split up with rent what it is. it's the worst of every world."
|
231111
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're leaving, okay? you stay here by yourself. that's what you want. we're leaving."
|
231112
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop_it!"
"i'm not doing anything!"
"yes you are!"
|
231113
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't believe you fucked up the order. you're an asshole."
|
231114
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"do something. like ... go volunteer. take a class. *something*."
|
231115
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i know i'm a pain in the ass. just ask my mother."
|
231116
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's never gonna be okay."
|
231117
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you wanna help, jordy? go ahead."
|
231118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you just saw the stubborn hound at its best. ten commands to perform one task."
|
231119
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"here comes lucy. she's the queen."
|
231120
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"all she ever does is call me to complain. it's all negative, negative, negative. i don't know why i bother picking up when i see her number."
|
231122
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what i heard was a very loud sound."
|
231124
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've known him since i was ten. we dated when i was thirteen. for, like, a month. which doesn't count. then i broke his heart."
|
231126
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i had to wait three months."
"that's a long time."
|
231127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"bam. bam. thrifted it. these cost fourteen dollars."
|
231128
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know the eighties sucked, right?"
|
231129
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he can just go fuck himself."
|
231130
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"I've seen that guy's instagram. He doesn't have a fucking visa. If they can do it, I can do it. I'm not 'working.' I can just buy the fucking house and figure out how to get a visa later."
|
231130
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"like, what are you doing?"
|
231201
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i actually don't smoke weed. or anything, for that matter. i used to, but then i got anxious and paranoid all the time. it wasn't good."
|
231203
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"goodnight. sweet_dreams."
|
231204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i want to say people in russia not very friendly. so i'm not sure you will be talk a lot with russian people. yes, me friendly. i expection."
|
231205
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she hasn't been getting out much lately."
|
231206
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what does low mean? what is that?"
|
231207
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is where i live."
|
231210
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"now exchanging the men's collection."
|
231211
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you wouldn't even know. how would they know?"
|
231212
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that never happens. you know why? i'll show you why."
|
231213
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"bullseye. well, it *could* have been a bullseye."
|
231214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"panties are dangerous."
|
231215
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"here i am. ta-da. like a rabbit out of a hat."
|
231216
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't bring cookies. i show off things."
|
231217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"and_also, my boyfriend is from wisconsin, so being with him makes me speak with a different accent."
|
231218
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"no. it's not true. it's like all the rest, so it doesn't matter."
|
231219
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's like ... how do you do that?"
|
231220
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"merry_christmas? fuck_you. happy_new_year? fucking bullshit."
|
231222
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is so dangerous, but i'm doing it anyway."
|
231223
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i want my teacher! i need my teacher! i'll see you in a bit."
|
231224
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's christmastime."
|
231225
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm loving the mood tonight."
|
231226
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how about twenty-eight hours of company time?"
|
231227
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh jesus. i can't do anything anymore."
|
231228
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wonder where that mind of yours travels."
|
231229
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
There's a file on my computer called this, and I can't remember if I ever posted these train conversations from October or November:
Person 1: The worst are the anime boys.
Person 2: Where did you meet one? Like on Tinder? In person?
Person 1: No, just like floating...randomly.
When you’re an astronaut, you don’t come from the streets, you know?
But career astronauts...I don’t know.
I mean private astronauts...“I have so much disposable income, I can go to space. For fun.”
[talking about some neighbours]
With two doctor salaries, they can afford, hmm...their kids can go to space!
I’ll be like the cool gay aunt. [something like] They can tell me about it!
[...] People are also getting married at our age.
Who??
Just people.
[...] What about Billie Eilish and like her pedo boyfriend?
Side-eye. Like, SIDE-EYE.
|
231229
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's a gap back here."
|
231230
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"sometimes in this life i get courageous enough to look for something more romantic."
|
231231
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can spy if you want."
|
240101
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was actually debating selling things off of this website. like, not *through* the website, but on my own."
|
240102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think it's not raining," a woman said, while being pelted.
|
240103
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we just kissed. what are you talking about?"
|
240104
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's so boring in here."
|
240105
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you should call your_mom_."
|
240106
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't let the ball hit me, okay?"
|
240108
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're sexy."
|
240109
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can kick myself in the head."
|
240110
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay. that was a weird question."
|
240111
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what the hell, mr. dressup?"
|
240112
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can stay, and maybe you'll see."
|
240113
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's loving it. humbug."
|
240114
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you have bad taste in music, and i don't like it. or maybe i'm just pretentious. but either way."
|
240115
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"also, no. i have not tried battery acid. not actually."
|
240116
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what am i gonna do with ten million dollars worth of heroin? make poppy seed bagels?"
|
240117
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that is priced appropriately for how much it annoys me."
|
240118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"would you rather everyone under twenty or everyone over forty die?"
