laughing hsg all_knowing that it is our will at our core. 080826 ... kerry he told me i crinkle my eyes and cover my mouth when i laugh. i remember that asshole dahra making fun of my laugh on the school bus, how i wished i had a different laugh. but now i don't mind it. i laugh easily and a lot and always have. puns, crude jokes, dark comedy, silliness, mischief. i laugh throughout horror movies, both from excitement and to quell my fear. i'm really laughing when i'm uncomfortable, confronted with something so awful or confusing or absurd i cannot do anything else. on the phone when i heard DENIED ASSISTANCE i went off, shaking my head, tears of laughter already stinging my eyes. the woman on the phone may have felt awkward. or more likely she's heard it all. "gotta laugh to keep from crying" has become my mantra. when the pharmacist returned to the window looking slightly pale and said my prescription would be $1300, i was really laughing. i couldn't help it, couldn't stop. the assistant looked alarmed. (the pharmacist seemed almost relieved.) "what, are you my landlord??" i said, putting my hands on my hips because all of a sudden that is a thing i do when i don't know where else to put them. once i finally stopped laughing i said, "this country is a fucking mess. excuse me." and he sighed and said, "yep." 210817 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Kerry - unfortunately, I don't think the drug prices are much better in Canada either. My boyfriend had to make damn sure he could switch insurance providers, or else his MS medication would cost (I think) more than that price each month. Thankfully it worked. With the medicine, he's fine (fingers crossed). Without it, the condition's more likely to flare up, irreparably damaging nerves. So if someone didn't have another insurance source, it'd be like "Okay, pay thousands, or maybe lose your ability to walk - have fun!" ("Natural" things have also helped him, such as switching to a diet low in animal fat. That doesn't rule out "unnatural" things doing so too. What's natural, anyway? Reality sometimes raises her eyebrow at the boundaries people impose on her.) Where was I? Laughing. I laugh and cry too easily. I am easily delighted, amused, angered, and frightened. Last year, my boss was mad at me for disregarding some instructions. In his rant, he said something wittily scornful against me; I laughed. He got angry: "How can you laugh?" I started to tremble and made a sort of disappointed face, the kind David says makes me look especially sad even if I'm not. I've been warned against showing disappointment in front of them; B. had said something about my expression not being professional. But the sad/stressed face and an indistinct plea for understanding made him stop ranting. Then I think, "Am I being emotionally manipulative?" Me: "No. I was expressing what I felt." Me: "Yes, I was exaggerating, and it's childish. I shouldn't have laughed, either." Me: "Wait a second, speaking of emotional manipulation...wouldn't telling A FUCKING JOKE and then getting angry at someone for laughing be a textbook example??" And I was angry, but trying not to show it, which made me look calm. At least over Zoom. I don't know whether I could pull off that facade in person. Another reason I'm happy not to be doing more administration work there. Laughter. 210817 ... e_o_i (Reality is female and has a single eyebrow. I don't know why, but it amuses me.) 210817 ... e_o_i (Also, it wasn't Zoom, it was Whereby, to be irrelevantly accurate.) 210817 ... kerry yeah… they’re not THAT much better but the specific one i’m looking for costs 1/3 as much in canada. hoping to figure something else out of course. glad your partner found a solution. :) 210819 what's it to you? who go blather from