realist belly fire I say to myself, why did I do that? I say to myself, I won't do that again. I say to myself, shit, I did it again. I say to myself, I'll stop doing it. I say to myself, again...I did it again. I say to myself, I'll do better next time. I say to myself, I wasn't any better. I say to myself, I think I've learned my lesson. I say to myself, I didn't learn a thing. I say to myself, I've got it this time. I say to myself, I'll never learn. I say to myself, don't be indifferent. I say to myself, I'll keep making mistakes. I say to myself, this is who I am. 020809 ... somebody we live in the condo kept to ourselfs had the shitty view middle of the night i hear a noise i was so young i was so scared i laid in bed heard more noises the front door the clock 5:50 AM I see my dad walk down the hall he's got it all under control i turn over sleep 031024 ... somebody awoke the next morning dressed ready to go head for the elevator blood all over the door the hall the walls the neighbors he beat her he beat the fuckingshit out of her i laid in bed i did nothing 031024 ... nyni gotta be one. fantasy only goes so far, then it gets real. the illusion is paper thin. it's only a skin. it's there. 130225 what's it to you? who go blather from