hard birdmad lab created diamond cut glass drill bit saw blade mohs scale etch a sketch glass acid container depleted uranium armor and ammunition rock 010406 ... soia core 010625 ... silentbobfuckyou pretending to be happy in an already fucked up situation 010715 ... no reason things are hard and i am hard on myself 100225 ... no reason maybe i'm hard on others because of what i expect from myself 100225 ... no reason or maybe not i don't even know 100225 ... belly fire finding it difficult to find my own words... nobody said it was easy Oh, it's such a shame for us to part nobody said it was easy no one ever said it would be so hard ... I'm battling the trifecta of change, guilt and loss. 100422 ... uoasI What makes it harder and harder each time I leave is that it's not just you I miss now, I miss your family. You looked at me and whispered softly; you are family 110111 ... tender_square "we went through the hard stuff already," he soothed. i couldn't control my tears as i was leaving. the day's events were toppling dominoes, swiftly nudged when the list of things to do ran out. my body busy and diligent mind warding off grief's cumulative pinpricks. we cleared out the old house of last-minute leave behinds. he swept the crumbs of shared meals from the floorboards that held us up when we couldn't hold ourselves. i showed him how to anchor his new life to the plaster walls with tape, a pencil, and some patience; how to hold the drill when its threads sliced what seemed solid. spent my aesthetics dressing up a house i'll never live in, in the quaintest fucking neighbourhood, a bubble of perfection that bursts as i accelerate on the gas pedal and peel away. 230602 ... nr it's hard to meet people who you trust, who are good people, who care about you, who you care about in return, who you are attracted to. it's hard when people don't meet your needs, when even after they try, which you notice and appreciate, eventually things go back to the way they were. it's hard to have to lower expectations to receive love in the language you need, which is a pretty commonly spoken language. it's hard to realize your expectations are naturally being lowered to experience less disappointment. it's hard to feel the resentment. 250402 what's it to you? who go blather from