family moonshine Blood may be thicker then water, but water is pure. 010219 ... moocow that's for sure.. 020712 ... josie couldn't be more right.. 020716 ... testimonial evolution ohana means family. and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. 020717 ... mon uow of us, everyone, distantly 050322 ... nom i was jealous of the siblings i was convinced i had but didn't have 070202 ... unhinged sweet insanity why i my brother my cousins live so far away 080524 ... pilgrim We speak of Brotherly Love We knew each other so well That pushing each others buttons Came most easilly to us all Fought each other for our own Selfish entertainment In a World where All Men Are Brothers Is it any wonder We are in the shape We're in 080527 ... log burning fire What draws me to family... if I were a psychiatrist, I'd say an enormous amount of unresolved personal material. If I were an anthropologist, I'd say families are at the root of social structures—they shape our identity, our belief systems—and so I find them fascinating. Also, I love the idea that families have narratives that are essentially the family story that is passed along generation to generation—and the rifts start when people question the story. 121114 ... no reason my mother said she was excited to have the whole family together for the holidays, but now that she's here, she's done nothing but complain and pick fights with my dad (about ridiculous things like how dim the light should be in a room) and other such negativity. i addressed and she said she was stressed from moving my brother. but it doesn't seem to me like a natural response to stress. she's acting like a child. there are many worries associated with the behaviour, and i can't stress how much i think she could use therapy, but she would likely think it's unnecessary. i should get my brother to suggest it to her; she listens to him. i wonder sometimes how people tolerate their families (as in how they actually do, not how they can). 121227 ... thats *i addressed IT* 121227 ... no reason it just seems like it used to be so much easier to have fun together 121227 ... nr i think maybe when you don't get what you want or need with family, it's the hardest to deal with. it's kind of an odd concept; being expected to live a full life with people you didn't choose. 150405 ... nr i guess i talk about this a lot. family issues intrigue me. i'm done wishing for things i can't have, but some things i do have still bother me. i am extremely thankful to have a few family-like friends, though, which i guess gets more typical as you get older. 150405 ... nr people say things like, "family is important to [said person]." which i don't really understand as a general statement. why should someone be important to you just because you're related to them? if you have familiy members you get along with, great. if you don't, you should feel obligation to get together with them. it's a weird kind of tradition; to be expected to hang around people who don't understand you and vice versa. do people actually enjoy it, or is it just ingrained in them? 151215 ... still blame red wine that should've said: 'if you have family members you get along with, great. if you don't, you shouldn't feel obligation to get together with them.' 151215 ... raze so i'm talking to unhinged last night. she tells me it's time for me to go to bed, because it is. i say it's funny how blather seems to wind down when i do. everyone seems to stop blathing for the day when i'm about to turn in for the night. she says even though we're in different time zones, she's pretty sure we all go to sleep around the same time. i tell her i like how we're all so in sync, even our sleep clocks have found a way to fight through time and align themselves. "we are family," she says. and it runs right through me. for years i regretted being skittish when things were really busy here. i wrote some things i was proud of. i made some incredible friends. i stood in awe of the beauty that poured out of these people as they bared their souls. but for a long time i held something back. i wasn't comfortable giving myself to this place completely until i was just about the only person still here. it was funny in an upside_down, "life is what happens to you while you're busy baking apple squares" kind of way. but it stung. i felt like i missed out on a chance to be a part of something special in a deeper, more meaningful way, and i had no one to blame but myself. now you're here. and you. and you. and you. and you. and i'm here too. we're family. i really believe that. the_red_thread connects us and holds us together. it holds us up when we feel we're about to fall. and i feel like i'm a part of something i didn't think i would ever get to have. i guess what i'm trying to say is, thank you for being here. i love you. all of you. 210929 ... tender square this is so lovely, j. and so much yes, the_red_thread wraps us all in its care, we are family here. i was going to post this under "natalie_merchant" today, but here seems more fitting. second choice for blather "song_of_the_day": "kind and generous." 210929 ... kerry is this kismet? the other day i was thinking about how lucky i am to be back in this space again, to be brought back into this space. and also thinking about the need to thank everyone for being here, writing and reading and just existing, and how do i do that. for some reason it seemed daunting. but you make it look easy. so basically, thank you for this blathe, j, because you did the work for me. 210929 ... unhinged aw this warehouse job is literally kicking my ass so i have no beautiful exposition in me at the moment but i said it cause i meant it thanks blather fam 210929 ... nr he was going to come over to their house to say goodbye before we all parted ways. i asked if he'd also stop by where i was staying before i had to leave to catch my flight, and he said no. i asked why, and i don't even remember the answer, other than maybe he didn't want to make two stops, and there were more people to say goodbye to at house #1. "why can't you visit me?" he asked. well, again, because i'll have to go catch a flight so i won't have time, and you are staying here two extra days and have a car. it's also a pretty short distance from one place to the other. but i said goodbye then, and he told me to come visit next year. i said i'd have a look at my schedule and figure something out. he walked away, and aunt c turned to me and told me how she loved me and she'd always be here for me, and gave me a long hug. she pulled away looking teary, and then sister-in-law came and she told her the same thing. sister-in-law said later, "i was locked in to your conversation, and my heart was breaking for you." i found myself semi-surprised at both of their reactions, since at this point i don't even think i have high enough expectations of that relationship to even feel anything close to surprise or heartbreak at any behaviour. i guess that could be considered heartbreaking in itself. 251227 what's it to you? who go blather from