nothing kendera i have nothing to sayi have nothing to sayi have nothing to sayi have nothing to sayi have nothing to say 010718 ... silentbobfuckyou i mean nothing to you. in your eyes i am just another gross flesh bag taking up oxygen. 010719 ... peyton she says it and I feel the doors slam the air flies from the room, and I am alone in the vacuum begging for a word, but no air in my lungs to plead for it nothing bleeds me dry 020121 ... Webley I see nothing, the nothing is something, im sure of it 020410 ... Webley I see nothing, the nothing is something, im sure of it. 020410 ... jessica is helping me anymore. 020517 ... 0of46 Her breath carried a sweet nothing into my ear, like every breath of true love should. As she curled upon my content form, I passed to the realm of dreams, bu dreamt of nothing specific. When I awoke, she was gone, nothing remained save my memeory of her sweet nothings in my ear..... rambling on and playing with catch phrases for the book i'll probably never write 020724 ... i wish it wasnt so sounds interesing 020726 ... alice i am 020731 ... erogenous do i feel nothing? nothing can't be anything because even nothing is something. it is nothingness, completely and utterly in all its glorious neverending depths of darkness and folds of sky that swirl continuously into oblivion. where is the nothing? 030614 ... straw man Nothing is prior to the Not and the Negation. Anxiety reveals the Nothing. That for which we were anxious, was "really" nothing. The Nothing was present then. The Nothing itself nothings. 031215 ... i think i need a new name don't look down nothing is there 040410 ... two the past few days i felt like less and less of a person a shadow strewn across the floor and then the light comes on, fullblast but today, as i was sitting alone, trying not to think of anything bothering me (when does that ever work?), the phone rang. it was a friend i haven't heard from in a long time. months. just calling because he was out someplace that reminded him of me. and so he called because he was thinking of me, and thought i'd like to know about where he was. it was someplace i would like and he wanted to share it with me. i didnt quite know how to reply...i was thought of. at a time when i felt i wasnt thought of at all...i just felt so marvelous. then i read another friend's online journal quite randomly, and this person had posted a long rant about how people can be so aggravating, and how pointless it feels to talk with anyone when people seem to be so ... uninterested / uninteresting -- and then, at the end of a paragraph, he says that he is very grateful, however, because there are exceptions. and he listed two people. i had to read the sentence over. i was one of the people. i still can't believe it. two...two things, which i would think friends should be used to their friends thinking of them like that, but...i honestly am not. so many people i know are too afraid to let anyone know they care, or else..maybe they just don't care? but either way, to have these two friends of mine say things like that just made my day 100x better. it's strange how so many things were making me feel so invisible, so worthless, so lost, so...inconsequential. and then today, two different people from out of nowhere let me know they care and that i matter to them, i am noteworthy. i am someone thought of, someone important to them as friends. i am SOMEthing. i am not NOthing. at least, not the them. and for this i am grateful. 040410 ... piercedjenny Have you ever had someone ask WHAT'S_WRONG? Only for you to reply NOTHING? I have. I realized we all answer that way because we realize the other person doesn't really care. How different the world would be if we cared. If we answered the question accurately. Then nothing would really be something. 040706 ... tilt 051110 ... tender_square she had to muster the energy to get ready at 8 o’clock at night after she’d spent all day lounging in pajamas. he wanted to take her out to see some jazz. a few days prior, she had suggested they do something together, because she got the sense, after a conversation he prompted earlier in the week, that they didn’t spend enough quality time doing spontaneous things. “how about going to see some jazz at webers?” she hesitated. “i don’t know. what time does it start? how long would we go for?” he held his hand up. “forget it.” “just because i’m asking questions doesn’t mean that it’s a ‘no,’ i’m trying to figure out the logistics of things. i’m meeting erin the following morning for tea and we’re going to be losing an hour with daylight savings time.” “no, no. it’s okay, we won’t do it.” she could tell he was upset. she insisted they go, even though it didn’t really matter to her. she wanted to make him happy. she wanted to buy herself time between their next “discussion,” when he’d inevitably bring up again how structured their life was, how he didn’t see himself in the world. she applied concealer to her under eyes at her vanity between yawns as he got dressed in their bedroom beside her. “and…i’m done,” he announced. “it’s so easy for men. you just throw on a sweater and you look good.” “it could be that easy for you too.” “no, it can’t. if i just whipped on a sweater and didn’t put more effort in, i’d look like a disaster.” “that seems harsh.” “it’s true.” she powdered her face and drew in her brows to define her eyes. “and anyway…” he noticed how her face fell in the mirror. “what is it?” “nothing.” “you were going to say something.” “yeah, but it doesn’t make a difference. it’s fine.” she waited for him to take her at face value, to turn and leave. he stayed. “tell me.” his eyes were kind. he genuinely wanted to know. “it’s just that—and i know that how i feel about myself has to come from me—but you never compliment me on my looks. how am i supposed to take that, when the man i’m married to, says nothing?” he moved in to embrace her, to brush his hand against her cheek. “lately, i’ve been thinking about how good you look.” she waited for him to continue, expecting a compliment to be forthcoming. “you know i’m not a verbal gerbil.” and immediately, she chalked it up to something else: maybe he didn’t say something in that moment because he thought that she’d think that he said it only because she had prompted him to. she turned her face from his and curled her eyelashes. “i know,” she said. now he left the silence, a series of empty bars, for her to speak. “i know you’re doing the best you can,” she managed, holding back tears while the mascara wand caressed her lashes black. “i’m sorry; i know i’ve been so caught up in myself.” she was surprised at this admission, to hear him say the words that she had been thinking for weeks. “but you know these past several years have been difficult.” and in an instant, the portal to his self-awareness sealed shut. she wanted to tell him the years had been hard on everyone, no one was immune. she didn’t. 220313 what's it to you? who go blather from