touch bird going feral i reached out to make sure you were here but you never reached to me content to let me remain a figment of your imagination all the more easily forgotten the imaginary friend long since outgrown 010604 ... jinx Is it so bad to want arms around my waist and lips on my lips-or neck-or clavicle-or stomach-or any where else they happen to travel... I'm only human-far from a saint... But I'll have to wait to be touched. 030402 ... nom sigh 061225 ... unhinged he said yes then he grabbed for me then he pushed me away sigh i would like to touch him a lot more 061225 ... c r 0 w l sigh 080627 ... past is pondering trying to judge the accidental, but so surprised by the purposeful. 080627 ... unhinged i read no meaning or expectation into it anymore. he hugs me more regularly now. he knows. but it makes me bitter, knowing the way he touches her, that he has no desire to touch me. hugged like a sister, a friend. unfairly, in the middle of it, a way to detach myself from what was happening to me, i thought of him. how if we were together, it wouldn't be happening to me. so part of me blames him. unfairly. he put his arm around me and i shrunk inside myself. he felt it and let go. touch breaks, touch heals. but, the breaking is so much faster, longer. 080628 ... pas there's a time to reach out, and a time to be reached out to. 080628 ... unhinged (i am not the only one that reaches out to him. his exnotgirlfriend came to him recently to see if he was dating someone because she's going through some tough times and needed to lean on him. he is the kind of boy to be leaned on, depended on. i need a boy like that; a partner. it is tiring to imagine things long past in an attempt to forget the big gaping hole of the present) 080628 ... past the difference between the quick there-and-gone touches that happen during the times between, and the full-length lingering almost passive touches of the times at either end is that between seeing in greyshade and seeing in colour 080629 ... past though it's taken almost a month i think i see it, see them, clearly now. the accidental and the purposeful. our hands linger longer when we pass things from one to the other, and the taps and touches and friendly hits no longer surprise me, are beginning to be reciprocated. 080718 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I see his Sisters of Mercy T-shirt over the video and I'm reminded of its texture. I want my arms around it, around him. My head under his chin. When your sad romanticism extends to textiles. When you want a hug. 220306 what's it to you? who go blather from