party kerry last night was homecoming. my friends and i were all dateless so we got dressed up in these supremo-rad outfits and ate dinner together at a nice restaraunt and it was fun. and then we went to the dance because my friend wanted to and it sucked more than ever. james was there and it was killing me because i honestly don't know how i feel about him anymore. i swear i was sure i got over him but i think the fact that he went to homecoming with amanda made me really angry and maybe i just didnt realize that i still like him. a lot. because i saw him and it drove me crazy and then they went to his house because he was having a party. everyone was drunk. EVERYONE. i don't drink. we were miserable. kelly came over, completely trashed, and goes, "i really hate the smell of incense." and i say, "yeah... well, i really hate the smell of beer." it's not like she'll remember. i almost wish she would. taylor was there. she goes to another school. she's a bitch... i didnt realize she drank that much, though. her boyfriend joey who i used to take art classes with was holding her up, she kept collapsing. noah helped joey take taylor over to the house, where noah took her legs and joey held her arms. and then taylor pissed all over herself. james called me over and offered me a bowl. i didnt want it and he kept offering it in this really weird voice, so hard to explain, it was like his voice made the whole thing dirty and i was freaked anyway because.. i dunno. i hate being such a basketcase. i could barely hold myself together. maybe i'm more naive than i thought i was. i was messed up. i think it's a combination of being sad about james and seeing everyone drunk and realizing that is how nathalie looks when she does that every single weekend and how it was right for me to advise her to slow down. 021020 ... the swinger of birches this one time, two summers ago, there was this really great party at club fever in houston, it was fun. i got introduced to house music that night, the bass was deep and i liked the way it felt when the strobes came on and the lasers went out, everything felt like it was in slow motion. there was this black guy i danced with, he was suprised it was my first time raving. i danced so hard i had to lay down on the floor over on the steps by this other girl who liked like she was more than just tired. i remember that my pants weren't wide enough. i kind of stuck out in the crowd. 021021 ... Fido About the ball I wandered Unsure of where to go - Above a chandelier lustered, But I care not - this party blows. 050506 ... kerry jack and i used to like throwing parties, when we lived on north ave. people said they were really fun, i dunno if they were just saying it. but i think they were good. before we were together jack and alex and their drummer had lived in a disgusting 20s dude-house and had enormous parties once a month. eventually the only furniture was in the bedrooms and the backyard. the living room was crusted with old cake and yellow watermelon. one night i came into jack's room to get something out of my purse and the guy from deerhunter was sitting on jack's bed smoking a joint. another night there was a fight. but when we lived together we brought our various friends from all different places and many of them were restaurant friends, outgoing and chatty and heavy drinkers. emily showed up one night in gold and black with her bangs cut into a zig-zag shape. iz and matt locked themselves in the bathroom. i drank from the glass with the strawberries on it... i still have one. jack broke the other. 210914 what's it to you? who go blather from