check DammitJanet I keep checking his web site, which is stupid. It's not like i'm purposely trying to keep tabs on him, i guess i'm just curious. He sometimes writes in the journals about his personal life, and so far, all he's said about dates and getting together with people just for sex was all a lie. He wrote all that for my benefit, cause he knew i'd check at some point. Maybe it's cause i know he sometimes checks this site. This site that he hacked his way into and found out my nickname. He read everything he could, came to far fetched conclusions and cried because to him, i was still crushing on my last boyfriend. If he actually paid attention to what i was writing, he'd have known that wasn't true. He said he'd never do it again, invade my privacy, but i have a feeling he still does. He's curious about how i'm doing, if i'm seeing anyone else. And funnily enough, right when i mention another beau, the pictures i did for him for his web site vanished. I hurt him again. Because he can't get over me. And i admit, i've purposely written stuff on here to hurt him, to teach him a valuable lesson. Invading my privacy is not something i tolerate. I come here to vent, to explore, to release, to remember. It's my outlet. And while it's not private, i still feel as though it is. I need this to get my feelings out, so i can go on with my life in peace. On here i could be angry so that i wouldnt take it all out on him. He took that all away when he read everything. And he cried and he complained and he was insecure all over again. And i stopped writing on here. Afraid that he'd read what i was thinking. Finally i came back. It was worth it because i was missing it and i no longer cared if he knew what i was writing. And i still don't. I'll write about the dates i go on, the life i'm leading now, the fun i may be having, because him reading it all is just hurting himself. If i read things about him going out on a date i'm fine with it. Because i'm over everything. I know he's not over me and on one hand it's flattering that i made such an impact on his life, but on the other hand it's creepy. Especially when he sends me pictures on email of him with other girls and he's superimposed my face on their bodies. Or when i write an email with a guestion that starts with "sorry for bothering you but.." and he answers back with a speech on how he loves me so much i could never bother him. But i really should stop checking his site. I never find anything worth looking at anyways. 040326 ... bijou this portion is non negotiable 041004 what's it to you? who go blather from