period Toxic_Kisses I stare between my legs, watching the blood ooze out of me like thick red syrup. I can smell it, but it isn't unpleasant, only interesting, like the smell of maranara in an Italian restaurant. I can feel it slipping warmly out of me, forming a steady stream that leaks into the toilet bowl, creating designs with thin red swirls in the water. The blood isn't mine, it doesn't seem like. It feels alien. I don't feel anything as it leaves my body, and the lack of pain convinces me that this blood does not belong to me. It's dead, a dull reddish brown, as if something inside of me died and is now flooding out in the form of a liquified corpse. The blood is warm, warmer than urine, almost soothing. Sometimes I try to imagine that it's the vile part of me leaving my body. The black, twisted part that has vile indulgences, vulnerable and fearful, craving people's want and approval to feel whole. The part that makes feel as if I need to be looked at to feel beautiful, to be thought of to feel important, to be wanted to feel loved. Perhaps this is the blood of that black creature that festers inside of me, feeding on my fear and insecurity. Now I can be cleansed; now I can start over and try again. The heavier it is, the more blood that flows, the fatter I had allowed this deplorable creature to get -- the more fear he had to feed on, the more hate he had to nourish him. He's dead now, leaking out of me, only to be born again, growing with every vile thing I do. It's that time of the month, if you haven't guessed, and I guess I'm just moody. Either that, or crazy. Or maybe both. There's nothing more frightening than a crazy person who's feeling moody. 020204 ... pralines&cream for about a six days every month, i wish God had blessed me and made me a man. (today is day 2) 020204 ... daxle we must be able to smell the pheromones through blather I too am on day 2 020204 ... psychobabe *agreed* me as well 020210 ... silentbob last night i watched the vagina monologues. if anyone knows anything about this play, you know what i'm talking about. they had all these different women describing their parents reactions to them getting their first period 020210 ... chanaka can i get a blood transfusion over here? 020210 ... little wonder the 9th was day 2 for me. still kind of odd how close it is to the rest of you 020211 ... pralines&cream It's good to know that we female blatherers bleed together. 020211 ... for kbs skin One thing I know for sure about those of you who are bleeding: If you don't bleed together, you're going to bleed separately. 020211 ... silentbob Through your bleeding you are one a_fire_inside 020212 ... pralines&cream I am off mine, have been for about a week. Am i right in assuming you all are off too? I feel like a female again *smile* That's always a nice feeling. 020217 ... psychobabe o0h its always great when you get off it. Feel so much better and confident about little worries 020217 ... I am The Great I am... I wish I could make beautiful poetry about masturbation. Too bad I don't have the ambition, and the fact that it isn't that great of a subject. And how can you make that sound pretty? 020218 ... yikes!! Mensturation Masterbation Bloody Hand Job I Say 020219 ... you will be graded on spelling Mensturation Masturbation Bloody Hand Job I Say 020219 ... blather spell check Menstruation. Don't try to do my job for me. I am the one and only, so back off. 020219 ... pilgrim We all bow before your font of Knowledge See how Hookt on foniks werkt for me!! 020220 ... blue star mine was hurting me today. (cue superhero music) And then generic ibuprofen saved the day! Thanks ibuprofen! (generic smile) 030203 ... fivel At least birth control makes your boobs bigger. 030204 ... red blather and this, my friends, is why red is king. 130107 ... raze what toxic kisses wrote up there...holy fuck. i wish she had blathed more when she was moody. that's intense. 130107 ... raze (apparently, when i've lost enough sleep, i forget which side of the quotation mark it belongs on.) 221114 ... epitome of incomprehensibility My excuse for staying in bed another 45 minutes and reading The_Saskiad and a bit of Multidirectional_Memory. No German class today, so no reason to get up and going. It exasperates me sometimes that I need to be coaxed into motion: that if I don't have to get up early, I won't. On the other hand, I've carried on an exhausting schedule lately. But that's another issue. What interesting thing do I have to say about periods? That it's easy to assume X, Y, and Z shared experience on the basis of X shared experience. Take cramps. People would talk about period cramps, and I'd think they meant the sort of uncomfortable heavy feeling my abdomen gets. It wasn't like the side-aches you can get from running, but I thought, okay, maybe there are two different kinds of cramps. Then, a few years ago, I got cramps from something else and I could barely move. I stayed on the couch, barely mobile, until they subsided. The pain was intense, so if that's what a lot of people get - ouch, ouch, and ouch. I am lucky. Weird thing for me is how my internal furnace gets turned up a notch. Yesterday, first day, I was sweating and it was only 21C in the room. 221129 ... e_o_i Oh yeah, but there was a time after what happened ten_years_ago when I was afraid of blood. (I hit someone - on purpose, but accidentally with something sharp, if that makes sense - cutting a small gash on their nose. It wasn't a lot of blood, but my horror was in hitting this person at all, in letting horrible habits from the past come back, and for a few weeks after I shrank from the sight, or even the thought, of the red energy-carrying fluid breaking out of its conduits.) So yes, the context wasn't funny, but my reaction was. Seeing red in the toilet and feeling my knees tremble, my mind moaned "Why did it have to be BLOOD?!" like James Bond with the snakes. And the unintended movie parallel cheered me up a little in a wry sort of way, letting me know I wasn't alone. 221129 what's it to you? who go blather from