"for the good of the population, probably everyone over forty, because sperm quality decreases with age, lessening the chance of pregnancy for both sexes."
|
240119
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it feels a bit weird on camera, but it's a really cute colour."
|
240120
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the universe has decided that we can't hear 'she bangs'. i'm sorry."
|
240121
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i still feel a little shocked."
|
240122
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think we should cover all the parks with concrete. i have a tree in my back yard, so we don't need them anymore."
|
240123
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i bought this laptop last february. it hasn't been that long, so it shouldn't be freaking out just yet."
|
240124
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's getting late, so i'm gonna wrap this up."
|
240125
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i changed my major. i was doing criminal justice with a minor in psych. now i'm doing business with a minor in fitness."
|
240126
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you should see my fridge. it's full of energy drinks."
|
240127
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
On the train:
She’s 80% not-joking.
No, she’s like 15% not-joking.
I’m not drunk enough to remember.
I need to hydrate first. Responsibility and shit.
|
240127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what are they doing?"
"feeding the squirrels."
"i wanna do that."
"yeah? and i want pizza."
|
240128
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"do that again."
"no. i'm tired."
|
240129
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm still thinking about that hardware."
|
240130
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i won't see him tonight. he works seven days a week. i think six is enough."
"well, sunday should be a day of rest. even my friend won't do yard work on a sunday."
"yeah. i know. but he has no hobbies. so he works seven days a week."
|
240131
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you sound like you smell wonderful."
|
240202
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm just a little blind. i'll just blink really hard. it's fine."
|
240203
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you gotta tell me about building fires."
|
240204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i hope someone does a water bottle count for me on this trip."
|
240205
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i told you to stop dragging your feet!"
|
240206
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i did everything i was supposed to. it doesn't work."
|
240207
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"her ears always go back when she sees those two."
"my ears go back when i see them too. they're lovely people."
|
240209
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't feel the need to do that again, ever."
|
240210
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i had a really peaceful morning this morning. i mean, other than being really hungover."
|
240211
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i know, i know, i know. but goddamn, girl ... don't you wanna be happy?"
|
240212
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my bass is nice to me. i don't slap it."
|
240213
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i should move to scotland. canada's boring."
|
240214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm very anxious. and i can't breathe."
|
240215
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why do pumpkins sit on porches? they have no hands to open the door."
|
240216
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i want my bike back! give me my bike back!"
|
240217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"dude, this actually hurts so bad. dude, it's, like, welting."
|
240218
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm gonna pretend not to be cold right now. i'm not cold at all. i'm feeling really comfortable."
|
240219
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"a little common sense goes a long way."
|
240220
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"suicide is legal."
|
240221
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"who knows why anything's happening, or not happening."
|
240222
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"should i write something cheesy in my friend's card and say his awesome level is over nine thousand?"
|
240224
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can hold a handstand for ten seconds without support. i've tried to do it in the middle of the room too, but i don't trust myself to stay completely straight yet without the wall to fall back on."
|
240225
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fabuloso."
|
240226
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking 'til you do suck seed."
(someone's a three stooges fan)
|
240227
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
"you know how it is... when you're trying to get pregnant you can't, and when you're trying not to, you do."
|
240227
|
|
... |
|
|
pony
|
(speaking from profound experience, that is exactly how it is.)
|
240227
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if you're wondering where a bass player comes from, it comes from, probably, a musical father."
|
240228
|
|
... |
|
|
pony
|
L: "I wanna have a job, like a post man, or a pizza shop" ---
M: "I wanna have some kids, and work for babies; I'll probably need to find a wife, and my wife will be Mama, or no, it'll be you, L, so you'll have to be a girl when you grow up - if you wanna be my wife."
(bedtime conversations of 6 year old brothers)
|
240228
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fancy pantsy."
|
240229
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Woman's voice: "This is horrible! What HAPPENED?!"
Man's voice: "Welcome to Quebec."
(Overheard last night when I was waiting to get off the train. I came to the door, saw the people whose voices I'd just heard, and pieced together what they meant: they were train workers who'd just stepped outside to make sure people got on and off okay. Nothing terrible had happened; the first one was just unhappy that it was so cold and windy.)
|
240229
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think that it's time. but if we make that goal ... even happier."
|
240301
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"tell the doctor: send to herbicide pharmacy."
|
240302
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you sick, buddy?"
