pressure unhinged the atms built in around this situation are staggering. i finally get recognition but now the expectation that goes along with it is almost enough to make me crack. am i going to excel or am i going to buckle? 010416 ... cocoon on the one hand, i need it. its what finally gets me off my ass and doing what needs to be done. on the other hand, it screws me over. i stop thinking, i make stupid mistakes, and i hate it. i hate it i hate it i hate it. and its so unnecessary. fuck you for adding to it, for no reason other than you think i dont know what im doing. ugh. 110306 ... n o m a lot of pressure to produce something wonderful 110520 ... n o m m o n all the time i am failing 120416 ... n o m m o n i am just a major royal fuckup and i am hating this song right now i am just tired of fighting i hate my voice 120518 ... n o m i can't afford to pay for a funeral 120625 ... n o m it is killing 120723 ... Pilgrim Funerals are for the living, if they need to grieve or attone for some past unkindness let them pay for it! Because I'm outta here with more important things to tend to than grief and anger. Meet me in the next world: All is forgiven. 120723 ... gja Peace. Brother. 120724 ... tender_square "i'm sure your friend is going to say i looked sad," she said. "why is that?" her mother filled the coffee pot for them. "well, i had mentioned that i was coming back here and her husband said, 'what? you don't like michigan anymore?' and so i told them i was getting divorced." "i would've gone with you to tour the manor," her mother said. "i could use some getting out," she whispered. "i know, but i just felt like i had to do some things on my own." "don't you think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself?" her mother wondered. "you're already feeling alone with what you're going through, then you add going out and being alone, especially this time of year—it's too much." 221211 what's it to you? who go blather from