going peyton there's a barrier nothing but blood splattered against that's where I am that's where I've been that's where I'm going until there is no blood left 020617 ... tide going gone 020718 ... ever-so-slowly insane I am going insane as fast as my 14.4 kbps dial-up connection will take me..... 020726 ... angie going to a party on a monday nite? whatever... I dunno... I don't really know what to say I really wanted to talk to you tonite Instead I'll get a drunken e-mail actually...I prob. won't you will prob. just pass out and forget bout me for the nite never have gotten a drunken e-mail from u Gotta be cool Gotta be understanding Think how many times I have done that to him I haven't written in blather red for a long time I miss its comforting appearance He found this. He felt bad He said it was my place, but he still read everything I wrote on here He said he was never going to read my things on here again... I wonder if the curiosity will get to him. I had lots to vent I made cookies tonite well...not cookies yet, just the dough i will make the cookies tomorrow put the dough in the fridge wonder how this semester will go it will be wonderful being so close to you i wonder if u will get sick of me what am i saying i dont know. gotta put it into perspective i'll wait till 1 maybe 130 miss you 030120 ... nom not going to be sad 060405 ... eatingstars im gonna go running and then im going to work on my program and he said he'd be there and i think of my patheticness and reflect on my friends and their comments and it's so cold right now i woke up at the normal time but i went to bed three hours later my back and neck and legs all hurt i feel old does it only get worse from here? i love so many things in life and i can't help but find myself happy a lot of the time. but i feel like a part of me is missing and ive been looking everywhere i don't know where it is or who has it and i'm scared. and the song is playing [i will be with her tonight i will be with her tonight yeah] and i wonder who she is and why he wants her and i remember im not normal and i don't think normal things but then i remember that's why people like me, because i'm interesting. i may not be beautiful but i can make people laugh, whether they are laughing at me because i'm rediculous or because it was actually funny it doesn't really matter i guess. i forgot why i was writing this sometimes i forget things or i tell people i forget things because it's normal to forget things but i don't really forget them this sentence was a contradiction. sometimes it pays to be modest but i don't really know what that means because i haven't gotten any money for modesty yet but i bet modest mouse has made a lot of money, i would pay them money. i think im going to go make my bed. 060422 ... nom i'm going to vancouver 060422 ... nom "i have dreams" 070101 what's it to you? who go blather from