march amy the month the devoted ones overcame the wind. it's coming on february. 031019 ... amy coming on february in reverse, i mean. it's pretty tough. you thought living in a monastery was tough, well, you were wrong. presence is always the hardest, the part that needs group commitment, angels or no. having a perspective means seeing its canvas. and what if it isn't jiving with everything you have ever been taught? still it has been produced by "the group" of souls with minds. and in that sense it is ours, and none of us are alone, nor are we away from home. the big fish in our boats fell out, then died for our individuality, then sunk to the ocean floor to be incorporated into sediment to eventually form underwater mountains. then what it's not for me to know. 031104 ... amy granted, all of this comes out of semi-delusive states, though. and just plain integration over a few years. so, whatever. it's just my esteemed opinion! blather is suddenly available to me more often these days and i tend to only be able to write here. and plus, i get all gushy about this stuff, when things are going well, with a certain dreamy and only somewhat real boyfriend... otherwise i don't think i would've posted this. nope. it really doesn't change anything, so let it dissolve into the night. 031104 ... silentbob lousy barch weather 031105 ... raze this is when it's supposed to stop. so they said. so they say. what's another month of feeling like you might disintegrate when peace is already a thing of the distant past? i hope i can keep breathing long enough to see new shoots form on the fingers of dormant stems that have lost more than i could ever feel fall away from me. 230208 what's it to you? who go blather from