"oh, fuck yeah. everyone in my building's fucking sick."
|
240303
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i love it. i really love it."
|
240304
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't consider 'baby' to be my name."
|
240305
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll admit that i've been on apple music for some time now. the interface is still not my favourite."
|
240306
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't make that decision for you."
|
240307
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i like green bananas more 'cause of the fiber."
|
240308
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i went to see the doctor and he said, 'you're in great shape. you can expect to live a long time. whatever you're doing, keep doing it.' i'm seventy-two years old. you know what my secret is? i eat good food."
|
240309
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're underpaid and overworked."
|
240310
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't sleep because of my adhd medication. i don't know what to do."
|
240311
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i should be the one handling that assessment."
|
240312
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay. go this way."
"this way?"
"that way."
|
240313
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're being so good. you waited your turn."
|
240314
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you tired now? that was a lot of walking."
|
240315
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, millennials are something else. but i will say they did a lot for culture. now, gen z is not the shiznit. they've got their own set of issues. i'm unfortunately a part of that generation, and i can tell you gen z is very anti-comedy and anti-humour. we get offended really easily."
|
240316
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm serious, mom. michael has done everything for these kids. so either you went wrong somewhere, or i don't know what to tell you."
|
240317
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've got a scarf if you want it."
|
240318
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you don't have to play with them."
|
240319
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when i wake up, as long as i'm on the other side of the dirt, i'm having a good day."
|
240321
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"daddy, look. what's that store?"
"that's winners. that's your mom's *favourite* store."
|
240322
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we need to stop letting my dad go to the grocery store alone. he's getting to the age where he keeps coming back with things we don't eat."
"my dad does that too."
|
240323
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i cut my hand open with a flathead screwdriver."
"shit, man! that's so cool!"
|
240324
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can you believe it, diane? i don't understand what's going on."
|
240325
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't just stand around doing nothing."
|
240326
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's really quite nice. it tastes good, too."
|
240327
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i could be here all day, honey."
|
240328
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i definitely feel most emotionally provoked by spanish. i can easily be transported to my family and specific instances in which spanish was spoken, in good and bad ways. but in terms of comfort and familiarity, i feel english has been my home base, so to speak."
|
240329
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey, whose idea was it to play basketball?"
|
240330
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh, it's dark!"
|
240331
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't get how the internet was created. like, what? we're so technologically advanced now, but who came up with it, and why did they give it that name? where do names come from in general? why is this called lip balm? why are my lips called lips? why is this a phone? why is this foil?"
|
240401
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"music is amazing. people just create it, and then everyone listens to it."
|
240402
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Concordia library (probably not exact but close)
1st person: "...those hyphenated French names, they're the like standard. If you walk into a store and yell 'Jean-Luc Tremblay,' someone is going to answer."
"This place isn't real."
"It is real. It's like...Mont Real."
|
240402
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
a woman talking to her camera:
"i know what i'll do. i'll just hold you."
|
240403
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"well, the alpha thing isn't even correct. it's based on something prematurely released about wolves. the guy who came up with the idea admitted he messed up, but by then it was already too late. everyone had latched onto the mistake. and the alpha wolf isn't even really about being dominant. they get that status from mating with other wolves and producing pups. so that's what the alpha wolf basically is: top parent. top daddy."
|
240405
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's okay to consider yourself a dom. but to spring that into a conversation so early and expect someone to be submissive to you ... that's *totally* wild."
|
240406
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"that's what i'm trying to do. i've been trying to make money all week."
|
240407
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i_hate you! i hate your guts!"
|
240408
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"am i flexible? you haven't seen me do yoga."
|
240409
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what should the new goal be? we can make a new goal."
|
240410
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i love julia roberts. did you know my grandmother met her back in the eighties when she was famous? she used to be kind of a celebrity too back then. she definitely fell off, though. nobody remembers her now."
|
240411
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm obsessed with layers."
|
240412
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's very well taken care of, my hair."
|
240413
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"is there somewhere around here where you can take a crap?"
|
240414
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"all right. we're gonna wiggle."
|
240415
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. they failed."
|
240416
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's about a serial killer."
"i thought it was about seth."
"it goes deeper than i think any documentary could."
"so, wait ... is it a documentary? or is it fiction?"
|
240417
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll put you down once we get inside."
|
240418
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're gonna hang the rainbow in the back yard, just for funsies."
|
240419
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how many cards are in a deck of cards? fifty-two?"
|
240420
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he told me something i think he thought was funny. i don't want to get him fired or anything."
|
240421
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"now, watch out for motorcycles. it's spring outside."
|
240422
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"thanks for explaining that to me. i never would have understood it otherwise."
|
240423
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've been telling the same story since day one."
|
240424
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm not authorized to approve that."
|
240425
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't wanna scream. sorry."
|
240426
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"so now we have, like, eye and ear fetishes. y'all do that? that's crazy."
|
240427
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Kid: Dad, are these etible?
Dad: Pardon?
Kid: E-dhi-ble.
