hole kyla in the bottom of the sea 011031 ... silentbob and all the stars were just like little fish 020416 ... Beyond Repair all these drugs are just a little distraction. something to slow that voice in my head. make it shut up for awhile. i'm digging my own grave and whistling a little tune to make the work go faster. please, nicole,don't bother trying to save me, don't bother to miss me. i am not her. not the girl you kissed on a spontaneous whim. not the girl who laughed and bled and weeped and felt and meant. i am just some cheap imitation. the face may be the same, but there is nothing beneath the smile. my emotions ran dry. pity. 020417 ... (so what) what does it matter now? ...now i'm down in it 020418 ... good people live trough this with me i swear that i will die for you 020418 ... native persimmon Well, it's a pit, you know, a gaping space below surface level, up where everyone else is running around- Don't fall in or you're out of commission, left behind. Just stuck with yourself. Unless you fall into an already occupied hole, which will probably be unpleasant. If you are trapped together and do not get along, you may tear each other up. If you do get along, it may well be worse - between cups of melancholy tea you may both lose motivation for egress. If it's the dark kind (the deep kind), up and down may be obscured. Do not panic. Try screaming in anguish or singing solemnly in different directions until your sound is not muffled and absorbed, but rather fades as it escapes. That is up. Do you want up and out? Climbing may be difficult should the sides be slippery from the spit of others passing by above you in your hole. That's probably imaginary. Forge ahead. Lose one turn for taking needless precautions. Roll again. Roll again. Your number may come up. someday. 071112 ... Not Quite Beyond Repair Me oh my oh. I am just the world's biggest hardcase. All I can do is shake my head. I guess apathy or even outright meanness was just my way of sinking my claws in so I didn't fall any further. Sorry if you ever read that Nicole. 130322 ... kerry pacing around the living room trying to decide how to fill this hole that shrinks expands sometimes it is as small as my pupils and sometimes it is so big it can't fit inside me my relationship with the hole keeps changing. for years it was like a black hole in space, sucking in anything that got too close, and when i was tired i let myself drift over and get dragged inside. lately i circle the hole, restless, wondering what i have to fill it with. nothing would fit quite right. nothing would be enough. instead of a hole into a cavernous space, like the hole at the top of a hollowed-out gourd, the hole has no bottom and no walls. it goes through this earth and into another one. 230912 what's it to you? who go blather from