risk birdmad gamble soul for a wager 020108 ... Bespeckled It was one I told myself I wouldn't take; I remember the moment. It was right when I saw her on your phone screen. Four years past, and you were still hung up on her, and that is when I told myself that this would never amount to anything, that I simply wouldn't let it, that it was not a risk I could take, not a vulnerability I could submit myself to. But I have. And it is a gnawing, uncomfortable, uneasy, subtly troubling, apocalyptical feeling. It makes me wince thinking of all the possible ways this could end. 041109 ... tilt for such a coward, i take a lot of risks. maybe it's just naivity. 060115 ... Bespeckled No it wasn't fucking worth it. The risk I thought I was taking was nothing compared to what I actually lost. How stupid and needy I was. What a waste of time! What an unnecessary and damaging detour. So it goes ... that's, as they say, life. 081124 ... cocoon I am not naturally a risk taker. And maybe calling it a risk is the wrong word perhaps. But it certainly feels a bit risky, leaving something secure for something that might be less secure. Particularly in this day and age. But where does risk lie? Are we being held back by a fear of failure? Should we live our lives in numb dissatisfaction because its better than the alternative? What happens if the risk pays off? What is that thing they say about some momentary discomfort being worth the eventual reward? 201202 what's it to you? who go blather from