pointless Q Pointless is a word rich with meanings. So it is an ironic word, because its meanings imply worthless. 021121 ... unhinged digital dating the increasing and insidious desire for everything to be perfect; i am not perfect. i am well aware of that fact. every time i put myself into dating i feel this sneaking but insistent thing in the background, be perfect, act perfect, entertain him perfectly. i get it; it's consumer culture conditioning. but i am tired of being a thing to be consumed. at my corporate job i am reduced to numbers; my employee number, my sales numbers, my average work hours per week, my paycheck numbers that are directly deposited into my checking account. and then as i am dating, i feel reduced to numbers. does the cost of spending his time with me give him enough of a benefit to stick around? on average, how many months will it take for the costs to outweigh the benefits (when will he abandon me as no longer useful)? i am tired of everything in life being reduced to a transaction. i am tired of my body and my mind being used as currency to buy status or 'likes'. i am tired of being alone in a crowded room. i am no longer terrified_of_being_sweet ; i'm just exhausted from all the judgement. 160519 ... nr have you read modern_romance, unhinged? you may find it interesting. 160519 ... unhinged no, i havent. im currently totally depressed at the state of modern_romance and not being inclined to competition anyways, i see no point in wasting any more energy on it. *sigh* 160519 ... epitome of incomprehensibility It's hard to avoid that what-can-you-do-for-me mentality. When I was seven I wanted to visit my grandma's house because she had flipbooks. That's about it. Flipbooks. And some other toys that I don't remember. Contrast that with my friend. Sure, she had her own computer before I did. It had games I liked. But she also had an imagination, and kindness, and we spent good times together. Then take B. of unseen_phosphorus_dance. See, my wish came true, we were dating the next year - and the problem, I don't know if it's a similar or dissimilar one to yours, was that it was too old-fashioned. Boring. He took me to dinner a few times, and then wondered why I didn't want to go home with him, why I wouldn't commit to being his "girlfriend." The answer: because I didn't know him. And he thought I was old-fashioned. But dinner dates are pretty old-fashioned. How can you get to know someone like that?? It's not just old vs. new. I think I'd feel the same about online dating. As dear_Jane_Austen said, can't fuck 'em if you don't know 'em. (Hey, no one can PROVE Jane Austen didn't say that. And that is what faith is about: Jane Austen saying the word fuck.) ...Yes, sometimes total silliness makes me feel better. Maybe I'm just being obnoxious. I hope not. But mostly I hope you (unhinged, nr, anyone else reading this) feel better: with someone, by yourself, or any other configuration. 160519 ... unhinged the problem wasn't/isn't that one or the other of us is too old fashioned. we were both content to get to know each other slowly. but after he pulled out the 'i just like to casually immerse myself in things and drift in and out of people's lives' i no longer saw the point in getting to know him. i am not someone's entertainment like a movie or a book or a shopping mall. i am a person, complete with irrational feelings. i am tired of being judged for that. i am tired of trying to suppress that. i am tired of the weird conception of perfection that follows dating everywhere i go. the shopping list mentality of 'does this person exhibit x, y,z? if not, on to the next one'. i am not a commodity i don't want to be treated like one i am not fit for dating in the digital world 160520 ... e_o_i "i am tired of the weird conception of perfection that follows dating everywhere i go. the shopping list mentality of 'does this person exhibit x, y,z? if not, on to the next one" ...Yeah, that "list" mentality doesn't make sense to me either. I mean, going into things with a couple of general parameters makes sense, for instance preferring people no more than 5 years older/younger than you, but having a list of qualities like that is kind of... well, like you said, like a shopping list. "Sense of humour, check; university degree, check; a preference for dogs over cats, check; brown hair, check; symmetrical facial features... OH NO YOUR SMILE IS SLIGHTLY CROOKED - I'LL HAVE TO DUMP YOU NOW." 160526 ... unhinged i finally picked up modern romance cause it was staring me in the face at the library recently. it was great. i think aziz is hilarious. thanks for the recommend :-) the thing that stood out to me the most was his recommendation that people give each other a second chance and not be so fast to ditch people. that the idea of giving up on someone because of one ridiculous thing they say, do, or like is also ridiculous because you might miss out on some really awesome people because they don't come across as immediately awesome. i do not come across as immediately awesome. 161025 ... nr glad you liked it! i agree; he's funny and insightful. i liked that about it too; that he talked about modern and older types of dating and the pros and cons of each. the modern types make it much less likely people will give each other chances. i don't think it's a bad thing not to come across as immediately awesome, because human beings aren't awesome in each other's eyes all the time, ever, and it seems more realistic. on the other end of the spectrum, if someone does come across as immediately awesome, it doesn't mean they'll stay that way. 161027 ... unhinged i watched some of his standup on netflix before i found the book based on your recommend too :) pretty funny the nerd in me totally appreciated the sociological basis of the whole book too thanks 161029 ... tender_square i changed the wi-fi password, locking out the tenant from access. too bad he streams everything from his phone and probably uses data. (i don't know what happened to the laptop i helped him hookup. here's hoping he gets slapped with a huge usage bill for the next four days.) 230827 what's it to you? who go blather from