happiness spoons once in a lifetime lifetime to find but theres always situps 010713 ... silentbob pie 010713 ... argo bang bang I remember being happy, but I know it might not have actually happened. When you remember the memory of a memory it gets distorted and smoothed over. 010714 ... NIN in slavery 010714 ... Aimee My aunt is finally experiencing happiness for the first time in her life. She's 43 but she acts like she's 20. I am so happy for her... it's about time she found someone to love her and someone to love. 010715 ... spoons HEATH pie 011030 ... nocturnal one damn funny movie. 011030 ... jolie it was funny in a very disturbing way. Like the movie Gummo. By the time that was over I just wanted it ouut of my VCR. But the point isn't that it's offensive. The larger question is, "Why is it offensive?" 030514 ... silentbob Yes, but come can also be used as a verb 040127 ... Bespeckled Doesn't yield itself to fluid or constant spurts of inspired story-telling. 090414 ... unhinged it keeps coming up in conversation in my life. here, with my sister, with a stranger sitting next to me at the bar. that i am happy, seem happy. which naturally made me reflect on the time in my life when i wasn't happy, how the hell i got happy. i just (like literally just) realized that the first link in the chain of my happiness was the day i decided to live my life for myself. i was very approval seeking as a child. most of my drive at school was because i didn't want to disappoint my father. then i decided to drop out of school. groundlessness i cast myself into the unknown. i moved back to ohio and my parents were freaking out so bad about what i couldn't talk to them about that i moved back to milwaukee with only a suitcase. i gave myself the time to learn the things i really wanted to know, not the things some bureaucrat in an office said i needed to know to get a piece of paper with their name on it. i am still learning those things. in the past year, i've really gotten down to the classes at my meditation center. that seems like something worth spending my money on. i gave up caring what other people think of me. (mostly) smile_at_strangers but really, i still think there is some formless nameless element to what has happened to me. it is my ten year blather anniversary very soon. (i would have to look up the exact date) damn but i haven't changed immensely in the past decade. step_into_fear i trust that the universe and my faith in it will bring me what i need, bring me back to the truth. 101122 ... unhinged is deflated i need out of here 101206 ... thorn mine is totally deflated as well. 101207 ... h|s|g dishes incredibly comforting 101208 ... PeeT I never went to a psychologist. I always thought the more fucked-up childhood you have, the better artist you get, because you have more material to work with. I don't think anyone does anything from happiness. Happiness is such a good state, it doesn't need to be creative. You're not creative from happiness, you're just happy. You're creative when you're miserable and depressed. You find the key to transform things. Happiness does not need to transform. 120130 ... Ouroboros i think happiness also drives me forward. happiness allows an opening, a creativity, a flow of things, a joy to being. misery helps create, but also tugs backwards, and down. happiness, although also a temporary state, becomes me, and my life becomes art. laughter on my lips, banter in my interactions, safety to allow me to try new things. 120131 ... Ouroboroso (is a psychologist-in-training :)) 120131 ... OuroborosoroboruO growth from rising above/in spite of. and growth from your soul being watered and fed. there comes a time when working through the grips of your childhood becomes the story of the past, what shaped you, and who you are now is not in reference to it. art can be the expression of more than the sum of your parts. 120201 ... PeeT Happiness is wanting only one thing & sits opposite contentment—the wanting of nothing. 120205 ... tender_square is there a finite amount of happiness to experience in this lifetime? i can't tell if current circumstances colour my outlook on the future, or if i'm being a realist about the challenges that await me as i return. is life an evening out of these forces, tragedy and joy? i was blessed to have a good upbringing, though, of course, it wasn't without its troubles. which makes me wonder if the wheel is in its downward turn and this is only the beginning of a long period of pain. 221211 what's it to you? who go blather from