bathing raze i used to soak in my own filth. i would fight to stay awake through fear and fatigue thick enough to drown in. i'd fall asleep anyway. i'd wake up creased beyond my years after my nervous system bullied my blood vessels into shrinking and the pale skin that lined my fingertips latched onto what was left. such short, vivid dreams. two hours of pumping heat into lukewarm water to make it burn again. only standing to slather myself with soap. i would stare at the ceiling and imagine it caving in on me. no ketamine coma ever hit me with the full force of my own mortality as much as trying to get clean did. 221212 what's it to you? who go blather from