Dad: Yeah, but I prefer you don't "et" 'em.
|
240427
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they rushed everything, 'cause they had to, and they just made themselves look like assholes."
|
240428
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you don't usually get an oscar until you do a nude scene. and she did it in the most disturbing fucking movie i've seen in a long time."
|
240429
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i like horror movies. i'm really tired of all the possession type movies, though."
|
240430
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"so, you're going to make a decision without any input from me? is that what you're telling me?"
|
240501
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm the ceo of some bullshit."
|
240502
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"let me not say the wrong thing."
|
240503
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"four thousand dollars. gone."
|
240504
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"mom! mommy! mom! look_at_me!"
|
240505
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"get some korean food. such soulful food."
|
240506
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"nine years of music school wasn't wasted, i think."
|
240507
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i kinda wish i could have done prom, because i have so many dresses for it. i have so many fits. i'm so fucking ready."
|
240508
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i kind of regret that, because i showed you my decadent ass."
|
240509
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we don't really have much to unload."
|
240510
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know what's crazy, though? if someone makes an ai of me, technically i'll still be working."
|
240511
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is awesome."
"is it, though?"
|
240512
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't know. i guess it depends on how cool everyone's being."
|
240513
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"naruto was bigger than yu-gi-oh."
"he was *not*."
"he's still alive, without reboots."
|
240514
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the stinky cheese man survived."
|
240515
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my older brother was obsessed with that guy. it was so cringey. he was like emo girl justin bieber. i stay far away from that, man."
|
240516
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wasn't talking to you, mr. penis."
|
240517
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"dad?"
"i'm on the phone!"
"you're *always* on the phone!"
|
240518
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they're saying all these different things. and nothing is working."
|
240519
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i know what thirty percent is."
|
240520
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"whatever rocks your socks, you know?"
|
240521
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
A man yelling into his phone over the metro noise: "Strong women emasculate men. Feminists emasculate men!"
(Does one have to be either or both? Say you're feminist but weak, plus you don't have any interest in either decreasing or augmenting men's collective level of masculinity even if you knew how to quantify such a thing...?)
|
240521
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"for what he did to me, he's a pig."
|
240522
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was like trying to like figure out like what the like base is."
|
240523
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm just ... i'm so friggin' anxious. it's her."
|
240524
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't you ever wish you had the opposite genitalia?"
|
240525
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"is that a mouse?"
"i think it's a squirrel that doesn't have a tail."
"no. that's a mouse."
|
240526
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they're all trying to fool us."
|
240527
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"just don't say it. it's nothing."
|
240528
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're a zombie movie? in what way? are you eating people? 'cause that's the only part that's not socially acceptable. but you can be decaying, and that's okay."
|
240529
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't know why i couldn't read that in my head."
|
240530
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's supposed to be mandated. i'm very fucking upset right now, you know?"
|
240531
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
In the Art Gallery of Ontario, something like, "The Jesus room is that way."
(It *was* a room full of religious paintings; some displays were arranged by theme as well as time period.)
|
240531
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know how high-maintenance going blonde is? you have to get your hair done every six weeks. and it's expensive."
|
240601
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you shouldn't do that."
"why not?"
"because."
|
240602
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i thought i ripped it all up."
|
240603
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"There's a whole matrix system in our solar system where they take the energy and feed the dark...it's a huge part of what we're cleaning up."
Blathing_on_a_train and eavesdropping: see Mount_Shasta.
|
240603
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you wanna talk about that, bestie?"
"nope."
|
240604
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop asking about my wiener! love *me*!"
|
240605
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"be careful. those swings are for little kids."
|
240606
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was like, 'oh no! somebody call the cops!'"
|
240607
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm just worried about how much shorter these are than boxers. they're not like short pants."
|
240608
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i almost got in an accident on the expressway one day on my way to michael's 'cause some asshole in a tesla cut me off."
|
240609
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"would you like some coffee?"
"why not? there aren't any flies in the mug."
|
240610
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"exams were terrible."
"they were fine. *studying* for them was terrible."
|
240611
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
When I sat on the train behind the four-seat section populated by junior high kids:
Boy 1: Why are you staring into the void?
Boy 2: At least I know how to entertain myself.
Boy 1: I'm entertaining myself.
Boy 2: No, you're letting a machine do it for you.
|
240611
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
(Pah, I think it was "abyss" instead of "void." It was something surprisingly mature-sounding from both sides, anyway.)
|
240611
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i won't let her smoke reefer. my husband calls it marijuana. i call it reefer. dumb fuck. she's a dumb fuck."
|
240612
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're in high demand."
|
240613
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you'll need to replace some of your estrogen."
|
240614
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"battlin'! oh-oh-oh!"
|
240615
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you need to apply a little_star beside your name."
|
240616
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wish i could be a stripper. i would rock that shit. i'm not sure what's stopping me. maybe it's the fear of seeing someone i know out in the wild."
|
240617
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you want some of that sensodyne?"
