trapped birdmad like a rat in a cage 010325 ... soia despite all my rage 010505 ... apple I am drowning. I am trapped. I'm losing my mind. I have no choices. I have no voice. I am dying alone. 010725 ... pilgrim It was a set up , I'm sure of it now. My supervisor went home early and left his computer running as usual. I was making the rounds, checking doors ect. when I saw a chance to use the internet service and check up on blather. when I was done I couldn't get the screen to look like it did when I started. The pages loaded off center. And I couldn't get the blather entries to delete from the history folder, must've been password protected. I'm sure I'll hear about this. 010726 ... pilgrim Later the same day: Nothing yet, could he have truly just not have noticed things looked different? God! I hate waiting for the other shoe to drop! 010726 ... argo Aren't we all really really trapped? 030509 ... birdmad morrison no one here gets out alive 030509 ... ShilohLives ...all the thoughts and feelings.. ...all the pain and tears... ...All the anger and hatred... ...All the want and passion... ...all the love and warmpth... ...all the stress and anxiety... ...I'm...in a world I've made for myself...In a place where only I can free myself from...Can't anyone hear my cries?...I am... 030614 ... oldtree try listening to someone elses for a change 030615 ... ShilohLives I do...Thanks for the advice... 030615 ... miasma " o vile weed, that smells't so sweet that the sense aches at thee! " (othello) why must i know the searing pain of these words? 031205 ... no reason i'm making it harder and harder to get out 140601 ... kerry today i asked a man with sad eyes behind rose colored glasses (is it a joke? i always wonder) if he feels like his life has meaning, and he tipped his head back and started laughing. maybe because for the past half hour we'd been talking about how trapped he feels, how when the darkness descends upon him he crawls away to hide like a dying cat. "no, i don't think life has meaning," he said, which was not really answering my question, and then he said "i'm going to throw the question back at you." my answer is not interesting or important to include here but i thought of a night when i was finally lying in bed next to someone i'd wanted to lie in bed next to for years, and i asked him that question, and he said without skipping a beat something like: "yes. the meaning of life is to be close to the people you love." 240125 what's it to you? who go blather from