today Sock_Monkey "That's the hardest part. Today everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook." 010214 ... chanaka my heart stopped then started again 010214 ... mikey is now. is not yesterday. is not tomorrow. today i have an interview at 11am. its currently 4am. woke up at about 3:15. i went to bed early didnt plan on waking up this early though! now i'll be stressing longer before my interview ugh ugh. i am SO hungry geez i think i'll make some ramen noodles or something. i hope TODAY is better then yesterday for everyone else out there. of course we wont know till TOMORROW how today was! 010307 ... nocturnal today I slept through all my classes. oops. never done that before. I'm kinda glad though, needed to catch up on some sleep. 010307 ... mikey Nocturnal is my unfound female twin. im sure of it. of course your not unfound no more! 010308 ... nocturnal and I am so glad you found me 010308 ... birdmad is the birthday of someone i wish i could forget but the fact remains that the depth and detail of my memory is part and parcel of who i am 010308 ... twiggie is my likkle sister's birthday. she's 10 010313 ... johnny west :: singing :: Happy birthday to twiggie's sister... Happy birthday to twiggie's sister... Happy birthday to twiggie's little sister... Happy birthday to her! My sister just turned 10 late last month. She was so excited to have her age turn into "double digits". Wish I could have been there. 010313 ... mikey i hope its a good day 010314 ... unhinged i got an e-mail from him and i haven't talked to him in two weeks. did you ever write something about someone not expecting them to ever read it? yeah...he found my online journal. he was expecting all kinds of fabrications...what an ass. 010322 ... silentbob i wondered if she'd give me a reaction today. she seemed tired, but not stand-offish. but i didn't want to push. i hate feeling like i deserve alienation, so i avoid when i can. don't worry i'll catch you don't ever worry 010323 ... Aimee is the greatest day, I've ever known. 010323 ... Photophobe_in_the_sun I'm balanced and quiet. Not happy, but at least not in turmoil. The first day I can safely say that the weather is clearing, and the clouds over my shoulders are backing off. 010620 ... distorted tendencies Matt just pushed my last button. I blew up on him. And I knew what I was saying was completely correct about him. Even his friends were quiet. One of them apologized to me, but it wasn't him I was mad at. He didn't do anything. It was Matt. He needs to stop his bullshit. I cried when I got to the library. I'm alright now. I just want someone to cuddle with. I can't wait till this weekend when I can see my true friend. 020116 ... SuicidalAngel Today I'm really tired and I feel like I'm getting a cold. I'm hoping today wont be like all the rest where I go into work and come home and go online. I'm so BORED with my life. 020116 ... guitar_freak Today my boss, who knows I'm in recovery, waved a fat joint in front of my face. He said that he would probably last longer than I would in a stare down with it. I knew he was right. Said nothing. Held it. Smelled it. Turned around. I didn't look back. 020123 ... lulie If I didn't have to know, I would choose not to know what today is. 020602 ... smashing birdmad "...burn my heart out before i get out" 020602 ... silentbob today you were a hypocrite as per usual as you didn't recognize this double standard. now go away. 020602 ... lulie It's not what it was suppose to be. It was suppose to change. I will not recognize it, not until tomorrow, maybe. 020602 ... anonymouse Today a boy called me cute. No one has ever called me cute before. but it was from some fat, hairy, smelly, gross, disgusting and desperate guy...so i guess it didnt really mean all that much...*sigh* 020624 ... angie Today is the greatest Day I've ever known Can't live for tomorrow, Tomorrow's much too long I'll burn my eyes out Before I get out I wanted more Than life could ever grant me Bored by the chore Of saving face Today is the greatest Day I've ever known Can't wait for tomorrow I might not have that long I'll tear my heart out Before I get out Pink ribbon scars That never forget I tried so hard To cleanse these regrets My angel wings Were bruised and restrained My belly stings Today is Today is Today is The greatest day I want to turn you on I want to turn you on I want to turn you on I want to turn you Today is the greatest Today is the greatest day Today is the greatest day That I have ever really known -smashing pumpkins 020624 ... Jarec started off like shit and ended up happy i love days like today........ 020930 ... jolie today has been an average day at school....I'm not quite out yet, so I guess something could happen still....there was a near fight outside the bathroom door today when I emerged during lunch. I was unamused. I just waited until the two large boys were far away enough to where I could walk through without accidently being hit with a body. It was really stupid....I was really indifferent on it...one guy was my firend, but I also know he is a jackass and a bully who probably didn't like the other guy because of the way he talks (his voice is nasally and really anoying) and the other guy is not my friend, however I know that he is basically a good person, even though he does run his mouth constantly, and is a very annoying kid...they both had their faults, and it happend for no reason.....I dunno.....I may leave school early today. 