difficult silentbob however far away i will always love you however long i stay i will always love you whatever WORDS i say i will always love you i will always love...you 030619 ... Anthony is it really so fucking difficult to EVER go out with some of my old friends or even some of my new ones all you ever hang out with now is your fucking new friends and not even your old ones that still love you unless you're in control you wont do a fucking thing know what? fuck you! what's so damned difficult with doing something for me for once FUCKING CHRIST IT'S NOT LIKE I AM MAKING YOU LIE AND GO TO A NARCOPTICS ANONYMOUS MEETING SAYING YOU'RE A FUCKING DRUGGIE is going to one of my friend's weddings so hard to ask?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 030619 ... Anthony i guess so..... and now it's difficult for me to think things have to change and they have to change fast otherwise...... well who knows otherwise maybe i'll leave...... 030624 ... Cicero Cut away these fears Wrapped about me, And let fall my tears Into your ocean of lies. 041004 ... Cicero Difficult. That's one way to put it. Living according to no one is a lonely business. Unless you can find somebody to match your devotion, your passion, your intensity life becomes a walk through deserts of character. No eyes that meet yours look faithful... they dart around in search of something different, whether it's right, wrong, good, bad, worthy, unworthy, deserving or undeserving. You can feel the path under your feet, but you cannot see it, so to everyone else you are walking through walls for no apparent reason. Until I find that woman, that perfect woman who has eyes full of truth, of immovable beauty, I will be alone. I would not have it any other way. And I will find her. I will find her. I can feel it. 041004 ... nom it was difficult to leave i could've kept standing there dreaming 060306 ... Anthony in the end, I left... 060307 ... jane you are really difficult to communicate with !!!!!!!!! 071004 ... epitome of incomprehensibility ...I got into a ridiculous argument at work today. Not in content that much, but it was so needless. Neither one of us really had a reason to argue, but my supervisor and I are both really stubborn people and he's better at stubbornness than I am. He's an iron wall and I'm merely a plank of wood with nails sticking out - annoying but ineffective. Still, I also like to think I have people skills and my calming/moderating instincts do useful things when they aren't choked out by grumpiness. I also like to think being able to compromise is better than being an iron wall, so there I go... inflexible about the virtue of being flexible (relativity taken to extremes turns into a paradox). Specifics ahead. This morning I was showing him some ideas I had for ads, and I was making some sketches next to my suggestions. Things seem to be going well, until perhaps I got too pushy (I was sharing the idea that "the proofreading ad might have a pencil next to the logo" - no stroke of genius or attempt at it!) and suddenly he changed manner and objected, saying that since he is a graphic designer with X years of experience, the images were his job. He went on to say that you should NEVER tell a professional designer what to design, etc., and I should take this as a "learning experience." No doubt it's true that graphic designers aren't usually given sketches by corporate clients, but why lash out at me for giving ideas? Why couldn't he just say calmly that he would take care of the design, and that I could continue working on the written part? As it is, I tried to explain that my sketches were suggestions, and that I respected that design was his area of expertise, but I added (in retrospect, I shouldn't have argued back) that when I worked for a college volunteer thing, I drew a logo which was then turned into a graphic design by someone who had that area of expertise, so in my experience it made sense for artists with different skills to work together. That got a comment along the lines of "Pfff, student stuff" and me being inexperienced in the professional world. (True enough.) When I tried to say, "Well, it's my text that's the point, the sketches don't matter" he still kept lecturing me about focusing on my job and about me not being a good learner. In short, his manner upsets me and I'm probably making it worse by being my stubborn self. I guess I just have to learn to bite my tongue and not try to change what he thinks, but it was frustrating again at the end of the day when I apologized for the "misunderstanding" and he replied with something like "No, no, I understood you; you're just wrong." Nothing about apologizing for getting upset or calling me a bad learner. I wish I didn't have emotions right at this moment, because I use them badly. I also suck at debating. I need a happy medium in between cowering in nervousness ("Don't get mad at me! Please!") and arguing back inadvisedly. 160224 ... amy in red it is very difficult to live a life and then to write about it. not to write really, but to again live a life. and yet... 160226 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Yes. I didn't put this in my journal. I was too sore about it at the time. But on Thursday when he wasn't in, I talked to my other supervisor, saying that I was having trouble getting along with him and asking what I could do better. I wasn't lacking backbone entirely. I did say that I didn't want to have arguments, and I focused on the situation rather than blaming anybody. It's a fine line to balance. (Is that a mixed metaphor? Maybe it's a fine line to balance ON would make sense, mixed as it is?) Anyway, Friday he was there and things went okay. It's still taking me too long to upload the web ads, but we were getting along fine. 160227 what's it to you? who go blather from