search nomme) "jo ek khuda nahi milta to itna matam kya mujhe khud apne kadam ka nishaan nahi milta" 050718 ... Syrope i wonder if you still read. i still feel safe blathing, like no one reads, but i figure you are still reading unless you've decided to stop, as yet another step in removing me from your life. i wonder too if you lied when you said you never read RED blather. even the ones i sent you. i wonder if you weren't lying but in the past week have read RED blather anyway. *shrug* your friend... YOUR friend showed me more compassion than you were able to. i don't even know him that well. but he was nice to me. and we talked. and he said he and ALL of your friends that he'd talked to about it ALL find it absolutely pathetic how you follow her around when she's "so obviously disinterested". so there. it's not me, i'm not "just jealous". he says he is reluctant to hang out with the two of you, because it's like being a third wheel, and because she's "odd". i think anyone would find a teacher enabling a student's shoe fetish and revelling in that type of attention to be a bit odd. if not just fucking sick. 080518 ... tilt catching nomme The new horizons that I seek are beyond me. The world I am in search of cannot be found. The arrows that have pierced my heart have been discovered but the hands that pulled the string cannot be found. Here I am standing in the midst of a jungle of faces and yet it is your countenance that cannot be found. What is the worry if I cannot find God, when my own footprints cannot be found 080519 ... e_o_i It's odd what you (i.e. I) get when you search your email inbox for a single word. A variety of correspondence. Search_interview. 250126 ... epitome of incomprehensibility We are all looking for something, and I'm looking for a way to avoid answering business emails on a weekend (she says with her long drawn-out name). 250126 ... raze it's easy to forget what's buried in plain sight. more than two decades of scattered correspondence. people who once meant something to you, but in erasing you from their lives they wiped themselves from your memory. so when you land on some of the words that once passed between you, the surprise is almost a physical sensation. an aftershock unmoored from the tremors that prompted it. strange the things that bring them back. stranger still the realization that memory, for all you've done to make it strong, is a sieve through which so much must pass. 250126 what's it to you? who go blather from