habits mcdougall I make my arms or legs fall asleep because i enjoy the feeling. I’m doing it as I write this to my foot, left. 070422 ... raze i chew on things that aren't there. sometimes i find the curliest clump of a beard that hasn't been trimmed in a year or more and hold it between my thumb and a few fingers on my left hand, to feel how it curves. i call my squirrel friends "monkey" and my rabbit friend "bun-bun". i piss with the bathroom door open because there's no one here to walk in on me. i type up whatever dreams i remember as soon as i slide out of the latest unsatisfying shit sleep, even when i'm too tired to think straight, knowing how far i've fallen from how much i used to retain and the time and work i once put into honing those shrinking mental muscles. i forgive things i shouldn't and punish myself for past sins no one was around to witness. i play the same few chords on a guitar for five seconds every few days to prove i haven't yet forgotten how the instrument works. i watch short animated horror films before bed. i come here every day and empty myself, screaming_into_the_void. i say the words i've written out loud to hear how they taste in my mouth. i go on breathing even when it feels like i can't anymore. i spit in the face of despair and feel a thick wad of the same stuff hit me in the face. 230918 what's it to you? who go blather from