"my teeth don't feel clean after using that. i'm getting arm and hammer."
|
240618
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wouldn't be mad if i threw away a seven-dollar jacket every once in a while. i wouldn't want to have to throw one away every single day."
|
240619
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm not giving them my email address. i bet they send so much spam."
|
240620
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"let's have a staring contest. if you look away, you lose. if you blink, you lose. three, two, one, go. i think i blinked like three times already, but eh."
|
240621
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i ordered three carbonated waters. they were all just normal water."
|
240622
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"your dad was like, 'okay, do this,' and i was like, 'no, i got this.'"
|
240623
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're not a very nice cowboy."
|
240624
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if i had a story to go with your name, i might remember you."
|
240625
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh my god. no. that always makes me cry. did i cry for you?"
|
240626
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my grandpa's gonna stop paying for the car. you can fucking have it."
|
240627
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe there's tricks and ways you're supposed to do it that we aren't hip to."
|
240628
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"me? i don't give a fuck."
|
240629
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she didn't become popular because she was making good art and people loved it. she was heavily branded. i appreciate what she's doing. it's pretty fun. but i feel like it's there to sell me a way out of unhappiness."
|
240630
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the funny thing is he prefaced all of those insults by saying he really appreciated what i was doing."
|
240701
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wouldn't say i'm paranoid, but i *am* a woman living alone. and i have dogs. but if i ever hear anything in the night hours, i always grab a gun. you just don't know."
|
240702
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm too big for a happy meal!"
|
240703
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it could be people setting off fireworks, but it's a sound that's coming from the ground."
|
240704
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when it does, like, the vibration thing, is it safe to hit it?"
|
240705
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't know about you guys, but i can't eat in front of other people."
|
240706
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"go get it! it's fire!"
|
240707
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"dad, you know what happened yesterday?"
"I'M TALKING."
|
240708
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i signed a rental agreement today, so it's official."
|
240709
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we're not on good terms. we'll never see each other again. i'm pretty sure. i'm a hundred percent sure, actually."
|
240710
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"any time i'm talking about my worries, it's pretty isolated. i'm always talking about some other me while trying to get my shit together. to make progress, i would have to just really let myself experience sadness, and i can't imagine having that. i'm trying to seem like such a grown-up girl. like, 'yes, yes doctor.'"
|
240711
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"we just blasted the furnace upstairs."
|
240712
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's not really a skill. it's just an exercise. it's being the loving adult that you wanted to have when you were a kid, kind of. also, therapy is a thing."
|
240713
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm a big believer in not commenting on things until you have all the information. most people don't share that belief."
|
240714
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"collect all your buddies, and watch 'sixteen wishes'."
|
240715
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"his career seems like some horrible fever_dream."
|
240716
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i like zombie movies. i've seen a lot of 'em. you ever watch 'zombie strippers'? it's a beautiful piece of american film."
|
240717
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're playing with fire."
|
240718
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"leave the dogs alone. don't give the dogs your problems."
|
240719
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think everyone feels this way, but we're not in a place where we're supposed to say it."
|
240720
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"They should’ve made that Frog movie a musical."
|
240720
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i warned you! now this is your life!"
|
240721
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe some people don't wanna hear about ice spice at a party. imagine that."
|
240722
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"were we not diving head-first into the craziest shit possible?"
|
240723
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah ... running people off the road isn't very nice."
|
240724
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"nothing i've seen about her in the press has made me like her."
|
240725
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if there's something i did to someone that might have traumatized them, i don't get to write a book about that and make money off of it."
|
240726
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the banana song never reached me. this was my first time hearing it."
|
240727
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"am i really better than some horny guy? i guess not so much."
|
240728
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"his name is Apollo, and he's already living up to being a beautiful asshole."
|
240728
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know what? no one's kidnapped a famous baby in a really long time."
|
240729
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i watched this show on hbo max. i know it's just called max now. i'm not gonna do that. i'm gonna keep calling it hbo max."
|
240730
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wasn't trying to say that you're boring. i was just saying that *i'm* not."
|
240731
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how do you even climb up there?"
"i'll show you."
|
240801
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"Shut up! Just because of KFC?"
...Here, "shut up" meant more "I don't believe you"; a woman sitting on the train behind me was saying how an older woman she knows went to KFC and had a heart attack four days later. She thought these things were related; the man she's talking to didn't.
|
240801
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"she's a forgetful gary sometimes."
|
240802
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"It's called an incentive spirometer."
"So what's the incentive?"
