furnace
Me
I've
almost
started
a
letter
5
times
.
Each
time
I
had
the
foresight
to
stop
myself
before
saying
something
I
regretted.
I
didn't
used
to
have
to
be
strategic.
I
could
tell
you
anything
.
But
who
fucking
cares
.
Whatever
it
was
we
had
,
it's
destroyed
.
Yeah
and
I'm
the
one
who
destroyed
it
.
A
couple
of
minutes
ago
I
almost
had
a
complete
mental
breakdown
.
There's
nothing
like
a
call
from
mom
to
make
all
those
feelings
of
worthlessness
come
washing
back
.
I
don't
know
why
I
feel
so
bad
right
now
and
I
don't
know
what
to
do
about
it
.
I
need
to
find
a
summer
internship
and
it's
probably
too
late
.
Everything
I
do
...
it's
like
jumping
across
a
creek
and
not
quite
making
it
.
You
slide
into
the
water
and
drag
yourself
out
.
I've
spent
a
lot
of
my
life
waiting
to
dry
off
.
I
told
myself
I
wasn't
ever
going
to
fall
apart
again
.
And
today
is
not
the
day
I'm
going
to
break
that
promise
.
Here
we
go
again
.
010509
...
birdmad
I
opened
the
door
and
stepped
out
into
the
hot
dry
air
it
was
like
the
sensation
of
opening
the
hood
of
the
car
after
as
long
drive
,
the
dry
,
radiant
heat
scuttling
sound
of
small
lizards
in
the
dry
grass
the
subtle
pleasure
of
a
cold
glass
of
water
010510
...
madness
burning
from
the
inside
,
forever
and
a
day
,
night
and
day
010804
...
the eye
incendiary
heartbeats
every
pulse
shining
across
the
distance
in
the
night
010804
...
fallen
no
,
it
is
more
like
an
unescapable sauna...the
sweat
doesn't
go
anywhere
.
010804
...
silentbob
where
we
all
go
if
we
dont
believe
in
god
.
theres
a
parable
in
the
bible
that
explains
that
christians
are
flowers
and
nonchristians
are
the
weeds
.
they
pick
out
the
weeds
and
throw
them
in
the
furnace.
actual
bible
parable.
010805
...
the eye
charcoal
and
bitter
ash
050810
what's it to you?
who
go
blather
from
