school silentbob loves you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate that i have to complete you and that i have homework and that i have to pay for you and that you're so expensive and that none of the people i meet here are interesting. i hate you i hate you i hate you die die die 020408 ... kerry don't make me go back!!!!!!!!! i will be kicking and screaming the whole way through. 030106 ... jolie I'm here now, and it isn't school or learning I hate...I'm very articulate and I love learning....but the part I don't like is the people here...and I'm a very angry person, set off by basic stupidity, and I don't like the emotional damage that rage does to me. My rage is harmful and potentially harmful to others. I've been known to whip full pop bottles at girl's heads wiothout thinking because of something minor, like they kicked it across the hall and it hit my foot, and as soon as I let it go I immedeatly thought about how I'm a softball player with a hell of an arm, and think about how if it hits them there will be blood. But luckily their locker was open and it hit the side of the locker door dead even with their heads. So if their door hadn't been in the way there would have been alot of blood and I would have been kicked out of school for a long time....there were also alot of contributing factors to that rage that day, so I'm not as loose cannon as I sound. Plus I'm female, a "cute little 110 pounder", so I take alot of people by surprise. 030310 ... kerry jolie, how old are you? 030310 ... jolie 17, why? 030324 ... sic sad sal its treating me better today 030325 ... jolie I'm so tired today I can hardly think....typing is an effort....reading is an effort.....even sleep seems like it would be an effort.....and I'm in school. The only person keeping me sane is John Davis singing only to me. I'm listening to KoRn, the album Life Is Peachy..... its the old shit that I thing anyone who beleives KoRn is pop rock (the singer of soulfly said so) should deffinitly listen to, that and there self titled ablum....the last song entitled (daddy) almost made me cry.... I've been listening to KoRn since I was in 5th grade, cuz my older brothers listened to them. I liked them because they kicked ass, not because I wanted to be like my brothers, its was because of my brothers I had access to them.... oh....I got alittle side tracked....I'm in school and I wanna go home.... 030328 ... kerry i was just curious. it's hard to tell on blather usually. i dunno. 030328 ... jolie I'm here again and the giggling girls make me want to eat broken glass. 030401 ... jolie I want my love to come rescue me from all of this....but he is nowhere to be found...I'm so sick and in the metemorphises where I'm supposedly in harmony with all the world around me, but all I want to do is watch it all explode...then inhale the smoke.... 030403 ... Zeb is kicking my ass and getting me down, down to the point where i am thinking about my major. it's depressing the shit out of me, because i'm in the kind of classes that i like, but i am not doing as well as i wanted to, not as well as anyone expected me to, especially me. i dont know what's wrong and i dont know what to do. it's killing me, i dont know who i should turn to for advice, and i am horrible about asking for advice on this kind of stuff i'm just sad and distracted and i just want to go home. 030403 ... jolie today is my last day of shool fortwo weeks, its spring break eve. I'm home for the firstweek, then going on vacation the second, and for the second week, I get to miss a week of school. That makes today so much better.....except it feels like I just did a line (of knives) and they're now lodged in my brain. A splitting headach might be grounds enough for me to leave early today and get a jump start on my vacation. 030404 ... jolie I'm back today after a 2 week absence....long absences are never good for me because I'm always pissed when I have to go back, so either wind up not going, or getting into fights, or trying to start them, or simply finish them. Sometimes I think I'm too angry. 030421 ... lotuseater ahhh fuck school. there is nothing i despise more than going to that accursed hellhole. i have to take the fucking ACT test tomorrow... something to look forward to -vomits violently- burn motherfucker burn 030422 ... lotuseater MAKES ME WANT TO KILL 030423 ... jolie Serioritis is attacking me like a disease. I've lift every day at 1 since I came back from spring break. Today will be no different. I've done college placement testing for the last four hours, and I can't stand the thought of learning anymore. 030429 ... vega fuck it. i'm done. who cares about doing well anymore? they only want me to do better even when i do well. fuck them. fuck school. fuck life. 030429 ... jolie I hate it today. My head hurts and my love isn't around the come and resue me 030501 ... jolie It's so close to being done! I can get out of this fucker. 030514 ... jolie I woke up today and wished for tomorrow. I don't want to be like anyone, but I sure as hell can't be myself. I'm in class right now, computer animation. I'm gonna go nuts if I have to work on my lava lamp animation any longer!!!!!! People on all sides are engrossed in their projects and seeminly happy in their little existance. And I also have this to look forward to: Renasiance Assembly Now this ritual applys to those who are either a "B" average, or raised their GPA .5 from last trimester. I am sory of a contradiction. I hate going to school, but I'm good at it. As I said before, its not learning, or school itself, its the people there. To get back to subject.... All the smart, preppy, happy pappy bitches pile in this gymnasium. I feel unbelonging. ( The word belong makes me think on a rubber band. I'm not sure why. Ever since I was little I have associated things together using circumstances I can't explain) Then these happy pappy bitches play games for prizes. Here is what I plan to do today.... If I get called to go play these games, I'm walking out. No fucking way would I be cause dead playing lightening, or mini golf to entertain people I hate, to get paid in Mc Donalds Money. Mc Dollars are they called? I dont know. I hate life today. I've almost been in 2 fights. and it's only noon! One with this stupid bitch, and then after it was all broke up, about an hour later, her friend comes up and tries to start something. She figured that since I had already been in trouble I would try to stay out of it. She stuck her finger in my chest, and pushed me twice before I grabbed her and threw her into the lockers and started screaming in her face. I'm not in trouble for that, because some teachers saw it happen. Holy shit, this is a long entry....sort of a story really...... 030515 ... re ... 030515 ... lotuseater haha, suspension is almost a paid vacation. but my mom will probably yell at me for getting suspended 030521 ... vega jesus fucking christ... almost done. thank god. 030523 ... jolie I'M FINALLY FUCKING OUT OF HERE! I'm down to the last two hourse of my last day of highschool for the rest of my life. I'm not a bit sad. Some have likend it to waking up from a night of hard drinking with your panties on inside out. Do you remember what happend? Its not llike that at all. At least, what I think that would be like. This is ausome. Like love. Emotional and physical. All I can think about is how much I love you, mike. 030527 ... lotuseater FUCK YOU SCHOOL! I DEFEATED YOU!! hahahahahhahaahhahahahahhah suspended during the last 2 weeks of school! i got to say "fuck you" to the principal and call him big boy... he gave me the meanest look you can imagine. fuck, that felt good. i fucking hate school. i dont think ill go back. 030528 ... bandersnatch i kinda liked highschool, it was mostly interesting (i almost said fun, but that would be a lie). but at the same time, im sortof glad i am graduating today and never having to back to highschool. 030529 ... Mandy I hate school. I hate it a lot. 031102 ... thumper I'm gone now 031206 ... amy you can be as smart as you are, you don't need college. you might use college to your own ends, but you don't necessarily need it. although you might. all of my older students are more at ease because they know exactly why they're there. i would've been wiser to wait for college, and i can't complain about where it's gotten me, i just could've gotten someplace keener had i been more aware of what i really wanted. if i had scoured myself of certain youthful egotisms and paid more attention to my less than conscious mechanisms. of course, that's still true... i'm mostly really glad that i followed my attractions, when i had the chance. i'm not too successful in a "worldly" way, though. the first thing i would do if i could start over: history. 040105 ... water lillies if I could start life all over again, I think maybe my first order of business would be to enroll myself in a montessori school. 121207 what's it to you? who go blather from