"Not getting pneumonia."
|
240802
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can continue to think things like this only happen in movies. cool. i'm not living like that. the government does crazy shit."
|
240803
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm new. i'm still learning the lingo."
|
240804
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm facing this way. i'm looking forward."
|
240806
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"aren't you like, a drummer, man? Don't I know you?"
"No I've never met you. I don't play any instruments."
"But you look like you could man, and that's like, what matters."
|
240807
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"I remember people walking across the street to correct my pronunciation."
(a man talking to the woman on the train seat beside him about his visit to Germany - coincidentally while I'm organizing my photos from there)
|
240807
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"her legs were so much longer than the rest of her."
|
240808
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"maybe he hides his nipples, or whatever."
|
240809
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're not a dentist? well, *become* one."
|
240810
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i have polynesian in me. i have italian in me. and then some irish."
|
240811
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll leave it to you."
|
240812
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's a *lot* of nudity in this show."
"and you never warned me!"
"i'm sorry!"
|
240813
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
I have a file of "overheard on the train" things and this is from early spring:
One teenage girl to another on the train – after saying the beginning of March was unusually warm – “That’s when you know global warming is going to be a bitch.”
And from just last week:
“That one, like, familiar text is now so unfamiliar.” I don’t know whether the person meant “text” in the phone way or in the literature way.
|
240813
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
(I think it was also two girls that time but probably older. They switched between English and French with a fluidity that made me slightly jealous, but I didn't listen enough to retain any specific phrases.)
|
240813
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
(I mean, any of the franglais phrases. Or fraises. Phrases to sentences, sentences to strawberries. That's the danger of Montreal.)
|
240813
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't ever think you're better than anyone else."
|
240814
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i still have the same tires. they have ninety-six thousand miles on them."
|
240815
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i need soft skin my entire life."
|
240816
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't think that's the truly asian way, my friend."
|
240817
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"mom. i lost the car keys."
|
240818
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
“Yeah when they kept telling me to catch-up i thought they were talking, um, about tomatoes and, um, that is why I was late. yeah.”
|
240818
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"are teeth whitening things bad for your teeth? do things break down?"
|
240819
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"daddy!"
"what!"
"DADDY!"
"I DON'T CARE!"
|
240820
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm almost close to finishing that poetry book."
|
240821
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what i'm not understanding about this is *that* might be how it started, but it obviously escalated into something else."
|
240822
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wouldn't get any closer than that. you gotta be crazy."
|
240823
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
“I used to own like two pairs of shoes when I moved here from Costa Rica, now I own about 30.”
|
240823
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay. i'm starved."
|
240824
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey. i'm in the back yard. the hose doesn't seem to be connected."
|
240825
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is not fun."
|
240826
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay stop. okay go. okay stop. okay go."
|
240827
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"need nine to know."
|
240828
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i can't find the button."
"it's right there. under the beep."
|
240829
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"this is a good pillow to have a plate on, because it's a stable pillow and it won't fall."
|
240830
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't know if it's there anymore, but there was a spider hanging out in my window for the longest time."
|
240831
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"vancouver is basically beirut, but classier."
"much, much classier."
"sure, but less cool though."
|
240831
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i sleep comfortable. that's what i can say."
|
240901
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"they didn't want a patio door. i had to try and talk them out of that."
|
240902
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"thinking about how to end this conversation. i'm not gonna give away many details or anything."
|
240903
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he was never fond of me talking about him."
|
240904
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't remember exactly how i started."
|
240905
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
"I wish I had the courage to wear sandals."
|
240905
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the english are just very, like ... i don't know."
|
240906
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the red bull is acidic enough that it hides all the horrors of this soup."
|
240907
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
at the tim hortons drive-thru:
"yeah, i'll have a wildberry cheesecake donut."
"we don't have those."
"you had them yesterday."
"we don't have them today."
"why not?"
"because we don't."
|
240908
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"welcome to fucking canada. look at this shit. self-checkout? whoever heard of such a thing? i'm glad i don't fucking live here."
|
240909
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
"ah yes, and nobody will poop in my mouth anymore!"
(I had so many questions from this one.)
|
240909
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know someone like this? she just took a vacation, and the whole time she was just go go go go go."
|
240910
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"life is more fun when you don't ask questions."
|
240911
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i never promised you anything. i never promise anyone anything. i always tell my son: don't ever make a promise unless it's something you know you can actually do."
|
240912
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh god. that would be so perfect for him."
|
240913
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's getting late? it's eight in the morning! it's getting early!"
|
240914
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you have to wait ten seconds. you have to wait thirty seconds before climbing the ladder. i'm taking a five-second break."
|
240915
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"honestly, she looks like a cat. her face is, like, feline."
|
240916
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he was probably an asshole anyway."
|
240917
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"tim walz is everything i could ever want."
|
240918
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"is it this thing? what's it called?"
