fear silentbob I fear I've startled something bad something which I cannot finish I fear it may not work out in the end and that i'll have to start over again or forget or be overwhelmed with grief and uselessly make the same mistakes again and again and again i fear i will die a broken man i fear the death of my love i do not fear death No one should death is assued and should be embraced it doesn't hurt, being dead you feel nothing no, i do not fear death it will come eventually i fear that i have startled something bad rustled up something that will not be fixed i fear something will go completely wrong which will cause me to live alone And i fear I'll die...alone. 010125 ... ghosts appear and fade away 010125 ... Titania Fear will get you in the end only if you let it..... fear will rip you apart tearing away at your mind only if you let it.... fear itself is a tragic death sentance waiting for you only if you let it......... 010507 ... minus forever the fearful one. never fully doing anything without apprehension. it's a fucked up way to live. BOO!!!!!! 010906 ... silentbob without_mythologies 011204 ... psychobabe Ants are in the sugar muscles at your feet were on the other side the screen is us and we're tv spread me open sticking to my pointy ribs are all your infants and abortion cribs... I was born into this everything turns to shit the boy that you love is the man that you fear- Pray until your numb...asleep from all the pain..your apple has been rotting, tomarrows turn out dead I havnt a end i have no choice but to, i'll make everyone pay and you will, see. You can kill yourself now because your dead in my mind, the boy that you love is the monster you fear- Fear afull those eyes, crawl into the dark, you poisoned all your children, to camoflague your scars, pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fears, pray your life was just a dream the cut that never heals.. Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream... I am so tangled in my sins that i can not escape.. collects me like a weed someone had to go this far, I was born into this everything turns into shit, the boy that you love is the man that you FEAR- fear afull those eyes, crawl into the dark, you poisoned all your children, to camoflague your scars.. pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear, pray your life was just a dream the cut that never heals! Pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream...just a dream THE WORLDS IN MY HANDS THERES NO ONE LEFT TO HEAR YOU SCREAM...NO ONE LEFT FOR YOU... 021002 ... limanne i don't understand why don't you like me why don't you like me, am i so different from you how does it scare you that i'm able to discern? what to love and what to burn i'll add your fuel to the fire now stand back, brother take your hand back leave it and i might crack more than a smile or two you see don't judge what you don't understand you can't deny what has been given to me 021102 ... stoic that my fear will ruin me. . 040114 ... monee of pushing people away of people pushing away 041207 ... eat id it's funny the things that fear can breed...anger, mostly. It seems to me. Then comes silence...for me, silence always follows anger. Followed by an almost unrepressive urge to question, blame and insult. Again, just me speaking here. And the funniest part is how exhausting that day spent with fear can truly be...why that day will feel longer than any other. I spent my day afraid of what may come and, indeed, it was one of the longer ones. 051014 ... hsg i dont care to fear anymore. im "here" forever and that's okay either way. luh_earning_to_dance for ever and ever. for real. pro_very pro_verb pro_word a_gress_in_the_right_directions. 070531 ... Bespeckled Control. 071105 ... amy in red/realisma fear, reason, reason, fear. it's all the same to me. it grants some really grand empathic non-superiority privileges. it starts to get stupid-slow, though. i hate that. 120217 ... monochre has caused me to do things for which i feel deep shame. "i'm a horrible person, albeit maybe less for knowing this." some things will eat me up forever until/unless something else eats them. 130203 ... tender square when the failure alarm for your sump pump is triggered after a 7 am power failure and your basement is half-finished... 210812 ... tender square goddammit i used failure twice in a single sentence--more typos today. (cue monica crooning "it's just one of those days...") 210812 ... raze fret not! it happens to us all. as a wise man once said, "we have nothing to fear but feer itsel." and somewhere in the world there's a person who's still trying to track down the elusive mr. itsel just to see what was so scary about him. 210812 ... nr "it feels safer to sit with 'not knowing,' doesn't it? if we never ask for the things we truly want, then we can pretend they don't know, and everything will be easier. except that it won't. at all. the not knowing, living in a state of ambiguity, feels good because in that place we can HOPE. we hope they might secretly want what we do. that they don't meet our needs because they simply don't know what they are. maybe if we just don't rock the boat, the waters will be calm and smooth-sailing... but it won't. we need to know the uncomfortable truths. we need to face them. we need to ask the hard questions and we need a support system that can carry us through disappointments so we can live a life true to ourselves." thanks for basically summing up my entire life's patterns, quote. yikes. 211019 ... nr the past is hard to reconcile. it's amazing how much damage a fear of being hurt can cause. 211019 ... nr i typo-ed that quote a bit. sorry, quote. 211019 ... tender_square “i’m afraid my heart won’t move forward,” she said. “what does that mean?” he asked. she didn’t know how else to explain it. “it means i’m afraid my heart won’t move forward.” “well…that sounds like fear to me.” “maybe?” she was dubious but willing to hear him out. “yeah. earlier you said that you were afraid of ending up back here. but that’s the whole point of it, right, being vulnerable?” “i guess so,” she conceded. “but what if that barrier isn’t fear and is actually for my own protection?” 220915 ... tender_square "no one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." —c. s. lewis 221210 ... tender_square the paralegal asks why i won't stay in my home. "the tenant is unapproachable," i say. "you can't talk to them about anything." the paralegal prods: i have legal representation, i have a property manager, my tenant also has legal representation—we have channels through which communication is supposed to happen and isn't through direct contact with one another. the fear is a rat running beneath my layers of skin, chewing on nerves, short-circuiting with paranoia and anxiety. and i feel like my little sister in the wake of domestic violence, the way she never spoke the name of the man she had loved after, referring to him as "psycho" instead. the way she withered away as a powerless victim. we cannot plan for all contingencies. are we ever really safe where we stand? the bubble is an illusion, though trusting intuition remains important. measuring the pressure changes that pass is necessary. the tenant claims to have ptsd, that they're 110 pounds and couldn't possibly hurt anyone. i argue that they have twenty years of military experience, which means knowledge and access to weapons, which means knowledge and training in physical defense. i am told to return, to live under the shadow of this golem. i am trying to live with a pureness in my heart instead of allowing this crisis to diminish me. they say the best revenge is living well and it's time to build my new life in the image i want it to take. 230502 what's it to you? who go blather from