low wicker man i can walk beneath the lines on a sheet of paper 011010 ... argo I can rearrange my ancestors and become smaller 011123 ... DammitJanet i'm starting to wonder why i even bother i mean, nothing ever comes not even in this way i just want to delete everything delete my life and people ask why i'm negative and people say it'll happen soon and people comment on why it will and people question the world on my behalf and these people just don't understand i'm not like you i'm nothing like you it's completely different for me you don't know what it's like and you never will to be in this body and consumed by this mind because things come up for you they go your way sometimes i just want to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone so i can crawl up inside myself and never come out but then i wonder how i can live like that and how can i just live so i long to be a different person someone who can't feel someone who can't be hurt someone who can't even love right now i'm jealous of that life because i can never have it 030413 ... belly fire talk to me goddammit talk to me you don't know what it is to be me this is not happiness this is the pause button on everything that is totally fucked about being me just pause when you're me you lose everything eventually 030413 ... DammitJanet no not until i figure it out for myself 030416 ... from now on how low can i go 041020 ... unhinged yes also i am it is only the beginning of winter and it has already infected me with it's cold greyness and my students keep dropping like flies which causes me to worry about money which is the basest of worries will i have enough to eat? which little luxuries will i have to cut out? which ones are little luxuries? when i have to rearrange my need list and my want list when needs become wants that makes me low 071210 what's it to you? who go blather from