030402 ... DammitJanet It's funny y'know, how different things can seem from day to day. The same situation is completely flopped around yet nothing has changed. So i'm left sitting here wondering what exactly is going on in my brain, what signals are being stimulated, which chemicals, hormones and glands are working differently from the day before. And i'm completely uninspired to write anything worth while, yet my need to type something, anything, continues to linger and won't be tame until i do. So i continue to trudge on letting everything go, hoping something of interest will come into play. I also got the urge to use the phone today... i don't normally call anyone, because no one usually bothers to call me. I remember a time when the phone always rang, and it always rang for me. It's amazing how special that can make you feel... someone cared enough to call, you mean something to someone so they reached out to talk to you, and only you. Who cares who they called before or are going to after. Right now it's you. But it no longer is. They're all gone and yes, i should be glad of it. None of them were good for me. I got into a lot of trouble from all those boys. I just wish i still had atleast one. One boy who calls. So i made the calls instead. And it proved to be quite difficult. When you don't keep up with people, they move, change numbers, change their lives. It took quite a lot of searching to find them, but it was worth it in the end. Reaching out to someone after so long isn't that bad after all. I'm going to promise myself to do it more often. For something to do other than mess around in my living room, i headed down to the art in the park downtown. I was there yesturday and saw this amazing painting in a medium i had never heard of before. Beeswax with pigment. My mother liked one and bought it, 35$ including the frame. Pretty good deal. So i went back, hoping it was still there, with money to burn in my pocket. I figured hey, the one half it's size in a frame was only 35$... this one shouldn't be too bad. So i walked up to this russian man, Slava Tch, and asked the price. Well i can say i got him down to 1100$, but he just wouldn't go down that extra 1020$! I'm a fool to think it would have been so cheap. It was absolutely amazing, the strong colours, the texture, it made me ponder my own talent and if i'd even come close to such a beautiful work. If only he had a print... Yet it just made me think, fine, i'll create my own works. It's not like i don't have the supplies, the ideas, or the talent. I'm a strong believer of i can pretty much do anything i put my mind to. Although i'm my worst critic. I doubt all i do and wonder if it's worth finishing. I think that's what i really need to work on. Not the work itself, but my attitude towards it. I need to gain that confidence. I've been losing that a lot lately, as well as the trust in myself. ...today was a good day. 030608 ... belly fire today just wasn't the same without you today was hard without you there today they changed our job to make up for you leaving today I had so many stories to tell you today everyone talked about you like, maybe you had the day off? (even nice salesline guy wondered where you were) today I found that everytime I let my mind wander I thought of you with dirty ears today I sat in your seat today I didn't listen to any music...I was afraid maybe Nelly would come on the radio and you wouldn't be there to dance along with me today Tony used your yellow clipboard today you would have been told you were getting a comfy vp job like me 031209 ... misstree guards me from tomorrow with growling and snapping, the occasional concerned glance thrown back as it leads me slowly down the day's paths, toward's night's heavy-scented garden where tonight will bring the finest fruits and wines to be found so that i may, for a moment, forget that terrible tomorrow will eventually defeat today. 031209 ... belly fire relief excitement exhaustion celebration! today our lives are fitting into place one more piece at a time 031211 ... distorted tendencies I'm packing up my things in my dorm room and heading to florida! So fun... and when i get back... Tatsuo gets to stay for the rest of my month's break with me at my families' house. I have a hot Japanese boyfriend.. 031212 ... triplelcipse I spoke with the lost love of my life. She hangs just in the distant, just out of reach. I try to deny our connection to save my troubled mind, but a part of me will never let go. I could wish for things that are not and dream of things that could be, but that does little good, for all there is, is now. I try to flow with what life blows my way the best I can, but I seem to be caught withing her wildwind. All I can do is sigh from the depths of my soul, neither in sorrow or joy, but in simple understanding that things happen for a reason. 031212 ... misstree today i will not acknowledge questing hands or thoughts that race, panting, searching. i will glide until i am free of flourescent lighting and being trapped with my words and seeing them shriveled. i will haunt until i am made flesh again by searing touch. i will laugh no matter what tears or angers dart forward, because when all else is numb it is the one thing i remember. i will breathe in and perch until the proper moment to exhale renewed fire. 031226 ... puredream working towards tomorrow. 040529 ... kerry let's stay in bed i told you i didnt want to go as we pulled up to the stop sign, hair tousled and longish, your hands nimble, acrobatic, you said "don't go, stay with me" and whats wrong with me, i just started to cry. today let's stay in bed and read john berryman, i can fold my lips up inside of yours. and while i wait for you to call, time flooding past in screaming avalanches, i remember a poem you sent to me, one you had written and at the time i did not realize it was for me: "oh i'm asking questions to all the ripples in your lips is division possible if we're both zeros?" 041218 ... eat id Today was easier. It's a step. 060328 ... thorn he called someone a dyke (in a derogatory way) and didn't understand why i was offended. 