"a leaf blower?"
"yeah. that thing."
|
240919
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't remember currently. it was some time ago."
|
240920
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i would love to be able to speak another language. but i can't now."
|
240921
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"there's a lot of squirrels in this area."
|
240922
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my hands look so pale compared to the rest of my body."
|
240923
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'll stand up for what i believe in every day of the week. every day of the fucking week."
|
240924
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"when you're in the entertainment industry, your job is to cater to as many people as possible. so you go with what's popular. it might not even be your opinion. you might not even like that sport, that movie, that genre of music, whatever. but you'll go with what's popular, because it makes you more liked by people."
|
240925
|
|
... |
|
|
Soma
|
Person 1: “We can mutually suck at -“
Person 2:“Yeah we can -”
In unison: “We can mutually suck at basketball”
|
240925
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm even afraid of injections."
|
240926
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i thought we'd been through the whole mauve thing. like, my lips are mauve. right? yes."
|
240927
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm not good at it. i'm not good at real_life. i don't take myself too seriously."
|
240928
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i do talk a lot. i'm sorry. i've always wanted to be a motivational speaker."
|
240929
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm exhausted, i'm hungry, and i have a horrible headache. i need to sleep."
|
240930
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, you can eat dog food. it's human-safe. it just doesn't have any spices."
|
241001
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why was i heartbroken when i was ten? what did i have to be heartbroken about then?"
|
241002
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"everyone thinks they're so important. they all have main character syndrome. there's like ten thousand million people here. no one cares."
|
241003
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"don't fucking lie to me, motherfucker!"
|
241004
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you know how everyone hates their birthday? i love my birthday. it's 'me day'. but it's still four months away."
|
241005
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i think bands are cute when you're less than twenty_one."
|
241006
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you're making me nervous."
|
241007
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"um, what is gum chick?"
|
241008
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i've gotta get back in the gym. i'm losing my abs."
|
241009
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"my grandkids call me meemaw. have you ever heard that? do you know what it means?"
"i've heard of bubi. i don't really like that one. i've heard of mimi. but not meemaw."
"maybe it means they don't respect me."
|
241010
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it's kind of like a light grey-purple."
|
241011
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"sometimes haters are funny."
|
241012
|
|
... |
|
|
past
|
"happy thanksgiving"
"thank you. i would be more thankful if the war ended and you could go back to ukraine."
"are you sick of me?"
"not quite yet."
"well i wish the dictator falls and you can go back to belarus. then i would be truly thankful."
"at home, at peace. nothing would make me more thankful for both of us. until then we are here, with peace at least."
|
241012
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"contemplate the girth of my tokens."
|
241013
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how could they have messed that up so badly?"
|
241014
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"put everything in a fuckin' wagon and get on the metro."
(i'd accidentally almost put this in more_half_asleep_thoughts because of how absurd it sounds)
|
241014
|
|
... |
|
|
nr
|
"i have a degree in limericks."
|
241014
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"sue me. arrest me."
|
241015
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the problem is ... i don't know how to explain."
|
241016
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i scroll through the apartments for rent. it's livable. it isn't comfortable, but it's livable."
|
241017
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"no, i hated myself when i did it."
|
241018
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"oh. my knees."
|
241019
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yeah, i think it was 'cause i'm high. i'll be honest, though. it happens when i'm sober once in a blue_moon."
|
241020
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i *am* clumsy. i won't lie. usually not that bad, though."
|
241021
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"how was that? a six point five?! fuck you. that shit's hard. you try."
|
241022
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if you don't start listening, we're going home."
|
241023
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
Overheard at a bus stop. Two youngish men were talking about speaking both French and English and said something like this:
Guy 1: I only swear in English. Not in French. Because most of the swear words in French come from religion.
Guy 2: Why, are you religious?
Guy 1: Nah, it's just that it's cringe.
(Hostie de tabarnak, I say! OK, and I'll throw in a "merde" to counter the generalization.)
|
241023
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hey! you forgot your keys!"
|
241024
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i make dog food at least once a week. sometimes two times a week."
|
241025
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"the people that have birthdays near holidays i feel so bad for. especially christmas."
|
241026
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i cannot get that name right to save my life."
|
241027
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"sometimes it's nice to just do something for yourself."
|
241028
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i mean ... again, if we're going with style is a lie and do what you want, he's not wrong."
|
241029
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i just find it fascinating. how are our eyebrows like this? how do everyone's eyebrows grow into the same shape?"
|
241030
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i was at this outdoor festival. i kept seeing people who i am not in contact with anymore, and i was like, 'why are you here?' it was fucking weird. so many people in my dream. that weird subconscious shit freaks me out."
|
241031
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what? does your nose always grow your entire life? if you got a nose job, would your nose still keep growing?"
