shower nom after bath 051113 ... raze i always turn the shower head so it starts out spraying water on the wall instead of on me. that way i don't get hit with a split-second blast of cold before the heat kicks in. today i was too busy wondering how it is that animals are able to keep track of time with only the elements to guide them. how do they do that? i wasn't paying_attention. so when that first jet got me in the chest, it scared the shit out of me. i shouted something in some language i don't even know. then i laughed and got on with the business of getting clean so i could make myself dirty again. 220919 ... tender_square i was in a second floor bathroom with a claw-foot tub that was situated in front of a large window. i put on the shower function, even though the surrounding area had no curtains to keep the water contained. when i turned the tap, the water made a violent spray against the adjacent wall. i tried to adjust the shower head downwards so that it would aim directly into the tub. i stepped into the shower and began washing. i realized that to be in the stream of water required standing in front of the window naked. i was trying to shield myself appropriately, as i could see an apartment building across the street and people inside watching television who could easily avert their eyes and watch me. i noticed there was a balcony outside my window, one without rails, as well as a set of stairs without banisters, both in a wood stained unnaturally red. i wanted to go out there but it didn’t seem safe. and, in fact, i worried about some intruder coming up and breaking in. when i left the bathroom later, i told my ex about this situation and he assured me no one would try to come up there, that i was worrying for no reason. 230630 ... ovenbird Parenting means never having privacy ever again. You would expect, for instance, the SHOWER to be a place of privacy. Especially when your children are now nine and thirteen. But no. There are no guarantees. You can get into the shower and expect to get ten minutes to wash your hair and sing to yourself without interruption, but it’s also totally possible that your daughter will burst into the bathroom holding her tablet and yelling about the fact that her screen limit is about to kick in and if you don’t add fifteen minutes RIGHT NOW, she will lose all her progress and miss out on some prize that has been made “rare” through manufactured scarcity. At this moment, you have a choice. You can choose to insist upon your fundamental right to have a shower in peace and take your chances on the ensuing fall-out, or you can step out of the shower, soak the bathroom floor, dry your hands on a towel just well enough to handle your phone, and then add time to the game app while shampoo drips into your eyes. I chose the second option. This bought me enough time to finish my shower, get dressed, AND have a snack. I keep trying to put myself on the priority list but it’s so long that I keep falling off the bottom. I take what I can get down here: a protein bar rather than a proper lunch, a sip of water from the cup that’s been sitting on my desk since yesterday, a few minutes to write everything down so I can remember what these days were like. These days when the boundary between myself and the children I dreamed into life is gossamer thin; these days of wet bathing suits, wet dogs, wet hair; these days of waiting and waiting for someone to remind me who I am. 250701 what's it to you? who go blather from