061020 ... amy in red The romantics have the blue, the rational has the red. To be totally cynical and/or sentimental about it...... 110325 ... jane usually the logics have blue, the dreamers have red. but someone destroyed my beautiful universe. no_worries - it_will_rise_from_the_ashes. 110325 ... PeeT what day is it? today. that's my favorite day. pooh to piglet 120204 ... no reason (06/12/14) was a good day. sometimes these things need to be documented. 140611 ... TK Decent Guy comes by today various things were said but 3 things cot my attention most. 1.) comments on my appearance, not out right calling me attractive (thank you for some how knowing I don't do well with complaints of that type)but says that he knows a lot of a lot of women (mainly house wives) who work out regularly to have my what was it he said(?) dimensions? no that wasent to word but it started with a the letter D and for some reason made me think of height, as in tall ppl who wished they could be short. but I think thats why he clarified with explaining about the fat house wives (not that he said fat but it was implied (why else would they be working out right?)) as I most likely made a confused face, bc after all I cant imagine any one who is tall would ever want to look like a short oompa loompa like me (not that I said that, but I definitely thought it really hard) Anyway bc I was incredibly daft at that moment I took it to mean something a long the lines of "hey I noticed ur sort of skinny" so to which I kinda shrugged off and basically say something along the lines of "meh yea I guess" truthfully I can't handle head on obvious complements and he somehow picks up on that and does it the round about way and bc I'm me I'm too dumb to notice when it happens. Ugh, yea I'm just a bowl of fucking awesome. 2.) But then a little laterish I said something about Mexican food at a place nearby (not that I was hinting at anything, simply that the flow of conversation moved in that direction) and he says "so you obviously like Mexican food, is there anything you don't like to eat?" to which I reply "anything to spicy or sour" then he asks "well how about sweet" and I acknowledge that yes I like sweet foods and then suddenly it hit's me and everything feels like it just clicked into place, WAIT!!!! is he about to ask me out to get food? like on a date? to which I awkwardly yet somewhat quietly freak out and yea it's so bad I don't even remember the exact words that were exchanged but it was something along the lines of "wait, are you going to ask me to dinner? don't do that" or some such expressing as much and then just as awkwardly try to smooth things over by saying something along the lines of "I have no doubt that any one ~you~ asked out would be deeply flattered but I, um, no" as you can by now tell I'm just the bloody paragon of eloquence to which he replys that he had no intention of asking me out, and I know I should feel embarrassed but I'm too overcome by relief to feel that, then he goes on to say that he has a friend who owns a cupcake shop and he had simply thought of bringing me a cupcake to which I somewhat over exuberantly reply that I love cupcakes. And everything from there on goes all hunky dorry as if I'm not a complete and total socially inept idiot. So now I'm left wondering, the commentary about others working hard at a gym to attain my dimensions, was that really as I originally thought, just random conversation? kind of like commenting on the weather. And as such then am I being weird in thinking maybe it could have been more then that? Or was it in actuality stronger then mere weather commentary and actually meant as a complement? Intuitively I feel the answer is yes it was meant as a complement, but as socially inept as I am maybe I read that all wrong. As for the possible date conversation, had a soccer mom said word for word the things he said to me (before I cut him off) it would of never accrued to me that the soccer mom was going to ask me out. So was I jumping the gun? I fear the answer to that is actually yes, I as usual was reading way too much into things and jumped to a rather improper conclusion as to what was really going on. I've heard it said that the only way to actually learn something is by ~doing~ it but this whole trial and error thing is really rather quite unpleasant to say the very least. *dejected sigh* Oh and me turning the Decent Guy down (not that he asked) has nothing to do with him. I'm just not ready to be dating, or even anything even remotely resembling as much. Who knows maybe someday I will be, I just know for a fact that I most certainly am not even close to ready right now. Oh and the 3rd thing, I'll wait till later to see how of if that pans out and as such worth writing about. 140722 ... TK Typo: Complaints = complements Of = or (thank you for some how knowing I don't do well with complements of that type) Oh and the 3rd thing, I'll wait till later to see how or if that pans out and as such worth writing about. 140722 ... flowerock the sky is overcast and gray, the air is misty, not quite drizzling but just nearly, enough to wet your hair and clothes if you walk through it for a few minutes. the kind of day when I would enjoy hot chocolate and hot soup, naps, reading with candles in bed, but I am working instead, outside. It's interesting to see everyone's reactions to this weather. some love it some hate it and some seem not to botice in shorts and flip flops, defiantly "on vacation in california" refusing to accept that this place is cold and wet. I am enjoying my soup even though it is cold and from a can. organic split pea with hemp protein and flax and maca and turmeric. filling and warming even cold. 140820 ... no reason i walked by a homeless person and he said "i fucking love you!" that's a new one. 140829 ... raze is world wildlife day. "you're my favourite form of wildlife," i told simone, while i watched him make a sliver of walnut disappear. 230303 what's it to you? who go blather from