wake kerry "hey, kerry, get over here!" "i can't, i dont have a ride or anything." "oh, damn. well, it's an open ended invitation, so come over anytime okay?" "hey,thanks." then i woke up and remembered two nights ago my dreams about condescending sock puppets and the way he was making out with her on the carpet that stunk of vodka i think it was his first kiss, probably, because he isn't into kissing really... he says he believes kissing is just a way to strengthen your immune system by sharing germs with other people. but i know it wasnt his first kiss because it never happened, it was MY dream. and i wanted to be over there so bad. with him and justin and brad and james. james whose voice was on the phone in my head maybe missing me? something i've cooked up again! so i hold my hair over my eye, just barely see the burning red glow from the light streaming in through the gauzy drapes run my tongue over my broken, split lips and miss him too. 021127 ... yenaldlosi rise from sleep to see the funeral party and steer clear of the boat-trails 021127 ... the swinger of birches I remember at Jeff Harson's wake that he looked very fake. i think all dead people look fake. i wore a black suit at his funeral with a gray shirt and i felt overdressed because all of his male relatives were wearing khaki's and a plaid shirt. i didn't even know jeff that well, only back in sixth grade when i sat next to him in science class and he nicknamed me frog. we were good friends then. he had a seizure once in math class. and then when we were 16, a car came and took him away. at my aunt's wake, it was closed casket, just as well because she was too beautiful to look like a manaquin. it never would have done her justice. she was a special woman who taught me alot. she took me fishing and bought me model car kits. we traveled to omaha once or twice and would shop at used clothing stores. she had a closet full of shoes and rode a schwinn bicycle from the 1960's. sometimes i forget that she's even gone because life has moved on without her. 021127 ... jinx You left me to drown in the wake of your ship. At least give me a life boat? 021129 what's it to you? who go blather from