|
241101
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"if i see another one of those ... no. i can't. i can't."
|
241102
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what does he do for a living? he doesn't really say. he just says he goes to work at six in the morning and he comes home at six at night."
|
241103
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"why are you actually talking about elements?"
|
241104
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't hate sheep. i just don't like wool."
|
241105
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hair's like a little crazy."
|
241106
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"yes, i will let you call her."
|
241107
|
|
... |
|
|
kerry
|
"it feels like christmas eve but you don't know if there will be gifts or bombs under the tree"
|
241107
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"it goes beyond discrimination. they're gonna push us back into sex work. i think they think they're just gonna put us back in our place, and in all actuality, it's gonna be a full extermination. look at how bold they're getting. they're already telling people to go back to picking cotton."
|
241108
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"different schools specialize in different things. that's where i went to study violin."
|
241109
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"whoever they are, they're far fucked. you can't fix those people. they're fucked."
|
241110
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i look like a lot of things. a disney princess isn't one of them."
|
241111
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i love linen, but linen wrinkles."
|
241112
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm too sensitive for him."
|
241113
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can i search for somebody if they're not online?"
|
241114
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he was wearing rings all the time. he would always put his hand like this on the gear stick. dad's car. none of it was his. it was all his dad's. a few years ago, he was like, 'i love you so much. i'll pay you twenty thousand dollars to meet me in a house in the netherlands.' i was like, 'last time i saw you, you were arrested with a restraining order. you tried to kill me. what, you want me to meet you so you can finish the job?' and he was like, 'i just hate the way it ended. i want to see you again.'"
|
241115
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"just 'cause i have brown hair, don't let it fool you. i'm blonde in the head."
|
241116
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i didn't even know they made them that big. it was insane."
|
241117
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"stop_it. no. you're being clingy."
|
241118
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you keep changing the plan. just keep your mouth shut."
|
241119
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"he was an asshole."
|
241120
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"let me open up another tab and see if that's where it is."
|
241121
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"okay, hush for a sec. it just makes it so much more boring when i'm not the one talking."
|
241122
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i don't think it's a good or bad idea. it depends if you're interested in something serious or something not serious."
|
241123
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you've got skittles? if they're sour skittles, i'm sold. and coffee to sweeten the deal. i could maybe live on that."
|
241124
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"can i keep you in a jar like a little fairy?"
|
241125
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"what are you gonna feed me, scooby snacks? is that your specialty?"
|
241126
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"like, trust me. i have a personality. my eyes are up here, motherfucker."
|
241127
|
|
... |
|
|
e_o_i
|
On the train yesterday: "I don't think I've ever eaten a piece of celery in my life."
|
241127
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"now i understand why he warned me."
|
241128
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"well, that's a good answer. at least you're honest."
|
241129
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"as soon as i stand up, everything goes black. dizzy."
|
241130
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i need more iron."
|
241201
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"god, her eye is split open. i don't wanna ... i can't look at it."
|
241202
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm pretty sure it's more efficient to use a power plant that doesn't make power."
|
241203
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"do you like my cup? i couldn't pass it up. it's like a starbucks cup, but it's pink. i love pink."
|
241204
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"hopefully my teeth don't hurt that bad when i come out tomorrow."
|
241205
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"read the manual, read the manual, read the manual."
|
241206
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm willing to find out."
|
241207
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"fuck. i love lettuce. i fucking love lettuce!"
|
241208
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"actually, i get the meaning. i translated. it's nice. thank you."
|
241209
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you need to tell me about my mistakes. what the hell?"
|
241210
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"in my top songs, i've literally got ... you know that movie with that little purple guy? i've got a song from that movie in there. it's my fifth top song. it's a good song. it's dancing in the dark."
|
241211
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i wanna go skating this weekend. like, without falling."
|
241212
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"seven foot? you think i'm seven foot? that's wild. i should be playing basketball or something."
|
241213
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i have news. i just got it right now."
|
241214
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i have used aspercreme. it works. you gotta marinate. you gotta baste yourself in it for a few hours."
|
241215
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"obviously i've had sex in a car, but that's not the craziest place."
|
241216
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"nope. wrong. keep guessing."
|
241217
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"could you hold on a second? i've just got something in the oven."
|
241218
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you asked me to say this. i'm not this mean, okay?"
|
241219
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"you can explain whatever you want in the air."
|
241220
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm gonna be real with you. this is the only clean underwear i've got right now."
|
241221
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"too hectic."
|
241222
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i feel like i need to take getting flexible seriously."
|
241223
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"i'm a fidgeter."
|
241224
|
|
... |
|
|
raze
|
"ae? this is ai."
|
241225
|
|
|
what's it to you?
who
go
|
blather
from
|
