told nonexistant girl she never told anyone she never talked about it it was something that had never happened 041109 ... same as above actually, she told her father, because he was the one she used to go to when her dolls' heads would pop off she thought he could make her feel better like that but instead he just got angry and she felt like it was all her fault and she didn't feel any better for telling so after that she didn't want to talk her siblings tried to get her to her mother tried but everytime anyone tried it only ever hurt to talk so she never told anyone after that initial telling she could never really talk until one day who knows why? it's crazy really she started writing it's only now she'll admit to remembering before six but even at that it's only this or that because, even though there are some things she can't forget, there is a lot she can, a lot she has and that scares her some, to know to not know to know she doesn't know to feel like her childhood is a book full of holes 050217 ... .she and it's funny how she has to write as 'she' like as if that puts some distance between her and the words she is typing like she's talking about someone else 050218 ... nom me she and how simple it all looks in words simple little words, painful words and how easily i get it all mixed up just like everything just like my mother mistakes the second for the first and me for my older sister when she mentions it asking me like it wasn't me but how my oldest_sister when she hears this steps in to set the record straight like it needs to be known that i was the one i was hurt too it's understandable to me yet unbelieveable that my mom would forget after all the surgeons' knives it's understandable now yet unbelievable that my father reacted the way he did back then when_i_was_small i know him now more than i did then i know too much, i don't know him 050222 what's it to you? who go blather from