bad ugh feeling kinda ancient 010729 ... pilgrim sometimes interpeted as good 020328 ... SOK bad ass 020726 ... tender_square i whispered to mom by the clothes line, out of dad's earshot as he tidied the garage. "shawnee asked how dad was doing because aunt elaine told her that it's really bad," i said. "and?" "i didn't really know what to say. i told her he's always been quiet so it difficult to tell. i did mention his world was shirking, but he is still driving, which most people in his condition can't do." "yeah," mom said, looking down. we stood in the shade away from the blistering late-may scorch. "it's hard to hear that, 'he's doing bad,' i feel defensive, or that i can't see it clearly." "well, if anyone would know it's elaine." "shit, i didn't think about that; i forget that she's known dad since they were kids." "and she sees him every month at those meetups," mom added. i wanted to protect dad. i wanted to defend him, insulate him from other people's commentary and their noticing of what's diminishing. i was dizzied by the heat and cut to the quick. "it really is bad, isn't it?" "and it's only getting worse," mom said. 230531 what's it to you? who go blather from