fears mikey im affraid of the unknown. im affraid of being 75 yrs old and not having anyone. im affraid of never being able to touch or smell the one i love. im affraid of the future sometimes, because i lack the motivation to start on it. 010306 ... birdmad i sat for months with my head in my hands all my fears exploited i was waiting for the dryness of the desert to desiccate me and the flies and moths and errant sandstorms to scatter the fragments like dry leaves 010307 ... dB I fear nothing. It just happned one day. 010307 ... silentbob clowns make me nervous. spiders make me shiver. A giant spider with the head of a clown and the tongue of a snake...that makes me cringe. 010308 ... dB Hmmm... and how often do you see these Spider-Clown-Snakes? 010308 ... twiggie spiders scare me...to the point of anxiety attacks. the only way i can kill them is with a shoe. when i was younger i used to set aside only one pair of shoes to wear so i could use the rest to kill spiders. i'd smush them and leave the shoe in their place because i was too afraid to lift it and clean it up. the shoe would remain there until i could find someone to take care of that for me. i always knew where not to step at least. 010308 ... nocturnal I'm kinda afraid that I'm wrong about this whole atheist thing and that after I die I really will spend an eternity in hell. course, this probably just comes from being raised as a catholic, man they can really get to you. 010308 ... dB Nocturnal, the way that the catholics raise their children in the faith is actually a form of torture. It's fear torture, the kind of things that the Nazis used. I was raised a catholic myself and it took a long time to get over. They put the fear of god in you, and even when you are alone you feel you are being watched by him, so convinced are you that he exists, and that he is vengeful. Just shrug it off, that's all the advice I have. You get over it. 010308 ... nocturnal yeah, I decided I was an atheist when I was a freshman in high school, but there's still that little part of me that has trouble letting it go completely, but then I think about it and know that I am right. well, hopefully; there's that damn fear again. 010308 ... dB Heh. Well at least as we get older the fear subsides. 010308 ... mikey hence the fact catholisism was created :::cough::: to control the people back in the days of kings and queens. also why i think its by far the most fake religion out there. but its my OWN opinion. Mikey Inc. (tm) 010308 ... nocturnal it is the most fake religion out there. it's also kinda creepy. when I went to Spain we had to go to this place where they had all these relics, you know, parts from dead bodies of saints and stuff. it was kinda cool, but the fact that people go there to worship these dead body parts convinced me once and for all that catholics are crazy. 010308 ... dB Hey Mikey, you been readin' my posts on B-Blue? Heh Heh. 010308 ... mikey hmmm i think i did dB, i believe i did if not i'll go look now to be sure. 010308 ... unhinged i don't like needles i don't like scalpels i don't like drugs that make me go to sleep i don't like waking up to stitches in my ass i don't like narcotics.... what a second yes i do so that will be the one good thing that happens to me tomorrow.... haha.ha...haha.....ha 010308 ... twiggie i was raised catholic...still am sort of. i know i don't believe it, but it's really hard to get over and completely let go. especially when everyone surrounding you believes it all. i think it was freshman year i finally made up in my mind that i was agnostic. i got in a huge fight with a girl because of it too. although, i don't remember much about it. it probably even started sooner. when the priest said that heaven didn't include cats and dogs, i immediately hated the religion. (i was about 6...) at least i've gotten this far...realized that christianity is not the religion for me. 010308 ... dB That's good thinking isn't it. The greatest paradise ever, where you will spend eternity in when you die. It will be everything you ever wanted, paradise. But you ain't allowed pets? Screw that. 010308 ... Aimee I'm afraid everyone i know will abandon me. I'm afraid that I really am as bad a person as I see myself to be. I'm afraid that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I'm afraid that the first person I really trust with my entire self will end up hurting me to no end. I'm afraid that no one likes me. I'm afraid that no one cares. I'm afraid that everyone's going to hate me for writing this. 010311 ... mikey even if we dont like what people express we cant hate them for we must say at least they took the time to express it. 010311 ... dean-bean I'm afraid. I'm afraid of my peers. I'm afraid of getting old. I'm afraid of authority. I'm afraid of heights. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of disapointing those I care about. I am afraid of my professors. I'm afraid of failing. But. I'm good at lying. I'm good at looking like I know what I'm doing. It's a secret, so don't tell the real people about it? Please? 010330 ... bijou i am afraid that i will never be able to do the one thing that i have been trying to do since i was eight years old. control myself. 010705 ... bijou oh and also ladders enclosed spaces people touching my feet 010705 ... pilgrim The Original Safety Mechanism Don't recognize something? Here's enough adrenaline To leap mountains, or tear the stange new thing apart. Use it wisely, or you'll hurt yourself. 010706 ... bijou ps, don't let catholicism turn you to atheism just because being catholic sucks. atheism is the easy way out, like "many great philosophers have proved that there is no god, so there isn't." nobody can prove anything either way. there is nothing that could prove that there is a god or there isn't, i guess until you're dead and find out for yourself. so how can anyone be so sure there is no god? its the same as people that are sure there is. that's what faith is. no matter what, you have faith in one of them, because there's no way to prove any of it. 050613 ... Sonya To be consumed by our fears is to keep ourselves from living. There are so many things I've wanted to do that finally... I'm trying to make these things happen. I can't live in fear anymore. I pity you because you keep running into your cocoon. Maybe one day you'll learn what it's like to stop running away and start living. 050614 ... epitome of incomprehensibility While organizing_files: I'm also typing up my paper journals, not because I think people need it posterity but because of the search function - search and rescue function - because I slip story bits into journals and these can be searched more easily if they're on the computer. Digitally with non-finger digits. It also tells me what coming-of-age fears I had; some are predictable, others more irrational. Creative, let's say. More scope for the imagination. -Low piano notes. Because of a nightmare that a piano had extra-low notes, which was somehow very frightening. -Lying and swearing. Because...? Generally my morals weren't on overdrive. But I was afraid of lying, or at least I used to be careful to put the next day's date at the top of journal entries if it was past midnight. I would clarify, e.g.: "Today was Aug. 20, but it's past midnight, so it's Aug. 21." And I didn't swear in my journals until I was about 20. -Someone (militarily) attacking Dorval Airport. Growing up around this area, I had no fear of the airplanes - the takeoffs and landings were background noise, comforting or annoying depending on my mood, and it was cool to see the planes flying low so that I could view them in detail. But after 9/11 - especially with the Afghanistan and Iraq wars - planes crashing into things, or people shooting down the airport, started appearing in my dreams. In real life, the fear wasn't debilitating, just part of a background of anxiety. I should have told myself that Montreal's airport isn't a major world airport... not that I knew that at ages 13-15. Tired now, may continue later. 171228 ... e_o_i I don't know if this was what I was originally going to write, but I've been afraid of living forever since I was about 7. This is a weird one, and I can't really explain it. But it just felt terribly horrifying and scary. It took years for this one to fade away, although as faith crept out I began to be afraid of death as absolute nonexistence. The resolution to THAT was to realize that I'm not the only consciousness out there and I shouldn't value my own point of view so highly. And THEN I thought this (rather obvious) realization meant that I was becoming less selfish... I wish that were the case. 180102 ... e_o_i Oh, yes, here's what I'd planned to write about: Lurlene McDaniel. She's an author who wrote books that were hugely popular in late 90s and early 2000s about teenagers with scary diseases - mostly cancer. I was going to blame her for my hypochondria, but that already existed. Still, for a while I was thinking, "My legs bruise easily; does that mean I have leukemia??" after reading the first Dawn Rochelle book. She also had a two-part book series where older teens volunteer in Uganda with a medical clinic. While this was an interesting change of pace, it did suffer from the "Generic Africa has PROBLEMS! Let us (Generic White Americans) go help!" syndrome. 180102 what's it to you? who go blather from